I have been homeschooling my eight year old since he was 5. Up until recently we've had no major problems. Every once in awhile he would want to sleep in or argue about work, normal stuff. But here lately it is like he is rebelling and I'm not sure what to do. He has refused to come down for school, and then when he finally does, acts like it's no big deal. We have tried to let him see what regular school is like and how lucky he is, but he doesn't seem to care. He thinks I'm being mean by wanting him to start at 9 and do work. He's been punished for not coming down, by doing extra writing, even having to do extra chores. We've discussed with him the importance of school. I'm honestly at a loss as to what to do with him. My husbands only response is to threaten him with public school. But my reasons for not wanting him to go have not changed. I just don't know what to do to get him to work with me, I could use some advice.
Edit: I got the impression that some people misunderstood some things I said. First of all, I have nothing against public school in general. We are in the military and pulling him out of schools every time we move is not something I relish. Also, I have actually compared the curriculum I am using to the school he would have to go to (I am using the same as a local private school). He is ahead of them. But we cannot afford private school. I also got the impression that people think homeschooled kids don't socialize. That may be the case with some, but not all. Kids do not have to be in school with 30 other kids to have friends and be social. There are other places and groups to go to be social. When he is having a history lesson is not the time to be chatting up friends. I also gathered that people think there is no structure. I don't think any kind of school can function without some structure, but structure doesn't mean sitting in a desk all day. We have a set schedule. And finally, what I meant by lucky when talking to him was: he can sleep until 8 instead of being at school at 8; he does his homework with me in class and is done by 3 (or sooner), and he gets an hour for lunch; we take vacations when it is convenient and we have the ability to school all year- so we can take breaks as needed. If we want to take a field trip to the Kennedy Space center like we did last year, no permission slips needed. From my point of view, he is lucky to have these freedoms. I was not implying that students in public school are unlucky, just that they have a set school calendar they are required to follow. Keep in mind I am trying to explain to an 8 year old some of my reasons for homeschooling and why he should be thankful for the opportunity. The problem I am having with him is that he doesn't want to get up and start his school day. And I can't seem to motivate him. The reason I am bothered by my husband's threat to send him to public school as a punishment, is because I don't think he should see school of any kind as punishment! Public or otherwise. If he chose to attend the school, that would be different. But he has made it clear he doesn't wish to go.
Thank you for all of your responses! My son and I have worked through some of his issues. For the past couple of months we have been doing subjects that he picked out himself. I also have been incorporating more activities into the lessons to make them fun. Things have gotten better, he isn't giving me a hard time as much about having to do schoolwork. My husband and I decided that he would be homeschooling another year. If he decides at any point that he wants to go to a regular school, he knows he can choose that for himself. I have also relaxed our schedule more. I still encourage him to be done for the day by 3 so he can play with his friends who are out of school, but I am not pushing so hard about it. He will learn that having things done in a timely matter allows for more fun things.
I have nothing to add other than I am sorry you had negative responses. Good luck and I think you're doing the right thing homeschooling.
Hi L.,
I definitely admire you ability & desire to homeschool your kids and honestly feel the same way about it as you do. I have three little ones 6, 2 1/2, 1 that I am homeschooling. I've been homeschooling my oldest child since 3 and well he is doing great.
So some advice that I have for you is it seems that maybe you are schooling too long (9-3 pm, with a 1 hour break = 5 hours of homeschool) what I've learned is that homeschooled children really don't need to school nearly as long as their public school counterparts because they have the one-on-one teaching, my 6 year-old sits for 2 hours and accomplishes phonics, math, history, arts/crafts, etc. with a small 5-10 minute break, then he has the incentive to go play outside for 30 minutes if he finishes everything on time and without a fuss. I also have him do free reading from chapter books, but I don't include it into the two hours.
I also know that all children have different learning styles and so the traditional sit down and do your work now doesn't work for all kids...some need to be more hands on and actually manipulate items that they are learning about, some learn musically, etc. I sense that he is bored and not interested. I fought with my son a lot in the past but once I started to see what interests him it all changed. My son is very competitive and so I make everything a challenge (i.e see how many states and capitals can you name?, each gets a point, how many points can you get??) This has worked so well for him. I homeschool my babies too and get them involved...I find that they learn musically so I make everything a song for them, read books with a sing songy voice, and count, ABC's all in a song and they learn it. My one year old sings the alphabet because of it.
Try to make it fun. I know if he is doing adding or subtracting use items he likes to play with like marbles, cars, I use the manipulative cubes. History doesn't only have to be reading out of a text book...have him put on a play and act out the parts (buy fabric and make costumes). Science if you teach about the solar system have him build a mini model. I don't like to use private school (or just one curriculum) too much because they tend to be very rigid (lots of book work, etc.) I use several different curriculums that I find all work for my kids.
If you have any other questions or need some advice, please feel free to email me at any time.
You have explained your reasons for homeschooling very well. There are many other advantages of homeschooling. You can work at your son's pace, giving extra time to subjects he needs additional instruction on, spend extra time with his favorite subjects, be creative and blend lessons (for example, you can have a themed week), and so on.
One advantage you mentioned about home schooling is its flexibility. Why don't you use that to your advantage and negotiate a contract with your son over the hours? You might even consider working out a college type of schedule, with blocks of time between classes. Just be sure you have a list of givens: X number of hours per day, required class coverage, homework done on a schedule, etc. Good luck!
My cousin home-schooled 4 out of 5 of her children. Right around the age that your son is her son went through the same thing. He needed/wanted to go to "traditional school" (private school) and he does. Some kids just need different structure and stimulation. In all honesty, he is a very good, sweet kid. I find his home schooled siblings are a bit odd - but that's just my opinion. btw, The older girl will be going to "traditional" school starting with eight grade next year. It sounds like your son craves interaction and socializing with children other than his siblings. I hope you are able to resolve your issues.
As a former Private School Teacher I have noticed that kids that were forerly home schooled lack many social skills.it sounds to me your son is begging you ( by acting out) to let him go to school and be around other kids his age. he needs to kick a ball with friends, run, play, skip jump and hop without mom being there 24/7.
Set his boundries but let him give it a try.
I think it is wonderful that you are devoting your time & energy to homeschooling. It takes quite a commitment which most people are not willing to make or unable to make due to working outside the home. It is truely a gift. I am very proud of all parents who are this dedicated. The public schools are failures & private schools expensive. This is not to say that we do not have some good motivated teachers, but the system is broken & it was broken by the teachers & administrators. After all, they run it, make the rules, and set the curriculum. As a rule, the homeschooled kids score higher than the rest academically. You are right, many people aren't aware of the homeschooled organizations, support groups, and activities for the children for the interaction.
Perhaps you could ask him how he would like to approach his studies, given they have to be done. Everyone has responsibilities, Mommy, Daddy goes to work to support the family, the other school kids must go to get their education. Ask him what he thinks he would like to be when he grows up. Then talk about what is required to get there. Point out he can he anything he wants to be, he just needs to work toward that goal. Education is the first step. Maybe you might be able to get him motivated. Take him on a field trip that might be of interest & note the professions.
Good Luck!
I don't think it really matters that it is homeschooling vs. public school, etc. My kids have gone through periods of rebelling against things they do not want to do. I think the way to handle it is to let him know he has no choice in the matter. School is not optional (no matter where the learning takes place) and is required by law.
At any rate, in terms of getting him to behave, you have to make it "his problem" by figuring out what is most important to him. Watching TV? Playing video games? Playing on a sports team? List the things that you expect of him in order to EARN THE PRIVILEDGE of doing those things that he loves. Be ready for school by 9a.m.; have school work done without complaints; etc. If you keep a chart of his successes (how many days must he do what needs to be done before he receives permission to do what he loves doing, having, etc.)
This method has worked for me over and over again and I can't tell you how easy it is (for me the parent). It takes the frustration and anger off me and puts it on him. My son hates homework and so he started "forgetting" to bring his homework and supplies home. I did this same chart and took away "screen time." If he brought everything home and did his homework without complaining for 3 days in a row, he EARNED 30 minutes of screen time (computer playing or TV watching). After two weeks, we were mostly back on track. I also did something similar for my 5 year old daughter who refused to get dressed in the morning for preschool. When she got ready for school in the morning without fighting me for 3 days in a row, she earned a playdate with a special friend. Because she was younger, I made a chart that looked like a calendar and then put stickers on the days when she did a good job of getting ready in the morning. The stickers were more motivating than anything else!
Good luck to you!!!
Comprimise. If he needed to get up at 8:00 am, tell him he needs to earn the privaledge to get up at 9:00 am. Extra work, chores. Anything that he is having a hard time doing.
Your other children are watching so how you handle this one is how you will handle the other 3 later on.
Good luck.
H.
Maybe it is time to take a break and unschool for a bit. Let him guide you into the subjects he is interested in. OR let him have reading time for a set period of time, to begin when he chooses, but last for the duration you choose.
I know when you have more than one, structure is important so you can get other things done. But one benefit of being the educator is that you can choose how fast or slow to go and really work with him. If he's feeling pressured, but is having trouble communicating what the issue really is, it might look like laziness or lethargy, etc, but really be boredom, or frustration with particular subjects.
It's a great opportunity for everyone to take a break sometimes, especially if you are getting frustrated too.
Good luck,
K.
Look at what he is saying. Actually look at it from his point of view.
What worksheet or activity have you set out for him to pretend to be interested in this morning? Really, how excited is an 8-year-old supposed to be about the next task in the curriculum?
And then you turn around and use the thing he is supposed to care about as a punishment. Which confirms his idea that this stuff is not fun.
N.
Hi L.!
One thing I would look into is a learning disability or difference. Is your son on a third-grade level curriculum? From what I understand, that's the grade that students transition from "learning to read" to "reading to learn." If there is a reading difficulty it may (and likely will) start to present itself at that stage (I saw earlier signs with my child but couldn't tell if it was maturity or something else going on). This problem can generate significant resistance to school work. It makes sense; how many of us would cheerfully go to work every day to do a job that, for whatever reason, we really can't do very well?
I'm a homeschool parent of one child (left traditional school in third grade) and I have an older child in "regular" school. I don't think there is a "blanket" rule for homeschooling - i.e., in my opinion it really depends upon the needs of the child. It works great with my son because he is a "math" kid - there are about three grade levels between his math and reading ability. Schools aren't really equipped to cope with a child who is gifted - but who also has a learning difference. It gives us alot of time to work with a reading specialist and still do enriching, stimulating work in the areas that interest him like science and math.
Anyway, I wish you guys the best - good luck.
May i ask why you feel that public school is a threat? Why do you teach him that he is "lucky" that he does not go to public school? Maybe he requires a different structure? Maybe he longs for an environment that will support his social skills that every child needs to develop? Is it possible that he would benefit from other activities such as belonging to a team of sports? I am not familiar with the home school idea, that is why i ask.....
L. don`t give up, is part of the challenge. Keep going, you are doing great! I think this could help you, it helps me understand as a regular primary school teacher that there is no better way of education than home schooling. Dr. Raymond S. Moore is the author of Better Late than Early, the book that launched the modern homeschooling movement in the United States. Its webpage is: http://www.moorefoundation.com/ I know you will find answers here. You can buy the book too. Best of luck and God bless you!
M.
Dear L., I am sorry that you had to write that whole edit to justify your decision. The moms on this list tend to be very traditional. I hope you have found yourself a source of support with moms who are progressive and can support all your reasons for homeschooling. My children, all now teens, have done a mixture of public, private and homeschooling because I don't believe in forcing everyone to fit the same mold. Likewise, I would suggest that you consider listening to your son about his preferences of his schedule. Perhaps if you let him help you to create the structure, he would choose to adhere to it rather than fighting with you.
It seems to me that his body clock is simply not in tuned with your preferred schedule. You might be shocked how productive he'll be if he gets to listen to his own body's rhythm.
You can contact me directly any time...
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S.
I believe that sending him to public school is the thing to do. He needs the get-up go face the world type discipline. His attitude will probably change when he gets in an atmosphere where he can socialize with others. I believe that you should do what works. Not everyone can homeschool their own kids. I taught 34 years in the public system and raise my own children, but I don't think that I could homeschool them.
You're right to provide the best encouragement, coaching that a mom can provide and you will see that it will make the difference. Some kids are more difficult than others.
Best Wishes
Hi L.
I cannot really help you, but I might know somebody who can... check out this Blog. She is my pedeatrician, she has 3 kids and homeschools them. Maybe sche has a good advice for you.
I hope everything will resolve.
A.
