My Son Is Calling His Step Mom "Mom"

While I am not in your position, I just want you to know that I can certainly empathize with how you're feeling. If it were me, oh what a problem I would have as well. But really, is there anything you can do about it? Most likely not. This may be one of those issues that your just have to deal with for a very long time, maybe forever if your husband stays married to this lady for the rest of his life. Take confidence that your son knows who his "mom" is. You have a bond with him that goes far past a word so even though it may feel like she has won this battle, she can never win the war, which is make your son completely hers. I would encourage you to stop talking about it with your son. You're right, he doesn't need to know how much this hurts you because then you've made him feel like it's all his fault that you are feeling so sad. Take the high road and don't get caught up in torturing yourself over something you honestly can't control. Obviously, it's a good thing that she is nice to your son....I've seen some women post on here before that seemed like they despised their step kids. That to me would be so much more unbearable if I thought my kids were being mistreated by the step parent. This really is a no win situation for you so I think you just have to choose (and it really is a choice, not a feeling) to get passed this. You just have to make the best with what you've been dealt...

I totally feel your pain. I have two adult step children who were 17 and 21 when I started dating their father. After we married, I made it clear to both of them that I could not possibly take the place of their mother, who had died of cancer. That you are given one mother and stressed the importance of honoring her memory. I also told them that I would be there for them through thick and thin, which I have. I love them and they love me. But I refuse to allow them to call me "Mom" out of respect for their mother.

I brought into the marriage my teenage son who is now 18. My husband and him have a great relationship and my husband has provided financially and emotionally more to him than his own father. Still, my son has one father, and my husband is not him. We would never allow Michael to call him "Dad" out of respect to his real father. Now I discover that my sons step mother has required him to call her "Mom." She signs cards "Love, Mom." I am enraged and so very hurt over this. I have been the one who taught, sacrificed, loved . . . this woman has done nothing but make him dinner when he visits.

Being "Mom" is a title that should not be thrown around lightly. It berates the woman who brought you into this world and loves you more than anything. I also resent the fact that ex is not respecting me as I have him.

We went through this with my niece except it was her calling her step dad "daddy". It did hurt my brother and when we asked her about it (away from my brother) she told us that she does call (step dad) daddy, but not to tell her dad (my brother) because she did not want to hurt his feelings. She was probably around 5 or 6 at the time. So it is very possible he is just telling you that not to hurt your feelings. It is very difficult, but just reassure him that you are o.k. with it. It is going to happen and one day he will call you husband father as well. Try not to get to upset you know that you are his mom and that is all that matters.

Easier said than done, but try to focus on the fact and be grateful that he is a part of two LOVING homes and that is really all that matters.

My son (3 and 1/2) calls my now ex-fiance "daddy" and his real father, "other daddy." And neither one came from us, but he loves them both very much and they love him back. He also has a step mom that he calls "Mommy lissa" (as her and I have the same name, M.) and I encourage that.

Good luck. I know it hurts, but what he calls her doesn't change who you are and will ALWAYS be to him.

M.

I was in this position, but I was the step mom. My ex's sons started calling me mom after three years of being there. I loved it, and never tried to correct them. Now my daughter calls her step mom mom some times, and i dont let it bother me. since i have been on both sides, and seen the emotional side of it all, dont make a big deal of it. he is probably saying it to have some normalcy of the situation. every kid wants one mom and one dad. not saying he is trying to replace you, you will never be replaced, but he just wants to feel that it is a normal setting while he is there. once you get him a step dad, he will do it to him.

does your ex and his wife have kids? I know when my step-daughter came to visit the last time, she heard my son and husband call me 'mom' so much (b/c I am to our son) that she accidentally said it one time to me, but then corrected herself. At the same time, my son has called me 'E.' before when he hears others say it.

I don't think it's a good idea to tell a child what to call a step-parent. the best way to do it is to let the child decide. I often joked with my step-daughter and told her I was the evil step-mom, which she would laugh. We joked about the title b/c I've always been sensitive to my place as a step-mom. I've always been Miss E. or E. and that is cool with me. She has one mom and I totally respect that.

All of that being said, I doubt there's much you can do about it. Try not to be hurt, since this is more about your ex not standing up to his wife and his wife crossing a line that she knows you can't do anything about. It has NOTHING to do with how your son feels about you.

And truthfully, your son knows EXACTLY where his heart lies and it's with you. you're the mommy! :)

I know it hurts, but let it go. He KNOWS you are his mom and will never forget that. He's old enough that his time with you has cemented your relationship.

She is his "other" mother, his daddy's wife. If he feels comfortable with her enough to call her that, then she must be treating him with love and care. I think if you keep explaining things to him and drawing attention to the issue, it'll make things more uncomfortable for him.

Keep referring to them as daddy and "stepmom's name", but let your son find the name for her he's comfortable with. Or perhaps you can call her "mama _____" as a compromise. Just do what you can to NOT make an issue out of it for him. He will appreciate you for it forever - believe me, as the child of 3 divorces, I know :)