Every time we go to get into the car my 3 yo son freaks out that the car is going to leave without us, and if he is in it, he is in a screaming panic until I am in the drivers seat that the car will drive away with him in it. When we park he again gets upset that the car will not be there when we get done shopping or whatever we are doing. I have tried talking to him through buckling him in and me walking around the car. I have tried explaining to him that the car cannot go anywhere without me driving it...but nothing seems to work. Any suggestions??
Okay...Perhaps I should tell you this started before my husband left for his tour and has been steadily progressing. My family already sees a therapist for reasons relating to my older child's ODD and I have questioned him about this as well. He is out of ideas as well. This is why I put this out to you all ;-). I like the idea of the nightmare, but my son is the only one of my three children who sleeps steadily through the night with no signs of sleep disturbance...Any other suggestions???
So, most of the responses were things I already tried (except talking to him about his dad as we do not watch any adult tv during the day - only noggin or pbs kids - and it began BEFORE his father left - by a couple of months)...but I appreciate your efforts...I did try the key idea, I really liked this...But he freaked out even more at thought of having "control of the car" himself...He has gotten a little better on his own...It's not every time we go somewhere now...but he does get worked into a panic if I have to pump gas or what not...Hopefully he will continue to ease out of it...Thanks for your help...
If you have some keys that go to unknowns or can be thrown away, let him have them tell him and show him that it takes keys to make the car go. You can switch while handing them to him, you keep the good ones and he can hold onto the others. He will keep the keys so no one can take the car. This should keep him happy he has control of the car. (RIGHT)
K.,
We never know what goes in the mind of kids. Beside of having kids myself I remember being a kid and no one really knowing how you feel about things. One time I jumped on an elevator and sure my family would make it, I was following the lead of big brother who got back off when he saw my mom and sister were not getting on. I was lost for only five minutes however long it took to go to floor 8 and back down but after that I didn't want to go to school afraid the bus would take me to the wrong place, I didn't want to be in the school play afraid my family wouldnt find me after the play. Anyway it may be some anxiety he is having about your husband leaving. Time is along time to kids, it seems like forever to them. Your husband being on his 3rd tour sounds like his time may be up soon then maybe things can get back to normal. Until then you just have to keep comforting your son and talking to him.
Hi K.,
Maby you could show him how the key starts the car and it can't move without the key then attach the key to him so he knows where it is.
Good luck
W.
Hi K.,,
do you and the kids watch the news about the war together,, if so then that is probly where his fear is coming from ,,watching all those tanks and things being blown up ,,,or maybe something alse he saw
good luck latte
p.s. fear in kids is a learned behaver they arent affaird unless they have seen it
I would agree with giving him an extra set of keys to hold onto. That way he will feel assured that you can't leave without him and that the car will be there when he's ready to go. I know they recommend similar things when kids are having attachment problems to their parent.s
I hope it gets better soon!
Could he have had a bad dream about it? If so then he might think it really happened once (and that's why all of your explaining about how it isn't possible isn't working.)
Try talking to him about dreams - how they are just our brain sticking together random things (make this seem really silly, what silly brains we have!), how they aren't real, how real they seem. Keep it light- talk about some dreams you had, maybe even the recurring nightmares you had as a child.
I see that you are a military spouse. Is your husband deployed? Perhaps your son saw daddy leave in the CAR so he thinks the car is what "took his daddy away" and is afraid the car will "take you too"? Since he is so young he doesn't understand everything that is going on. Just my inital idea.
K.,
How old was your son when your husband left for this last tour? Was he there wishing his father well and saying good-bye when he left? I'm wondering if your son is missing your husband; but doesn't understand his job is different from other jobs. Daddy's work day doesn't end at 5:00 everyday. That could be what's going on with the car. Maybe he feels that he got left behind when your husband left for his tour. If that's the case, then try explaining where your husband is and about when he'll be home. Getting involved with some of the support groups may help him as well. Also, it may not hurt to have your son speak to a counselor so help him resolve his phobia.
Keep us posted & good luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family wishing a safe return to your husband. Thank you!
Next time he's peaceful and listening, ask him when the first time was that he felt scared like that. I can pretty much guarantee you that he saw what he's afraid of happening in a movie or on TV or heard a story about it or thought you were leaving another time without him. Once you find out what made him scared in the first place you can clear up his confusion and he should be ok.
hi K. , when i was about 9 yrs , i was scared that my parent would forget to pick me up at babysiter . my father said how come you wont cry when we leave at the movies or take you to your friend house and leave you there. i wise up and stoping crying when my parents to me to the sitter house. p.s i am army brat. i got use to my father not being there. as long as i had my mom. hope and pray your sonwill be ok. sometime it hard for little ones moving around alot, not always having the same friends.every thing will be ok. maybe get some moral support through other militry family !!!
K.,
He might be having some seperation anxiety because his Dad is gone. Maybe he is afraid you will be gone too. Keep reassuring him and give him lots of love and hugs. Perhaps he will get better with time.
Wow, can't say I've heard of such a reaction. If I were in your place, I would turn to a professional to give help: both for myself and for my son's phobia. I would highly suggest a child psychologist, especially if you can find one (and afford one) who specializes in phobias.
Your subject title is a little misleading. I thought the fear was of the part of the car trip while in motion. Good luck!
