L.C.
Hi M.,
You have a very smart little boy and he's got your number. Of course he would like to have all of your attention all of the time. You are his fave and the constant in his life. He does this for you and not for anyone else because in some way it works. Eventually you do answer him, or you probably get upset when he is upset and he is getting something that he thinks he needs. He is as important to you as you are to him. Of course, you know that and you tell him that and you obviously show him by taking time out everyday to spend with him. He just wants the further proof. Plus it's about power and when he does these things he has alot of it. I would do three things. I would get an egg timer and use it to set boundaries and also help him transition. When you sit down to color, set it for however long you have to do that activity. Then tell him you are going to be able to color until the timer goes off and then you have to cook dinner, or whatever else you have to do. About ten minutes before the timer goes off, let him know that the time is winding down. Then at five minutes do it again. When the timer goes off tell him you have to (whatever you have to do) and give him a choice of continuing to color or picking up the mess and doing something else. Then follow through. If he gets upset, then pick up the coloring stuff, put it away and go about your activity. Do not give him attention for throwing a fit. When you are done with your chore return to him and tell him when he calms down you will help him find something to do. If you know you have to leave to do something, set the timer for 10 minutes before you have to leave. In that ten minutes help him find something to do, a special activity like play dough, bubbles, coloring. Have daddy get involved with him, doing the activity so that he is engrossed. Then when the timer goes off, put on your coat, hug him, tell him you will be back in 30 minutes or however long and leave. Don't look back, don't be apologetic, be positive and upbeat. Ignore all temper tantrums. When he sees they have no effect they will subside. I would also start rewarding him for using his words and making good choices. Ignore the bad behavior and praise the good behavior lavishly. The exsessive praise and attention will bring home to him that he gets what he wants from you when he behaves appropriately.
Hope this helps,
L.