My Sister Is an Alcohlic, What Can I Do?

If she isn't admitting she has a problem very little can be done for her! The first thing is for her to admit she has a problem and then that she wants to do something about her problem. Perhaps a counselor or therapist would guide her through those steps. If she stops drinking right now, it sounds like she would have serious side effects such as delirium tremens. She really needs hospitalization to go through that as that is a serious reaction to withdrawal from alcohol. Her life is a mess, sadly and she needs professional guidance. C.

Hi Justine,
i know i don't have the "right" answer..however, my father was an alcoholic for about 22 years of my life(im 29). It took massive intervention before he finally got sober. My mom did just about everything and the last straw was leaving him. It sounds like shes no where close to admitting her problem and also sounds like she's close to loosing her life...she has kids who need her and really, she needs YOU! :) Someone who loves her needs to step in and save her...find out what you can about an interventionist!! I wish you the best of luck b/c these situations are SO HARD..but be strong and stay determined...its what i saw in my mother for my dad and he's been sober now for almost 7 years!!
S.

Pray, Pray, Pray!!!! My husband was an alcholic for 7 years. If you go to church, have them intercede for you and your sister. You need strength to continue support and your sister needs bondages broken off of her life. If you don't go to church, find a church that is Spirit filled and ask for help in praying. It's a big step, and it's something that most of the world doesn't think of, but Prayer to God is the most powerful weapon we have!!! My husband was a functioning alcoholic and tried to hide it from everyone. The only thing was that all of his family saw it, and nights were ugly. On my birthday last year he drank himself sick for 6 days. He was turning yellow, his choice of drink was vodka that normally doesn't smell. The house wreaked when you walked in, it was horrible. I couldn't trust him with my children and had to leave the house. Fortunately he realized what he was doing on the 7th day. I found on his 4th day of binge drinking that a good friend of mine, had been burdened with my husband. She went to her church and asked them to pray. They prayed that he would not rest until he was delivered. He was tormented those days through prayer, and somehow God broke through to him. I'll never know all that caused him to drink like that, but I will always know that God came through.

I understand where you are coming from. My husband is an alcohlic. I have been attending an Al-Alon program. What you need to do is find an AA chapeter in your area and they will direct you to the program for family memeber of ALCOHLIC's. I found it has really helped me. I know you want to help her. And this is your sister she has to want to stop. There is nothing you can do to make her stop, she has to want to. I know of a chapter in Carrollton off of I-35 and Betline road. The meeting are held for the al-alon people on Tuesday at 6:00. Saturdays at 10:30 am and on Sundays at 4:00.. No one will ask you any questions. Just come...

Let me just start by saying that it is very hard to feel like the world has crushed down on you and unless one has personally been through it, they will never understand. It is a very traumatic experience and this is the way she is reacting to her life situation. Although it may seem like she does not care, she does. The last thing you want to say to her is that she is doing something bad. She already knows that. Instead, let her know that you will always be there for her. Don't stop calling, keep showing interest. Think of alcohol this way, it is comforting. You can't sleep because you have so many problems, alcohol will allow you to sleep through them. You're sad, you feel like a looser and a bad mom, alcohol will cheer your heart. Do you notice that alcohol is doing all the things for her that no one else is? Alcohol becomes a friend to many people for this reason. How do you feel when someone talks bad about your friend? Don't talk bad about hers, don't even mention alcohol. The only way you can fight the addiction is if you can match it even better, by being the nicest, sweetest, and most caring person that you can possibly be in her life.

As a former social worker, my first question is: Are her kids living with her? With the life she is currently living, I certainly hope not, and if they are, then I hope that you can and will be courageous enough to report her, because her kids do not deserve a mom that acts that way. Maybe that would be the "rock bottom" that she needs, the threat of having her kids taken away, to get her act in gear. I'm sure she is a wonderful person and a wonderful mother, she has just made some very poor choices. If her kids are NOT with her, then my first thought would be an intervention with a professional, though unfortunately I have no idea how to go about getting that started. Others responded about going to Al-Anon meetings, and I would second that. Even though the drinking was your sister's choice and she is the one responsible for letting things spiral out of control, her actions can certainly have a huge effect on family! I can tell by your request that you care deeply for your sister and her well-being, but like others have said too, if she isn't yet willing to accept help, then there's not much you can do. SHE has to be willing to admit she has a problem and SHE has to be willing to get help, and that's really the bottom line. Good luck.

Start with Al Anon for you and your family, they help families of alcoholics.
You can do a family intervention, but you all need to be there. Depending on how bad she is, you can also try to have her committed for psychiatric evaluation and in the process she will not have access to alcohol and will have medical as well as psychiatric help, both of which it sounds like she is in desperate need of.
You don't mention if you are on the same continent as she is? Is there anyone near her, a family member that can help? Does she go to church? Most large churches have twelve-step programs. The trick is getting her to admit she has a problem, once she does that she has taken the first step. She does have to want help however. Regardless, go to an Al Anon meeting yourself.
Good luck.

Unfortunately, you will need to tell her you think she is an alcoholic and want to help her and then if she doesn't want to hear you, you have to essentially do nothing and let her hit rock bottom. If you bail her out of messes she gets in as a result of her drinking, she won't realize the extent of her problem as her own. Reassure her that you are there for her whenever she decides to get help. But DON'T judge her, or she will likely use you as one of her excuses for excessive drinking. Good luck and bless you.

I don't have experience with this myself, but I've heard the only thing you can do is speak to or visit Alcaholics Anonymous yourselves. I believe they help family members of alcaholics even when the alcaholic themself is not yet seeking help. I don't know if there's really anything else you can do for her other than encourage her to get help. She won't change unless she wants to. I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself and support each other during this tough time; you have to take care of YOUR new family first.

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If I read the story correct, you sister the alcoholic has no children. That is a blessing, but sometimes if there are children they bring you back to a pretty normal world. Unforunately there is nothing you can do, but just plea with her to stop the drinking for it does make you fat and old. Aggression and the pain she is going thru intensifies with alcohol. She will probably have to experience near death or illness, and then maybe she will make a 90 degree turn, but try to give her love, but be strict on her behavior around the rest of the family. Let her know that everyone wants to have her back, but she has to give up the creepy friends and if she continues to vomit she will forfeit her teeth. Can she meet someone who can talk to her about God, preferely a man. I have witnessed some many lost causes in my life but they themselves have to find themselves in the pits of hell,to want to change. Just be there with love if you can to help and say to her that you will not give up on her. There is probably a man out there that might could forfill her dreams of a family, but she will never find him, because she is always inuberated. I haven"t asked how old she is, but it doesn"t matter cause anyone can get that dark cloud over them to deminish. I will pray for her, cause I can relate.

Hi Justine:

First off let me say how sorry I am that you have to go through this. I know how difficult it is and how it can consume your thoughts.

I, too had a sibling (my only one) who had an addiction. He was addicted to all kinds of drugs for 14 years. It was hell on the whole family. I was always afraid for him, always mad at him, always annoyed with him. He would disappear for months until he had a dry spell, then he would stop by. I could never contact him because he never had a phone and was constantly moving.

The one thing I wish I had done was have an intervention with anyone and everyone who loved him. I didn't and we lost 14 whole years together.

The sad, true fact is, though, that NOBODY can make your sister stop until she decides she is ready. Forcible rehab doesn't work because as soon as she gets out she will be doing exactly what she was doing before. Maybe worse because she needs what she wasn't getting very badly.

I implore you to NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR SISTER. She has a disease that she has no control over. For people like us, who don't have addictions, we really can't understand why they can't just stop. If it were that easy, I'm sure they would.

She may, eventually, clean herself up. All you can do is wait. And talk to her when she calls. Smile when she visits. And continue to love her. Don't harp on her about her problems. Maybe she is trying to escape her world when she contacts her family. Maybe she just needs someone who really knows who she used to be and she just might need a loving heart to talk to.

My brother cleaned himself up after those 14 years. He was clean for 4 years before he took his own life. I have so many regrets, so much sadness. I do believe that people with addictions are fighting their own 'demons'. I believe they are very gentle souls who have been hurt so badly that they don't know how to deal with a life without covering their pain.

Don't ever forget the little girl she used to be before life got ahold of her. You know who she really is and who she really is, without the addictions, will never change.

I wish your sister a speedy recovery and I wish all the best for you.

There of course could be many reasons for her out of control behavior but maybe you could look up the signs and symptoms of Bipolar or Manic/Depression. People who have it often try to numb the pain of it by alcohol. Unfortunutly there is little you could do but show her the website and suggest she see a therapist..I know there is probably little chance of it but pray to God who cares maybe your best and only answer.
It will keep you vigilant for signs of it in your own children as it has a heriditary component.
Just a suggestion.

I agree with a lot of the responses- alanon is a great place to start. It helps you realize YOU are powerless over her addiction. Someone ele mentioned this, and I must say that she sounds a lot like my ex-husband who was diagnosed bi-polar (manic-depressive). She has so many of the symptoms. You guys are on the right track. Just stick together- this is so hard on a family. Don't ever give up on her. My brother is in recovery now after 15 years of addiction, and my ex-husband has found a great wife who has been able to support him & help keep him in check. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Please pray for your sister's deliverance and healing emotionally as well as physically from whatever hurt she is experiencing. Encourage her to try an Alcoholics Anonymous program or better yet, invite her to church. Sometimes there are 12 step christian programs as well you could search for and then have that information for her. She has to want to get help, but you can encourage her to do that. I will be praying for her and will place her on our prayerline list too. ALL things are possible with God, in Jesus' name. Amen

I am a sober alcoholic of 10 yrs. Find an Al-anon group and go to their meetings. This is for people who are dealing with alcoholics. It will probably be of more help than anything. Before you do any kind of an intervention with your sister, you need to talk to someone who has experience in this so it's handled correctly. You may have to go to more than one group until you find one that works for you. They are listed in the phone book under (AA)Alcoholics Anonymous. Call AA and they can direct you to a group. You may call me anytime. I am a 55 yr. old female professional woman. I'll be glad to help you any way I can. My name is T. O'Connor and my number is 214 - 549 - 2175.

Hi Justine- Definitely contact AA about an intervention program. There are no excuses - so just pop them out of your head and realize that some tough love will have to come her way- People go thru alot harder times without resorting to alcohol- so just keep thinking that when you have to do "tough love"- but its probably the most effective plan I can think of- Seems like one of the moms has an intervention group- def call them and if she has kids- maybe someone can get them to an AA meeting as well for the family -maybe the drinking was an issue before and no one else knows or something was- esp if there was a custody battle- there is usually some sort of basis for them to even try to take the kids from the mom- I know its hard to go thru divorce and all- but think of how many people have lost children or have cancer or other really tough battles and they overcome- so maybe she needs to realize that as well- I have a family member that just came to pieces after her divorce and its hard for me to relate to that when she has her kids and their health- it could be so much worse- but everybody handles things differently
Good luck and kudos to you for being there for her.
D.

If only it were public knowledge that addiction and alcoholism many times is from your genetic code! She got it from her father who probably got it from someone up the line. It is a medical disease -- but tough to treat because they will hide it expertly in shame because they feel they need it or they will die -- and because they are ashamed that they can't control it. I am not a doctor, but my son had those genes from his father (my ex) and we got him treatment at 16 for 30 days plus 3 months of outpatient family counseling. No secrets; everything out in the open. My niece's husband had a brother who died (alone) following the symptoms for which you describe. He was also bipolar which your sister might be too (aggression, grandiose ideas). For the addiction, they need to go to a treatment center with other addicts/alchoholics. The treatment center must be selected carefully and must be as long as they say it takes. Insurance companies now days tend to want to cut them off from help as soon as the addiction is cut (2 weeks) but not until they have learned the benefits a sober life can be, how they cannot take any kind of drug that could be mood altering - ever, etc. This can take a month. Then they will probably be told to have outpatient counseling and attend AA meetings everyday for awhile, then every week for awhile, get a sponsor, etc. My son is a model of success. He hasn't needed any meetings or help since he was 18 and he is even careful to tell the doctor not to prescribe anything that could potentially be addictive, including even the alcohol in Nyquil. He's been "clean and sober since and he's 38.

Hello my name is B. and I am I recovering addict.I am starting school to become a licensed councelor for addiction. First let me say she is no longer in control.The addiction has taken over.Either she will need to hit a serious bottom which sometimes it takes more than once or if your family can afford it(don't know the cost)you should consider an intervention.Alcohol can do serious damage to her liver among other things. My advice is a family intervention with the help of a professional.And Pray about it. Good Luck

I have 2 older sisters and an older brother who are all alcoholics. They are all sober now but it has only been within the last 6 years that they each made choices to seek sobriety. My brother has been sober almost 2 years as the most recent convert. It is extremely hard to stand by and watch them throwing away everything you as a sibling feel they deserve in life but you cannot find that happiness for them. Each of them reached their own bottoms which allowed them to decide whether they were going to continue on the road to death through active bingeing or get help. One chose AA, one was diagnosed with borderline diabetes which scared her into getting sober, and the third found God. I don't know what the exact answer is but I know as a sibling that experienced life on the outside looking in, the biggest thing you can do is being there for your sister. This doesn't mean you enable her drinking through financial support, but instead you support her emotionally. I would also try Al-Anon for you and your other non-alcoholic siblings. It is a wonderful organization that will help you deal with the journey.