Hi N.,
I am 36 years old and have 5 half brothers between the ages of 9 and 16 yrs old. Here is a great article that my step mom and I have found to be helpful.
http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=the-secret-to-raising...
I commend you on not allowing a doctor to put your son on any kind of medication. That in my opinion is so last resort and many times a cop-out/quick fix. I am sure that some kids might need meds, but I feel like most just need lots of love and adult guidance -- teachers, parents, family, friends, etc. I also commend you for reaching out for help = )
It could be an EMOTIONAL THING. #1 thing here is to remember that the HOME life is a place to build confidence without comparing with others. Very difficult concept to not only grasp and understand, but to practice with your child when the moment arises. What about karate, yoga, thai chi (any kind of Eastern Art) which will help him to understand an inner MENTAL strength in comparison with what we in the USA/Western world always see as physical being better), or Boy Scouts Eagle Scouts, other Sports he may be interested in, Music instruments -- these are the kinds of things that helps to build identity and confidence (not to mention the wonderful brain stimulation it will provide). I am sure you probably already know this stuff so sorry for being condescending. PLEASE do not let him watch TV for more than 1 hour a night or play video games....unless homework is done and reviewed by you or husband. He might be either 1) bored b/c school subjects are too easy and therefore he has a lack of interest 2) anxious and not understand what the schedule is or what is coming next in the day at school - this can make a child feel somewhat panicked and in a constant state of anticipation/panic (talk to teacher about this perhaps??) 3) feel inferior to other kids if they tease him and he does not feel like he is included or is different if he is not included 4) depressed b/c of what is going on at home?? (have no idea, just something to think about if the home feels stressed or there is a lot of arguing going on or he is constantly told that he is not doing well in school, would make anyone including an adult feel overwhelmed and discouraged), therefore simply doesn't feel like focusing in school on subjects. Might need emotional support and the need to feel that there is stability, love, security -- feeling of being "OK" consistently whether he is at school, home, with friends, etc....
I'll bet he is a sweet heart and always wanting to help out with not only things in the house, but help other people in general. I can picture him being very considerate of other people's feelings??
If it is not emotional -- then it could be his DIET -- NUTRITION -- FOOD! Food is medicine and can play a huge role in all human behavior. Everything we eat will either Hurt or Benefit our bodies/minds! Things to completely eliminate - POP/SODA -- no high fructose corn syrup in ANYTHING (just do it for a week and see what happens, which will include most cereals), incorporate 70% more vegetables into his diet whether it is steamed or lightly sauted or baked into another dish, NO white flour, NO Hydrogenated Oils at all and NO MSG.....I could go on here, but let's just start with these few things. It may be hard since most large grocery stores like Meijer and Krogers have their shelves packed with this cheap fake food --- he might be addicted to sugar/caffeine and feel nervous and anxious or just be irritated with the white flour, or feel sluggish with the hydrogenated oils and MSG (these last 2 are man made and should not be consumed by ANYONE). If you live near a Whole Foods go there and shop -- take him with you, teach him about food, allow him to participate in grocery shopping and Cooking! In any case -- again --- I could go on and on about the food thing -- BTW --- there are lots of yummy recipes and foods that kids will eat so that they do not have to eat that junk. If you are serious, this way of eating for life will be huge not only in your sons life, but in everyone in your family = )
Send me a private message if you want to chat more --- sorry for writing a book. Just feel like I know this topic being so close to my 5 little brothers and seeing them go through some of the same things = )