My Nieces Behavior...

She really needs to be evaluated for delays. An occupational therapist would do wonders with helping her progress.My friend is an ot and he specializes in children like this and sees them improve greatly!

Have you taken her to a developmental pediatrician? That would be my first recommendation. Part of what you describe sounds like sensory processing dysfunctions, but there is likely other issues. Besides the things that you notice, there are probably a lot of things that you don't notice becausea it takes a trained eye to recognize those actions as symptomatic of something deeper. Please have her evaluated with a developmental pediatrician and occupational therapist.

A book that you might want to read it called "The Out of Sync Child" and also the book called "The Connected Child." The Out of Sync child talks about sensory processing. Things that make me think SPD is ont flushing toilet, motor processing deficiencies with multistep instructions, eating w/baby spoons, and prenatal care/drugs.

First off : You're AWESOME!!! Even if none of the rest was there "How can I understand her and help her in a positive way" just made you queen of fantastic in my book. Period.

Okay... You know how a lot of people hate 'labels'?

As people... Labels help us understand. Plant. Tree. Deciduous. Oak. As being different than a tomato or a tiger. To really understand something, one needs to know WHAT it is. That in no way means ALL a PERSON is (personality, spirit... An infinitesimal series of things goes into making us, US). BUT that doesn't mean that curly hair should be labeled curly and treated differently than straight hair. Or that fair skin shouldn't get sunblock. Or that musical geniuses should only be allowed to play erasers. Or that everyone has to be great at football, or that diabetics never need insulin.

Which is my own personal way of Sayibg;

Comprehensive Evaluation by Developmental Pediatrician

Whatever the dx's are (there will probably be at least 2) do NOT define your daughter. They ONLY provide a frame of reference. You can choose to work within that, or not. A diagnosis of neurological TYPE, is just a frame of reference (Like I'm ADHD. So is JoW. So is Ephie. So are several people on this board. We're VERY different people. BUT, being ADHD we have as many similarities between us as other groups (be they musical geniuses or extroverts. Something that groups people like us together. Something we're born with. Something that expresses differently in each of us, but more similar to each other than Non-ADHDers. Just like shy kids have a more similar frame of reference to each other than the social butterflies. While being VERY different people, with different likes/dislikes/personalities.

Knowing we're ADHD, though, gives us TOOLS to use. (Like knowing someone is shy, or has perfect pitch, or blurry vision all come with tools: either coping strategies or actual tools like glasses or ear plugs).

I'd strongly recommend a complete diagnostic eval, because while longer than a specific eval (like for ADHD, autism, SPD, etc.)... It'll be faster than crossing 40 things off one by one.

R., you mention that her speech has improved a lot, but does she have professional help? I'm sorry that I can't quite tell from what you wrote, so I will talk to you as if you don't have help for her.

She needs a psycho-educational evaluation. It is imperative that she be evaluated to see not only what her problems are, but how she learns so that she can get the help she needs. She should have an IEP with the school system, and she should be working with a speech therapist specifically to help her with her processing problems. They have specific tests for this.

I tend to agree with you that the mother has not been honest about her drug use. However, there are plenty of children whose mothers never touched a dangerous substance while pregnant, and still have problems.

Please don't delay. She should have already had early intervention. The longer this goes on, the harder it is to help her.

Dawn

Have you ever had her evaluated by a professional?

What do the teachers say about her abilities, progress and maybe her actual grade level?

How about her pediatrician?

When was the last time she had a hearing test?

All of this needs to be addressed to see what is going on with her.
Could be emotional, could be developmental. You all need to know what she is dealing with to know how to help her.

You would be amazed how many children have hearing problems, that is not discovered for many years.

I think it's important to get your niece a neuro-psych exam with a pediatric psychiatrist, pediatric neurologist, and/or a developmental-behavioral pediatrician. It's highly likely that she has fetal alcohol syndrome or another neurological disorder that needs to be diagnosed that would qualify her for special services at school (IEP) and with the state.

This should all be addressed with her pediatrician. He or she can refer you to professionals who can assess your neice and help you to help her. Don't wait.

I think it's past time to get an evaluation done for her. You can contact her school or pediatrician to find your equivalent program. I had my DD tested because of some concerns with motor skills and speech. If you have not raised these concerns with her pediatrician or perhaps the guidance office at the school, you should. If she needs therapy or an IEP for school, then you have somewhere to start from.

FYI, one of my sks repeatedly had to be reminded to flush. When she was about 8, we had a list of things on the back of the door that one needed to do - like flush, wash hands, put caps on toothpaste. So you need to find out what's annoying but age-appropriate and what's concerning. Has she ever been evaluated for ADHD, for example?

You can do a lot with food-based supplementation and DHA for brain development. Happy to help you if you're interested. We've helped thousands of kids with various delays. You can also get professional help, more than what you've done, if you want to learn more - I wouldn't think websites would give you the personal attention based on her individual issues. You'll get tons of info, far more than you can process.

Congrats to you for all that you are doing to help these girls.

Have these kids been to counseling or evaluated for any delays or other problems? I think involving the professionals at this point would be very helpful, not only for the kids, but for you, as well, to learn how to deal with kids with emotional issues, at minimum.

As far as the bathroom thing, I don't think that's any type of delay. My DD is a very "normal" kid, but she still has to be reminded to wipe & wash properly, and turn the bathroom light off.

You sound like wonderful people. The kids are so lucky to have you!!

I agree with Riley. You care to help her, and that means sooo much!
My daughter has Childhood Apraxia of Speech. She is about to be evaluated by PT and OT as well, as we are starting to suspect more issues on top of the speech. Contact her pediatrician and ask them for a refferal for an evaluation. We actual just got her approved for help through our county DD board as well.
Is your daughter receiving help for her speech through the school? The school speech therapist or speech pathologist should be able to help you find outside help as well. Ours got us info from a local university who has a speech and hearing college. My daughter is getting speech therapy there once week too.
Good luck to you!

As Sandy L. stated it is common for children who are adopted to have delays. I urge you to get her evaluated, either thru the school district, or thru a referral from your pediatrician to a developmental pediatrician.

I adopted my daughter who came to live with me thru CSD when she was 7. We both saw a therapist specializing in children. She needed to be treated as a baby in some ways to make up for the lack of care that she didn't receive from her birth mother. She briefly used a baby bottle, i.e. 2-3 times. I put on her shoes for her and helped her get dressed when she was feeling needy. I was told to give her what she needed at the moment while teaching her to be more independent when she was able to handle that.

If you haven't talked with the teacher, do so to find out where she stands in the teacher's estimation. The school counselor could be a resource too.

A good rule of thumb for adoption is to subtract the how old they were at adoption (she was 3) and subtract that from her chronological age. They will not be delayed that many yrs across the board (intellectually, physically, gross motor skill, fine motor, speech, emotionally, etc.) just is SOME areas. Emotionally and socially she could really be (7-3=) 4. I think it is the huge change in their world at time of adoption causes regression. Read some more about adopting non infants. It may be her babyhood was so crappy that she needs to have it now.

If she's having trouble with specific behaviors, maybe make a chart for her and reminder signs (like a picture at the toilet reminding her to wash her hands & flush).
If it's school and learning problems, contact the Regional Center of Orange County rcocdd.com to assess what development delays are present and what services are available to you. She may be eligible for state-funded or school district funded therapy programs to deal with speech delays, occupational therapy, behavioral therapy.
The San Clemente School district web site says contact your child's principal if you need to have her assessed for special services provided by the district.
This might be a good place to start.

At least consult a professional psychologist or psychiatrist. Have a meeting to evaluate her and see what you can do to help her.

I am so sorry your niece has gone through this and your family. I would suggest talking with the pedi doctor so they can get you some help for her. She should be able to talk to a specialist to get up to speed on things and process whatever happened when she was with her mom. Best wishes~

She may very well be a five year old mentally. Give her what she wants and needs! Hug her, cuddle her, let her use the baby spoon. I have a 6 yr old with a 130's IQ and I have to remind her every day.... Please flush, please wash your hands. Every child is different and your nieces seem to have gotten the short end of the stick. Be as kind, as patient and as caring as possible. Get her help with q special Ed mainstream-ing program, get her therapy, get family therapy, but most of all give her lots of love and cuddles. There was a study of children in Eastern European orphanages, and how the children who were not touched beam me retarded, for no medical or biological reason. Just lack of touch. I figured that if lack of touch could deprive a child of intelligence, then lots of it could be good also. While I know you cannot increase IQ you can make the most of their potential, and that is what you have to do for your little one. Hugs qnd love Ann cure lots of ills. Good luck with it all. Parenting is a long hard marathon.

She needs to be evaluated and sounds like she will qualifynformspecial services. The sooner the better. Good luck. You arena wonderful woman. Kudos to you for loving these girls. The evaluation can be done through school.