My Neighbor's Kid Is Mean as H---!

Wow, I sympathize. That is a tough situation. Maybe next time he comes over to play outside with your kids you could have a 'meeting' and tell all the kids what the rules are for good play behavior and if the rules are broken that child will have to go back to their house. Your kids would have to go inside and the neighbor child would have to go back to their house. And also specify that we don't get to 'try again' until the next day. I would stay outside and supervise this play and then send him home when he acts up. Then tell your kids to let you know if he comes back so you can send him home again. He needs boundaries that are enforced and it sounds like he is not getting that at home. He will fall into line, I think, if you stick with it.

As to whether he is adhd, autistic, or odd - not sure. He could be odd and if the consistent boundary setting doesn't work, then that is a possibility. Even adhd kids can learn boundaries and be good playmates. They might be hyper and lack focus is all. As to autistic - does he look you in the eyes or your kids in the eyes when he talks. Does he actually talk conversationally with your kids at all? I would look up the symptoms of these diagnoses on the internet and see if you think he matches. Maybe if he does, you could leave a printout of the symptoms for that diagnosis in the parent's mailbox - or maybe you will have to anonymously mail it to them since the boy may notice.

As to that grandson, I would inform the neighbors of every incident and see if that helps.

Good luck!

Wow, that's a tough one.
I think the only suggestion I have is to invest into fully fencing your property (front and back) and having a lock on the gate - as well as simply not allowing him over anymore AT ALL. Period. Never, no matter how he promises to be better.
Tell you son that since he cannot behave in a proper way he cannot be his friend. At least at this age you can still do this, once your son is older it won't work any more.
I sumpathize with this kid, since I do believe if children are acting out this extremely there must be something awful going on in their lives. But I don't see how you can help him and you have to protect your own children first.

As for your kids, just invite more friendly playdates over for them to enjoy and they will forget the little hellboy neighbor really fast!

Good luck!

Holy Cow! This sounds like a kid who is out of control and has no supervision, and his parents are willing to let him run the neighborhood. He may very well have a developmental issue, which is all the more reason that a 5 year old should not be left unsupervised. You have two young men who should not be at your house at all. If any child took a screwdriver to part of my home, I would call the police, for the sake fo the child-because he is obviously not learning right from wrong from his parents and grand parents, or he is unable to apply it to himself, and his gaurdians obviously need some help (or an order) to get him the intervention that he needs.

I would tell the 5 year old's parents that he is not welcomed on your property at all any more, and suggest that they get him some help. Then, I would watch that 6 year old like a hauk and make sure that he follows the rules, and I would do it with what ever his most prized currency is to let him know I meant business at the first opportunity. If the boy comes over, call the authorities about the child who has been banned from your property that is trespassing, and tell them that the child is only 5 years old and is running the neighborhood without supervision and let them deal with it because you are worried about his safety being alone. There are some things that you just should not try to deal with yourself.

Speaking as a parent with kids who have special needs, I don't see special needs here first, while there may be "needs" with these boys, the most important thing that these boys need is supervision and dicipline from thier gaurdians, who are not doing what they should be doing if these kids act this way consistently. Impuslivity is an issue for many kids with special needs, but this sounds willful to me...there is not a developmental issue (neither ADHD or Autism) with "mean" as one of the symptoms. Mean is a function of personality and poor nurture, not disablity.

M.

I would stay away from him, keep him away from your kids, and find a polite way to tell his parents that until he behaves with manners that your children will not be able to play with him. Tell his mom what he has done! No way would I let my kids play with him! When he comes to your door or in your yard, tell him your children cannot play with him until he behaves. I would be polite but honestly be very firm in telling him and your kids that he is not allowed to play with them.

Ditto Karen. Have the talk and tell all of the kids what the consequences will be if they do not follow the rules.

You may want to mention this to all of the neighborhood parents so everybody can get on board. Maybe you can all come up with "expectations and consequences". Mention behaviors may mean their child will be sent home and that includes your won child.. This way it evens the playing field.

In our hood we had a ton of kids all around the same age and we all all had pretty much the same parenting skills and ideas, so we all helped each other out in these situations. We had a couple of twin sisters that needed to be observed more carefully, they were a handful in a charming Eddie Haskill way. Their parents would just smile if we mentioned their behaviors.. so we just tried to have their parents close by as much as possible, so the girls would not act up.

Strong 2nd for fully fencing your yard.

((Btw... no idea what professional fencing costs in your area... but getting ours done, the LOWEST bid for 500 feet was somethng like 4k. Oy. No thank you. So we did it ourselves. Cost a grand total of $600 including posts, cement, wood, & nails. We already had a level... borrowed saw horses and a hand held rotary saw. Had never used one before. Looked up "how to" on This Old House .com and had a friend start us off. Our 7yo started over 1/2 the nails. It's gorgeous AND functional, although it was a definite learning process. We're so tight, we couldn't afford that all at once, so we bought the posts and cement one month -and set them-, the wood for the front the next -did the front yard-, and then ditto over 2 months for the back yard.))

Also, I'd recommed laying down the law with YOUR kiddo. Neighborhood kid is absolutely not allowed to come over and play until he can learn to be nice. NOT your son's fault, but until Jesse James can learn... he's not allowed over. I'd just keep repeating myself when your son wants to play;

"Jesse can't come play with you until he learns to be nice." That way YOUR son doesn't hear the "You can't play with Jesse" implying fault to your own kiddo.