She's four years old and begs me not to go to her dads house. She will tell me he's mean and he bites her and pushes her, highly unlikely, but when he comes to pick her up she screams till she turns blue, she will get out of her carseat and keep from going inside the car by holding into the sides like there is a monster inside there. She looks so scared. I don't know what to do. the only thing that is different is that he got a new girlfriend.....3Rd this year....but I don't know what to do. I try my hardest to get her excited about this 2.5 days she will spend with him...but nothing works she just screams for me.
Nononono I LIKE this girlfriend. She seems really nice and takes my daughter and my ex to zoos and parks. She buys my daughter clothes that aren't from the dollar store like my ex does. She seems like a good person. I do not want to suspend visitation. I just want her to stop freaking out or find out why it's happening
So, I just called my kids dad and told him we should go to a family therapy session to see what's going on. He got mad and said he's not going, I asked him if he preferred a session or to temporarily suspend visitation. He handed the phone to my daughter, she said hi, then he grabbed the phone, I heard her start crying and he hung up. He's a d***
after my kid went with her dad, I called 3 hours later she was still crying, the court orderedm parenting classes and he has yet to go. I don't know what to do....
Wow, lots of red flags. I would choose to believe my daughter over her dad and if suspending visitation was an option, I would do so. But having never been in that situation (gratefully so), that may be easier said than done.
I would not send her anymore. I would get an investigation going, something is happening. Consulling is a great start. Suspension of unsupervised visisation is another start.. A child does not have that type of reaction for nothing.
Why would you continue to send your four year old to him if she's talking and acting like this? When did it start?
I think it's time to call your attorney. This is not normal behavior in any way.
File to suspend visitation. Get a guardian ad litem appointed to investigate.
Yes, children can lie, but it is VERY rare for a 4 year old to be able to lie to the point of making their entire body respond. I think something bad is happening to her there, and I would call your lawyer immediately to find out what steps you can take to protect her and investigate the situation at her dad's house.
Take your daughter to a counselor, she's been thru a lot of changes in her short life, people in and out of her life. Let the counselor try to figure out what is bothering her. If the counselor recommends stopping unsupervised visitation you can take that recommendation to the judge.
DO NOT suspend visitation WITHOUT a court order. If you stop the visitation he can take you to court and if you get the wrong judge you could wind up losing custody. More and more judges are leaning toward insuring the father's rights. If you stop visitation without a court order a judge could see that as parental alienation. Even though you are trying to protect your daughter a judge isn't going to see that if you don't go through the proper steps to do so.
I'm not trying to scare you but it can happen.
The best thing you can do it talk to a lawyer, get your daughter into counseling, and let the lawyer know your ex has yet to attend the classes he has been told to attend. Start documenting what is going on when you do exchanges.
Totally listen to your 4 year old. Something is obviously not right here. Get to the bottom of this. She may not be telling stories. If you must call in the authorities to get to the bottom of it do it. It is your job as her mom to protect her from imagined and real monsters no matter who they may be. She isn't making this stuff up at 4 years old. Get help and document her behavior if you can.
Can you get her in with a child psychologist (call your pediatrician for referrals)? This can be someone "safe" that she can talk to about going to her dad's house, without you there or with you there...a neutral party that can weigh in on what is causing all the drama at pick up time.
That way if there is a problem a professional can document the issue so if you need to go back to court your attorney has a medical professionals documentation about what is going on with her. OR they can give you tools to help her visits go more smoothly.
Good luck!!
My neighbor's daughter (8) still does the same thing.... 4 years later. Her dad only lives about 4 blocks from here.
She would say that he is mean to her, would hit her, lock her in her room, scream at her, wouldn't let her eat.. all kinds of stuff.
But I have been the person who would transport her because her mom and dad weren't getting along ( mainly fighting because of the things the daughter was accusing him of) and it would turn into a huge blow up agrument in front of the daughter. She would scream and cry while leaving her mom's house and the whole walk over to her dad's ( a few times I had to drive her because she was fighting me and it looked like I was dragging her) but as soon as she got to her dad's house and went inside she would run up and hug her dad and her step mom. It was like a switch going on and off.
Well it turns out that part of it is because she doesn't want her brother to be lonely and the rest and biggest part is because she gets attention out of it. I spend enough time with both parents while they have the girl ( we are all friends) to know that she is probably more safe with the dad than with her mom ( that is another story). Her dad is very loving and she loves being over there.
She use to do it also when it was time to go back to her mom's house, but her dad nipped it in the butt right away and didn't play into it so she no longer does it... but her mom still plays into it and hugs her and holds her longer and reacts to it.
Im not saying this is the case when it comes to your daughter. I would do your best to make sure that everything is ok at her dad's house and if it is it could just be because of the attention she is getting. She could also have some seperation anxiety when it comes to leaving you. I hope you can get to the bottom of it.
How do they say she is after you leave? Is it kind of like once you drive away she settles down and then is ok with them? Can you find out if they are going to the zoo and then observe from a distance to see how they treat her? Might sound crazy but I think that's what I would do.
When she calm ask her what sheis afarid of.. not what he is doing... strange as it sounds it could be she is afraid of not beiang able to come back home to you...
Not personal experience, but a friends, but her ex told her son around that age the he wished he could be with him all the time. The poor kind thought that meant he would not get to go back to his mother.
Until they gotta that sorted out(and it took about 2 months) he would refuse to go see Dad.
Good luck!
If he's not attending the parenting classes then he's already in violation of the court order. That needs to be reported.
However, I would NOT suspend his visitation or change the rules without going through the court FIRST. His violations would not justify you violating court orders.
Definitely talk to your lawyer and get this taken care of in regard to the parenting classes. If you must, maybe you make an amendment to the custody arrangement that includes family counseling. If the court won't order it, then take her on your own if he'll allow it.
You may have to work through your lawyer on part of this situation. For the rest, you and your daughter could go to a counselor without Dad. Perhaps you'll learn more even that way.
I would get all of this documented with a child pshycologist and ask the courts to have his home investigated and to have supervised visitation based on these alligations.
If he hasn't abided by the court order parenting classes, he's in contempt of court. You can ask your attorney to file papers for contempt and request supervised visitation as part of that.
I'm sure that your visitation guidelines also say that you must be allowed to speak with your daughter if you request...that doesn't mean saying "hi," grabbing the phone and then hanging up. I'd include that in the contempt complaint against him.
When your daughter comes home, look over her physically to see if there are any marks. If so, document them and report to police or CPS to investigate.
Legally, you can't refuse to abide by a court order for visitation, but you can petition the court for modifications.
the court ordered parenting classes and he refused to go?
why would you NOT suspend visitation?
sounds like your daughter is a good judge of character.
back her up.
khairete
S.
Four year olds are notorious for making up stories... but if she is truly terrified to go there, then there is something wrong. Do whatever you must to learn the truth. Talk to her dad, talk to his friends, take her to a counselor to talk it out, investigate, call your lawyer, whatever you have to do. Your daughter trusts you and counts on you to keep her safe. Even if there isn't anything truly wrong at her dad's house and it's just that he's sort of mean (ie - mean tone of voice) or doesn't engage with her, you need to find out and work with him and your daughter to make this better. If you don't take her seriously and keep putting her in a bad situation - even if it's just in her mind, she's going to feel like you're not keeping her safe.
Counseling is a good place to start. Something is going on and it's time to find out what.
If she is really that upset and scared to go to her dad's you should contact your divorce attorney and see what you can do legally. Do not just withhold visitation that could get you into a legal battle and make you look like the bad guy to the court.
If you don't think your child's father is abusing her, you'll just have to try harder and be glad that he wants to have time with her. Honestly, it sound like you might be a little upset about your former husband's new girlfriends.
Get to know this girlfriend. Have her over while your daughter is home. That might smooth the transition...
