My Husband Won't Be Quiet About My Little Girl's Belly!

If the weight is not evenly distributed throughout her body, and it's simply centralizing in the stomach... Then I would suggest looking into allergies. She may be eating properly, but she may not be digesting something properly. It shouldn't have much to do with being over weight or anything. If she has no food allergies, then I would guess that it's probably just collecting so that it can spread out to the rest of the body, much like young babies are often fat little balls so that when they grow tall, it can distribute. Though that's just my guess.
That's my two cents.

Please, please, please make him stop teasing/critisizing her about her weight. Daddies are their little girls' heroes, and he is the first man she will look to for approval, acceptance and self-esteem. If she doesn't get those things from him, she will look for them from other boys her age who have no idea how to fulfill those needs and only have one motivation for doing so! Little girls care what their daddies think and daddies need to foster that for as long as they can. As long as she has Daddy's approval, she won't be looking for it elsewhere. I share this from personal experience! Good luck!

If hubby won't listen, then get it in writing from a professional, or if possible get him to talk to one, to tell him about the psychological damage he could do to his daughter. You need to make him see that this is important.

Has your husband ever seen pictures of the starving kids in Africa? They have poochy bellies, too. That comes from malnutrition, which can result from ANY lack of proper food and nutrition...voluntary or not. I don't think anyone would accuse those kids of "being overweight", bellies notwithstanding. Might put things in perspective for him.

I seriously doubt your child is suffering from malnutrition, though. You sound like you are a very conscientious mom, who is concerned with what goes in her kids' mouths. Truthfully, dad sounds like a concerned dad, too. I think he's just a little misguided. Most kids do have poochy tummies around that age. Some of it can be improved with posture change, which will be beneficial in other ways too. The rest she will more than likely outgrow.

Also, kids do need some fat reserves...as well as kids having really high metabolic rates, fat is the nutrient responsible for brain development. Tell him to look at the baby fat as brain-food. :) There's plenty of time for sit-ups later. No sense in putting our adult pressures on our impressionable kids.

I hate to be the mean one here, but your daughter is overweight. At 50' and 74lbs., she has a BMI of over 20. That is overweight.

Also, the attacks on your husband for his reasonable concern for his daughter's health and well-being are out out line. Your husband asked you to start doing sit-ups with her in a way that she wouldn't notice. It sounds to me, that he is specifically trying NOT to hurt her self-image (hence the "in a way where she wouldn't notice" part).

Like it or not, we do have an obesity epidemic in this country, and it sounds to me like your husband is concerned that his daughter stay healthy and fit. This is about more than just appearance. It is UNHEALTHY to be overweight. Frankly, I applaud your husband's concern. We focus so much on "self-esteem" that nothing our little angels do is wrong, whether it's not sharing a toy or gluttonizing on their favorite foods.

There's certainly nothing wrong with your husband suggesting that you and your daughter get some more exercise. You should be glad that he cares enough for both or your well-being to suggest it. Perhaps you could all exercise together as a fmily.

Hi J.,

My daughter is now 10 and also always had a tummy, but was thin everywhere else. Like your daughter, mine stays active with gymnastics, soccer, etc. She also consistantly wore larger shirts (8/10 at seven, etc.) I don't think you should worry too much about those those numbers (sizes).

We did pretty well keeping our concerns about her tummy to ourselves, but she became really sensitive about it on her own around 8 and 9 years old. It made me so sad when I'd see her standing sideways in the mirror, often scrutenizing her body. This starts so young for girls today - no matter how we try to protect them from unreasonable and unrealistic standards, it still seeps in from all around them!

Your husband really needs to raise his awareness about just how sensitive even very young girls can be about their bodies. He needs to help BUILD her confidence - not be the first to tear it down. Right now he has a daughter who is active and healthy; he needs to realize that the LAST thing he wants to do is plant seeds that lead to an eating disorder and/or a lifetime of low self-esteem. I don't know how you can get this through to him, but it's so important! If she doesn't feel that her own father believes she's beautiful, she might always doubt that any other man will find her attractive...that's one heck of a slippery slope.

I think her tummy may be more of a developmental thing anyway, as active as she is. I made sure to remind my own daughter that her body was changing and developing and, of course, that she was beautiful and perfect just as she was. Now that she's embarking on puberty her body is very noticably changing, and her belly is disappearing. I really think sometimes they have to grow and stretch more for everything to have the room it needs, etc. Since when do kids need six-pack abs anyway, right?!

Maybe you can check online for an article that will help your husband understand how crucial his actions and words are for his daughter's development. Even if you could get him to read it on the toilet, that's something right? (Seriously, I'm not being a smart alec here...I just know how men can be.)

I'll keep ya'll in my prayers, J.. ~ T.

First, I have some real concerns about the quality of your marriage, if you feel like your husband is punishing anyone, especially your child, for "mistakes" that you made in the past. I'm an obese woman myself; I just had the lapband surgery and am on my way to finding a healthy weight. However, my husband has never made one negative comment about my weight or appearance. As anyone with any knowledge about weight knows- sit ups aren't going to do anything to help someone lose weight. I also feel like the poster who is commenting about BMI is taking a very limited (and possibly very damaging) view of weight- depending on her build and body fat percentage, your daughter could have a BMI of 20 and be absolutely fine. If your child's pediatrician isn't concerned about her weight, then you probably don't have an issue (but talk about it with the doctor- some doctors are afraid to bring up the issue to parents for fear of offending them). For example, I know that I'm built differently from most women and, according to both my weight-loss specialist doctor and my personal trainer, even my personal ideal BMI will put me in the overweight range, though I will have with a body fat percentage comparable to professional athletes. (For example, right now my body fat percentage is 34% (right in the middle of obese), but my BMI is 40 (morbidly obese)- there's a pretty significant difference between those indicators due to the amount of muscle that I have. Setting a goal weight in the ideal BMI range would set me up for failure and possible eating disorders because it would not be a healthy weight for me. I realize that isn't the case for everyone (we don't all really have "big bones" and it's actually about the muscles, not about the bones, anyway). However, I do know that my little girl takes after mommy and has a BMI that makes her look overweight from her numbers, but her body fat percentage is well within the normal range- she's just strong as an ox. However, because of the BMI, her doctor has looked at body fat percentage and food diaries to make sure that she's doing okay. I'm certainly not saying ignore a potential weight problem, because, as you know, that can have lifelong consequences and you don't want to set your daughter up for a lifelong weight struggle- it sucks to be a fat woman in our society and it's bad for her health, too. You want to establish good diet and exercise habits now, because the bad ones are a real struggle to break when you're older. However, I am telling you not to let a non-problem become a weight problem or a self-esteem problem because of Daddy's criticism. I take full responsibility for my weight issues as an adult, but I certainly think that my father's repeated negative comments helped establish a negative self-image/ body image connection, fostering both my food addiction and a battle with anorexia- I'm in my 30s and I'm only know establishing my first healthy relationship with food. Don't do that to your daughter. So, I'd tell your husband that what he's doing isn't helping, and that if he can't be supportive of your child, you're going to kick his butt out. Besides that, why is it your responsibility to get your child more active? I'm guessing that you probably already do the lion's share of the parenting. If he's concerned about potential health problems, then maybe Daddy needs to coach a sports team, make an evening father-daughter walk a ritual, teach her how to swim and take her swimming each day at the gym. Mommy doing sit-ups with her (which is totally disinteresting to children) isn't going to keep her interested in physical activity. And, for you, I'm going to suggest seriously looking into a weight-loss option that will help you take off your weight and be healthy. My own personal behavior led me to the conclusion that I needed the help of a tool like the lapband to help me get myself healthy and provide a good role model for my children (and I was finally able to let go of the guilt I had about not being able to control myself where food was concerned - I just accepted that I needed help and gave myself permission to get it). I didn't want my children, especially my very large-framed daughter, to witness the love-hate relationship I had with food or have my occassional self-loathing spill over onto them. I'm not saying you need a surgery- but if you're obese, then you absolutely need to lose weight. You know it, I know it- everyone knows it. It takes years off your life, drains your energy, and basically cheats you and your family out of the person that you could be. So, for yourself and your kids- look into some different programs and do what you need to do to get your weight in the right place. Not because your husband's a jerk, but because you deserve to be healthy. I'm not at my goal and only had my surgery in December (I wanted to wean my son before having the surgery), but I'm down 55 pounds since then, I'm working out with a personal trainer, I run intervals a few times a week, my blood pressure is no longer borderline hypertensive, and I have so much energy it's ridiculous. You'd be doing yourself such a good thing to get your extra weight off, and it couldn't hurt your daughter for her mom to be a good, positive physical role model for her.

Hello. I understand your frustrations. You are right about not making things hard on your daughter. I have battled with weight and eating disorders all my life. I have 2- boys 19, and 18. My daughter is 12. My boys are tall and slender (like my husband. My daughter is petite and and not so tall. My daughter, in between growing spurts has had a little tummy. This has caused alarm for me at times. God I don't want her to suffer like I have. I have been very careful with her. I never make it about weight. I make this a general thing as well (whole family) I have educated her on food. Sometimes I will see her eat a high in fat snack and I tell her to read the back and make your choice knowing what you are eating. So that the next time she eats she can balance it out with a better choice. I make it about health, not weight. I have told my kids that they are taking care of a machine, and how they care for it now will determine how it runs later. I have taught them how to read labels and make good choices. We don't always eat only healthy foods, but we know what is good and what is not. I do wish you well and I hope this helps.
D.

Ok, not trying to sound mean here, but sit-ups SERIUOSLY? Isn't what she is doing during gym class (sit-ups, and push-ups) and her extra-curricular activities enough? Children obsess about enough, why add to the list of things to obsess about? Obsessing so early can lead to eating disorders, and a distorted sense of reality when it comes to fitness. Tell your husband to cool it.

All 3 of my daughters (10,9,7) have pudged out at some point, and they still do. The cycle goes like this: Pudge out for about 6 months->then torso growth spurt and it thins out->pudge out for 6 months->catch my drift? How is a child supposed to lengthen out without looking anorexic if there's nothing there to stretch out? Sometimes our bodies are smarter than we realize.

If your pediatrician thinks she's fine, then she is fine. It sounds to me like you are doing everything right, she isn't inside in front of the TV or a computer/game all day. Your husband needs to focus more on what his real problem is, and if it's you, well I'm sorry, but you do have kids, and NO ONE looks the same after having kids unless you live in Hollywood. Kids come first=mom comes last!

Do some research on the way a healthy child's body should look. In college I took a class that told us that healthy children especially girls will have a round tummy until they begin puberty.

That being said, you have said you are overweight. So am I! I have been overweight since I was a child. My mother was extremely small. She was constantly on me about weight and diet. According to my psychologist these things often occur in girls who think one parent does not accept them. 1)She will find acceptance elsewhere, often becoming promiscuous 2)She will begin to lie and hide food 3)She may develop an eating disorder. Food will become her best friend or her worst enemy. 4)Weight will become an obsession and if she fails at controlling it; it will destroy her self-esteem.

Tell your child that you don't want her to have the same problems you have and teach her to eat healthy. Teach her to stay active. Teach her that you love her no matter what size she is (don't tell her, show her) and that you think she is beautiful. Don't tell her one thing and then say but...or then act differently. Teach her to respect herself and find things she is great at.

In America, we are obsessed with weight she will get that everywhere else. Let home be a safe place to be yourself. If she is accepted for who she is, then and only then, will she be strong enough to change her weight.

Good luck!

I am sorry to hear that your husband is making such comments about your daughter. If your daughter were a boy, I believe your husband would have a different opinion. You will need to talk to your husband and insist that he stop making negative comments. It will absolutely destroy your daughter's self-esteem and encourage her to relate her body image to her self-worth. There is also a strong link between unrealistic expectations father's place on their daughters and anorexia.

Hey J.,
Your husband really needs to stop saying anything to her about her looks at all. This will cause emotional problems for her. She is fine. Just keep an eye on what she eats to make sure she is eating right. As long as she eating good you have nothing to worry about esapeacially if she is active.

B.
www.MoreForMyBaby.com

The sad thing, girls learn about HOW to feel about their bodies from the men in their lives. There was a news story, study, something like that done a little while ago about that. As long as you don't make a big deal about "the belly", will give your daughter some support. I had a daughter who was in slims for a long time, then over night - about age 9 - she started getting the belly. That was also about the time that she started to grow taller. Unless your ped is extremely concerned, I wouldn't be. She's growing and is prepubescent. She's exercising and eating well. Tell your husband to back off. Your daughter has a higher chance of developing a false body image due to his negative comments. Stay srong and stand up for your daughter. You can do it mom! We have your back!

If your daughter is active then she is getting enough exercise. Your husband needs to get real because not all girls are meant to be sleek and firm, it is called genetics. He is going to make her self conscious and ruin her self image, I suggest he go to counseling for his problem because not only will he ruin her life but yours as well. Unfortunately, it is starting to sound like he is pushing for anorexia, which is a horrible disease and it does start out by someone pushing a little girl to do exercises like this because she will think something is wrong with her. He needs to go talk to someone and realize he can damage a precious thing. Love her for who she is not what she looks like!

Good Morning, J..

Well, it seems you have a "guy" on your hands, who needs to learn a little bit about psychology when dealing with children. How he interacts with her now sets the tone for her sense of self for the rest of her life. Our Dad is the man in our life who's supposed to be our protector and make us feel beautiful and accomplished; those feelings set the tone for how we see ourselves, as well as how we enter into future relationships. Your daughter is so little still, and sounds so active, he's setting her up to be self-conscious about something that's genetic, AND she's still growing. Her body will change as she developes. Has it occurred to you he's being passive aggressive about YOUR weight by focusing so much on the shape of her body? If you don't want to share this question with him you might consider a little family intervention, perhaps your pediatrician? But if you do want to dig deeper into his behaviour with her, I'd suggest family therapy to resolve issues between the two of you. We don't get a second childhood with our children, and they deserve the best we can give them so they grow up grounded, loving, and capable of navigating life in a healthy way.

I think as long as your Dr. is not telling you that your daughter is overweight, and you have tried to teach her healthy eating habits, she is fine. You need to stress to your husband the more he picks on her about her weight the more he lowers her self-esteem and confidence. She seems like a very active child so why make her excersise as a chore? kids are smarter than we think she will catch on to the fact that "Daddy thinks I'm fat" you dont want her to develop an eating disorder as she gets older. There's too much pressure for young girls to be stick thin in society as it is, why have to deal with it at home too? Wish you luck with this!

I have an 8 yr old little girl who is in the same situation. Neither myself or her father are big people and both sides of our family are small in nature.....she was a can we say "fat" baby! And she takes after me in many ways She has by big legs and bottom! I was very athletic in school and so is she. But people have to realize what the doctor told me when I was concerned about her belly. How long is our intestines? Like miles long? And all that is squished inside a limited amount of space causing the pooch! As my daughter gets taller the pooch gets smaller! Tell your husband the only unhealthy thing thats going on is his constant naging about it! He needs to lay off you don't want your daughter developing and eating disorder this early in life..(or ever). Give it time! And hang in there!

Hi J. - The seeds for eating disorders are planted at a very young age - and mostly by our parents. Having grown up with a father who was controlling about food, I developed anorexia and bulemia during high school and college. While I am healthy now, I have an unhealthy relationship with food that I am trying desperately not to pass on to my daughter.

That said, more than 17% of children ages 2-19 are overweight, we as parents are not doing enough to educate our children on healthy choices. First you should ask your husband to stop saying these things in front of his daughter, because he could be setting her up for a lifetime of pain. Second, you need to speak with your pediatrician about your daughter's weight. your doctor knows best, not your husband.

Good luck!

Your husband needs to talk your pediatrician! My daughter is six and has the same thing going on. Some kids this age just have the "belly." Another poster was concerned about her daughter's too.

He really needs to lay off her. Maybe it is his own issues with his weight that he needs to address. That little girl needs to be told that her body is perfect, just the way God made it and told often! Plenty of people in the world will tell her otherwise, she doesn't need to be getting that kind of thing at home. Good luck and hold your ground!

My daughter is 8 and has the same sort of body shape. My ex husband is always giving her a hard time about it and I know how aggravating it can be. I would talk very openly with your husband about how carefully fathers need to be with their daughters when they talk to them about body image. If your daughter is playing alot and eating a balanced diet then she is doing every thing that a 7 year old should be doing. Alot of it has to do with posture. When my daughter sits up straight and isn't slouching she looks great. If your doctor isn't worried then your husband shouldn't be either.

It's funny you live in Austin... my brother, sister and their four children live there and I visit often. (my brother does the same cruel things to his kids!!)

Anyway, my advice would be to continue using your vitamins grab a dance class and become healthy, yourself - that way, you can 'fly the hand' when your hubby's being a punk! ~~

Additionally, (as I'm sure you've done, already) remind him kids do the 'accordian' while going through different stages.... beansprout to rolly-polly and back, again. Sounds like your little girl has a great amount of drive and support to dance, run, play and eat just the perfect amount of food her little body needs to stay energetic and nourished.

Also... ask your husband if he is interested in a great deal of therapy for a little girl who grows into an adolecent who seeks acceptance and attention from other men/boys because she never recieved it from her father. It is certainly important to teach healthy habits and portion sizes to little ones...

This is where we set the foundation for our children to love and accept themselves, though. People are cruel. Parents should be the opposite.

Good luck and keep it weird.

S. Raye

If your husband doesn't leave her alone he is going to cause her to have an eating disorder. this is a major problem with girls today. You need to get him some reading material on this subject and tell him to teach by example and keep his comments to himself. If he eats healthy and exercises regularly, then she will learn from his actions. If he doesn't do those things then who is he to lecture.

I know its been a while since you posted this and you have received some really great advise. I personally just love this book for dads, it has truly been a blessing for my brother and his girls. its called "the wonder of girls" by Michael Gurian, and its just great for helping parents understand our daughters needs that even us as women can over look as a struggle in our childhood.

hope all is well

L.

Hmmm. Ignore him. It's his hang up, not yours. You can't change the way people think, not even your husband. If you are unconfortable with yourself... you can change that. As for your daughter... she is 7, give her some time to grow into her body. And if you are concerned about her weight, just make sure that you are giving her healthy food options... you know what they are. Encourage self confidence and security. The whole sit up thing sounds a bit ridiculous, maybe you could get your husband to read a book about physical child developement in a way he wouldn't notice. Men are kind of simple sometimes.
Good luck. Remember "Girls rule, boys drool."

Hi J.!

I am is the same boat as you my daughter is built almost if not exactly the way your daughter is. Her father calls her fat and says she eats to much. He calls her names and it hurts there feelings. They are childrenn they have a long time to continue to grow. I deal with her father about this issue but also he has not seen her since September of last year. He is a father only when he wants her too. Well just stand stong and everything we need to stay positive for one day it could get worse in there future.

Good luck and God Bless
S. W

Hey fellow Herbalifer! Good to see other mothers with Herbalife here.
About your daughter, it is probably just her baby fat. She is active and eats well so there should be no worries about the pooch. She will lose it as she gets older. Her body is changing and getting ready for puberty.
I'm sure you have her on the Kid's shakes and the multivites so you know there is good nutrition going into her body.
As for your husband, talk to him in private, do some research together on children's bodies and their development. You will see that a pooch is not the disaster, he thinks it is going to be.
Ask your pediatrician about the normalicy in body shape of kids her age.
Also if you think he is punishing your daughter for the "mistakes" you have made, you are quickly rectifying them by starting the Herbalife program. Just because you have gained a some weight doesn't mean your daughter will gain the weight. Talk to him about those concerns as well.
You are on the right track by teaching her to stay active and to eat healthy. Keep up the good work!

Good Luck and God Bless
Z., Floresville TX

I have an 8 year old daughter with the opposite problem. My child is very active, tall 4'2 and very thin 54 #. Watch what your husband says to her because they're listening to family, friends and all outside influences. The other day my daughter and I were shopping and I saw this cute top that had horizontal lines. She told me she won't wear that because it will make her look fat. I asked her what she was talking about. She told me she heard me say that about my own clothing preference and it's bad to look fat. My mouth just dropped. She needs some meat on her bones but now I'm concerned about her thoughts on weight issues. Good luck with your daughter and tell your husband to lay off the remarks.

Hello J.
Yes indeed men can be very thoughtless when they pass remarks like this. They don't seem to realise the damage they can cause to a child's fragile self-esteem, especially with girls when it comes to weight. You will need to speak to him about the effect he could have on her such as problems with anorexia later in life - or get someone else to speak to him about it.
Fortunately, she is still young so you have a lot of time in your favour to work on her self-esteem. Keep giving her compliments about her body whilst also promoting the fact that it is the inside that counts.
Life has a way of beating us down when we grow up so the more compliments you can throw your child's way and the more you can build her up, the better.... life will bring her down if she needs to be later on...but you do all the building up regardless of what your husband's imput is.
All the best
Jewel

I taught 4th grade and 3rd grade--just about the age your daughter would be. The little girls seemed to put on some extra weight during the year. But that's just because they're getting ready to grow like weeds.

Also, a boy in my younger sister's class put on about 30 pounds in a few months. It was really hard on him because he was such a short string bean before. He went from about 4'10" to 6'3" in no time and turned right back into a rail.

Tell her to go easy on her. She's getting ready to grow. :D

Yikes! I can understand his concern for his daughter, but come on! He is putting too much emphasis on physical appearance and is telling your daughter that she isn't valuable or special or pretty enough unless she looks a certain way and it will give her a complex. Does he realize that most children tend to plump up just before a growth spurt? Making a 7 year old do situps? What kind of nut is he? LIke our kids don't have enough pressure from the world, television, magazines, music that sets up false images to strive for. The one place she needs to feel safe and accepted unconditionally is at home by her parents. We wonder why our kids are turning to eating disorders.
Making a healthy lifestyle where the whole family gets involved is a different story. There is nothing wrong with taking walks after dinner, or getting a DDR (dance dance revolution). My children LOVE that and will play for hours and that is quite a workout. She is involved in many athletic things anyway, so maybe it's not a matter of more exercise, but a slight change in the family diet. Can you make healthier dinners? Maybe cut out fast food? Healthier snacks? Get the whole family on Herbalife products?
You must make sure to tell her she is beautiful constantly no matter what. Find the inner qualities in her that you can commplement as well. What does she love to do? THAT is what really makes a person. I have seen too many beautiful people who were just down right ugly inside and too many beautiful people who could never be happy with themselves. Tell your husband that she is still a growing girl and things will balance out. And ask him to not make comments about her tummy, but rather to aknowledge her accomplishments and character. And ask him how he would feel if you pointed out his flaws.....I wonder what will happen when she gets her first pimple!

Tell Dad to back off, and help him to realize that girls (at least my three did) get little bellies as they "fatten" up for a growth spurt. All three would get a little thick (at first I worried silently) and then suddenly they were almost too thin and an inch taller.

The sit up idea though, isn't a bad one, but it shouldn't just be you. Even with all the physical activities your daughter does, it would really be good if she sees you AND your husband excersising as kids model themselves after us.

Here in Boerne our Y is an awesome place with great activities for the kids, and even though the kids don't always "work out" with me, they see me doing it. It's important that we teach our kids to exercize regularly and at 7 1/2 the best way to teach that is through example. That includes DAD.

Personally, I just started at the Y a few months ago, and am really hoping to see my hubby one day join us at least on some hikes. When I was a kid we were so "active" we didn't bother to exercise. Now it's a struggle for me to make it into a routine. My goal is for my kids to learn good exercise habits, no matter how "acive" they are otherwise.

Once again though, make sure your husband knows, and tell your daughter too, the belly is the body storing energy for that upcoming growth spurt. Once I figured it out, I told my girls and they took pride in knowing when a growth spurt was coming.

L.

I personally think having a 7 1/2 year old do sit ups to try to get rid of a belly is sending the wrong message. It sounds like she stays very active.If she over ate or just sat around watching TV or playing video games, this would be a different story. A girl's body can start to change up to two years before her cycle begins. Maybe her body is going through some changes right now? I don't think your husband should pressure her or make comments about her tummy, she is still so young! This may lead to your daughter being self conscious and cause her to become bulimic or anorexic sometime in the future.

K. D

Alot of kids belly pooches out when they're young, i think its because they don't start holding it in until they become more concious about their appearance. What your husband is doing could have a serious negative impact on your daughters self esteem if she hears him and he needs to watch it and cut it out. Right now her daddy is the only man in her life, how he sees and treats her is going to determine alot re: her relationships with men when she is older. He needs to be building her up not tearing her down. Tell him its baby fat and to get over it.

Ya know, I have a friend that had a very active little girl and she was still chubby. She is now 16 and WOW. She is still active and all the chubby stuff has found the right places. Unless she is obese, I would tell dad to take a chill pill and enjoy your daughter's accomplishments unless he wants a daughter with eating disorders. BAD DAD!

What should you do!??!!

KNOCK HIM UP-SIDE THE HEAD!!!!

Margaret:)

Hi J.,

First of all don't blame yourself. She is not old enough to have lost her baby fat yet. But as she gets older it is important to have her do some exercise with you. But, I am only saying do a fun thing of rolling her stomach up. Like pulling it in with her muscles and then trying to pull it up to her diaphram. Do this 5 times a couple of times a day will help make those muscles stronger. You husband also needs to realize that what he says affects her self esteem and he should accept her as she is. Don't ever put a child down as that will change her forever.
Is he perfect? He shouldn't be punishing you either. Has he ever had a child? He has no idea what having children will do to a woman's body. So, don't beat yourself up over it.
I pray God will bless you and help you with this situation.

Best wishes for you and your beautiful child.

Peg

Please tell your husband to stop doing this before she gets to the point where she will have a eatting disorder and than you will really have some problems.Shes still a baby and it could just be baby fat.Sometimes you can do damage to kids and dont realize it.B. F.

let daddy know that little girls get their self esteem from their fathers and if he keeps this up he will almost guarantee that she will marry someone who will put her down and make her feel less of a woman than she really is. He's going to hurt her self confidence.

This may not help you a whole lot, but my sis and I had the same problem. We were so thin people really thought we were anorexic and we had counselor consults, CPS called etc because we were so thin, though we really just had high metabolisms from playing outside all the time. (Boy how I long for that metabolism again LOL) But we also had the little pouchy tummy. At about age 6 or 7 my parents started teaching us to suck it in. It was one of the few "finishing" type things my parents taught us other than general manners. It made a big difference in our confidence levels as high schoolers and also once we did start putting on weight later as an adult, we didn't have to learn then to hold it in. They kept telling us we would thank them for it at the time because to us it seemed like child cruelty, but now it really makes a difference. It also really helped when I was pregnant in that my muscles didn't loosen as much as they could have because they had been trained to stay taught.

Hi J.,
I've read some of the responses that you have received and no one so far has said anything about the possibility of a Hiata hernia. I had one when I was born that didn't correct itself and my parents never had it surgically corrected. This caused my stomach muscles to be weak and there fore I had a poochy belly all my life. No amount of sit ups is going to correct this. My 18 month old daughter also has this and even though she's off the charts in height and in the 70% for weight she has a poochy stomach. Its something we were told by our doctors we'll need to watch as she grows. I would suggest talking to your doctor about a possible hernia. And if you've been married for 16 years then you and your husband have done something right to have made it that long, so try again to have a heart to heart with him about how his comments are going to hurt your daughters self image. A fathers approval goes along way with girls this age. If you're still getting assaulted with the whole over weight issue try reading/looking into the Body for Life books. It will tell you there's more to the weight and body styles then just a BMI number. Good luck and hang in there. All women need to know they're beautiful no matter what they look like to others.

My grandfather used to tell me I had "a big fat"...and point to my stomach. He used to pinch my fingers and tell me that they were proof that I would someday be very fat...I never was fat untill that started. I am now well over 200#, have diabetes and hormone problems...all linked to weight issues. I know my grandfather wasn't really trying to be damaging to me, he was trying to save me from the very life he threw me into. You might want to share this little story with your husband...I was once a skinny little girl with a tummy that I poked out...now I am fat. I didn't believe I was skinny, but about 5 years ago I saw a photo and was amazed at how average I was. This has also damaged my marriage to some amount, I do not believe my husband when he says I look good or seems genuinely attracted to me...I think to myself "he's being nice, he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings". Little girls have bellies...it is the way their bodies are, they do outgrow it if they are left alone though.

You can't undo the damage he's done, but she may not have noticed his problem...if he has kept it between you and him. You should really encourage him to just love her the way she is and help him to see that she's perfect! Help her to see that each body is beautiful! There's no point in singling out one type of body as beautiful...she will be a beautiful woman someday...that is the light of character!

I hope this is helpful, I know it could be very discouraging...but I am overcoming the past! I'm losing weight for the first time in my life...going to the gym...being very careful what I eat...and putting the past in the grave where it belongs.

-R

My first response to your husband's comments infuriated me. But, maybe he does have good intentions, he just doesn't have the knowledge to really know. We're just hearing one thing that your husband has said, maybe overall he's a wonderful, caring father. I will assume that, and try to see it that he's worried about his daughter. In today's society, we have wayyyy too many overweight kids. They warn us parents about it, to make sure we do the right thing for our kids. So, maybe his intentions really are pure.

So, having said that -- the most important thing is to make sure she's eating right and being active. If she's not a couch potato, playing video games all day, and not eating junk food - then she's probably ok. As the parent, your job is to make sure the food she eats is healthy, and to make sure she plays. That's it. Forget the situps, they're not necessary at 7!!! :)

Now, after THAT conversation, you should gently let your husband know that he may not realize just how powerful his words are. He may, honestly not know. But, if he does know and doesn't care -- well, that's where the fight would come in! LOL My dad was like that, and it was rough to feel like your daddy didn't approve of you. I still strive for his approval, even though he doesn't know it. He's not really an active part of my life. I'm sure your husband doesn't want that.

I had a similar experience with my Dad the whole time I was growing up. It made me hate my body and feel very self-conscious every time I had on a bathing suit or other form-fitting clothing. You must be very blunt with your husband. Tell him how this makes YOU feel, and how he is damaging your daughter's self-esteem before she even has a chance to grow up. She needs to stay active and eat a healthy diet. As long as her pediatrician sees no problem, I would tell your husband to be very careful the way he teases her. She will begin to really resent him if she doesn't already. It took me until I was in my 40's to begin to have a good relationship with my Dad--all because I thought he didn't love me the way I was. That's really sad.

Sounds to me like Daddy is real good at making comments and not very good at action. Diet, any diet alone is about health and proper nutrition. All children go through growth phases where they seem rounder in the middle and then shoot up. It goes on for years. If the diet is unhealthy, you may have some issues, but if that is in check, I say don't worry about it. I have been, and have grown up in, a family where several family members were overwieght. Tell your husband that my opinion is that if he makes his focal point of approval, her wieght, that is where it will begin and end. Concentrate on what a great kid he has. Pooches, glasses, braces, all of that is hard enough at the age she is, she ought to at least be able to count on home being a safe place of acceptance. If you husband disagrees, tell him to find a way to do situps without her noticing. Spending some time with her might let him know what a great girl he has right in front of him. Grown and small. Best of luck. M. T.

It's normal for girls at that age to have poochie bellies, hey it's normal for any age, especially after motherhood!!!
My daughter was the same way, ate well- played soccer, softball, tumbling etc... very active, but her make up is different as all girls. I never worried much about it because I knew once puberty began her body would change. Her dad is Apache Indian and she has inherited a long slender frame and between the ages of 8 and 12 she had a noticeable midsection not so that it required drastic measures, no one ever dared say something negative- enough with the stick girls in the magazines! We shopped for clothing that subtracted from the supposed problem but were yet attractive. Now at 16, she's got this flat belly long beautiful, slender, tall body, killer soccer player and very aware of her body image not because she wants to be like someone on an airbrushed picture but because she's strong and demands her body to respond to whatever she's actively in at the moment. Another big plus was that she learned how to dress without hugging every curve of her body and showing too much skin so as to getting negative attention... How sad that we try to sum up what is on the outside with what is on the inside.
Does your hubby have a nice 6 pack? well if he does he didn't get it when he was 7. I'm afraid that if your daughter is been hurt by his comments, that your right it may too late to undo, but you can always fix things. So long as your child is healthy, active and eating right she will grow comfotable in her own skin. If your husband feels that strong about it, he should try getting pregnant and going thru 9 months of discomfort, labor and stitches, epidurals, sleepless nights, stretch marks, breastfeeding, baby blues etc...
Women are beautifully made!

Tell him he better be quiet. It is now a proven fact that little girls who are pressured about their shape and size are the ones who become anorexic and bulimic--a life threatening condition. She is doing everything right, but some kids lose their baby fat later than others. As long as you know she is eating a relatively healthy diet, leave her alone. Some girls don't slim down until they reach puberty. My friend's daughter was anorexic--her mom was a tiny little thing, and Katy wasn't. She felt the pressure. A month ago at age 20, she committed suicide after being in and out of psych hospitals for 7 years trying to control her anorexia. God has chosen a size for all of us--let's see what it will be for your daughter.

Don't worry about your husband talking about your daughters belly cause in the long run she is going to be mad at him for that.All kids have a pooch growing up and by you doing sit ups with a 7 year old is crazy,cause she going to suspect something is wrong if she don't do them on her own.What I'm saying is my kids play alot and sit ups is one of the things that they do without me telling them including my 6 year old.My daughter is 6 and she has one she talks about herself saying look at my big belly especially when she eats.Doing do nothing let your daughter be herself and contiue playing outside and doing whatever she has fun doing.Good Luck and tell your husband to cut that out she's a child.

your childs weight should not be a problem now, she is still young and growing. Kids grow at diferent levels. The important thing is to make sure she is healthy and eating the right foods. Her body will fill out the way it is suppose to. Right now she is just like a boy going through the stage of the voice cracking.:) My neice and my 11 year old daughter have the same kind of pooch. Just because you say you are over wieght and other problems doesnt mean your daughter will be over weight. Dont beat your self up it will only hurt you in the long run. If your daughter is happy with the way she looks then you should be happy too. And if in a couple of years you notice she is not happy ask her if she can help you, ask her if she want to join a gym with you and your husband, that way it can be family time. Instead of dad sitting at home just giving orders he can be involved as a positive role model helping both of you reach your goals.

Before you know it your husband will be worrying about all the little boys looking at her curves and thinking of ways to keep his little girl a little girl forever.

I am over weight myself by 100 lbs and I have found it easier to have my husband with me and encurgaging me while I am at the gym or at home doing sit ups. I hated it when he would just sit there and watch me while I worked out it made me feel odd and it made me feel like he was judging me.

You may want to give him some information about eating disorders. Being a man, it probably is not something he has given a lot of thought to. The rise of eating disoders (anorexia particularly) is astonishing. Even more astonishing is how young these disorders are beginning to occur. He does have a huge role in how his daughter sees herself and he may need to be made aware of this. A little belly is much better than an illness that could plague the rest of her life.

J.,

I cant totally relate. My daughter was born with a large belly and random people would ask me what she was suffering from. She has never been an overeater and was born thick. My daughter will probably follow her aunt's footsteps and turn out to be built like a brick house. Your husband will have a whole new set of issues if this happens to your daughter. =) My wonderful 12 year old just made the 7th grade cheerleading squad and will soon be whipped into shape. Please sit down with your husband and explain the definition of anerexia. If he is difficult I would fib just a little. Tell him in private that your daughter has made comments and you were advised by a counsler to tell her how cute that tummy is. I know that this is manipulative but it is for your daughters sake. Men come from different stock and do not have the same insight on these things. I remember the first talk with Hailey when she was five. I had to explain that the bikinis at Walmart were made for stick kids! She cried a little but she is so confident now and learned how to wear her clothes properly. Skinny jeans make it worse. ect. Good luck on your new business.

T. in Houston

I think your husband is well on the way to fostering a serious eating disorder in your daughter, even if, as some other posters have suggested, she is overweight. I'm sorry, but 7-year-olds do not have firm abs. They have bellies.

You and your husband both need to take your daughter to the pediatrician. Her doctor--not some posters who have never actually seen your child in person and are using only 2 measurements to try and determine the health of your child--should determine whether your daughter is truly overweight. If so, he can provide healthy suggestions to deal with it. Regardless, he can also council your husband on the PROPER way to express his concerns and help your daughter--and when to just back the heck off. Unfortunately, your husband has shown that he's not going to listen to you on this subject, for whatever reason, so he's going to need to hear it from a professional before he believes it. Good luck!

WOW! Sorry to be so blunt, but your husband sounds like he needs a serious attitude adjustment! Not really sure where you are guys are from a religious standpoint, but in the Bible, God tells husbands that they are to love their wives "as Christ loved the church" - in other words be willing to give their lives for them. Nowhere does it say criticize your wives because of their weight. Husbands should love their wives, cherish them, support them, and understand them. Same goes for your children. I am not sure what parenting manual he has been reading, but I can't think of one that says to do what he is doing to your daughter. Father/daughter relationships are so important to your daughter's self-esteem and it sounds like he is doing the exact opposite of what he should be doing. Your daughter should look at her father as someone who is her HERO, her prince, her knight in shining armor, someone who would do just about anything for her, and someone to look up to. She should be able to look at him and KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves her just the way she is! Sounds like he has some SERIOUS changes that he needs to make in order to win back that love and respect from both of you.

In this day and age adults are no longer the remodels people preserve them to be. The youth look up to men and women that corrupt there minds, brain washing them to believe the unhealthier you are the more attractive the opposite sex will find you. Ignorance; ignorant people are the face of today just to think these children are just starting out and they are already climbing that mountain of depression, despair and hopelessness. We are at fault of our younger generations failures. Now as parents it is our responsibility to protect our children from this society, educate them. Inform them that people come in all shapes and sized and no matter the mode of the body, inside is the most important part of a person. Teach your children to be good inside and that will help them over come any obstacle they may come across. If her parents don’t love her for who she is… what makes you think that the outside world will accept her; leaving her to think that she should not accept her self either. Love her and all of her not just parts of her. Let her enjoy life, show her how good life can be before she really finds out what a cruel world we live in. I hope this helped! I hope you all get though this.
T.

He needs to remember every little girl see's a prince in her dad. he needs to assure her she is beautiful to him just the way she is. it is probably a growing phase and he needs to get over it before he destroy's her self esteem. is he a lean mean heath machine with no flaws???? you should be angry. remind him she is a child help her eat healthy and stop beating yourself up, if he is that unhappy with your weight ask him to help you and ya'll start a family exercise time and make it fun. dance to the oldies or walk together and count your blessings daily maybe that will help him to appreciate two healthhy children and a loving wife.

Doesn't sound like she has a problem. She may not overeat, but just make sure what she is eating is healthy, like plenty of fruits and vegetables. My daughter will be 5 soon and is at the top of the charts for weight and height. My husband tried to say the same thing to me, but I told him I'm not taking all the blame and if he wants something done about it to get involved with us. I'm not the only parent. And amazingly he did. We go on bike rides, run around outside, he takes her on walks. It's great because they both get exercize and bonding time. And from the sounds of it, it doesn't seem like being nearly 8 and that size is that much of a big deal. Proportionate to her height would be more like it.

Hi J.,

I can't imagine how difficult this may be for you, and especially for your daughter. I think as long as she's healthy and active then your husband shouldn't worry about her belly.

If I were you, I'd just tell my husband that she's an active healthy 7 year old. If she even suspects that he thinks she has a big tummy,it could damage her self-esteem. Hopefully he can understand that. Kids can catch on fast and that is definetly something you do not want her to be conscious of.

Keeping her active as well as good eating habits is the best you can do for her, health wise. I'm sure as she gets older that will be something that will fade away anyways. :)

I actually have an 8 yr. old and she's very conscious of what she eats and how she looks. She's very thin but still healthy and she doesn't want to become over weight. Which definetly concerns me, so I know how you feel.As long as the girls are healthy is what really matters.

We as parents just need to be there to make sure they are healthy, loved, & are safe. In my opinion. I'm sure all will turn out fine.

Cindy, mother of two!

J.,

I run a rhythmic gymnastic program in Houston and alot of my girls are about the age of your girl. Most of them have poochy bellies regardless of how skinny they are----It's their age! Soon they will shoot up even taller and the belly slims somewhat. (look at others her age)

If your husband is concerned for your childs health (thinks it's a tumor or medical problem) he should talk with her physician.

Remember, a child's self esteem is fragil and many eating disorders can be caused/encouraged by over zealous parents and especially male figure heads in the home striving for perfection.

Staying focused on health instead body size and shape goes along way to protecting your child's self image.............best of Luck.........A.

Soccer is surely enough exercise. At 7 I would not worry about it. Parents need to be healthy. Challenge your husband to some kind of exercising sport for the two of you. Maybe he needs to refocus his energy somewhere else ?

I agree that the only message your husband should give your daughter is that she is beautiful, smart and charming.

As a starting point for your conversation -- you should show your husband some of the internet videos from the Dove campaign for real beauty. It gives a great viewpoint (that is not yours!) for what your daughter is facing, and can help you talk with your husband about how he can help.

There are two in particular that I'm thinking of:

Onslaught shows all the messages about looks and surgery going to our daughters:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkaPs8CIipw

And "A Girl's Self-Esteem" has some great interviews with young (9 - 13) girls about their looks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ytjTNX9cg0&feature=re...

There are some other good ones (evolution), but these two are most directly speaking abuot the challenges our daughters face.

Then, you can ask your husband what he thought and relate it to your own daughter... to talk as a team about how you want to help her feel good enough to avoid anorexia, bulimia or a plastic surgery addiction.

But your husband is being a complete ass. My Dad is the same way. I was VERY skinny as a child and I kept hearing him make snide comments about fat people. Now, I am fat (trying to lose baby weight) and love my husband for being very supportive of my own efforts to be at a healthy weight.

Are you sure that she doesn't have any other health issues going on? I was 18 months old when I was diagnosed with celiac disease. The physical characteristics of someone with celiac include thin arms and legs with a distended belly. If she has this then she would need to change to a gluten free diet.

Here's more info: http://www.celiac.org

Good luck!