My Husband's Cats Are Affecting Our Marriage I Need Advice

Im glad that your husband loves his cats.. but he needs to love you and his children more. To have an animal is fine, but you must be able to take care of them, and being free of fleas is included. As far as you and your children are concerned.. If you are that severely allergic, your health should be put first.. ESPECIALLY DURING A PREGNANCY. there are enough problems that can occur to a mother and unborn baby without extra health problems. As far as your home being infested by fleas that is so unhealthy. How can your husband not be bothered by it. Last year I had 2 bischons.. we paid to have them groomed and flea dipped every 2 weeks but for some reason they continued to get fleas no matter what I did. I got rid of the dogs because I have 2 children, even tho it upset my family to get rid of them, and my children cried but I too was preg with a 3rd child.. and had 2 small children, and flea bites were just not acceptable. I agree with the other mom, you need to get you and your children out of there.. if he wants to pick his cats over you and the babies then its his loss in the end. I would see if you could stay else where. You need to be healthy to deliver this baby, you dont need any extra stress or health issues.

Omg this is crazy, pack up and leave now! Or if you really want to stay, tell him that the cats have to go to the vet for a flea bath and then put flea collars on them to make sure they don't get fleas agian, you will have to flea bomb your house, it is unconceivable that you little girl is living in a flea infested home suffering bites, without anything being done, in fact I am pretty sure social services would take some action if they were aware. Tell your husband either he takes the cats to the vet within 2 weeks or you will. You can also give him the ultimatum of an amount of time to find the cats a new home, or by that given date he and the cats can get out of the house, or you will be taking the cats to the spca. Make him aware that you will be leaving over this to see if he then changes his mind. Do you really want a newborn in the house with fleas, that transmit many germs and disease from their bites!! I still can not believe you have not already left and stayed with your family or friends.

M.,

It's not really about the cats.

First of all, you knew he had cats and he knew you had allergies. He wasn't willing to budge, so you were the one who compromised. However, it hasn't worked out. Your health is at jeopardy here, and so is your children's health. Just how many cats, anyway? And fleas? You can't live with that, either.

But it's not really about the cats.

M., if you didn't have the cat issue, what else would be driving you apart?

In the meantime, get the cats on Frontline Plus and you will never have fleas again.

M., I'm late to respond, but have a suggestion different than those offered. Yucka and garlic are both completely natural products and when combined and fed to your cats, will rid your house of fleas very quickly. To help reduce the dander, add in flax oil. You can make these things into treats with rice flour, egg and broth or can add them directly to the cat food. We are a flea free household with four dogs and two cats so I know this works and hope it will help you.

Infinite Blessings!
Kristy

Ask your husband if he is familar with toxoplasmosis. Hope he loves his cats enough to at least be cleaning the litter box. I would be curious to know if it could be passed from the cats to you and your daughter through the fleas.

I would be put off too! And completely understand your position...We also have cats (2), I am allergic aswell (tho not nearly as bad). My husband and I have set limits for our girls and he has complied, thank goodness. We set up our garage as their "outside" they eat, litter, etc out there. They come in in the evening when we get home for work and go back out before we go to bed. When inside they are not allowed on my chair, or our bed. The cats have addapted nicely. So for us - it works. BUT IF I were in the same boat, with a husand that won't budge - I would pack my self and my kiddos up and hit the road. Good luck!

I have had my cat longer than I have had my marriage and child. My cat is like my baby, and I would probably be like your husband if I were in his shoes. I would not jeopardize my child's health, but you can bet I would be willing to try any thing and everything fist before I got rid of him. And I am ashamed to say it, but if my husband got rid of my cat behind my back I would probably leave him.

Try everything you can to control the flea problem. Try everything you can to control your allergies. When I was pregnant I was continually stuffed up, and I don't have allergies. But I know there is some stuff you can take.

Think about what your choices are and how they affect your family. Obviously your husband is as attached to his cat as I am to mine. Do you really want him to resent the babies because you made him get rid of his baby because of them? Do you want him to resent you?

If you want the cats gone, it has to be his idea and his doing. Otherwise you are stuck in a power struggle and someone will lose. There are compromises you can make...like if he gets rid of the fleas you will seek a doctor about allergies.

Your marriage (and daughter) should come before the cats - obviously. Since he holds animals in higher regard than his own human family, I would say your husband is seriously screwed up on priorities. obviously.

that said, the cats are affecting your health, your daughter's and your child in utero if they are affecting you. If does not show violent tendencies, get rid of the cats. He'll have to live with it. You may want to try calling orkin to have the infestation taken care of and put the cats outdoors as a compromise. They're cats. They'll live.

If your husband does show violent tendencies (eg, you're afraid of just getting rid of the cats because the repercussions it would have for you or your children), then seek help immediately. If that's the case, there are shelters you can stay in (SOME ARE REALLY NICE) until you guys can get on your feet.

Good luck!!

I like cats, so don't get me wrong, but it DEFINITELY sounds like it's time for them to go. Would he divorce you if he came home and they were gone? Although it doesn't seem like that would be terribly bad, then he'd be paying a pretty good amount in child support, etc., and you really might be ok financially. But the bigger question is would he hurt you or your daughter or your new son? If not, then maybe it's time to either put an ad in the paper with your work phone number or take them to a shelter. Once they're gone he might come around and get over it. It sounds like he's being very childish. I wish you all the best.

wow. i agree with the first 5 people. the cats MUST go!!! AND i also agree that this is NOT about the cats. your husband can be sad about losing his cats, but should be thrilled about helping his wife and daughter!! you are a strong person and i know you will get through it no matter which route it takes - - - but this is definitely about more than two cats!!! i hope you get it all figured out in no time!!!

Try to get rid of the fleas first. Go to the vet and find out if there are any treatments you can be around(being pregnant this may be an issue)If you can't do it MAKE you husband get rid of them ASAP.(being a responsible pet owner and all)If he won't ask a friend or family member. Also, if you have a place to stay with your daughter(family, friends)You may be able to let him see how it would be to be without you guys around.In six months, when you can actually leave, tell him it's the cats or you and the kids.I think it will only be effective if you can actually mean it. Make sure you have your plan set (daycare, housing, etc)I hope it won't come to that though. We have 3 cats but they are indoor only and never get fleas. I couldn't imagine how uncomfortable you and your daughter must be! Good Luck!!

I cannot tell you what to do, but in my opinion if the cats are affecting your health and the well-being of your child, and he refuses to put his wife and daughter before his cats, you need to get out. I don't think I would be able to stay with someone who seemed to have no respect for me and my child. Again, that is just my opinion.

As for not being able to leave for 6 months, maybe there are friends or family that could help you out. Perhaps if you let him know how serious you are about this situation, (i.e., it could end your marriage) he will see it from your point of view and get rid of the cats. I think that you should tell him that it is getting to the point that either you go or the cats go - see how he reacts to that and I think you will get the answer you need as to whether to go or to stay.

I agree with those that pointed out that this really doesn't have much to do with the cats. You knew this man had (and adored) cats before you came along. You also knew that you were allergic to cats. I think you should look at what is really causing all the negative feelings. Fleas can be controlled, and it is just as much your job, as his, to take care of your kids. This means getting rid of the fleas. As far as the asthma goes...maybe you should see if he would be willing to let them stay somewhere else for the duration of the pregnancy...then come home when it's all over.

Hi, M. -

I'm a volunteer at an animal shelter and a die-hard cat fan. I've heard every possible excuse for people getting rid of cats, so I have to say I have a lot of respect for the reasonable approach you're taking to this situation, and I deeply appreciate it!

In our house, we have 2 cats who live upstairs in their own area (they have a cat-communicable immune deficiency, so they can't be with the others), and 3 cats who live in the rest of the house with our 2 dogs. We actually installed a cat door/tunnel between two adjoining rooms so that the 2 upstairs cats could have more range. If you don't have other options to keep yourself separate from the cats, this is one I would highly encourage. Our upstairs cats - formerly outside tomcats - are perfectly happy in their 2 rooms - NEVER beg to get out or go outside or anything. We spend time with them whenever we can - working, reading, watching videos, or whatever - so they don't get lonely. I think this kind of thing would be a good solution for you, if you can swing it.

I feel that animals really do think of us as their parents, and giving mine up would be the last thing I could ever do. But, YOU deserve to have good health in your own house, and you should not have to put up with fleas!! Because of all the perils of the outdoor world - from Feline Leukemia to FIV to FIP, wild animals, cars, animal thieves who abduct creatures for lab experiments, etc., I firmly believe cats should be indoor-only. As such, once you're free of the flea problem, it will not recur. Also, they're less likely to bring contact-allergens into your house. Having your husband change clothes between visits with the cats and being with you is another good idea. My best friends have to do that because she is horribly allergic to their cats, who live in the basement.

I hope these suggestions are helpful for you so that nobody has to suffer and you can peacefully and healthfully coexist with your cats!

Good luck!
H.

I can only really assist you with the flea issue. Your husband should definetely have your cats on flea control. Flea bites aren't just annoying (to you, the kids, and the cats), but can cause health problems as well. Frontline and Advantage are both easy and safe for cats and not too expensive. Don't use anything over the counter as those products can be harmful. I'm not sure how far your husband is willing to go to keep the cats, but he should at least try to keep the house more comfortable and healthy for you. Intense vacuming and cleaning of the house can help. There are also topical treatments available to apply to the cats to make them less allergenic. I hope you guys figure out a healthy and safe compromise. As a pet owner, I would be devistated if I thought I would have to part with my animals, but as a pregnant woman, I would want to make sure I was as comfortable and healthy as possible. Good Luck!
E., RVT