I have a wonderful best friend of 20 years who just gave birth to her third child yesterday. All three children are girls. The oldest is 13 and has slipped into the role of big sister very easily. She is an awesome helper. The next oldest is 11 and was very excited about her siblings birth until yesterday when she actually got here. She seems quite withdrawn. I took her shopping yesterday to pick out some clothes for her sister; she got excited and loved shopping for her. But when we got to the hospital she became quiet and curled up in the spare bed and went to sleep. She slept the entire three hours we were there. I need to know if you moms out there have any suggestions that would help me to help her get adjusted. I know some "middle child syndrome" is common but I hate seeing her bothered so much. I thought because her parents chose to let the baby's sex be a surprise and because she said she wanted a little brother the fact that she now had another sister kind of had her bummed. Any suggestions you Moms have will be greatly appreciated.
First of all I must say thank you to those who responded with all the wonderful suggestions. I have continued to spend extra time with her and I have noticed a signifigant change in her. Yesterday while at the hospital she even held the baby and rocked her for quite some time. It was such a welcomed sight for me. Tonight I plan on going to her house and I told her we would do manicures and pedicures. She is really excited and perked up even more. Thank you sooooo much once again Moms for all the wonderful advice.
I actually think you are doing a perfect job. Having someone extra to pay special attention while her parents are so distracted is the best thing for her. Just continue to have special time with her and give her lots of praise for being a great big sister every time she helps out with the baby. When she becomes proud of her role as a big sister she will grow to love the baby too.
This is a really tough one b/c not only is she "in the middle" but she's also much older than the new baby, so basically her parents are starting over again and someone has "stolen" her role. Meanwhile, the oldest has always been the oldest.
This too shall pass... spend time alone with her, but also make sure she has time alone with the baby. If mom is okay with it, let middle sister watch the baby while mom takes a shower or pays the bills... some time for them to bond quietly without lots of people around. Have her feed, dress, and bathe the baby- she's old enough to do this with supervision.
My youngest sister is much younger than the rest of us and my parents made sure that we had time with them, but more importantly that we had time with her! Some of my most vivid memories of her as a baby involve me "putting her to sleep" or laying on the couch reading to her.
Don't make a big deal out of it b/c then she'll think that there is an issue to be "dealt with", but subtly make sure that there are times for them to cuddle and bond without a crowd and don't push it!
New borns are boring, for especially for an 11 year. Introduce her to other babies that are older and more interactive. If she can see what her sister will be like in a few months to a year she might be more excited. 11 year old just don't know her role. Fun sister vs the helper like the big sister would be great. She won't be able to fit that row until the baby gets a bit bigger.
I think she's probably just missing being the baby of the family and seeing that her mom is busy with someone else. One of our children was 9 when baby came along and even I missed spending the time we had been accustomed together. I would honestly cry because I "missed" our time together. Things, me, him, whole family adjusted over the coming months and then nothing seemed different. I feel it's just a time of big adjustment and some handle it more easily than others. She's very lucky to have you in her life to help her through this time!!
