My Four Year Old Cries a Lot

I work in a church nursery room for kids 3 ½ to 5 (Kindergarten) and we have a kid there that was doing the same thing when mom dropped him off. We tried to hug, cuddle, and to speak calmly to him, all of which failed. We finally had to instruct the works to ignore him until he calmed down. When he showed up I said “Bob” (not his real name) “I can’t understand when you re crying like this. I need you to stay right here until you can stop crying. Then I will come talk to you so we can figure out what’s wrong together.” I then walked to the other side of the room and did anything I could so that I was not giving him the attention. He tried to come to me while he was still crying, so I said “I’m sorry, but you’re still crying and I can’t understand you. You need to go back over there until you’re done, then we can talk together.” I walked him back to the original location, and went back a crossed the room. He then began to shriek, scream, and finally through himself literally to the floor. When he realized we STILL weren’t coming to him to find out what was wrong, he gave up. Now when he gets dropped off he sometimes tries it when someone new is doing check-in, but the workers are told about Bob before he arrives and instructed how to handle him. Once he learned that he wouldn't get attention this way, he gave up. (At least 95%)

On a small side note, when the other kids asked if he was on time out, I made sure to say loud enough that “He is not on a time out. Time out is for when you did something wrong. He’s on time away and can come join us as soon as he’s ready.” I felt it was important for him and the other kids to hear that he was not “Bad” for crying, but still was receiving a consequence for his choices. He was able to choose just how long his consequence would last.

Hope this helps! –Janell-

Well i believe at this age the are attention getters. When he cries do you "poor baby"him or do you get angry???
Maybe he likes the attention he gets when he cries. Like my daughter on the other hand says bad things all the time to get reaction. Like "i don't like my school its ugly" or something like that. I just figured out that ignoring them seemed to lighten it up. I man she still tries but its not as much. Also i put her in preschool 2 days a week to keep her focus off me and she is changing alot. I just keep her busy so its not a whole day of reactions. I joined a mommies group which we meet once or twice a week and the preschool. Maybe just keep him busy. I hope it helps a little,god bless and good luck

My son does the same thing and he is also four. I thought maybe he was doing this because he is an only child that gets way too much attention. I don't know what to tell you to make it better. I just thought I would let you know that your not alone. Take care....J.

Dear S.,

My gr grand daughter cried a lot when she was the same age as your son is. They truly are not able to explain with words just yet. Yes, it is necessary to respond with tears. This will not last forever, it will just seem so. Let him cry in peace, for goodness sake he is a little boy, and he is learning how to be a living breathing, thinking, feeling person. It takes a while. You do not want to hurry him, especially since he is a boy. Men hold back their feels waaaaaay too much anyway. Our world would be a lot better if men could feel comfortable COMMUNICATING honestly instead of, shall we say - 'Keeping a stiff upper lip' used to be a saying - or as I say - pouting.

Yes, you can handle it, just make sure that he is safe and put him in his room, or some private place and let him cry. If he is just at home and not bothering other people, just let him cry and don't notice. If you have a 'guilty' feeling about what he is crying about, then it will drive you nuts. But, know that you are the boss, you are the mother, and you know that he is not going to get his way by crying. He will get it sooner or later. Sometimes my gr grand son (younger) and my gr grand daughter (4) would be crying at the same time, and I just had to turn my head and smile. They were just being little people, not grownups just yet. Sincerely, C. N.

Try reading this book "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. The book talks about tempermental qualities, one of which is the intensity of reaction to new things as well as regular events. My daughter has very intense reactions to things too, so I know where you are coming from. THe book will help you understand where he is coming from and give you some strategies to deal with his behavior. Good luck!

Hey S.,

You guys are doing everything right! Talk it out! My now 5 year old went through that phase - and I'm happy to say he's finally out of it. He cried about everything. The color of his clothes, the food touching on the plate, you name it - he cried about it. I know it's a maturity thing, once they get a handle on how to express themselves through words, it'll be alot easier. Now don't get me wrong - we still have an attack or two, but it's usually when he's tired and ready for his nap. Just take a deep breath or two or ten and know that this too shall pass.

My son use to do cry a lot as well at little things. Finally I stopped responding to tears that were unnecessary and showed a better response if he handled the situation without tears. I acted as if I didnt undersdtand him at all when he was crying. Now he expresses himself better with words and less tears, and I always compliment him on how he handles situations.

Hi S. I'm a mother of 4 kids, my first was not a cry baby, but my son (4yrs old)he also cries about everything. If his sister won't play outside, if he can't get what he wants he cries. The only advice I can give is to be very patient, and maybe try to reward in some way like saying if you don't cry I'll take you to the park and remind him when he wants to start crying again. With my son it has stopped a little when I talk but I think it has a lot to do with if someone is babying him (like grandparent's)in my case anyway. Well good luck hopefully what I said might help.