My Daughter Will Not Stop Whining!

My son is just starting that and he will be 3 in march. He never really had terrible twos, im starting to think maybe its starting later now. As funny as this may sound i watch super nanny to get good advice on displine and it all seems to work. When my son starts whinning he gets a warning and then if he doesnt stop he goes in timeout which i know you said doesnt work. My only guess is maybe if you ignored her or where maybe a lil more stern when talking to her when she acts that way it might help. I learned from super nanny to get on there eye level when you speak to them and that seems to work really well. My son is a little on the sensitive side so maybe thats why it works better for us.

I find my three yr old whining more when he is looking for more attention. Not to say your not giving it. But I get so buisy some times that when I see him more irritable or getting in to the play dough behind my back. It's normally when I am trying to task out stuff at home, running erands, taking him every where I need to be. Then it shows up and I realize I need to get on the floor and play. Or get the playdough out and say "Want to play?" Re enforce the good behavior when there is no whining by saying it out loud. Use every opportunity to give her a compliment. "I like what a big girl you are being." "What a great job your doing today." Stuff like that. I also say what you do, I don't understand whining and when you ask in a big girl voice I will answere you. Play more, laugh more, color pictures more and you will have less whining and more laughing. And it's going to be tough at first because the best results will be at home. In public she will play the power struggle but I personally try to ignore it till it passes. Maybe you can transition it to public situations. Praise in public and as an experiment have shorter public appearances to give her an opportunity to do well. I wish you the best and remember it is a process sometimes and other times they just want more time with you and dad. M. S

Hi B.,

When my son started whning, I tried everything, too. Finally, I started whining back at him (at home of course). He had to stop whining to give me that "I can't understand a word you said" look. Then, I'd stop and say, "I can't understand when you whine like a baby."

If he tried whining again, I tell him I was tired of that song, could he please sing another one. Then, I'd start singing a kids song. Oh, and of course, don't give in.

Whining at him while he was whining did the most good. He'd yell at me to stop it. I'd tell him that I'd stop when he stopped. I felt and looked rediculous, but it worked pretty quickly.

Good luck!

My kids are both very whiney, they are now 5 and 4. I think they were fairly slow and speaking clearly, so they whined a lot to get their point across. My friend would always tell them to use their words. That seemed to help. They were very frustrated with not being able to vocalize what they wanted, which is why they whined. As they built their vocabulary, they began to whine less. I also have the whiney attitude problem, when they whine because they aren't getting their way. We set up a chart and if they go 3 days with no whining they get a treat. We started with 1 day, which was too much to ask of them. We backed it down to 3 hours with no whining, then built it up to a day, now it's at 3 days. When that is easy to accomplish, we'll move to 5 days, then a week. They say it takes 21 days to make something a habit, so I hope that by the time we get to a week, we can jump to 2 weeks, then 3 weeks then it'll be done.
I completely tune out the kids when they are whining. I'm not going to try to decipher what they are saying in the midst of whining. They have come to realize that I will listen to them and respond when they speak clearly, whining just gets them NO ATTENTION.
In public, I pick up the whiny child and we walk out. No speaking, nothing. We stop whatever it was we were doing and we go back to the car. A few times of that stopped the whining in public.
Good Luck.

i was going to say basically the same thing as Robin W. everytime you need to tell her you won't listen until she speaks correctly and if she starts a screaming fit then she goes in her room. this was my drs advice as well (and what he did with his kids and what they now do with their kids). in public, take her to the car and sit there or just leave altogether.

It sure sounds like you are doing everything right! I chaulk alot up to "phases" - you will soon overcome this, only to be challenged w/yet another "phase"...
For tantrums out in public, I have taken my twins back out to the car to sit in their carseats for their time out - I have even had to leave places if necessary after my warnings...but public displays of misbehavior sure can be embarassing.
Maybe ask yourself - are you and your husband consistent? back each other up? that is so very important.
Good luck and keep us posted on what works, helps, doesn't....

We went through something similiar with our son. After my husband got back from deployment over a year ago, my son who was 3 would whine and cry and always prefer me. I constantly coached him to use his words and change his tone. At first I just would say something like "oh, your thirsty. Go "Mom can I please have a drink?" and then get it. So I was trying to show him what behavior I wanted. We did that for a while. and anytime he would use words without whining we made a big deal about it. Eventually we progressed slowly to not giving in to whinning and he would have to use his words and watch his tone. It was real slow and on bad days were still coaching him.
Another thing I did was I got a small night time job. It forced my husband and my kid's to reform there relationship. At first no one liked it but me. After a while my husband saw how it helped. Also my son never ever cries or whines when it was just the guy's, yet when he still will try with me.

Good luck and I hope you find somethings that works. What ever you do it will take a while for change to happen.

My 4 year old was recently going through a whining phase. I sat her down at a time when she wasn't whining and explained to her that when she whines I cannot understand her. When I can't understand her, I can't help her. I also explained to her exactly what I meant by whining by saying, "this is whining" and talking to her in a whining voice. When she would whine, I would very calmly remind her that I can't understand her, so I can't help her, but when she's done whining I will be more than happy to help her. But until she stops whining she needs to go to her room. It's not a punishment, just time to herself to pull herself together. If we are in public, I just ignore her. Her behavior is embarrassing, but I just try (really hard) to keep my calm and finish what I'm doing (if I leave the store, I'm giving in to her behavior). When she stops the whining and screaming fit, we talk about what was causing her to act this way. Help her find the right words to ask for what she wants and put words to her feelings so that when she has those feelings again she might remember what it's called and be able to talk about it instead of whining. My daughter's whining seems to have subsided. But I also noticed that she seems to have grown about an inch. Obviously, she was going through a growth spurt that was taking all her energy and making her feel and act really weird. Her teacher has noticed a difference too. Try to see what's going on around your daughter or what might be going on inside her and help her put words to those feelings. If you are firm about no whining and not giving in to it but also help her work through things, the whining will pass.

The whining makes me nuts, too!

Sounds like your doing the right type of things and being in public is always more stressful. All I can say is to keep being consistent w/ your approach, use as few words as possible, and go overboard on positive reenforcement when she asks/talks like a "big girl".

We would say "Talk like a big girl" and then if possible repeat what she said saying it like we wanted her to. I would exaggerate my voice talking very deep and tell her I want you to say, "Mom, can I please have a drink!". If she whined back to me again (normally she would). I would just say, "Try again." or "take a deep breath, and try again.". It got really old, but it did work. I would not give in to her until she could talk to me in the "big girl" voice. My daughter is now 5 and we still sometimes have the whining. I still use "try again." and she usually snaps out of it, else she whines more saying, "I'm not whining!". Good luck!!

I don't know if this will work for you but I was watching nanny 911 and one of the couples on the show had a son who was whining every time they talked. She told everyone in the house to start talking to him or her I can't remember the very same way so that they could see how annoying it is and how it sounds when they do it. It seem to work for them. So her and her husband started doing just that. Then the child saw how it sound and I believe was ashamed. So I guess it want hurt to try.