My 12-year old daughter has a friend and they really enjoy each other's company. The parents are very nice, and they are always inviting my daughter over for a sleepover. We've had their daughter over here for sleepovers too.
My daughter loves hanging out with her friend, but they are used to going to bed at what we consider an early hour in the summer. They go to bed at 9pm. My daughter stays up until 10:30 during the school year because we homeschool and until 11 in the summer. Usually at sleepovers the girls stay up until all hours talking! This friend goes to bed at 9pm and falls asleep!
My daughter is going to a sleepover this weekend because she was invited and we weren't sure how to say "no" to the sleepover part since the girl seemed so excited about having my daughter overnight. Like I said, they LOVE to hang out and play it's just the going to bed early that my daughter is not used to.
I suggested my daughter play quietly on her iPod after her friend goes to sleep. That's not rude, is it? She has Netflix and Disney channel on her iPod, she could even watch something quietly with headphones.
When I was growing up my best friend and I were total opposites. I was a night owl and she was a morning person. I would read with a flashlight after she went to sleep and she would read in the morning when I slept in. It worked for us!
When this girl comes to our house I always let them watch a movie at 9:00 and her friend falls asleep while my daughter watches the movie. However, at their house it's not an option.
Ideas welcome!
Opinions welcome!
Good idea, I will mention it to the mom when I drop her off, and I'll have my daughter mention it again at bedtime and make sure it's okay!
I figured a book would be hard to read without a light. She does have a Kindle, so she can either read on that or watch/play her iPod.
Thanks!
ETA: Yes, definitely we are unconventional with bedtimes! Since we homeschool and my husband and I are both night owls, going to bed later is just a schedule that evolved for all of us.
I will remind my daughter that the family will be getting up early too, so she needs to get up early with them even if she stays up later. Shouldn't be a problem, she's used to getting barely any sleep at sleepovers!
I will also have her pack a book and a booklight, just in case they have rules against electronics after bedtime.
It's not rude for her to quietly read till she gets to her (late) bedtime.
Everyone should read http://www.amazon.com/Sleepless-in-America-ebook/dp/B000F...
unless the parents have a 'no electronics after X time' rule, it should be fine, so long as she uses headphones. a kindle would be even better. but if electronics are a no-go, a good old-fashioned book with a flashlight should do the trick.
khairete
S.
IMO your daugther is the one going to bed late, which is fine, but the other child's routine sounds more conventional. My 15 year olds go to bed at 9 during the school year and the one who has a job has been going to bed at 9 or 9:30 this summer while the one who doesn't get up in the morning is asleep by 10. At 12 they were in bed at 9 even in the summer unless we were out somewhere.
Anyway, I don't think that using her iPod is rude but you should explain to the parents in advance that you are allowing her to use it after bedtime because she normally goes to sleep later. When my older kids were younger I used to check to make sure phones were off or at least not in use when friends sleeping over were here so they might have a rule about electronics at night so you'd want to just clear that with them first. Personally I find it more appropriate to read before bed vs. play on an iPod or watch a movie or show but if she can get restful sleep after watching a glowing screen late at night then shouldn't be an issue.
My 11 year old has a friend who has always gone to sleep MUCH earlier, even during sleepovers. We've just talked to our DD about being respectful to other families schedules and rules, and so just goes to bed earlier when she stays at her house. She does understand the circumstances when she accepts a sleepover invite, and she knows she does not have to go if it makes her too uncomfortable. However, she's happy enough with getting to spend the time with her good friend in the early evening and the next morning, because they do have a great time together.
If your DD is having trouble falling asleep at 9, I would ask the friend's Mom if it would be alright if she play quietly with her electronics or read before bed. But it's also a good time for your DD to learn to be willing to bend and make a change to do what is comfortable by her friend and her family. It is great they are so excited to spend time with your DD. I'll bet they will continue to make it work since they enjoy each others company so much.
Why would you say no to a sleepover because your daughter stays up later. She can read or put in earphones and listen to music. We are all different. That does not mean we cannot all function together.
I don't think your daughter's friend goes to bed early, but your daughter goes to bed late, lol! I think you are fine in having her read a book or do something quietly. I don't know what time folks may be getting up in her friend's household, but you might warn her that they may be getting up earlier than she is accustomed. Then she can determine if she wants to try and fall asleep when they do. I'm a night owl and not a morning person so I was always the last one to fall asleep and the last one to wake up, lol!
I don't think using her ipod or kindle is a problem at all, providing the light from the device doesn't bother the friend. The only thing I would be careful of is what time the girls wake up in the morning. If the friend is getting up at 7:00 and your daughter is sleeping in until 9:00, that is kind of rude, in my opinion. But, if your daughter is able to wake up as early as the friend, even if she goes to bed much later, then I see no problem with staying up later.
No, it's not rude.
Other than mentioning the difference in schedules to the other mom and what you ok for your daughter (Jenny is normally up until 10:30 in the summer, so if she is still wide awake when Sabrina is ready to go to sleep, I told her she could read a book or kindle as long as it didn't disturb Sabrina), I would just let the girls work it out for themselves.
I have always been a night owl. And I had lots of friends who were not. I usually laid in bed with a book until I was sleepy, while they were already snoozing. Maybe things were different back in the day, but I don't really even remember the parents peeking in on us once we "retired to the bedroom" and put on our PJ's. So whatever the girls are happy with, should be fine.
But, I would mention to your daughter to try to get up close to the time her host does (the daughter, not the mom, lol). It would be rude to still be lying in bed sleeping 2 hours after her friend is already up.
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Oh. And I don't think the hours she keeps are at all out of line for a 12 yr old. My daughter just turned 12 a couple of weeks ago, and she goes to bed around 9:30-9:45 during school (the bus is very early), but during summer, she goes to bed much later. Tonight, she was up until around 11:00 or 11:30. She has no reason to get up early tomorrow, so why not? It is part of the joys of childhood and summertime! ;)
I would encourage her to go, understand that they may or may not go to bed at 9, and teach your DD how to be a gracious guest. You have experience dealing with different habits, so encourage your DD to do the same. Some of SD's pals are night owls and some are not, so we just planned for a middle ground and let them all know what breakfast items were available if they were up earlier than their friends...or if they wanted a 2AM snack.
I think watching netflix or reading on her kindle is fine and not rude at all.
Your daughters friend is most likely a morning person hence the reason her parents know what it best for her having her go to bed at a reasonable hour.
When I was a kid, I was like your daughter's friend. When my friends would put a movie in, I would be asleep 5 minutes later. I became the joke of my circle of friends and they would say they didn't have to ask me what movie to rent because they knew I wasn't going to be able to stay awake to watch it.
Of course, my friends would stay up until 1-2 in the morning and I would be waking up at 7 in the morning. That was fine with me. I would go into the kitchen and hang out with my "adopted" parents, a.k.a. my friends mom.
Anyway, I'm just trying to shine a light on the other side for you. There is a reason this girls family wants her going to bed at the hour they choose. They know their child best and maybe, just maybe she turns into a dreaded MONSTER after 9:00. :)
Your daughter's friend doesn't go to bed "early." She goes to bed at a reasonable summer hour. Your daughter goes to bed late.
My daughters are only allowed to stay up late like your daughter on weekends or when we go to a family function that lasts into the late evening. Even then they get crabby by 9:30 and start asking to go home. If it's extra-fun, they hang on until 10:00 but are nightmarish little shrews by 10:30.
:-)
Sounds like a plan. If I was ever at someones home and awake longer than them I read a book till I fell asleep. It is in no way rude for your daughter to use her ipod if her friend falls asleep but your daughter is not tired.
Perhaps on the day of the overnight your daughter might try getting up earlier that morning so she'll be ready to sleep at the earlier time just for that night.
OMG 9 pm is late here! Ok, for a sleep over day maybe not that late, but still my kids are out cold by that time usually. And lots of their friends are much more late owls. But I must assure you that almost always the friends find they are out cold earlier here too. My daughters usually are up earlier then their friends when they go to their houses for overnights and they have learned to pack a snack and a book, I suggest that your daughter do the same, but tell her to wait half an hour after her friend is asleep before getting out anything to do. (BTW my kids are 11 and 14)
Does this mean that your SD sleeps long past her friend...even when she is a guest?
I'd try to compromise. Your daughter is a night owl and her friend is an early bird. Your daughter may not be tired at 9 PM, and maybe it's okay if she stays up reading or listening to music. I'd give the other parents a head's up about your daughter's natural rhythms or at least her habits. But your daughter should also realize that this family may be on an earlier schedule, and be early risers. That means the household noises will start early, as they do in most houses but not in yours. Part of being a good guest is not to sleep away the day but to fit in with their routines. It's a good lesson for life. The point of having a sleepover and getting together is to do things TOGETHER, and she shouldn't come off as defiant in any way but rather as someone who wants to be a good guest.
Part of the fun of sleepovers for a lot of kids is staying up really late and gabbing, maybe getting nudged by the host parents to knock it off, and then staying up anyway and giggling. But if your family is planning movies at 9 PM when you know this girl cannot stay up, it's really not a fun activity for her. So some accommodating is probably going to be really well-received.
