My Dad - Escondido,CA

Maybe you can skyp with him. Have the ex set it up on her phone or computer and you do the same. Sorry about you dad being so sick

Wow. I'm so sorry.
Just wanted to share something from personal experience.
You know it is possible to be just across town and not make it in time to see a loved O. in their final moments. And I have a friend that, along with her sister, held vigil by their moms bedside. The O. time they both left for coffee? Yep, their mom passed.
Now, from your post, I don't know if this is end of life for your dad, or another in a series of serious hospitalizations.
All you can do is all you can do.
If you CAN take your daughter with you and drive--scrape up the gas money, a place to stay--do it!
If you can use a credit card for the flight--and you think the situation warrants the debt--do it!
If there is no way on Gods green earth you can go-- stay.
I can only imagine how frustrating this is!
IF its serious, yet not end of life situation, start making plans do that the be t time he is hospitalized you have options (and power in the decision) should you need to make a quick mo e next time.
In the meantime, stay in touch with his ex, or whoever can be there as a source of information.
Again--sorry. Hang in there!

I've been in this situation more times than I care to remember. I was only two hours away from my parents many times I got these kind of phone calls but having two young children and a husband that's out of town most the time it was impossible for me to drop everything and get to them.

Is there any possible way you could talk to him on the phone?
Is he conscious? If not, have someone put the phone up to his ear and talk to him that way - I truly believe your voice will be heard!
Can you talk to a nurse in the ICU and find out just how serious he is?
Are there any other family members there you could talk to?

Think about what your Dad would want you to do. Really THINK about it! My Dad would have been very upset if I left my children to come visit him; he totally understood my situation. He knew I would be there if I could!

Then if nothing else, rely on your husband and friends to watch your kids and hop on a plane and go! If you have a credit card, use it! Talk to the airlines, sometimes they'll give you a break if you explain the situation.

Good luck and God Bless!!!

I'm very sorry, J.. I feel for you, as I was out of the country when my father became terminally ill and I didn't make it back in time to see him.

You do need to sit down and figure out what you will end up doing in the event of your father's death down the line. You will either go or you will not go and will miss his funeral. You and your husband need to talk this through, and then you should approach your mom about it.

It's really hard to talk about this. It's an emotional bucket to us and that's no joke. But you should deal with it.

Hugs,
Dawn

I am so sorry!

How about setting up a Skype date?

Are you a single mom, or is your DH out of town a lot? Is there a reason he can't help with the kids if you go to see your dad? I think I'd do everything in my power to see a sick loved one. You never know when the last time will be, you know? Better to go see him than have regrets. You can deal with the financial strain later.

Wow, I'm SO SORRY for your situation. :( I really do understand, and feel for you. That stinks. I would totally want to go, and I understand the impossibility of not being able to up and leave. UGH! Why do these things always have to happen at the times when we can't be there? I really hope that he gets better and you can make plans to go visit him soon. I will be thinking about you and your Dad <3

I'd start making plans to see him when he's out of the hospital and able to enjoy your visit. Unless he's terminal it really isn't all that helpful to him to be there. Even if he's terminal he may not be able to appreciate your presence. Yes, you'd like to be there. It's sad that you can't go now. But maybe, with time to plan, you could figure out a way to see him later.

I can relate. I live in California and my family lives in Pennsylvania. Saturday my Dad went into the ICU. I couldn't make it to sit by his side, but I did talk to him on the phone. They know that you would there if you could.

Good luck and hang in there.

I can relate in that I had a similar situation with one of my best friends and she passed away so quickly I didn't get a chance to go see her. See if you can call your Dad in the hospital or do Face Time or Skype with him. If you don't have a phone or computer that does that, maybe you have a friend that does. That way you can see each other without going there. If you think he is really ill and you may not see him again, then see if you can arrange for someone to watch the kids and do what you can to go see him.

Good luck! Prayers for your Dad to get well!

Can your husband help? Or do you have family or friends that can help? How serious is it? What will you do if he passes? Will you go then?

My parents lived in Florida and I live in California.

Several years ago my dad was in the hospital with heart problems. They scheduled an angiogram to assess the problem and said they'd immediately follow with heart bypass surgery. They stalled until I could get there. I flew in and rushed to this side. They took him in for the angiogram and then brought him back out. Change of plans. The angiogram showed NO blockage, so there was no need for a bypass. The problem was his heart was damaged and weakened. He would need medication and at some point an ICD (kind of like a pacemaker) installed. But not now. So now what? I hung out for the week since I was already there. We had a great time. But I'd taken time off and spent all that money.

And then in 2011, my dad went to the hospital unexpectedly on a Wednesday (not ICU). My husband was out of town and my parents said don't come until we know more. On Saturday they said he had cancer - pretty badly. My mom said don't come until we know what the treatment plan is because that's when she would really need my help in caring for him; that there was nothing I could do to help right now. On Monday my mom called hysterical and said you have to come now he's not going to make it. I made arrangements for the care of my children and booked a same day flight. As I was walking out the door to the airport my mom called and said he had died. That was THE longest flight ever! I have relived those five days in my head for the last year and a half. Wondering if I should have done something different. Should I have gone sooner? Maybe I should have taken an earlier flight? Wishing I could have seen him before he passed.

So, see? You just never know.

If it were me, and I thought it was life-threatening, I would probably make arrangements for some, or all, of my kids; maybe take one or two with me if necessary and get in a car and drive there! But gas is expensive and may truly be more than you can afford. I am sorry you have to endure this. Best wishes.

you know what you can do? SKYPE??? If they have a lap top - most brand new ones have cameras built in.

You can get a camera at Best Buy for cheap or freecycle for free. I'm sure if you told people in your area on Freecycle your predicament - they would help you out.

I'm truly sorry you are in this situation. If you can afford it - drive. It took me about 20 hours to drive from Poway to Denver. You can bring your daughter with you and not have to stress over that aspect.

If money is REALLY tight? I would SKYPE!!

I hope your father is well soon!!