I have a 8 month old son and a 4 yr ols daughter...and things are ok, but the fact that I can not do ANYTHING without him crying! I cant do the house work, get on the computer, or anything without him crying and crying. Ive tried putting him in the same room with me and give him some toys to play with, and that will distract him for at the most 5 min., but as soon as I go out of the room, or that 5 mins is up he is screaming and crying his little head off. I work from 2pm-10pm, so he is asleep by the time I get home from work. I even have tried sticking him in his crib and just letting him cry. But you know how that goes... I let him cry for 45mins before I picked him back up. He doesnt cry himself to sleep or just forget about trying to ALWAYS have my attention. Its pretty much like if Im not giving him my undevided attention he is not happy. (most of the time) I ask relatives to watch him so I can get some things done around the house, but even they dont want to most of the time, because he is so "NEEDY". I really need to get some house work done SOMETIME. I have even asked my daughter to play with him for a bit, but he doesnt want that either. I mean he is even crying while Im typing this. PLEASE HELP Im going NUTS!!!
I know its frustrating. But please look at the bright side! At least he stops crying when you do hold him. My son cried no matter what. I would of glued him to me if he would of stopped crying when I held him! lol. Sorry it's not advice, but as hard as it is to believe, it could be worse.
Some kids may be like that. Have to tried baby wearing him? This is where they take a long fabric and wrap it around the baby so that the mom is not carrying him with her hands but using the fabric to help hold the weight. I think there is a Yahoo group on it. A friend sent me this info:
http://www.wearyourbaby.org/Default.aspx?tabid=201
Info below may be outdated but you can call to find out.
Plano -- Free Babywearing Class!
WHERE: Collin Creek Mall, Play area, Plano, TX
WHEN: Second Friday of the Month at 10:00-11:30am
WITH: Nicole McGovern ###-###-####
Yikes! You poor thing. You must be so frustrated. Have you tried a sling? A pacifier? warm bottle? music? the aquaruim lights mobile? My son did that needy crying bit for awhile when he was about 6 months old and I started him on the horrible habit of the pacifier...and TV.
But he is 16 months now and only uses his paci at night and he no longer sits still enough to watch TV. :) Now he climbs everything in sight and chasing him around the house when 6 mos pregnant is not fun. He is forever falling and getting nips,scratches and bruises that I'm sure people must think I beat him.
Is there a specific lotion or perfume you wear that he is used to smelling on you ? If so,you can lightly apply it to a stuffed animal or blankie that you can give him before you leave the room.
I'm hoping my 2nd child(girl) isnt needy b/c I really dont know what I'll do with her and a 19 mo old! I'll go nuts just as you likely are. I'm sorry, I wish I had better advice for you. :/
But at least you have 2 beautiful babies and I assume he'll grow out of it SOMEDAY.
Until then, you may just have to invest in a good wig after pulling all your hair out. J/K.
doesn't he take a nap sometime?...when my son was 8 months old he still took 2 naps - one in the morning and one in the afternoon. so that's when I got most of the housework done.
But I can definitely tell you from experience, it's not going to get any better by you giving in and holding him. He'll just learn when he cries he gets his way (with everything - not just wanting to be held). He has to be slowly weaned from the "constant holding". Don't get me wrong--- holding and cuddling is wonderful, but kids also need to learn independence and confidence, even at this age. When you do activities WITH him, have him sit beside you...and not in your lap constantly. that way he learns that he's still OK sitting beside you - he doesn't HAVE to be in your lap 24/7. He needs to be secure in knowing that you'll come back to him after your chore is done. Do small time increments and slowly build up to longer increments of where you sit him down with toys and go do work...I suggest staying in the same room with him so he can at least see you. Give him a "toy/junk" drawer in the kitchen (closest to the floor) and fill it with new dollar store toys...he'll be mesmerized by the new things and he'll love to open that drawer. My son still has his own drawer in the kitchen -- helps when I'm cooking dinner.
my daughter was like this, i would & still do talk to her constantly, like if you're doing dishes tell them what they are when you are putting them in the dishwasher, etc. also teach them patience, little by little. like the first time you are doing it & he starts crying then start talking to him & asking him to be patient & tell him what you are doing & keep doing what you are doing, for a few minutes (like 3-5) then after that few minutes stop what you are doing & give him five or so minutes of undivided attention, then start back up again. after awhile up the time that you keep working after he starts to cry. that way they will learn that you will come back to them but it is important for you to get things done too.
it's not easy & it takes lots of time (for kids to learn patience) but it will happen eventually. this things have worked for me & i hope they will help you, but even if they dont, try other things bc everyone is different! & different things work!
I know it's hard but the housework will have to wait. Your son needs you! My daughter is the same way. Sometimes i can give her a cracker but sometimes she just wants to be held. That is not a bad thing. Don't you ever want your husband to hold you so that you can feel loved? Same thing!
Both my sons were high need and wanted that constant contact. I used a baby backpack to carry them around the house. I could do virtually all of my housework with them in that, including cooking, vacuuming, etc. Also, when they had sufficient time in the backpack, they often far more willing for some floor time on their own. And, it's great for keeping you in shape - you have to remember they're up there and you can't lean over, so you end up doing alot of high intensity squats. I used it until they were almost two and got too heavy. It was a lifesaver as I also worked out of the home at that time and it was the only way I could prepare dinner when my boys were that age. Your son likely just misses you - it's natural for babies to want that contact.
Does he have a swing you can put him in when you're doing things that you can put in the same room with you? My boys love their swings. Also, have you tried putting him in a snugli and just hauling him around all day. The only thing you'd probably have problems with would be the dishes, lol.
Have you tried looking into "The Happiest Baby on the Block"? It really helped me during the first two months, but now they're a little better at self-soothing.
I know you may not like my advice but here goes.
The reason why he still cries after 45 minutes is because it works for him. You are rewarding this behavior by picking him up. I personally don't think it's wrong to do what you are doing. Some moms enjoy spending a lot of time with their babies where as others do not. I don't think it's a reflection of bad or good mothering just ones own preface. But if you are not happy with this situation, then you have a decision to make. "Crying it out" is one of the most hardest things any mom can do but sometimes it is necessary to help the baby/child learn new skills that are needed. It's never an easy thing to watch your child struggle! Sorry you are having such a hard time and I wish you the best.
C.
