My Boys Always Pretending to Shoot Guns.

Hi C.,

My boys are grown now, but way back when...they played like they were shooting the bad guys. I wasn't fond of it at the time, but truly do think is is quite normal. Mine are now adults; one is in the military and the other is a police officer. Just enjoy them while they are small..they grow up so fast.

Years ago, when I ran a day care out of my home, I had a couple of boys from a home that did not allow toy guns and you want to know what the boys did? They chewed their sandwiches to look like guns! I have brothers and also two sons. All have played various versions of good guys/bad guys and no one went off to shoot up a school.

I think you already know the answer....My husband plays violent video games-at night, when the kids are asleep. I am very against my kids seeing any form of violence. I would nip it.

C., I feel your pain both as a preschool teacher and a mom. I was so very careful with my son at that age, no violence, no guns/swords/knives anything! Guess what he went to bed one night and woke up the next morning shooting up the world! LOL I think it's in their genes as men or something.

At this point it is probably not possible to nip in the bud anymore. I see kids at school all the time trying to play war or army or power rangers, cops whatever they can think of. We just remind them of the no guns at school rule and they listen to it. It's really not that big of a deal.

Dear C.,
Unfortunately it is part of being boys. We were on a mission trip and returned to the states when my oldest boy was 4. We then lived in an apartment and the little boys all had cap guns...except my son. He would make sticks into a gun, so I finally got him one. I ended up with three sons and they had the plastic green army men. They also had pellet guns and would set up two sides and take turns shooting at the enemy from each side. In upper grade school our boys club a church taught them to use pellet guns to shoot at targets.
When growing up my home did not have guns of any kind because my dad was not into them and I had three sisters. But it is just part of being a boy. They will also play many computer/video games when older where they shoot at the enemy.
Just wait until they have their first fight...your two sons...I was trying to remember how old my two oldest boys got into a really sock the other and throw him to the floor fight...I never had that in my home growing up either and was horrified. When my husband came home he said his brother and he did it all the time until the younger could beat the older and then they stopped.

Boys certainly are different than girls...but they are a joy anyway. I worked full time until my first, part time until my second and then was a SAHM until the youngest went to school and then when back only part time:) Enjoy your boys.
H.

Hi C.,
Sounds like your boys are perfectly normal. Most boys play good guy/bad guy. It's in their nature to protect and defend. I honestly think that the school's rule is a little silly, although as former teacher I can understand their concern.
Perhaps your little guys will grow up to be police officers. :)

Hi Carrie,
I was like you, not wanting my son to play/have guns. At about age 2 1/2 he chewed a cracker into the shape of a gun and started shooting at the air. That's when I gave up! He is a boy and I think it is the natural instinct to play and protect and save the world. He and his dad play superheroes saving the world and sometimes they play with pretend guns, going after the bad guys. Sometimes my son drops to the floor and says, "oh they got me." I didn't know about the rule in school as my son is not yet in school... good to know though.

Hi C.:
Should we suppress our children's imaginations,for fear they won't realize the difference between that which is reality?In my opinion, no. You would deprive them of their ability to be creative.You'd strip them of their natural desire as children to live in a world full of wonderful hopes and dreams.Lets look at it like this. If you had a daughter,would you prohibit her from playing with dolls,for fear she may want a child at 13? It would be wonderful, if we could shield our children from all the realities of life,but then we wouldn't be very good mentors,as we would be setting our children up for A future of disappointment and unrealistic, expectations. Your sons,don't have to watch their father play video games,nor do they necessarily have to view it on the television. The subject of Guns,will come up all throughout their lives in school. Guns are a part of our history. Teachers will demand your sons be knowledgeable in subjects stemming from those who first settled in the West,the Civil War,too world war 1 and world war 2 and our present conflict, If your fears WERE valid,We most likely wouldn't be here.Because all those boys, our fathers,and those before them who loved playing cowboys or soldiers,would of killed us all by now! Is it so wrong for our sons to want to imagine themselves HEROS? I wish you and your sons the very best. J. M.

My two boys (ages 6 and 9) play the same way - pretend gun shooting at the bad guys and such, they play Star Wars with guns, etc. I have never stopped it. I have just taught them, like you, the difference from what's real and what's pretend and such. My boys have never gotten in trouble at school for this (even when they were in pre-school). They follow rules and understand that they are allowed to do different things in different settings. It sounds like you are teaching your kids the same.

I guess I'm going to go a little against the grain here. We don't have any gun play in our house. But, my son does sometime play that he's spraying us with water. I think it's maybe the same idea -- pointing, spraying -- but obviously the outcome is very, very different. With spraying water, I get to play too -- I can play "I'm all wet!" Fun, and a lot more innocent.

I think it's great about your son's pre-school. My son's is the same way. No violent games at all (Star wars!). My opinion is that they will have plenty of time to do this later in life, why not encourage other kinds of less violent play?

Oh, is your husband playing Halo where they can see?

Hi C. i think it's normal, heck I had my own hoster and gun when i was little, there are many westerns on TV that I think are fine for kids to, what ever happened to the
innocents of children playing cowboys and indians and cops and robbers, why was that OK then but now its like tabo. My daycare kids both girls and boys make guns with the legos, and they don't watch anything with violence while in my care, I would not worry to much about it, but I would tell them that they can only play like this at home not at school. J. Louis

I think it's one of those things that is inevitable if you have boys! I have 2 friends who have boys and both did everything to no expose their sons to guns, and they still do it! However, one friend told her son "why don't you hose the bad guys down instead". He LOVES playing with the hose outside, so this idea really caught on for him, and now he "pretend hoses everyone down". It's kinda cute ;) Also, try ask your husband he can't play Halo while the kids are around. My husband likes to play video games once in a while, some of which are shooting games, and we agreed that he cannot play (any) video games while our daughter is around.
Good luck!

I'm glad you asked this question because I have been wondering about this myself. I don't let my boys watch anything that is even remotely violent (there are some Veggie Tales that I don't even let them see), but the neighbor boys do and they have toy guns, light sabers and such, so my boys have started playing with them too. I always figured this would happen because they are boys and I want them to play as boys do, I just never thought it would start so young! Mine are 4 and almost 3. I don't really have any advice for you, I'm reading your responses to get some different views on this, but I would suggest that you ask your husband if you can talk to him about the video game. I am not familiar with this game, but it would be good to get his view on the effect this might be having on your boys and you two may decide that the little ones should not watch it until they are older.

There's a lot of violence on many kids TV shows - I evaluate each show I let me sons watch - some of the TV-7 (appropriate for 7 and up) shows I waited on until they were closer to that age because of the amount of violence. Talking to them about what is real and not real is good - but they are very young and it will take a while to understand. But no matter what, they should not be exposed to Halo - I do not let my older son, who is almost 9, go to his friends house where they play that - he is not allowed to because it is way too violent. As adults we are very desensitized to violence - so we have to remember that to our kids some of the images they are exposed to can be shocking and very confusing - better to wait until they are older when you can explain it easier.

My boys do it and have since they could practically walk. We never let them watch TV and they are homeschooled, so I'm not even sure where they picked it up - except that it is certainly a boy thing. It took me a bit to be ok with it, but I'm fine with it now.

Just tell your son, that you allow it at home and it's ok, but the school's rule is that it's not ok there. He's 3 and completely old enough to understand that.

My husband plays Halo, but it's after the kids are in bed and if they come upstairs while he's playing it, the TV goes off. We don't even let our kids watch Star Wars yet. I think things are age appropriate.

You also have to remember that our media portrays guns in only a bad light. Every day, someone uses their gun in self-defense and saves their own lives, but THAT never shows up on the news. It's how you decide to raise your sons and if they are watching Halo, you really might want to re-think that.

If you're posting a question on this, than my guess is that you might be a bit concerned. what you can do is find a way for your husband to play his games in a closed room. there are many things that we have to hide from our kids (not just violent stuff) for the simple fact that it's not age appropriate. Sex for one (sorry, trying to come up with a good best example). So it's okay if you have to shelter them from some things... Everything has a time (age) and a place. Right now, shooting and killing games isn't really appropriate for this age. I personally don't think it's appropriate for any child, but to each its own.

As far as correcting or scolding him for playing pretend shooting, don't think that would be a good strategy. Kids are more curious the more you fight them on something. I think you can try redirecting his play each time he does it and keep at it (very persistently). Find time to sit down and do other appropriate pretend/non-pretend play games that you think your boy might also like (cars.., trucks.., sports..etc.). If you do it often enough, you never know, he might develop a new interest in something else.

good luck.

A couple I knew tried to shield their son from anything that could be construed as violent. As such, they did not give their son any guns, real or toy. Nonetheless, one day, someone from school called to tell them that their son had put a pork chop bone against another student's back as if he were holding the other student at gunpoint.

I don't see anything particularly worrisome in what you've told us. However, I would and will encourage my kids to play video games that are not violent, if there are any nonviolent games that they enjoy. Ideally, they will do other things, such as exercise, play instruments, and read, much more than they play video games.

Lynne E

Hi C.-

I don't have boys but I just wanted to add something for your consideration- recently neuroscientists have discovered "mirror neurons" that cause us to personally experience what we are watching (e.g., we see someone eat, we feel hungry, we see someone cry, we feel sad). This appears to help explain how children learn through imitation, and how powerful imitation is in comparison to verbal explanations. It's clear that you're a responsible caring parent and explain things to your kids, but developmentally they may not be able to really differentiate real from pretend, and their mirror neurons may still respond to what they see in games like halo. The other day I was at a parenting workshop and the teacher talked about her 6 year old grandson who had been playing shooter games (she felt it was inappropriate for him); he told his grandmother that he knew it was pretend but that in his mind he was killing for real. He was really upset by it.

Boys are certainly more active than girls and enjoy roughhousing, but they certainly wouldn't pretend to shoot if they had never seen shooting of any kind. So I might still recommend that your husband play the game when they aren't around- I'm sure his playing it makes it seem more interesting and appealing just like all grown up activities.

Hope this helps.

I am very strict when it comes to this issue. No guns in my house, very little TV and no Disney movies either-- don't get me started. I could go on and on about what I don't allow and why but my point here is this. As soon as they get to school they learn this stuff, you cant control who their friends are and what those kids are allowed to do/play with. Mine went to a religious preschool and they came home one day pretending to shoot things. Loved the comment about eating the sandwich into the shape of a gun! That pretty much sums it up, unfortunately! Amazing how quickly they learn what a (pretend)gun is, how to hold it, and the noise it makes. Maybe it is innate, I dont know. Im a teacher too. I have learned that once you make something forbidden it heightens the curiosity and can drive them to such item/behavior. So while I still dont allow certain things in my home, they are free to "play" their made up games provided it doesnt get out of control. I talk to them often and am open and honest about guns and war. I do not scold them about it, I just talk to them calmly and stress that if they are at anyones home and find a gun whether they think it is real or not, they MUST ask an adult before picking it up. I read a great article in Mothering magazine about boys and play guns, and despite their stance as being very au natural their take on this issue surprised me. It was at least a few years ago, would be interesting to see if anyone can locate it. With regard to your son going to school, talk to him and let him know he is not allowed to play guns at school, let him know the schools policy and punishment. If he chooses to make the wrong decision at school, let him pay the consequence. Im sure at 3, it isn't too big of a punishment. Good luck!

C., C., C., First of all great job on becoming a stay at home mom. Thats great! As you have heard Boys are Boys. They just want to be like their friends and their DAD! yes their Dad. I know that if you had your husband turn off his games and become a dad things would change. Have him go ride his bike with them,go paint the drive way with washable paint or water, have him take them to the park.(quiet mom time for you). You need to start there! If he needs to play his boy games have him play them after the kids are in bed.But then were is the you & him time?? The boys will mimic whatever they see and hear, so as a parent you need to be the guardian of what you allow in your home, and what you allow in you home will influence your children, for good or bad. Teach responsible gun use. when we use squirt guns at our home we set up some empty water bottles and allow the boys to squirt only the bottles and they are taught not to aim the guns at people. something else you might try, we bought our boys .99 cent squirt bottles (not guns) and allow them to squirt water all over the yard, on plants etc. even if they squirt each other, it's not quite the same as aiming something that looks and feels like a real gun. Something else to think about, if you make a big deal and totally take guns away what you could be doing is creating a bigger fascination with them that will create just the opposite effect of what you want. Boys are fascinated with any kind of weapon if you take guns away they will discover swords and knives. Just part of mothering boys, good luck and find joy in the journey of motherhood!
lose the Games. Time to grow up and be a Dad. I love it and I know He will.

let's just say, it only gets worse : )
i've got 5 boys at home and the 3 younger ones constantly talk about shooting, etc. here's what i did at first: i got my little one stuck on rescue heroes (that way they've got the hero stuff without the guns), then i said no guns at our house, then i enrolled him in karate (for the testosterone surge in a better way then guns). then...i realized there's no hope and it's part of their genes. i still keep most guns out of the house, but i've given in to some and to water guns. there's no hope and the sooner you accept it the better : ) hehehe...seriously, just keep talking about how it's for games, not for real life. etc etc etc....you know the drill! : )
good luck! and i'm very happy to read how you get to stay home with them...you are sooooooo lucky!!!!

I wouldn't worry too much about it. My parents never gave my younger brother toy guns when he was little, so he would turn everything else into a gun- rulers, a stick, a pencil... anything! He was obsessed with guns when he was about 3 years old and as a young child, but he grew out of it as he started other activities throughout his youth. He is now 27 and is a great, responsible, non-violent, man. I think there's just something about little boys and shooting things.
As far as school goes, I'm sure your son will learn and understand the rules of the school and will know that school behavior is different than play behavior at home. Kids generally pick up on that quickly!

Maybe they should make a rule about not being a boy in the preschool!!! You can't stop boys from playing with make believe guns as far as I can tell. Boys are boys, let tnem play. Be concerned if they begin to hurt little animals!!!

I have one son who watches his dad play computer games, also he began play shooting over a tear ago and I think its all in fun so I never put a stop to it. I think its okay as long as it doesn't get hurtful. Good luck I deal with swords and guns all day.

Boys will be boys, it's true. I never allowed toy guns of any sort in my house. And, yet, my son turned the most innocent of items into guns - once chewing his toast into the shape of a gun and pretending to shoot his eggs! LOL It is important to limit his exposure to guns and violence - your husband should NOT be playing these games in his presence. Limit it as much as possible, explain why gun play is inappropriate, encourage other play. It will all be fine.

Hi there
I can relate to this. I was so ANTI-gun that I did everything to avoid this with my son. We had no violent tv, games, movies etc. One day he found a stick and used it as a pretend gun. I don't think it is avoidable, or harmful. It is just something that boys do
Good luck

Hi C.,
This is totally normal behavior for boys and it is part of their development. It is perfectly fine for you to tell them that they can play pretend guns at home but not at school. My son is 6 and we do the pretend gun/light saber/karate thing at home all the time (he's an only child so I get to play all these games with him). We do actually pretend to shoot at each other too - which bothered me at first but it's something we need to do as part of some of the games we play. When we do this it is because we're playing "characters" (like Spider Man vs Hulk or Luke Skywalker vs Darth Vader) we're not playing ourselves. And I've made it very clear that you don't really shoot people - even with the Nerf Gun. And my son knows that doing this is not acceptable at school and I explained that you can get thrown out of school for violent behavior. You just have to keep reminding them and they get it.

You should get the book or Video "Raising Cain". It is all about raising boys. It specifically addresses this issue and how it is a good part of their development. You can try all you want to stop them from doing this type of thing at home but when all the other kids are doing it, they are going to pick it up. So it's better to let them do it with your supervision and guidance.

Hope this helps.

Most all boys do this. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it until the teacher at school does and he will be old enough to understand that some things aren't allowed at school. I don't think they should be watching the "Halo" game though.

You should feel ZERO concern! Your boys sound so cute. As for the preschool, it is not a good sign if they expect little kids to understand those silly adult concepts. Alicia

i think you shouldnt worry. he may have seen your hubby playing the game before and asked what he was doing. as long as hes not acting over violent then it wouldnt worry. kids wiill turn anything into a gun (like the previous poster her son found a stick). i have a daughter and i would be surprised if she turns a dolly into a gun. i think its just their imagination at work.

C. A.

Unfortunately, you have a dilemma that many parents go through. Society encourages children to play with squirt guns, super soakers, and the like. I for one don't appreciate the sending of mixed messages to young children. When my children were little my first thought was that it was harmless, until my two boys were playing one day and one of the boys got mad at the other and picked up a B-B gun, then shot at my other son. As I said, I was not raised to think of guns as harmless, however, it was every kids dream to have a squirt gun. After disciplining my two boys, I removed all guns, yes, even squirt guns from my home. If the boys were even found anything that resembled a gun I confiscated it and took a hammer to it. I have shattered many squirt, and toy guns in my time since then. When you boys play with boards in the form of guns, put your foot down. Ground them, give them time out, but also explain that "Guns are not toys, and toys are not guns." This message could ultimately stop the irresponsible mixed message we as parents send to our children. Many of the older cartoons used various aspects of nature to show good points and bad points, such as that of road runner and the coyote. In these cartoons, the coyote is the predator (as he is in nature) and the road runner is the coyote's food source (as it is in nature). Explaining these aspects of good and bad to our children is vital to turn the tide of violence our children see on television and in video games. Monitoring the video games and television shows is a good start, keeping your children out of the room when your husband plays his violence riddled video games is also a good move. I wish you luck in teaching your boys how to be responsibility of guns and why you don't want them to have one, not even toys. Good Luck!!