My Almost 3 Year Old Is So Jelouse from His Almost 1 Year Old Sister!

My 2 yr old was not listening in school or at home. Here's what I did.
I set aside time just for him so we could do whatever he wanted to do. I also started a behavior calendar. If he was good as school he could get a sticker on the calendar. If he was good in the evenings at home he would get another sticker for the day. We started on a Wednesday so my the weekend if he was good he got to do something special for that. Then I waited 2 weeks and then he would get a little something. The last one I did a month and then he got toy cars that he loves. Of course every time I would explain why he was getting or do something too. We do not do a behavior calendar anymore but I do schedule time to spend with just him doing his favorite activity. If I don't get to do so for a few days I do notice a difference in his behavior.
He is now 2 1/2 yr old and I am expecting a baby in Dec. so I'm tired and sometimes just don't get to do thing with him.
I hope you can use some of this to help you out.

Hi. Well, I don't know if this will help you, but it's worth a try... My daughter was born 2 weeks before my son's 3rd birthday... so he was just a tiny bit older than your son when she joined the family. He was rather dejected about 2 or 3 weeks after her birth and complained that I couldn't do something he wanted me to do with him b/c I was nursing the baby. I brought him over to me and gently explained that I loved him just as much now as ever. Then explained how for his whole life, he had never had to share me and Daddy. But how his baby sister, who was nursing, would NEVER have time with me and Daddy without having to share with him. I still loved her too, but it was just a fact that she would always share and he had 3 yrs without having to share at all.
I don't know if that conversation was the reason, or if we were just blessed, but he NEVER did mean things to her. They are practically best friends to this day. (if you read my comments to Tammi about sibling rivalry you'll get a better picture of what that looks like, lol). But, beyond that, I would just try to spend some time letting him do things she can't... let him choose the book to read, ask him for help with things.. treat him like a big boy... ask him if he would like to help you do something caring for her (would you be a big help and show your sister how that toy works? she doesn't understand it yet; or, she's crying because she thinks she's alone, can you see if you can help her feel better while I'm finishing up this chore.....). When he begins to interact with her and she is happy to see him, it shouldn't take long before he enjoys the attention and his "power" to make her happy! Play things the 3 of you... stack blocks and ask him to build a big tower and show her how to knock it down. Then ask if he'll build one for her to knock over... Just little day to day acts that help him feel a part of things, and gradually build a relationship with his little sister. It won't happen overnight. Best of luck to you all

I have had three chlidren, two of which are very close in age. I always invloved the older child in taking care of the younger one. As a result, she not only learned how to be a good mommy herself, she had very little to be jealous of. I did not believe in spanking her for jealous behavior because I felt that she would only resent the baby for it. Although I did have to teach her that when she did something hurtful to the baby that it cause him to hurt or feel bad. My oldest is now 22 yrs old with a child of her own and is a wonderful mother herself.

I hope this helps.

Surely spanking and time outs will make him more angry at the fact that there is another little one around!!!! I know you are probably at your wits end... but trust me... agression is not the way to teach a child not to be agressive...
these are my two cents... when he pushes, kicks, hits, pinch or anything else that is not good to his sis, show him that is not the way... say, we dont push/kick/hit/pinch, etc you sis, we kiss/hug/love her... this will take a while (believe me, it is not going to be overnight) but it worked with my brother's children
I think the main thing your son is looking for is your reaction... even the negative one... if you dont give him one and re-direct him on how is done the right way, he'll most likely give up... but please be consistant... the moment you show him the negative attention he is looking for is like starting all over again...
good luck

My advise is to spend one-on-one time with your son every day away from your daughter. Maybe you and your husband go every other day and take turns. Take your son out of the house. Get ice cream, go to the park, back yard, anything but make sure you are alone on a "date" with your son. Make dates with your kids for the rest of your lives.
Love,
A.

N.,
I agree with what Cary said about training. Kids are smart. Parents today let their kids run all over them and I believe that has a lot to do with why kids have turned out the way they are. You have to stay on them. I wouldn't let him be kicking or stepping on her. Smack his but and but and put him in time-out. You also have to include him in taking care of her. Let him know he is her big brother and he has to protect her. You might have a long road to change, but you need to nip it in the bud now. Good luck to you.
Sandi

I hope that you don't get offended, but it almost seems you are feeding his jealousy. Not that you should punish him, but it seems that you are denying your baby girl in order to please him. He needs to know that she is just as special to you as he is, and then maybe he'll get the hint that she's a pretty lovable individual. I've seen in families where the parents are equal in their affections towards the kids, that the kids love each other too. Please don't think that I'm saying you don't love your little girl as much. I have a little girl who is a big sister. She sometimes gets a little jealous, but we make sure that she knows how important her little brother is to us, and she seems to feel the same way. We ask her to help get his diapers or to help burp him, and I think she feels a sense of responsibility for him. You may have already tried those things. Some children just seem to be more jealous, and it could be his age. I don't want to tell you what to do, but maybe try to focus your attention on turning them to each other and not about who gets your attention more. He will be upset I'm sure, but that's okay. Don't reward him by denying her your affection, and then giving it all to him. I think that may just end up feeding the beast. Again, I hope you're not offended. I understand why you do what you do. That is the mommy in you trying to please your child, but it may just hurt him more.

When my daughter decides to throw a temper tantrum, she now knows that we don't want to be around her when she acts out like that. The tantrums (though it did take a long time for her to truely make the connection) have lessened and are fewer and farther between. Here is what we had to do.

Each time she started to throw a tantrum about something. She was completely removed from our sight, sent to her room and the gate was put up so she would not be able to come out until I said so, sometimes two gates are necessary to block the doorway. She knew that her time-out did not start until she had calmed herself down and that I wouldn't even talk or respond to her until she had calmed down. Thus removing the underlying reason for throwing the tantrum in the first place...attention. She lost it completely when she did what she thought woul get her more.... At first, it was EXTREMELY frustrating listening to her scream for an hour from her room (I had to step outside and call a friend or my sister-in-law to calm myself down) but she began to see that noone wanted her around when she acted that way.

Now, a year later, she knows that if she has a tantrum and we tell her to go to her room or stop (have a number you count to to show how much time he has to calm down). We count to 5 or down from 5. She is usually done with her tantrum by the time we get to the second or third number. There are times, too, since she no longer is required to take naps (became too much of a fight about a year ago), where I tell her that her morning behavior says that she is tired and she either needs to sit and read books in her room for half an hour or she can take a nap and I will wake her up with her brother. Often times her tantrums were brought on by sheer exhaustion.

Well, I hope this helps you. Just separating him from you and taking your attention completely away with unwanted behavior may not work with him, but if you decide to try it, be sure to give it a couple months, it is not a quick fix, there never is one with our kids.

Wow, In addition to what you are doing, make sure you have a serious talk with him to know this behavior will not be tolerated (in words on his level of course). "You will not do this to your baby sister." Then tell him what the consequences will be. Some people gave some good ideas to what the consequences should be.
Until his behavior changes, I would not give him the opportunity to harm your daughter. I know this might seem hard but it has to be done. If he is kicking her and stepping on her, he might be capable of something worse. So don't let him alone with her. I'll be praying for you.