My 7 Year Old Always Wants Attention and Doesnt Listen

She's only 7. That's very young.

This is what is reasonable to do with a 7 year old:

1. Read to and with her for 20 minutes every night. If you read to her, it will partially take care of her need to be babied, and it is VERY IMPORTANT for kids' education to be read to by their parents. The best way to ensure educational success is reading to your child.

2. After reading, do NOT check her for comprehension (understanding). Reading should be enjoyable, it should not be a test. Talk about what you are reading while you are reading. "So it says that the bunny found the carrot 'delicious' - that means the bunny thought the carrot really tasted good.' "I wonder what the bunny is going to do when he finds out the fox ate the rest of his carrots?"

3. Do not reward her with chocolate, or with anything. None of what you are describing has anything to do with chocolate and rewards are irrelevant to what your daughter needs.

4. It's completely normal for a 7 year old to like mommy lying with her for a few minutes at bedtime. When she is 13 and doesn't want you to do it any more, you will miss it. When you lie down with her, do it for 15 or 20 minutes, you don't need to do it for 30 minutes. While you are lying down with her, TALK to her and LISTEN to her. Then when the 15 or 20 minutes is up, give her a kiss and say, "Okay sweetie, it's bed time." Give her a night light. Leave the bedroom door open, if that's what she wants. I don't understand why you think the door has to be closed. I always kept my kids' doors open a crack. And kids commonly want night lights.

5. When she is talking about her feelings, MIRROR her emotions. That means if she says she is sad, or scared, or whatever, say something similar like, "I know it makes you sad when mommy doesn't listen." Or, "I know sometimes it's scary when it's dark at night." And maybe if she's telling you that you don't listen, you should listen to her more.

6. I get the feeling that you are lecturing her and trying to talk her out of her feelings too much, instead of nurturing her. Once you mirror her emotions and give her some of what she wants by mirroring her emotions, she will probably stop being so needy. People don't like it when other people try to talk them out of their feelings. Even mature adults don't like it.

7. When your 7 year old is in bed, you can then spend time with your 12 year old. He should have a later bedtime than your daughter.

However, neither you nor dad should be indulging her so much that you are spending hours with her at bedtime. It's not good for her. I and my husband probably spent 15 or 20 minutes each with our kids at bedtime, and then it was lights out. If your husband keeps giving in to her whining and spending hours with her, that's not healthy. She needs her sleep. Decide on a bedtime for her, and then you and husband between the two of you should spend 1/2 hour with her beforehand, reading to her and chatting. And then quietly and lovingly tell her it's bedtime.

Talk to her teacher about her issues at school.

I don't really understand this question.

Kids want attention. I'm not sure why this is odd.

Why are you not spending time with your son? I don't follow.

If you're upset and your child senses that and you're both very emotional, then I suggest you get some help with parenting. Kids get upset. Kids like to be heard. They like to feel secure. Your daughter doesn't sound like she's feeling secure and maybe is a bit anxious. Stomach aches, etc.

I would personally reach out to a counsellor. Good luck

You sound very, very young. Please google "parenting classes" in your area and sign up for one. Good luck.

This is a sad and pathetic situation. It's hard to believe that you have an older son because you do sound very young.

Can you explain what "favouritising" means? Does it mean "playing favorites"? What country are you from? I want to be sure I understand what you are saying. Did you grow up in another culture where it was common to quiz/interrogate children on what they read? If so, that experience is coloring your views on parenting.

Read Rosebud's response. Twice. Then read Doris Day's.

Here's the deal on bedtimes: you have a solid routine. Bath/shower, toothbrushing, pajamas, then crawl into bed 30 minutes before bedtime (lights out). There is 15 minutes of reading a few stories (as they get old, move to chapter books). You can read a page and have her read a page if she's into it. You never EVER quiz a child on reading comprehension! This is parent/child bonding time, and it also reinforces the joy of reading for pleasure. This is not an academic exercise. Your husband has to stop making it a one-hour routine, but you have to stop making it a big nothing.

After reading, it's lights on dimmer, and there are 15 more minutes of chatting or soft singing/lullabies, whatever soothes her. This is critical bonding time. In our house, we alternated Mom one night, Dad the next, then Mom. This was parent/child special time, and it was warm and wonderful. You simply cannot put a child to bed at the ultimate lights-out time and expect her to settle down with no cuddling, no decompressing.

Of COURSE she feels that you don't listen to her - you've made it clear that you don't. So she whines and cries at other times, begging for your attention. So yes, it's essential that one parent tuck her in every night. She kisses one good night, and the other tucks her in and reads to her and hears her discuss her day. Quiet, calm time. If you want, have one do the bath/toothbrushing and the other the reading/snuggling, then switch the next night.

When you're not with your daughter, you're with your 12 year old, helping with homework. After she's asleep, you have special time with him because he's older and has a later bedtime. Each parent has time with each kid each night. It works out fine. But when you are with HER, you are with her 100%. You aren't resenting it, you aren't rushing it, you aren't telling her you need to be with your son. But when bedtime comes, lights go out, and that's it. She doesn't need to know you are going to your son - just that it's time to sleep.

And yes, she has a headache and a stomach ache and whatever because your constant quizzing of her reading is making her feel that her home life is the same as her school life. Stop it. Both should be a lot more fun than they are.

Rosemud is giving you excellent advice. I will add that when she complains about her head and stomach in the mornings, just nonchalantly say "I'm sorry about that sweetie" and keep on with what you're doing, making sure that nothing makes her late for school.

What does she want you to talk to her teacher about? Her stomach? Tell her that the teacher is busy getting ready for the day and you have to leave. Don't hang around the school.

Find a book at the library that tells the story about "The Little Boy Who Cried Wolf" and read it to her. (Don't read it at night time.) Tell her that if she is always telling the teacher her stomach hurts, when she DOES get a really sick stomach, the teacher won't understand that it's not like what she usually fusses about. It might help her stop complaining so much.

You really do need to understand that 7 is young. Rosemud is so right about not letting bedtime drag on. But tucking a child into bed lasts for as long as they allow it - at some point they won't want it anymore.

sounds like you are only showing her attention for negative behavior and she is using this to get to you

What does "favouritising" mean? I am really hoping you are a troll because you sound like you are not interested in helping your daughter, you are only interested in being left alone. You want to check her understanding of what she reads? God I hope you don't make her read anything you wrote.

I would enroll in parenting classes to help me figure out what I am doing right/wrong.

Also since when did you become the child and the child become the parent? Was it 7 years ago? Time to take back the reigns and be the parents in the household. Yes there will be some crying and complaining but it is better to learn now that the world does not revolve around you than when you get out in the real world. No one will want to be with her and she will not have many friends.

Set up a bedtime routine and stick to it. It should only be 30 minutes.
Time to set up daily schedules so that you know what is going on in your family's life.

Good luck to you.

the other S.