My 6-Year-old Is a Messy Eater

With respect to the "clumsy" eating and food smashed in fist: I wonder if she needs to work on her fine motor skills in general. Is her coloring and writing messy? Does she have trouble holding things, or cutting with scissors?
In any case, she is old enough to use a fork/spoon. It's a little less convenient to stop (or reduce) the finger foods, but it should keep her hands a lot cleaner (and so also everything she touches may stay cleaner!), and if she does have trouble with her fingers it might help strengthen her grip and coordination. And to practice using her napkin, you can keep a hand mirror to show her how smeared her face gets.
I like to say that we could feed a family of squirrels with the food under our table after each meal, so we work on "eating over our plate", sitting forward with knees under the table, so that spills land on the plate instead of the chair, lap and floor.

hi
I think it's natural... six is still VERY young. I wouldn't sweat it too much or make such a big deal out of it. As she eats and makes a mess, I think the more you make a big deal out of it, the more she will probably do it. Maybe just casually clean things up as you go without expressing an opinion. Sounds to me like she is very much enjoying her food, the good news, she is unlike some kids for whom parents have a very tough time getting them to eat their food. This will all pass. For now, I would just try and enjoy this phase and her personality.
When my son was younger, my mother-in-law always went behind him with a washcloth or was picking something up, she wore herself out trying to keep up.. thing is.. we sit in the kitchen, we know he was going to spill food, we know he was going to get it on his clothes and face. Therefore, we just let him enjoy his food... and afterward, cleaned him and the food up. Today he is 7 and VERY neat... but still has his moments.. although for the most part, conducts himself with manners. I am sure it will all work for you!
best to you!

At six, I wouldn't expect too much. She may still be quite clumsy, and she may be more interested in enjoying her food than in being dainty. As long as you always demonstrate good manners for her, she will eventually pick them up. It sounds like you are doing just the right things: giving her occasional tips, but not lecturing her or ruining her meal. And her brother may just be a more fastidious personality than she is.

If there is something she really wants to do - such as go to a fancy restaurant, or go to Disneyland, or heck, even to Chuck E Cheese on her birthday, you can use that as "bait" to get her motivated. My 6 year old daughter has been DYING to go to Disneyland, and so I have been reminding her when she's eating. I'll say things like, "I love how you're sitting up straight and chewing with your mouth closed! You know, Princess Belle will be SO impressed when we go to Disneyland!" I'll tell her little sister, "When we go to Jax Junglehouse for your birthday party, Miss Jenn will be SO impressed with your table manners! She'll love seeing you take such dainty bites!" (When I'm sure Princess Belle and Miss Jenn could care less what my children's table manners are like, the kids sure don't know that!) I've found my kids so much more eager to please other people than they are to please me, half the time. Oh well, I'll use whatever I can to get them to behave! =) In general though, I would agree that most 6 year old children are rather pig-like in their natural state. I've resigned myself to mopping the kitchen floor daily until they go off to college.

i agree with the pp that this may be more of a fine motor skill issue and not just an eating issue.

i notice that my son will first try to eat with a fork or spoon, but if he tries a few times and drops the food or can't get it, he resorts to his hands. he's still learning and trying, so i'm not overly worried about him eating with his hands (he's just over 2.5 years).

along with the eating, i'd try activities like coloring inside lines, threading beads, cutting out shapes...anything that refines the fine motor skills. you can ask a kindergarten teacher or 1st grade teacher for tips too.

i would keep encouraging "good manners" for consistency too. i would say she's not "motivated" to have good manners because she doesn't see the point!! she's only 6. :o) their social awareness doesn't really involve good table manners at that age. what 6 year old is embarrassed by sloppy eating? i don't think i know any. :oP