I have a good friend who has 3 little boys, all under the age of 5.
I have known her for about a year, we get together quite often for play times, etc.
Well, it turns out that my son does not like her son. They just have very different personalities. My son tends to be rude to her son and tries to run away from him, etc.
Sometimes they get along ok, but I know that they will never be BEST friends.
What do I do?
I have explained to my son that just because we don't like someone doesn't give us the right to be mean to them. I tell him to just ignore the other boys behavior if he doesn't like it and try to have fun. My son really does try to be nice, but sometimes he doesn't do a good job.
Please help me out with some advice.
Well J. I have the same exact problem. My step daughter doesnt get along with ANY of my friends daughters. I just explain to her that she needs to be nice to everyone even if she doesnt like them.. It really doesnt seem to work so well. I would just try and find an activity they all can enjoy! Even if it does only last for 10 minutes. lol. Hope this helps :)
I think you should minimize the amount of time your son has to spend with this other kid. Arrange for him to play with other kids or visit grandpa or something. You could also try bringing another friend for your kid to play with and ask your friend to bring another kid for her kid to play with so they are not foisted upon each other.
Try to see it from your son's point of view. He is being forced to spend time with someone he does not like or get along with. Children must go where their parents go, and do what their parents tell them to do. it is an important life skill to know how to "be nice" even when we do not want to, but many adults act badly under similar conditions. Be as understanding as possible and do not overdo it with this friend.
It sounds like maybe the moms are better friends than the children...and perhaps getting together a few times without the children would be less stress on you both. I would also give yourselves permission (moms) to be okay with each other, even if your own children were never to get along. Try to find out why your child might be acting out and listen to the signals he is sending you. If you do this early, it will save the friendship you have with the other mom, and more importantly the one you have with your child.
At 5 years old he is still learning his social skills. It is a new concept that not everyone is fun to be around. Find something they have in common - something they both love and have equal amounts of it. Let them play next to each other at first, then they will gravitate towards each other eventually. I suggest not leaving them alone in the room for a while. This will give you the chance to watch and will let you know what to talk to him about afterwards. Also, try not to correct him at the playtime - unless they are getting physical and someone will get hurt. It needs to be positive and if someone is telling him "don't" and "no" the whole time he won't enjoy it.
Good luck!
I think it is OK if they don't like each other AS LONG AS they treat each with respect. You must be one the few NON-defensive Moms that I have heard of! If you read this list often enough you will see that most mothers find fault with the other Mom's kids, never their own. You can actually see your son's little shortcomings and I'm sure you are helping him just fine. The boys are -after all- only 5 years old! Make a deal with your friend that things between the kids will never interfere with your friendship. If she is half as smart as you are, she'll go for it. Wish you were my neighbor! A :)
Hi J.,
Have you tried to bring your son a personal game so he can have some alone time during your visit? Perhaps a color books and crayons so they could both have something to color, however they are not required to communicate together. I would bring two boxes of crayons of the same colors and pull that out when they are not getting along. That way you will have a little bit of control over the situation instead of involving your friend. Not everyone recognizes these differences. That age can require small doses of friendship. In fact, sometimes I could use small doses of my friends as well :)
Best of luck!
C.
You are forcing him to be with someone he doesn't like. How would it feel, if YOU had to spend lots of time with someone you didn't like? Sometimes our personalities don't click...and sometimes the kids see things before we do...like underhanded manipulation or stealing when the parents aren't looking.
I'd let it be and allow him to play alone or without that child. If you like your friend, maybe you can spend more time with her without the kids?
I think it's great that your 5 year old already knows who he is and who he wants to be around. That says a lot for his personaility - he's leader, not a follower...which will serve him well through his whole life.
My best friend (from 19 years old) moved back to Hawaii (and in with us for the first few months)when my son was 4.5 and hers was 5. The boys had different personalities and it was hard after the first "honeymoon" week. The good thing is that by being together they both advanced in different ways. My son is outgoing, playful - loves rough play, talkative, energenic. Her son was much more quiet and introverted, did NOT like rough play and very whiny. So everyday, my son would irritate him and then the other would whine (very loudly) about it. THAT was annoying on both ends. My son had to learn to be more sensitive to what other people want to do or play (and sometimes to give people space) and her son did learn to be more outgoing and playful with enough time & encouragement. She worked on no longer "babying" her 5-year-old and I worked on my son as well. We talk & compare notes about what they said about the other and soon learned what worked well and what didn't. Most of all, I think it's helpful to talk to your friend about it and let her know that you recognize that your son is being rude and you want to work on that. There should be a consequence if your son is rude to anyone. Also, her son might need to realize that yours may not always feel like playing and it's okay to do solo activities (puzzles or something). We made it clear that they had to get along because they were going to grow up together (more like cousins). When they both got GameBoy games, they completely bonded by sharing the "cheats" to get to higher levels and had entire conversations that we didn't understand. They borrowed each others games and traded games, etc. We just kind of let them work on their relationship naturally and just kept getting together and they worked it out. Sometimes if mine made her son mad, I'd talk to mine about it and we worked on that. As they've gotten older, they've developed more and more common ground and respect each others differences and have learned to meet in the middle - such an important life lesson. They are 11 and 12 now. I hope it works out for your boys as well.
I had a simuliar situation and noticed that I was making alot of comments around my daughter on how the two children didnt get along or how they are not as close as her other friends. Kids are listening and we can motivate their behavior. If not dont let it affect your friendship with the mother. Maybe they will out grow it and start enjoying each other.
My name is H., I have 7 children. My advice is let them be, my kids don't get along with all my friends kids but when we get together we let them do there own thing, remind them to be nice but you would be surprised how kids can come together when they don't feel they have to be friends.
