My 5 Year Old Heard the Word Sex from a Class Mate

Wo, i think you have gotten mixed responces on this one. my 5 year old asked this very question the other day, we were watching DR. Phil actually and he mentioned the "S" word and immed. it got my daughters attention and she said did he say SEX? i replied yes so she asked what it meant. my mother had given me advice as you- about sex being male or female. which is true. i think at 5 and 6 kids are a little young to understand the true meaning of sex and at that age it can be disgusting which we do want them to think but there are ways around it right now and it's not a lie. sex does mean male or female. i think you handled it great. The day will come when the timing is right for that conversation and i'm just not ready for that yet. niether are they!

I think the way you handled it was wonderful! Five is just too young to get the full scoop on S-E-X. Keep them young as long as you can!

Wow, I can't believe most people responded like they did. I agree with everything you said 100%. That age is too young, you should of answered like you did and also bring it to the teachers attention. Right after I read this I told my husband she is never going to school. haha.. My daughter is 2 1/2 and I am hoping this will come up much later than 5. Good Luck!

B.,
Please don't freak out, when children enter kindergarten there are many things they will hear and say that did not come from mommy or daddy. the good thing is that your son trusts you and told you about it, just explains in basic terms what sex is and he will be fine.
It's better that they have simple but truthful information coming from you than murky details from someone else.

My mother in law gave me a book for children that has simple drawings explaining children how babies are born since conception, the word, sex, penis and vagina are in it and I literally freaked out and said no way I'm reading this to my child.
well my husband read the book to my 5 year old and I must say she was fascinated by human anatomy and asked a lot of questions; I think in the end my husband was right It wasn't worth to make a huge deal out of it. however, we specifically told our daughter not to share this info because only mommies and daddies are responsible for telling their own children.

P.S. Also one of the reasons we chose to read the book to her is because we are tying to get pregnant so this was going to come up sooner than later.

I'm a little late in this response, but I hope you and the other mothers are able to see it. I was profoundly disappointed at the tone all the other mothers (except Lalis it seems)were taking in response to the topic of sex. SEX IS NOT BAD!!! How do you think these beautiful babies came into the world in the first place? We need to stop lying to our children about sex and tell them the truth. Yes, telling your child that gay means "happy" but excluding the other definition is dishonest. Five may seem too young, but they are going to be hearing about sex from other children, so why not let the truth come from mom and dad- someone your child should trust and feel safe with. What happens when these kids whose parents told them that sex is just if you are a boy or girl go back to school and hear what sex really is from other kids? They will be so confused that they may just start experimenting to figure it out(it is NOT uncommon for children this age to do this). Trust me, I've worked in the health care industry for years, and I TRY not to be shocked when an 11 year old comes in and is pregnant. Our children are going into puberty younger now than ever before. We need to be teaching them that sex, when you are ready for it, is normal and healthy. We should not be teaching our children that it is embarrassing or "bad"!!!!!! This leads to complete confusion and teaches the child to distrust what the parents say. Be honest and brief with your kids. No need to go into details. When my son first asked what an erection was (he was 5) I told him the TRUTH!!! He shrugged and ran off. When he asked me what gay meant I told him the TRUTH, both meanings. If you don't make a big deal of it your child will learn that it's ok to ask mom and dad and WHEN (not if) your little one grows up and starts experimenting they are much more likely to bring their questions to you, not their friends. We cannot cloister our children forever. Our job as their parents are to teach them about their world- even if it makes us uncomfortable at times. I'm sorry if this upsets some mothers- but wake up. It's not a perfect world so lets not make it any more difficult for our kids to grow up well adjusted. Good luck moms!!

B.

Sex is just a 3 letter word for a 5 year old; sex is a huge issue for adults, especially parents who don't want their children growing up too quickly.

What the other girl knows about sex may be as little as that 3 letter word. You really don't know. What you do know is that she had a dream (or said she had a dream) and in her dream the other kids (your son) were having sex. Does anyone know what she meant? Could she define the word sex? Does she think that sex is intercourse? Do you? Sex, as you explained to your son, is gender identity as well as many other definitions.

She might think that sex means laying beside each other. She might think that sex means holding hands. She might think that sex means kissing. She might think that sex is rubbing noses. You concluded that she meant sex was intercourse from the message in your letter.

Children talk about things today that we adults never thought about until we were teens or older. They are exposed to sex in wholesome and violent forms through TV, advertising, movies, magazines, children from dysfuntional families, etc. You can control your home, but school and the neighborhood is full of good and less desirable talk.

While you cannot control his environment completely, you can develop a positive attitude about giving your son healthy, appropriate, honest information. Appropriate information keeps children, and adults, in good shape. Lack of information leads children, and adults, into difficult and problematic situations.

A young child can be a sexual child. Awareness of their body, observation of their parents and other close family adult friends (holding hands, playful physical contact, hugging, kissing -- socially appropriate behavior of course) teaches them to feel good about themselves and their bodies as well as their own sexual activity at a much later time when it's appropriate. They are learning now how to behave in later years. They are learning now from you how about decisions they will make in later years.

Getting too upset about this though is going to send poor messages to your son, even the unspoken feelings get through to them loud and clear. If you can begin to think about this in a way that's informational rather than anger, you will be a concerned parent who wishes her child to learn about sex in healthy, appropriate ways.

You're a good mom who's hit a bump along the road of parenting, but asking others is a huge acknowledgment to you!!! Three cheers!!! Parenting is a really tough job; the hardest job you'll ever have bringing you the greatest joy as well as the most pain.

Gosh, I'm late to the party, but I couldn't let this one go by. First of all, I'm an elementary school teacher AND a conservative Christian, and schools are NOT teaching sex starting in K, or AT ALL in elementary school, for that matter. The "Heather Has Two Mommies" stories are mostly odd situations picked up by the media and sensationalized by the fundies who think all kids should be homeschooled. We don't mention sex at all, and we WILL stop playground talk. Talking about sex and ignoring playground talk would get me fired.

Secondly, there is no point in giving the child more information that he/she is curious about at the time, until they reach pre-puberty or hear something that really requires further explanation. You handled it exactly right. Not giving a child information that they are not yet developmentally ready to handle is not lying. It's good judgement.

Hi B.,
I had a similar situation with my daughter as well. It's seems shocking to hear them ask about this, but you know you have to be honest and let them know and not someone else. I explained to my daughter and son that the girls have a vagina and the boys have a penis. I told them literally hows it's called. Then I explained to them that sex is something people do when they are in love and not something they just do for fun, I told her there has to be feelings involved. And then explained to her that that is were babies come from. My kids giggled when I was explaining this and they understood. After I was done telling them about sex they instantly got it and then they automatically changed the subject to something else. I was like Wow! that wasn't a big deal. Also, another thing my daughter asked was what age do you have sex? That one was a little harder for me but I just prayed to God to help me out on this one. And what came to mind is that I told her, you will know when you are ready when you get older, but right now you have to focus in school and being a kid. I finished by telling them that they can talk to me about anything no matter what the question is not to be scared, embarresed or shy about it.

Wish you well and God Bless,
L.

Hi B.,

I'm sorry that I am so late to this question, but as I have dealt with the sex issue several times, I thought I'd share my 2cents. I have five children. My oldest is a boy and he is 11 and in his first year in middle school. We have discussed sex several times over the years as he has questioned different things. It all started when he was 5 and was dancing around the house proclaiming himself a "sperm". I about freaked out, but calmly asked where he learned about sperm and he told me he read it in a book. Apparently he was a sperm whale and looked at me as though I knew nothing about whales. I continued to let him think that was the only kind of sperm in existence.

When he went to school we discussed that no one should touch you in your private area and that there are things that are private.

When he was in 5th grade we discussed body changes and how both boys and girls change as they get older. We had the big sex talk this year, as he is in middle school and I knew he would be exposed to more information. He had not heard of it all before and we had a very open and frank discussion. I continued to emphasize that discussion of these things should be private. Like you, I don't want my child to be the one to tell another's child about sex. I also emphasized that he and I (or his dad) can talk about anything. I told him that it is not weird or bad, just private and that he should wait until he's married.

I also have 4 daughters and none of them know anything about sex, other than it is your gender. (We've actually had that talk because they heard the word.) I don't think it is lying when you only give partial information. I want my children to be innocent as long as possible.

I think you did a great job in only giving as much information as your son needed at the time. You know your child and only you can decide how much informaiton to give. Don't worry about what other parents tell their kids, you do what you feel is best and when the questions come, you'll continue to answer them as completely as you feel appropriate.

I hope that this helps.
J.

I know that you've already posted the "what happened" and may not come back to this but I had to say something.
When sex came up in our house we didn't get all shocked and surprised and hide in a corner and make up stories about what it was. While we didn't get into the mechanics yet (my boys are 6 & 3) we did tell them the truth. Sex is something that grownups who love each other do together to show that love. End of story.
I think it's scary how knee-jerk and panicked parents get when something that is natural and a part of life comes up. Concerned about "taking away the child's innocence". Personally I don't think telling them the truth in a safe and secure environment is taking the innocence away, it's teaching them about the world around them. The child heard something, they trust you enough to come to you and ask what it is. They trust you to tell them the answer honestly. You have to realize there is now the chance that your child is going to go back to his classmates and repeat your answer to them if it ever comes back up and get either teased or "corrected" by those children for that answer.
I also have to say that when I read this I was less concerned about the fact that your child had heard about sex and far more concerned about the safety of the young girl who is having dreams about having sex at all. Please, make sure she is safe. That is the scarier part of your story here to me personally.

I have to agree with Amber here. There is nothing wrong with sex and nothing wrong with curiousity about it. As with the other moms, if we keep it open early on, our kids will come to us and we can help to eleminate any stigmatism before it starts. if we fear it, they will fear it too. two of my kids, one boy one girl, have both asked me about my periods when they have found tampons around. i simply say, "oh, remember hwo I told you before about the womb the baby sleeps and grows in before beingborn?" of course they remember this because i was just pregnant with our third. "well, the womb fills with yummy blood each month which is like a big blanket in a bed just in case a baby comes. IF the baby comes, then mommy doesn't bleed. but if a baby doesn't come, then mommy bleeds the blood out and new blood comes again later." they just say oh yeah and walk off. my daughter knows when she is old enough this will happen to her too. no big surprise, no "that's gross" just a fact of life. when people have sex they sahre a big love and sometimes a baby comes. no lies please. look at the state of out world -- we got here by lying.

ok i know this is way late...but please, make sure the teacher knows exactly what that little girl said...NO five year old girl would have dreams where she is having sex...that would have been my first concern...someone needs to find out what may be happing to that child.

Just to let you know, I really liked Peg's answer. Society makes sex a perverted thing. Children will ask questions as they hear and learn about things especially if you are open and don't let them think that what they are asking makes them a bad person. My mom's idea of dealing with my questions was to ignore me. I have 4 children. My oldest is married and they had their first child when he was 21 and in the military. My 2nd son, is in a relationship and I know that they use protection. My 3rd son is single and my daughter is only 11 (she has already started her period). With everyone I've been open to them about their bodies as a natural thing not to be ashamed of. Answer questions according to their stages of development and they will understand. One last word of advice, Be ready to talk with him about sex and babies before he hits puberty, it's easier to share with them when they are not going through the changes. In other words, "don't let the kid drive without talking to him about defensive driving and the rules of the road first." blessed be

I agree that you shouldn't be making a big deal out of this. At the risk of offending you though.... You're going to have to deal with this some day and that day starts today. Children are curious and it does start early. They may not need to know all the details; however, now IS the time to start talking about the birds in the bees imo but at a level appropriate for his age.

I apologize for being the last one to jump in on this topic but I just couldn't let it go by without saying something. I absolutely believe in being honest with your children when they ask a question and not hide behind silly answers just because you are uncomfortable about the topic. For most of us, we all dread the fatal question of "where do babies come from", let alone the meaning of 'sex'. The main factor in your response is that it should be age appropriate. Your son is 5 years old. Your response was perfect (actually, I never thought of a gender response). I probably would have said it was kissing or along those lines. Answer the question as best and honestly as you can (you don't need a long explanation) and then leave it at that. If your son asks another question, answer that and so on. I am sure he will stop asking questions after the 1st or 2nd question. It is important that you don't get flustered or upset, your son will be concerned about that!Like your son, the little girl probably does not know what the word 'sex' means either. She probably heard it from an older sibling, older kids at school, tv, or a thousand other places. Unfortunately, in todays society, kids hear and exposed to all kinds of things much earlier than they should. Just do the best you can to be involved.
You did the right thing by discussing this with your son's teacher.

I think it's a good idea not to make a big deal out of it. Yes, I'd be concerned about that other childs dreams.... that's kind of odd... but not concerned about your child asking or giving him the very, very basic (like April said).

Don't make him ashamed that he asked, and let him know you're always happy to answer. Sex isn't a bad word, but it is personal and should not be shouted over the desks at kindergarten.

I worked with the three years olds while getting a degree with a child development minor. At the university child development center, we had tiny bathroom stalls and tiny toilets. There were no doors and this was the beginning of sex education for the children. Quite frankly, they were so busy they hardly noticed differences except for one little girl. She had long curly hair, wore beautiful dresses, and was so darling. One day she observed a little boy standing up and looked at his plumbing. From that day, she gathered her little dress up and stood in front of the toilet and refused to sit down. It was so funny because she never missed the toilet. Anyway, this was the natural way to begin sex education and it was just that. Natural and wonderful. I strongly believe that if you make a big deal about sex it becomes that. A 5 year old can't comprehend what it all means and quite frankly, they are busy just playing, they aren't going to pay any attention anyway. Girls often seem to notice things earlier as they are developmentally ahead of the boys. I wouldn't worry at all. Nothing will come of this. Your son is too busy just playing to even care.

B., I have a 17yo son and a nearly 15 year old daughter. We have lived in many different cities and my kids have gone to many different schools. My daughter did not find out the complete meaning of sex until she was 12 or 13. She did not want to know. I think she wanted to stay a little girl which was fine with me. I think your response was good. I do not think a 5 year old needs to know the "whole truth" about sex. That does not mean that sex is bad. My kids were not having sex discussions with all the other kids in grade school at all. When my daughter was younger, she thought sex was kissing. I did not add to that, didn't feel at that time she needed it. She is in high school now and obviously has a lot more information. One of her friends (who is 14) just had a babgy shower. When I took them to the party, I told her and her friend "don't have sex". (Sorry people, if you think I'm bad for this), at this age, it could ruin their lives (or even kill them). Yes sex is beautiful. Not, however, for a five year old. At one point I told my kids it was something mommys and daddys did to show their love. At that time, that was enough information for them. B., I think you did right both in what you told your son and in letting the teacher know so she can watch out for that little girl. (it could be nothing, she may think sex is kissing, and it could be something so better to be prepared. I'm sorry for being so late and talking so much, but it did look like some of the responses were attacking you and I wanted to let you know that I think you did well.

:) Good going, I think you handled it well and glad you feel a little better about it. As one lady said, it's better for him to hear about it from you then someone else. But hopefully this will last until you really have to give 'the talk.' I think at this age they lack the maturity to handle such information.

My niece is four and is in a church mother's day out program. She came home talking all about gay relationships and had a take home flier about the different kinds of families. My sister was pretty horrified! At least you didn't have to talk about sex AND homosexuality (that's just too young!) She has a classmate who has two mommies, but you know, they really didn't have to go into the whole thing of what that MEANS exactly. Some people have two mommies because of blended families, and there's also polygamists! There are many different kinds of families and at 4 that's just not something necessary to talk about in such detail.

My son was in 3rd grade when a classmate shared what sex was with him. I questioned him to what the classmate told him and to my very much disappointment it was more than mommy and daddy naked.:( So we had the "talk" a lot earlier than I had ever wanted. Even at 9, I was open with him, let him ask questions and told him the basics. Enough information so that he had correct info but not dirty details. In away, I think it was almost better, because at that age he didn't know to be embarrassed like he would now at 13. I jsut explained it as God made women and men in away to fit together to have babies, share their love, and it is pleasurable.

Now would I tell all that to a 5 yr old. Probably not. I might have offered that sex is how mommy's get babies...but I would have had to think about it. Telling my child that and them going to school to share isn't always good. When I had to talk to my son about it, I did tell him he shouldn't share, that it is up to parents to explain things to their children. You kinda went the "gay" route...LOL... Mommy what does gay mean? Happy! LOL and there isn't anything wrong with that at all. At least you offered him an explanation and didn't just leave him open and wondering. They will find an answer!

When you tell them it is bad though, they do tend to sneak around and say it and use the words more. I think I would mention it to the teacher, but she can only do so much. Children can hear the words "they had sex together" anywhere and most likely are just repeating what they have heard on tv or out of context. You just don't want your child to be afraid to tell you something someone has told them. I would blow it off and not make a huge deal about it. The teacher needs to know. If the child that told him, is a problematic child, she will know how to handle it. If the child isn't one who gets in trouble often, she can calm your fears that this was just one of those time when kids repeat what they hear. Most likely, the other child's parent will be mortified to learn she said it LOL...

Good luck...

Hi I just want to say that I think you did a fine job explaining sex to your son. I read a few of the responses and it seemed like some mom's were telling you to go into detail and tell your 5yr old about sex, there is no need to do that at such a young age. I'm sure he wouldn't even understand much anyway. Keep him little as long as you can.

Well one thing no one I saw mentioned to you. Schools are starting to teach sexed in school as young as kindergarten and first grade so if I were you, I would go to Barnes and Noble and ask them about the kids books they have out there for just this situation. To me, I don't care how old the child is, I feel the parent should be the one who tells kids about this topic and their bodies, not teachers of schools. Your son will come home one day hearing the truth and might ask you worse questions. Also, remember, there are older kids up to age 11 that is around that school that talk so he might hear it from other sources, and not one teacher will stop the talking.

S.

____@____.com

I agree with you ladies. What I'd like to add is: we need to monitor closer what our children are hearing; some parent can not control their language mostly on the phone some grown up made the mistake of that the kids are not listening. well they are! they are born in a high tech era where they get some of our "key words". My 4 year old son was playing a game on the computer while I was having a conversion with my daughters then i said good idea, he turn around to reply good idea too;I was surprised that he is playing, listening and talking. Let's be careful about what we say the little ones are often not too young to repeat after us.

B.,
I am right there with you. My son asked me what "gay" meant. I told him it was another word for happy...he laughed. I think I would rather him ask me about sex than gay. I asked where he heard it and he told me older kids on the bus. He rides with some 5th graders. I told him not to ever call anyone gay because calling people names it not right. I am very lucky he asks me things, I hope it continues and he doesn't learn all from his friends.
I think you explained it to your son great.
L.

Hi B., I'm new in this forum and I think is great that you could get such diferent opinions from everybody, that's shows you everybody has diferents ways to react, so if you think what you told your boy was good and feel better about it, so well done, I think you knew how to handle the situation. Anyways, don't worry to much about it. I bet he doens't even know what "having sex" means.

I remember who took my innocense away from me... LOL... it was a couisin, I remember we where going to the beach that day, it was a beautiful and sunny day, we both where in the car with my aunt, and my cousin suddenly said: "Do you know how people make babies?" I replied" Nooooooooope" and she said: "well, the man puts his penes into the woman's vagina", then, I pictured the whole situation in my head and said" AWWWWWWWWW!!! NO WAY, i'll never do that!!! LOL and I swear, I'm not traumatized at all, I've had a very healthy sex life; so, mom, don't worry.

And, I agree with the mom who said there's something happening to the girl, maybe she heard that on tv or from her parents...or somebody could be doing something to her. The teacher must talk to her parents.

(Excuse my English, I'm new in this wonderful country.)

Hi B.

OMG I was so stunned when this happened to me too.. I have 3 children all under the age of 9. One day we were all talking and the sex word came up.. And quickly I asked do you know what that means. And my 7yr says yes it means when and man and women are kissing.. LOL ok I was whewwww!@!!!

But quickly after my daughter, age 8 at the time, says noooo
its when a man's private part and girl's private part touch..

Omg You can just imagine what me and my husband did.. Our jaws literraly dropped to the floor and I was trying to stay civil and calm and asked, where did you hear that from.. She says from neighbor's daughter (also my daughters age), wowwww I was like oh noo...

This forced my husband and I to sit with all 3 children and have the sex talk.. We are now very open about all conversations. Kids now adays know more then we did at our age. So I would rather have my babies hear it from me first.

Good luck with the situation, and breath in breath out... Everything will be okay...

Well, some moms may disagree, but I would NOT make a big deal out of it to your son. My now almost 10 year old daughter heard the word sex from her friend in first grade, and I basically told her that it was a grown up word that she didn't need to talk about. I also told her that she needs to remember that her little friends at school don't always know what they are talking about, so she needs to always talk to Mommy about things first. (Keep in mind, she DIDN'T ask any questions about it) I am a firm believer in NOT offering info that they did not ask for. I would let teacher know though, for the sake of this little girl that's having these "dreams". Just don't offer extra info, and most of all, don't make it seem like some major deal to him!

It's alright mom, it happens!! He'll be fine :)

April

I myself will not tell my 5 year old about sex. But we did have an issue, where my son did ask another boy to touch his private area. So that evening I explaied to him that, if wants more less understand his body, for him to do it at home, in his room, and by himself. Since we told him that he has not had any more issues at school. As a parent you do what you feel is right and don't listen to anyone else. I learned the hard way. But as far as me talking to my son about sex, nope there is no way. So good luck, it will all work out.

My oldest son came up to me one day and hugged my leg as he always does, but this time he said, "Mommy I love you, you're a f-----. I looked down at him totally shocked and I couldn't explaine this word to him as I had done the first word of s---, I told him it was a very ugly word for his bodys natural poop. He never said it again. This was after playing in our front yard with 2,3 & one 4 yr. old. I just told him very firmly not to say that word again. So weeks later we were at a gospel meeting and at my hubby's parents house with a group of Christians in the living room. My youngest sis-in-law camae in & my oldest ran up to her & hugged her and said the same thing he had said to me weeks before. My sis-in-law was so upset and asked what I was going to do. I took our son into a room by ourselves and told him that the word he was using was a bad word. I explained to him that God had given husbands & wifes a natural way to express love to one another & that is how we had he & his little brother. That it was ok and good between mommy & daddy and when you use the word he did, that it made it bad. And mommy & daddy were not bad. He looked at me and said, I'm sorry mommy I won't ever use that word again. He said, you and daddy are good. He told his aunt he was sorry. He was counting to 100 at 2 so he was advanced, any time he came in with a word I explained it to him as to his level as I could and he never would use it again. Honesty is the best thing. Needless to say, he was kept within hearing distance when playing with friends, and those little kids he didn't play with again.

I would be concerned about a 5 yr. old who had dreams of having sex. It's frightening to think she may be abused.

I am a new mom (have a daughter age 2)and may not be the best resource for this, but in reading your question and most of the responses mom's out there are giving, I can't help but put my two cents in, so take my advice as you wish and hopefully I do not offend anybody too much. Honestly, I am shocked that the majority of mom's are shocked that this word came out of their child's mouth, regardless of the age. We live in a sex driven society and whether or not you talk about it at home your child is going to have questions about the word and what it means. Now you have a choice at that time to really form your child’s opinion of the word and the actions/results it entails. I agree if you treat it as a bad thing your child is going to get that impression loud and clear. Truth of the matter is... it's not. Sex is not bad and you should not teach your child that it is. The act is not appropriate at the ages you all mention, so tell your child that. The only way you will have an open and constant flow of communication with your child is to be open and honest with them from the beginning. Just like adults, children appreciate honesty. It is true that "sex" can describe a person's body parts, but if your child is told by another child that it means something different and more elaborate then the information you have provided them, they are going to be embarrassed and feel like they have been lied to by the person they should trust the most. By giving your child that message at an early age they will grow up with the notion that they cannot ask for answers to these important questions from mom (or dad) and therefore will ask them elsewhere. Personally, I would rather know what my child thinks sex is than rely on what somebody else tells them.

I am a Christian who is befuddled that your answers (all but one) didn't include, "It is a special relationship between a husband and a wife that should only be done after you are married." It saddens me that society is getting more and more away from what the Bible teaches. The Bible is the best guide to life that you will ever find and the advice to wait until after you are married is solid and great advice. If that was stated more and believed more, we wouldn't have nearly so many unwed mothers, sexual diseases, and kids in their own turmoil. Just had to add that and hope you do too whenever you do tell your son what "having sex" is.

Asking for God's guidance is a good thing too.

V. Garrett

I think B.'s solution is just excellent for a kindergartener, and, as he continues to ask questions, I hope she will give him as many facts as he asks for, and then calmly share with him how she would like him to handle that information, if that seems appropriate.

And I hope B. will be able to realize that there's a world of difference between innocence and ignorance. Sex is innocent, just as eating and sleeping and relieving ourselves are innocent. Facts, the simple truth, are innocent.

The attitudes we hold and convey to our children are where the innocence ends. If we think of sex as dirty or scary, we can't help but share those attitudes with our kids. But we don't have to stay ignorant or frightened, or force that upon our children. Ignorance and guilt and secretiveness are where the damage starts.

We all have a right to our opinions about sex, of course. We have a right and obligation to share our values with our children. And it is possible to simply state what sex is to whatever degree a child can comprehend, and then change the subject to something else equally innocent. No trauma is needed. Watching many families raising many children has convinced me that kids grow up able to make the best decisions for themselves if they have the basic information they need, AND their parents' wisdom about how to make wise choices. (And it helps kids work out the complexities if the straight facts and the parents' judgements about it are identified as such.)

First of all, to each their own. Everyone has different parentiing techniques and will raise their children the way they want to. My husband and I decided a while ago never to hide or lessen the truth about sex. I have 3 boys ages 7 (almost 8), 6 and 5. My oldest knows most everything about sex and how babies are made. He's felt comfortable to come to us with questions he has, which we feel is very important because alot of kids are not and that's why they act the way they do. As for my other boys, they know little, but have some understanding. We've always felt that it's much better for our kids to feel comfortable about the subject rather than having questions and not getting the answers. If you don't talk to them first they will hear about it in school and they might not tell you everything if anything at all. I hope this helps you make any decisions regarding what and when you tell your son. Good luck!