My 4Yr Old Son Is Super Sensitive, Is This Normal?

I think he sounds like a normal 4 year old to be honest, he is barely out of toddlerhood and trying to cope with a set of school rules, house rules, I would follow the advice from her teacher and keep him home, nothing wrong with that. It's ok to be sensitive, he is learning about the world and emotions and how people react to him, and how to react to people.
maybe I'm the minority but I would just keep him home until next year,
Good luck in whatever you decide,

I had a perfectionist, super-sensitive, insomniac daughter. Some people thought she was perfectly fine, and others thought I had been grossly negligent or had my head in the sand to wait until she was 5 to start doing something about it. You do the best you can with what you know at the time, and try not to be too hard on yourself.

Now that she's 9 and a much happier, more confident, calmer child, I have learned a lot of things that can help. Nothing works for everyone, so keep asking around and see what you can learn from other people's experience. It's always good to have a couple of ideas of what you could try next, because there are no magic bullets or quick fixes. Just remember that you know your child best, and you will have to evaluate whatever the "experts" recommend to see if you agree.

Try cranio-sacral massage therapy. I rolled my eyes the first time it was suggested for my daughter, and now kick myself for not trying it sooner. She did a series of 5 massages, once a week when she was 5 1/2. It smoothed out the rough edges of her personality in an AMAZING way. The beauty of this type of gentle therapy is that you know within 24 hours if it's great for you or not. That's pretty rare in the world of therapy. I do it for myself now too, to reduce my stress level - because my stress makes my kids behave badly. They feel my stress but don't know where it came from or how to get rid of it. That's my job. Try a session for you and one for your son. It's extremely gentle. You stay fully clothed, and you would stay with your son the whole time. You could read to him or he can play with toys while the therapist works on him. It is ok for him to wiggle and talk through the session. It's as much art as science, so an experienced therapist is critical. Look for CST-D certification. www.kenpiercy.com

Biofeedback was great for my daughter. She started at age 5 1/2. It taught her to recognize when her body was feeling stressed, and how to change that with breathing exercises and relaxation techniques. Simple but powerful. www.onlinebiofeedback.com

STRIPES Yoga was designed for kids with anxiety and ADHD to help them relax and prepare to focus in school.

Play therapy is very helpful.

A chiropractor might help in some subtle way (and be covered by insurance). Make sure you try one who sees lots of kids.

My daughter is dyslexic (which was causing some of her anxiety as she saw other kids in preschool learning to read and write), so keep your eyes open for possible learning issues.

Your son is who he is, and he'll probably never be fundamentally different, but you can help him learn to control that anxiety so he doesn't have to feel bad so often. The sooner you start, the easier it is to teach him that life doesn't have to feel so overwhelming.

Good luck.

Your son sounded like mine at 4years old. His teachers told us he was super sensitive but they did not suggest leaving him in Pre-K, wish they did. He went into kinder the same way and cried EVERY SINGLE DAY as we walked to school. He felt like he never had the right answer and when he did he'd answer it like it was a question ex teacher: "What's 2+2?", my son "ummmmm 4????". When we congratulated on something he did great then we had to keep telling him how great that one thing was, like a million times. If he tripped but did not fall he'd cry, if another kid said he didn't like the way he drew, cried.... So into kinder he went with same behavior he had in Pre-K. His Kinder teacher loved him and told me he wasn't in line with class standards, she felt it was a maturity issue and asked my husband and I to consider leaving him in Kinder another year. We did and geez what a difference a year makes. He was so much more confident the second time around because he was familiar with the curriculum and how things worked in the class. He also is an anxious child. When a kid hurts him he won't tell them stop or confront them. If a kid said give me your toy or I won't be your friend he gave them the toy. The guidance counselors in my son's school were amazing and kept me in the loop always if something was going on with my son. This year 1st grade we decided after some real thinking to have my son speak with a child psychologist. We made her aware of his issues and he loves talking to her. He has already shown his independance on saying no to something he doesn't like, not crying for every little thing and joined LL baseball got beaned last weekend and shook it off. Mine and my husbands jaws dropped. I asked him if he was ok he said "yea mom, it's part of the sport". I felt like I was beaned. A lot of it has to do with maturity and boys have a tendency to be slower in that department. You might want to consider having him repeat pre-K, can't hurt could help.

My daughter displayed similar behavior at 4 and 5 yrs. She was also a perfectionist, cried if there was a wrinkle in her sock! We held her back, partly because she was born at the end of the period of time for starting school, and partly because we saw she lacked the confidence she needed. She did wonderful in school and graduated with honors. I worked against her perfectionist tendencies because this isn't a perfect world and she needed to realize nothing is perfect except God, and I told her that regularly. She says today she's so glad I did that! My sister's daughter was born one day before my daughter's birthday. Like my child, she was perfectionist and very emotional. I tried to persuade my sister to hold her back, but she didn't. Kinder was okay, but in 1st grade, she couldn't go as fast as the other students--partly due to her perfectionist drive. She ended up repeating first grade and it affected her for the rest of her life! When in doubt, hold him back.

My daughter (who will be six soon) was like this at 4 and some this year, but seems to be growing out of it. Her pre-school teachers last year would tell us how emotional she was at school - crying over very little things. She is also a perfectionist and would get very upset if she didn't draw a picture exactly how she thought it should be. She wouldn't speak up in class or participate in show and tell for fear that she's say/do something wrong.

She has multiple chronic health issues, so I was never sure if it was an age thing, or she wasn't feeling well, or something else was going on. She has to deal with a lot at her young age (since 2 years old).

She's an only child and I was raised with two sisters, so I also didn't know if there was anything to being an only child and having all the attention at home and then being in school where she was 'competing' for attention with other kids.

Anyway, this year (kindergarten), she is actively participating in class, and while she occasionally get upset about something not being "perfect," she is a long way from where she was a year ago.

We had many discussions (and occasionally still do) about making mistakes and learning from them, asking for help, trying your best, etc. and while I think she did listen, she didn't stop being emotional until into kindergarten this year. Whenever I see some of the emotional or perfectionist tendencies coming back, we talk about making mistakes, etc. again and it seems to click now.

I think it would help to rule out any issues that others have suggested could be a cause. Hopefully it is just a phase like my daughter had and he will outgrow it soon if you continue to work with him to overcome it.

He sounds like I was as a kid. Personally, it was anxiety, even at that young of an age. Talk to his ped about it and see if you can get a recommendation for a play therapist. It would probably do a world of good.

D.

Hello,
I agree that keeping him back is a great idea, but you may also want to speak to another expert to make sure nothing else is missing. It could be as simple as adding Omega 3's to his diet to help, but you may need guidance on how much to help with any anxiety/depressive tendencies. I am not sure what data Martha is referring to. I am in the education field as well and have not heard or read anything that strongly opposing holding a child back. When a child is held back at his age, does he really know he is being held back? Now if it occurred when he was already in the school system with a set of peers, that could be socially detrimental, but honestly, he is telling you something is off and I would not push more on him until you got this under wraps. Our Children's House may be able to assess him or guide you to someone that specializes in that field. The Clements Clinic also would be a good choice. They do more than psychiatric work there----drugs should not be prescribed until they can clearly identify what is going on and if that is necessary; Dr. Clements has studied under Dr. Amen and could do the proper evaluation to define what the brain is specifically doing. I would look into speaking to an expert sooner than later so you can make an informed decision about his school year coming up.

Oh my gosh, my 2 boys 3 and 5 are just like that( 3 year old is worst ). My mom tell me I am doing something wrong because boys in Russia(I am from there) do not act like this. I do not have an advice, just wanted to let you know you are not along.

As others have posted I think you should get your child in to see a child therapist. My daughter is also super sensitive. We have had some problems lately with other kids calling her names and pushing her, etc. Even before that though it was suggested to us by the teachers that she was developmentally behind and she could benefit from a year of Pre-K before going to Kindergarten. She is currently in a 4 year old class that is M/W/F 9:30-2:30. The pre-K, which is at a different school, so she won't realize she's being held back is everyday and is regular school hours, so it gets them used to the hours of Kindergarten. They also do more to get ready for kindergarten. Another of her classmates is doing the same thing. I believe it is better to be held back now, rather than in a year or 2 when they understand more what is going on - it can be a blow to the self-esteem then. All of the teachers and directors of the schools agreed this is the best option for my daughter. If you are interested in the program it is at St. Paul's Catholic School in Richardson. Good luck!

Lake ARlington Baptist church has a counseling center called IMPACT and they have a couple really good play therapists. Their number is ###-###-####. Hang in there....

P.

Nothing is forever. But I'd talk to a doctor, a therapist. See if a suggestion of a karate or taekwondo class is a good or bad idea.

This is not typical. He sounds miserable, and you do too.

Make two appointments tomrorrow. First, find a board certified child pschiatrist and get in to see them right away. Second, call your local childrens hospital and ask to make an appointment with a Developmental Pediatrician. It will take many months before you can get into see this professional, so go to the psychiatrist as soon as possible to see if you can get him some releif.

As for kindergarten, send him on time. If he is not ready now, what evidence do you have that he will be ready in a year? Is he on track to make progress? The answer is no, so don't limit the number of years he has to get appropriate intervention in school by seeing to it that he misses a full year. "Typical" will always be based on grade, and not age, so he will not qualify for any intervention he may need until he is one full year behind where he could have been if you had not held him back.

Last, there are so many times in my life when I could have written in the tone and voice that you used. You sound hopeless, and you should make one more call for yourself to get help. It is very, very common for the primary care giver for a difficult child to become clinically depressed. Nothing about this is anything to be ashamed of. Get some help so that you can help him. He needs you.

Take care,
M.

PS: The data is clear about retention. It is harmful to children, especially those with issues. Not only do children with reading issues loose a year, the chance for effective intervention is much reduced (the window vertually closes) by age 9. So, a child who is held back and goes on to have a reading disablity is at very great risk of reading failure and illiteracy. Targeted intervention is offered only by grade, not age, so there is nothing a parent can do to get a first grader appropriate intervention services until they are behind thier grade, not age.

Second, the data is clear too for high school aged children who are a year older than their peers. They are far more likely to drop out, use drugs, and have contact with the juvinile justice system.

It can hurt, I would not do it. But get him some help first.

How is your child doing academically? I ask because perfectionism and sensitivity are common in gifted children. If you hold him back and he is gifted he will end up being bored to tears in school and could become a behavior problem.

Here in Keller, we have a lot of private kindergartens. Would it be possible to enroll him in a private kindergarten or transitional kindergarten next year. That way, if he does well, you can enroll him in 1st grade in public school the next year. If not, you can enroll him in Kinder at the public school and you won't have to worry about other kids realizing he has two kindergarten years.

Also, how long has this been going on? Does he act this way just at school or in any situation where you leave him (ex. lessons, church, etc). If it is only at school, maybe there is something about the environment that is bothering him (personality conflicts with the teacher, another child, not comfortable in the environment, etc.) If it is everywhere, then I would talk to my pediatrician and see what he/she recommends. Also, if this is relatively new, it could be just a phase that he will get over before school starts next year.

Oh... one more thought. How does the teacher react when he gets upset? Does she listen to what he has to say? I think it would be a very fine line between acknowledging his frustration (I can see you're upset and it's okay to be frustrated, but we can't let it ruin our day) and either dismissing his concerns (he feels like he isn't being heard) or giving him too much attention. If he feels like the teacher is frustrated or upset with him it may further fuel his anxiety because now he is doubly upset because he can't do something the way he wants to AND he has disappointed an adult.

Best luck to you and I hope you find something that works. I'm sure this is rough on all of you!

I was curious when I read your question. How is your son doing socially? Does he like to play with other kids?

I agree with Martha in that if you think something may not be right, you should get him assessed. If there is anything afoot, you'd be able to get him help and find ways to work with him.

If he's doing fine socially, it is possible that he's gifted. I've read that gifted kids can be very hard on themselves.

Nevertheless, you should get him assessed to find out what's happening, if anything.

C.
www.littlebitquirky.blogspot.com

I could go on with a long answer, but won't. I will just say what comes to mind after reading your quest and that is I would seriously consider delaying start to kinder and give him a year to mature & gain more confidence. A year can make a big difference at ages of 4/5. Some children are born sensitive, cautious and a bit pessimistic and no reward system can change that. Good luck.