My 4 yr. old daughter has had clothing issues since she was able to talk and express herself. She does not like a lot of clothes and shoes. It has to do with comfort, she pretty much likes soft cotton capris, skirts, and t-shirts. She will not wear shorts, pants, or jeans. I pretty much have her down to 5 outfits she likes and one pair of shoes. Now that those items are looking worn and I am at my witts end on getting them washed, I am unable to get her anything new. I've tried everything! I gave up a long time ago buying things for her on my own. I would come home with new clothes and 9 times out of 10 she didn't like them. I tried giving her no choice in the matter but she litterally screamed and tore off her clothes. I have taken her shopping and let her pick out clothes, trying them on and everything, and in the rare chance she finds something she likes, we still take a chance that when we get home she won't like it. Yesterday we finally found two pair of sandals she liked, got home and today she put them on and did not like them. Maybe this is her way of controlling things, but I seriously can't force her to wear them. She sits herself down and will not budge. In desperation, I've even tried bribing. I am tired of wasting money on things she won't wear and taking them back. Other than clothes, she is a typical sweet little 4 yr. old girl. But these break downs over clothes has me very frustrated. Anyone have any suggestions or dealt with this themselves.
I wanted to thank everyone for their advice. Everyone was very sensative to my frustration and had great advice. I took Loni H's advice and took it from a control point of view. I had already tried for two years to accept my daughter's clothing issues but knew that it had gone too far when it was controling me and causing uneeded tension. I talked to her when we were both calm and explained to her how frustrated I was getting. I told her that we would have a girls day out and spend the whole day together shopping. I told her that she could try on all the outfits she liked and pick 5 outfits to go home with. I told her we would not return any of the clothes, so she needed to be sure. I also told her that if we did get home and she didn't like it I would take a toy back with it. Well, we did have a great shopping day. We tried on about 16 outfits altogether that day and came home with 8. We both had a lot of fun! It was great to have a day to ourselves and I think my daughter really enjoyed the attention. So far, she has not complained about a single outfit. She knows she has already tried it on and said it feels good. Thank you so much Loni for your advice. It ended the control issue while still being sensative to her needs.
I agree with the sensory issue. I work with special education kiddos who have sensory integrations problems. Her sense of touch may be overloaded from all the input she is getting or not getting from the clothes. An Occupational Therapist can help you with that. good luck.
K.
I have a 4 year old boy that is the same way. No matter what shorts, pants or underware I put on him he says its to tight and hurts him. I know they are not to tight. I have tried all different sizes. I have no idea what his problem is. He throws a major fit and only wants to wear this one pajamma pant bottom. This is driving me nuts. Hope it gets better. Good luck
I have 2 girls, 3 and 6 years old. Both of them are very into comfort. Anything denim or scratchy leads to a battle and incessant complaining. The best store I have found for them is Naartjie. They have an online site but they also have an outlet store in Anthem. My kids love their soft cotton dresses and capris and shorts. They are all loose and soft. Plus I like the look of them and they are usually very reasonably priced. Clothing battles are not fun so you might want to give them a try. You'll probably wish you had this problem though when they're trying to wear short, tight skirts as teenagers!!!
My daughter had a little issue at that age (and still kind of does) where she only wanted to wear dresses. (No pants, shorts, tights, jeans, etc.) I did some serious thrift and second-hand store shopping because it's actually hard to find comfy cotton dresses in retail stores. I have quite a few 'cooler weather' dresses that she's outgrown and we'll be getting rid of, but for this long summer, try some tank style ones. I got lucky at Old Navy, Land's End, Kohl's, or give ebay a try. Disney store has some cute one-piece ones that might already be cleared out by now. Her favorite shoes are kind of a croc style that we found at Children's place for 7 bucks. The other thing that worked for me, back when she wouldn't even get out of her nightgown, was the bribe factor. I would suggest we go somewhere that I knew she loved like McD's playland or the library, but then we need to get dressed. If she refused, oh well, guess we won't go then. I think once she gives up that power struggle (and thinks it's her own doing) she'll come around. And I'm sure, being a teacher, how to limit your negotiating and maybe give her 2 choices max. (I actually teach K-5 music, too.)
Good luck!
Maybe she just doesn't like the feel of new? Have you tried 2nd hand stores? Sometimes fabrics get softer after they're washed a zillion times. If you have a nice 2nd hand store in the area (here we have Buffalo Exchange and Twice as Nice) you can find nice-looking clothes that still have wear in them, but they would be softer than new.
Any chance that there is an exact duplicate out there of the clothes she likes? I know you may feel weird having your kid wear the same-looking clothes every day, but it may be worth the compromise if it gets the kid dressed in the morning!
Another thought, my nephew has a sensory integration disorder and he had similar problems at that age. What happens is the child is getting more than a normal amount of input from their senses and their brain has trouble figuring out what to do with it. His was more severe (he couldn't handle loud music or bright lights either), but he had occupational therapy that really helped him. He is seven now and he has pretty much learned to handle the situations where he gets too much "input" for his liking. I don't know if this is something you would want to talk to your pediatrician about but there are therapies out there that can help kids deal with things like this.
I would check out first that the clothes are not actually hurting her. My son has very sensitive skin and some clothing literally gives him a rash. You might try washing her clothes in Dreft or perfume and dye free detergent before you put them on her. The new clothes might be causing an alergic reaction of some sort.
If you have made sure that that is not the problem then it is a control issue. This is how I would solve it. I would buy 7 plain solid color T-shirts in a soft material and 7 pairs of t-shirt material shorts that match and put her in those every day. WIth nothing to chosse from the only battle will be naked or clothed. After a week or two of wearing only those clothes pick out a pretty soft dress you would really like to see her in. Bring it home and wash it several times to make sure her skin is OK. The next morning give her a choice. "You may choose your T-shirts or this pretty dress." Keep adding clothes one at a time in this way. Hope this helps!
I too have a 4 yr old. However, her problem is more the fashion ista. So, we got her a a prepaid card, and brought her to the store. We gave her the card, and told her it was her money and her choice on the clothes. She really enjoyed the fact that she got to manage the whole situation. Per haps if you let her have complete control over this part now, things may end us easier on you. I sugest a prepaid visa card so that you can take her anywhere. Hope it helps.
Hi!
My advice is a little different than the others on here, so take it or leave it. :) I was a nanny for years and dealt with two little girls that were exactly the same way.
In my opinion, it's her way of controlling the situation. She's found that it's an issue that really pushes your buttons and that she can always get her way in this particular situation. She likes that! And who wouldn't? Everything else in her world is out of her control.
I would suggest sitting her down and having a talk with her about it-- When neither of you are upset about it. Tell her why it's frustrating to you and ask her if she has any ideas about how to make things better. Then you can take her shopping with you and explain to her that anything that you buy on your special day together HAS to work and she will need to wear them. Chances are, when you get home, the same thing will happen. At this point you could try telling her that anything that you have to take back, one of her toys has to go with it. I'm sure that will stop things really fast! You could also try getting her dressed waaaay ahead of the time that you have to leave so that you don't have to give in so easily.
My advice is usually a little strict... I'm a firm believer in the fact that children will get away with as much as you let them. You may just have to take a firmer stand on this issue with your child and start having consequences if she doesn't comply.... Good luck!
Maybe it is a sensory issue where she feels bothered by certain fabrics or maybe it could be OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? It's very common to have issues with textures, colors, fabrics, etc with OCD. My husband has had it since he was a child ;)
Maybe taking her to the store to pick out her own clothes would help? Then, arrange the outfits together on hangers (bottoms with tops) and that way, she can grab a whole outfit when she needs to get dressed in the morning.
I had this problem with my 2-1/2 yr old. There were only a few outfits she would wear & she HAD to be dressed in the same color head to toe - shoes included. Now OCD runs in our family as well, but I've been told you really don't have to worry about that until school age when it starts affecting their learning, so I wouldn't worry about that. And I agree with Loni - if you allow them to push your buttons - they WILL! Give an inch - they will take a mile. I'd try hiding all the clothes she likes - then she HAS to wear something else, but I'd also TRY not to let her tantrums get to you. Take away the attention (albiet negative) she's getting from you. It's really not worth the fight all the time - for either of you. Also it really helps when we pick her clothes out the night before. Good Luck!
My children are 9 and 13. I never had this issue with my older one she loved clothes and still does. My little one though was quite picky at that age and rather than fight I just gave in. Well now he is 9 and we have literally undress him and put his clothes in the wash with him fighting all the way. It is a huge struggle. He will wear the same outfit day after day after day. He gets to the point where he smells.
My advice is to nip it in the bud now and put your foot down. If she throws a fit and rips her clothes off put her in time out or take away something she likes. Once she is used to getting her own way it is a nightmare to take control later. We are finding that out the hard way with our 9 year old. He was always given his way when he was littler because I didn't want to fight with him well now the fights are much worse.
Good Luck.
