My 4Year Old Son Is Too Active.

i know hes only 4 but have you tried counseling?

I have had this experience with both of my boys and still sometimes with my younger son who is now in kindergarten. First, you must find out if he actually can sit still and listen for any length of time to a teacher in a classroom setting. If he can do that, chances are that he doesn't have adhd, maybe just hyperactive. He may be getting bored with the class. With my older son, he always gets finished before most of the other students and he is bored so he gets into trouble talking. With my youngest, he is VERY hyper and some of the things that they do in class he feels is stupid and not on his level at all. My oldest son is in 5th grade and has a 10th grade reading level. My youngest son is in kindergarten and has a 2nd grade reading level. When he started this year, he was the only one in his class that could read and when they color, he just doesn't see the point. Some of it may be genetic too, because my husband was the same way when he was younger. Maybe your son is having trouble adjusting socially or maybe he is just at a different level than the other children. The only thing you can truly do is to keep communication open with him and maybe he will calm down soon. I hope this could help you in some way.

Hey,

My oldest turnes 5 on 2/24 of this year and I went through the same problem with her. When she was in CD-4, she was great at first then slowly noticed changes. After talking to the teacher, looking at what she was bringing home and what she was doing in class, I found out that even though the teacher was teaching the class. That Alex was ahead of the class, everything they were learning, she already knew. She was getting bored because she was not being challenged. She is a very smart and active child, but if she is learning something new or has a project to do she is fine.
I even had a hard time with her at home for awhile, she was talking back and acting out. I started home schooling her and making her my big helper around the house. She is great as long as she has something to do.
As for the ADD and ADHD, I beleive that some kids need it, but I also beleive that doctors are quick to just give it out. My nephew went throught the same thing, as well and the doctor wanted to test him and put him on add. I talked to my sister and she let me go to school with him one day ( I am a SAHM, so I have the time). I noticed that he was well behaved again as long as he was busy.It was down times that he got active and misbehaved. So we talked to the teacher and worked it out and all is well, without the pills.
On the other hand, My best friend's son takes pills and he needs it. I think that some kids do have ADD and ADHD and need pills to help them out, but not all.

Have you tried putting him into sports or after school play programs?

We had these exact issues with our daughter when she started kindergarten. However, we knew our daughter wasn't ADHD because it was very situation-specific to school. We didn't have these issues at home with her other than she was (and still is) a very physically active child. It took us about 4 months to find a system that worked. It's been almost 3 months and her behavior has improved so dramatically that we almost can't believe she had the issues in the first place. Hopefully, this will work for you.

My suggestion would be to stop the "punishments". These didn't work for our daughter and the more we focused on the unacceptable behavior the worse she seem to get. Instead, try focusing on the good behavior and downplaying the attention he gets for the unacceptable behavior.

Work with his teacher(s) on a daily color system. We print out a blank monthly calendar that our daughter carries with her to class each day. Each day the teacher gives her a colored dot indicating what type of day she had, green="Great day"; yellow="OK day"; red="Needs Work". Every color dot is assigned a consequence at home - Green means she earns a "school buck" which she can redeem for prizes or privileges; yellow means she loses her 15 mins of game time; and red means she goes to bed early for her unacceptable behavior at school.

This really has helped tremendously. I think mainly because she has a "reward" to work towards & on days she doesn't do so well we don't make a big deal out of it. She simply suffers the consequence of that day and we "try better tomorrow".

Best of luck to you!

F.,
I have to agree with Silvia totally! Todays society would rather make up a "name" for something they don't understand or can't deal with, rather than working with the child. Giving meds to a child because they are hyper is insane, in my opinion. I'm no expert - just a regular Mom like everyone else. It sounds to me like your son might be bored in school. He might need something more challanging than what is being offered.

My brother's son was very hyper when he was 4-5 years old. They just spent a lot of time with him and made sure that he got tons of exercise. Do you have a park near you? Walking trails? Zoo? Anything where he can just run and play like crazy! If you exercise, have him exercise with you. My two kids (age 3 and 6) have tons of energy, but I wouldn't classify them as hyper. When we go to the park, they can easily play and run around for at least 3 hours!! Like I said, I'm no expert, but I hope this helps you out a little bit.

L.

Are you limiting his sugar intake? Also, at his age you need to be careful of what his school deems as proper. I've recently taken my son out of a school that is way too rigid. They are young and are naturally full of energy. If his school is a sit down, do your papers, no interacting, no talking~ type of school, you might want to consider a different school. It's unreasonable to expect these children to be subdued.

Hi F.,

Keep your chin up. It is sometimes difficult to isolate the cause of childrens bad behaviour. Has he recently been separated from his father? Could he be having anxiety that he may lose you as well. Give him reassurance that you will see him as soon as you get out of work and you will have some special time with him.

Diet could be a cause. Carefully look at your sons intake of any types of sugar. There are many hidden sugars in processed foods (sucrose, maltose, corn syrup, fructose). Cereals are the worst since they provide little or no protein to start the day. Try cutting back on items high in sugar for a couple of weeks and see if behavior improves. It will be tough, but substitute cut up fruit and vegetables for those sweet snacks.

Children of working parents sometimes act out in a negative way in order to get extra attention. It is difficult being a single working parent but if you can spend an extra 15 minutes a day of "bonding" time (maybe reading a story or watching a special program together, encouraging him to "help" set the table or clear the table) you may see a change in his behaviour. It is all trial and error and what works for one child may not work for another.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Best Wishes,
V.

F.,
I think the other moms have given you some good advice, but I thought I'd add my two cents. I have to agree that our society tends to label active kids as ADHD way too much without ever looking at potential other causes of the behavior. It might help you to step back and look at his situation to see what might be causing his behavior. Are there dad issues? Is he having problems with missing you? Is he not challenged enough at school? Is his school right for him- do the teachers really want to work with him or just put him aside because he's not the easiest kid? He may only be 4, but if you talk to him he'll probably be able to tell you a lot more than you think.

I wholeheartedly agree with those who have mentioned looking at his diet. Do you provide a snack and lunch at school or is it provided? Look at what they are serving too. Just because they are a preschool doesn't mean they are serving healthy food. If you take the sugar and unhealthy carbs (like those made out of white flour) out of his diet, I think you will see a big difference. I would suggest getting Dr. Sears' The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood. It's a good guidebook for kid's nutrition because there is more to it than just getting rid of candy and soda. It can be a little more work to feed him healthy (most of the prepackaged, processed foods don't fit this category), and it can be expensive, but well worth it (especially when you consider the costs of meds).

The other thing I wanted to say is that if he's acting out in school, and then you punish him when he gets home several hours later, he's probably not making a good connection between his school activity and the home punishment. There's too much time elapsed between the two. If he's not acting the way he should at school, the teachers need to deal with it there. If they are not able to/willing to, then maybe it's not the school for him. Also, if he's acting out because he's missing you and trying to get your attention, then the attention you give him when you see him after work is punishment, his behavior isn't going to change because he's going to put the two together and think that's how he has to act to get your attention. (Note: I'm not saying that this is why he's acting out and trying to blame you for anything. I don't think you are to blame for anything. I'm just putting it out there as a possibility of why he's acting out. I know that even when I'm home with my kids, if I spend all my time cleaning or something and not giving them attention, then they start to act up). Sometimes the best thing to do is just love them, be patient with him, try to get him to talk to you, and give him lots and lots of positive reinforcement for his good behavior but let him know that you're disappointed with his not-good behavior at school.

F.,
this is for you but also for all the other Mamas:

stop the craze about ADHD!!!!

Nowadays just because a child is a little hyper and the parents have a hard time managing him, it's immediately ADHD??
In the American society there is a pill for everything: a pill for loosing weight, a pill for sleeping, a pill for being awake, do you want your children to grow up on pills?? Don't you see how many addicted Americans there are already?
Just acknowledge your difficulties, as parents, to raise your kids, there is nothing wrong with this, in fact it is hard to raise children! You are the ones who need to seek help, leave the poor child alone.

Check out www.trianglemommies.com! They will offer you the advice that you need!

I would recommend calling Project Enlightenment You can look them up in the phone book. It is an organization run through Wake Co. Public Schools that offers free resources, counseling, and assistance to Wake Co. Residents.

My 4yo, who will be 5 in March, too, is quite active...more so at home than at pre-school which she attends 1/2 + it is quite strutured. We recently moved to Yorktown from central AL. In AL, she could play outside almost every day. Here, we've got windy, cold + rainy days. My solution -- an indoor trampoline. It's about 3sq ft w/ a handle. My daughter just loves it + now recognizes when she needs to jump to use up all that energy.

Hi F.. I am sorry that you are having trouble with your son. I can totally relate. My son, who is now 6 and in the first grade was and is the same way. In preschool, his innattentiveness I believe was due to the fact that his pre-school was very unstructured. So, he didn't kow when it was time to play and when it was time to listen. When he started school, he had the same problem, just not at severe, because public school seemed to be a little more organized, also his kindergarted teacher was great. I also monitored what he ate before school. On good days, he would have things like oatmeal, grits, or yogurt and fruit. On his bad days, he would eat pancakes, waffles, pop-tarts, toaster strudels, or muffins. After I noticed a trend, I changed his eating habits. On the week days, no candy, cookies, soda (unless its like diet sprite or diet sierra mist); for dessert at dinner I would give him frozen yogurt, or fruit snacks, or jello. As of this year, he still has a little trouble listening and paying attention, but he seems to make 100s on all his tests and is reading on a 3rd grade reading level. He is super smart and loves school. Just be encouraging to him when you can see that he really is trying. As for discipline his behavior at school, well, his teachers are there to handle it. They are, or at least should be, trained to handle this situation. If he gets punished at school, like time-out or something, don't punish him again. Just talk about his teachers complaints and ask him to try a little harder. Maybe even start a sticker chart. For each day that you don't hear any complaints about him from the teachers, he gets a stamp. If he can go all week with 5 stamps, you will buy him an ice cream on Friday aftternoon or something. Your son is normal. I understand how you feel. You probably wonder sometimes if your son is the only hyper one out there, well, hes not:) Enjoy his energy, and encourage him to use it for something constructive, like build a huge lego castle. I hope my advice has helped you.

god Bless,

K.

Oh my gosh hon you poor thing boy can I totally relate. 1 I have a 6 year old that is severe adhd, odd, and ocd, He has been on every adhd medicine known to man and nothing has worked all it has done is made him worse. I think the problem is teachers don't want to deal with hyper kids anymore so they instantly want to label them as adhd. Have you tried taking away his favorite things? tv, video games...etc... We have tried it all with my son. If you are good all week at school you can get a slurpee. He is good 3 days to me that is a major accomplishment so he still gets his slurpee. Well now Wednesday his teachers wnat to have a meeting with me to discuss his "BEHAVIOR" in other words there is no magic pil they can give him to make him perfect. Don't let the school make it out to be YOUR fault they will try that. If you were only doing this or that he wouldn't be doing this or that. One thing I am learning with my son is 1. He may not even have adhd he might have child bipolar. 2. I can't discpline for this stuff because the stuff that he is doing non of it is HIS fault. My counsellor told us that. She said I am all for setting boundaries you do this you loose this etc... but none of this is HIS fault and none of it is YOUR fault for bad parenting. I know this is going to sound strange but try giving him a diet mt dew there is something in the caffeinne that helps with the seratonin in the brain and it might help calm him down. It sounds like he is being under stimulated and he is trying to find something to stimulate himself. That and maybe he is just bored. Most kids with adhd which soulds like heh as are extremly smart and get bored really easy.

Hang in there its a long process you are in my prayers.

Love ya,
D.

I had an aunt who had this problem with her daughter at about the same age. She was diagnosed with ADD. My aunt felt the same about not wanting to use medicine. This may be difficult and it would probably have to be the both of you who do this, but she took her off sugar completely including refined sugar like white bread, ext. It really helped. Also I don't know if this may help as well and you may already know this, but red dye is known for causing hyper activity in all kids so stay away from that. As far as the discipline side of things. I am a HUGE promoter of a book that I live by called,"On Becoming Baby Wise" By: Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. They have books for every age. They have one called, "On Becoming Preschool Wise" You might check it out. My daughter is only 18 months. I've read every book they've printed according to her age thus far and I sware by them! If you're interested you might have to go on line to find it. Sometimes I have a hard time finding them at the book stores.