So we have a neighbor girl who is 13 or 14 who occasionally babysits and my daughter loves her! But she is a busy girl, and in school, so I don't use her often to babysit. She loves to have my daughter over on rare occasions and plays doll, dress-up, and tea party with her like there's no tomorrow. Needless to say my daughter is in-love (you know what I mean, I'm not indicating romance here, just really really strong admiration) I also remember being enthralled with the older girls when I was little. However, its taken on an intensity I'm having a hard time dealing with. She will cry for an hour or more multiple times during the day asking to go play with Becca. there is no reasoning with her. I am honest with her:
"Becca is in school, she's not even home, theres nothing to be done about it"
"Becca is a school girl, she has homework, we cannot ask her over to play"
"Becca is a big girl and has big girl friends, she'll play with you sometimes, but just once in a while."
none of it helps. Once it got so bad I told her she could wait in the front yard before dinner and wait for Becca to get home just so she could wave to her and see her.
Now she takes to doing this even when the girl is in school in the mornings, and I cannot talk my daughter out of her pointless waiting game. I have lightheartedly let the family know to what degree my daughter adores theirs and that she asks to play with her every single day. And they understand and said that Becca did the same thing to the now grown and gone neighbor. She got a polite "you are welcome anytime". But it does not change the fact that they are a family on the go. I do not ask for play dates for the obvious reason; while she truly seems to enjoy my daughter, she's a teenager with better things to do!. For the first time in months my daughter got to play with her for 30 minute or so last weekend, but its only fueled her fire. Its breaking my heart. Any thoughts on what I can do to help my daughter deal more reasonably with her unfulfilled longings?
I will try to have her babysit more often in the summer if she is willing and available.
she has two structured events a week with peers and also a park or play date with a peers once a week or so.
She needs some friends. I bet the only reason she's so obsessed with this girl is because she considers her a friend and she has access to her because she lives next door. There really isn't anything you can do about that other than try to keep her occupied until she goes to school or preschool and can make more age-appropriate friends.
Personally, if it is possible, I would try to fill her day up with other activities. It's getting late in the school year, but depending on when she turns 5, she might be able to be in preschool next year, or be starting kindergarten. Having her in preschool 3 mornings a week will get her out of the house and help prepare her for kindergarten, and will help get her playing more with other kids her age. Try to set up play dates with kids her own age, take her to the playground, look into any summer day camps she can take part in, sign her up for something like swim lessons or ballet class. Keep her busy enough so that her mind isn't always so focused on the neighbor girl and she's got plenty of other things to do to occupy her time.
Are there other girls you can expose her to? Seems like she might need a diversion.
My son was OBSESSED with my neighbor and his kids until he started pre-K and made his own friends.
Little girls... often find older girls very enchanting and interesting. And they get infatuated with them sometimes.
I have a daughter.
But, its just one of those things, that the younger girl has to deal with... that is life. They can't have their playmate/friend to play with all the time and when they want. It is not instant. And older girls have interests/development that is not in line with their own development and their own lives, and they have a Mommy too.
A child just has to learn, even if it is disappointing or frustrating, that everyone is busy or has a life and their own family. But at 4 years old they don't have total impulse control nor over their feelings.
Its okay to be excited, but learning "patience" is hard for them.
But its life.
And also, hopefully the older girl does not start to feel "pressured" about having to play with your 4 year old. Because then that will be stressful. For her. And/or, what if the older girl starts to avoid, your daughter? Because she feels too pressured to play with her?
And, certainly I would hope that the older girl does not feel put on about, for being "responsible" for your daughter's happiness or not.
But it is things like this, that a 4 year old needs to learn what is rude or acceptable... upon other people. But they are so young... that it is hard for them to know that.
Does your daughter have other friends or playmates?
With my daughter I would just explain to her that everyone is busy, and the older (in her case the daughter of a family friend) girl is busy and she is OLDER than her, so her interests are different than hers. And in some cases, Teenager interests are not age appropriate or compatible with hers. My daughter would understand that.
It is a life lesson.
Or maybe, she is ready for Preschool? 4 is when my son started Preschool and was ready. He needed the extra interaction and enjoyed it.
Ditto what S.H. said. And get your daughter involved in more activities every single day so she sees she has a life without the teenager, (preschoolers LOVE to play dress-up and have tea parties), and more than likely as her life fills up her need to be with this girl will diminish. If playing with the girl 30 minutes fueled her fire I would seriously reconsider having her babysit at all this summer because 13 or 14 year old Becca is only going to be getting busier, sorry.
thats not enough peer time. Do more playdates and maybe find a mom you get along with with a daughter the same age and have them play together a lot. Or preschool would do the trick
