I have a 4yr old step daughter and a 3 yr old step son. My husband and their mother have never been together since their son was born and their mother is also with a long term partner. The kids spend the week with their mother and the weekend with us. The 4 yr old daughter is going to pre-k and we were hoping to start the son in the fall. The daughter answers all the questions for her brother, talks for him, pulls him around, and basically acts like his mother. I understand since going back and forth that he is the only constant person in her life. I don't blame her in any way, but i don't know if that is normal. The son isn't potty trained and says NOTHING. He will laugh and says dad, and ball, that's it. We didn't even know what to get him for Christmas this year because he wouldn't tell us. He does show interest in cars, trains, and my husbands touch pad so we got him a v-tech mobigo for Christmas and he loves it. He has recently started responding when we call him by name, he doesn't say anything, but he will come here or try to figure out what you rtelling him to do. My question is, I don't think there is anything mentally wrong with him, but what should our next step be,because we only have 7 months until we have to register him for school?
Get the 3yo evaluated. Sounds like there is a developmental delay regarding speech.
And cut the 4yo some slack. She's being shuttled back and forth and is probably just being protective of her brother.
You might try just having the little guy alone on some of the weekends. He should probably have some testing, but it is not uncommon for older siblings to speak on behalf of a younger one.
However, I do question why you and dad will be registering the child when he spends the week days with his mother? Are you all doing this together?
Blessings....
This is a very confusing post. Could you clarify? If your stepson is spending his weekdays at his moms, shouldn't she be the one registering her son for school?
This is really a time when your husband will need to communicate with his ex about his concerns regarding their son's development. He needs to discuss this with her in a non-confrontational way. If she refuses to discuss it, he might need to schedule a conference with the pediatrician. Some kids really don't have success at potty training until three years old or older (my son is verbally fine but just wasn't interested in using the potty until about 3 years 4 months, and then he did great). It really depends on the mother's philosophy-- is she waiting to potty train him until he's showing other signs of readiness.
I would be concerned, too, if the boy isn't exhibiting any expressive language on his part. It sounds as though he is fine with receptive language (you didn't mention that he can't follow directions, etc.), so there may be another issue on his part. I can't say for sure, but once again, this is in the realm of the pediatrician to start giving your husband or his ex some referrals for speech therapy and some other evaluations. (I am usually hesitant to suggest these, because it is upsetting for a parent to hear, however, in this circumstance, it can't hurt.)
So, your next step you asked for: good communication between dad and the child's mom, talking to the pediatrician directly and asking for a referral to a speech therapist for an eval, plus any other evals the doc might suggest. Unless there's something really weird going on with the boy's mother which would cause her to stonewall progress, these are concrete steps to take going forward. Good luck.
Call your school system to have him tested for speech delays. The sooner the better. They can get speech therapy through the school district.
Actually, it sounds very much to me like the little boy has a speech delay that needs to be evaluated. It sounds to me as if his big sister is being protective of him and, as another poster phrased it, is reacting to his speech delay by trying to help him. They sound like they're very close siblings, rather than being competitive, which is actually wonderful. I don't believe the older sister is causing it so you need to be more understanding to both of the children.
Stop worrying so much about readying him for preschool and have him evaluated through Birth to Three, or whatever your school system's Early Intervention is called. He should also be evaluated independently by a Child Psychiatrist or Pediatric Neurologist or Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrician with a neuro-psychological evaluation. It would include an assessment on speech development and a whole array of other types of assessments.
I think your putting a problem on a 4 yr old that is not the 4 year olds fault. Get him evaulated and remember both kids are worth it.
Can he talk? If he can talk but does not talk to certain people that could be Selective Mutism. If he cannot talk he may need speech therapy to get him back on track. Lots of kids have older siblings that do the talking for them. They usually start talking later but then catch up quickly.
The potty training would be less of a worry for me than the lack of communication. It COULD be related to his big sister getting in the middle of things, BUT I think you're blaming a developmental delay on an older sibling who is REACTING to that delay (not causing it).
At 3 years hold he should be speaking WAY more than "dad" and "ball". The 15 month check-up questionnaire wants to be sure kids are saying 3-5 words beyond "mama" and "dada" by that time... and that was two years ago.
Has the pediatrician made any recommendations? At this point he should qualify for Early Intervention services because this is a speech delay. Your next step should be to go to the pediatrician and have an appointment specifically about these concerns and get a referral to a specialist.
HTH
T.
What's he like when he's with his mother? Is he equally unresponsive? Where is he, and who is he with, when the daughter is at school? Does he say anything then, since she's not around to speak for him. Does he literally only know how to say dad and ball? If so, I would talk to his doctor, just to make sure there isn't anything wrong with his hearing or something. Is he really only just now, at three years old, responding to his name?
Yes, he should definitely go to school in the fall unless a doctor tells you there is a reason not to send him. This is a strong reason TO send him - he needs the opportunity to interact with other children, develop, and hold his own in a social situation. If his first exposure to school is kindergarten, he's going to have a lot of trouble. Give him the chance to figure things out in preschool first.
Talk to a doc just to make sure.
Before sending him to school, try to schedule an appointment with a developmental pediatrician. Even though you don't think there is anything mentally wrong with him, there could be some underlying condition affecting his ability to communicate. You also note that he only recently started responding to his name, so you may want to have his hearing checked as well.
Best of luck.
My son potty trained shortly after turning three. Boys usually train later, and 3 is not outside the normal milestone for girls, either. So I wouldn't worry about that.
My son also has a speech delay. And an older sister! Although I don't blame her for his speech delay (granted.. she does talk A LOT. haha) When he turned 2, our pediatrician referred us to the Early Intervention services for our county. He has been in speech therapy since then. He has had a variety of other evaluations to rule out other issues.
Since his Mom has him during the week, I would expect her to be pursuing these services for him. Your husband should try to co-ordinate with her, and the two of you can learn what he is working on and support that on the weekends.
A speech delay won't keep him out of school. In fact, the public school system is required by law to provide services to him (as I believe, are private schools.) One of the recommendations for our son was to put him in pre-school so he could be with his speaking peers.
Good luck.
I am a pediatric therapist and that is not normal behavior for a 3 year-old. He should be in some kind of speech therapy. You should have a local birth-3 early intervention program and he will certainly quality for services. Any pediatrician should be able to give you contact information. I am really surprised he has not already suggested it, or perhaps he has. Most schools will not admit a 3 year-old unless he is potty-trained as well. Good luck!
This sounds like much more then having an overbearing older sister. I would try getting him evaluated before looking into a preschool. If he is significantly delayed, he is going to need additional help in preschool. Your state should have an early intervention agency that will cover an evaluation for free.
His dad should take him for an evaluation. He may find that the child CAN speak, he just doesn't. Or he might be facing something like selective mutism (which is what a friend is dealing with with her 3 yr old, who has no older sibling - her son attends a special preschool for children with speech delays). The school district or pediatrician can help you find the local version of Child Find which will evaluate his abilities and give you a direction. It sounds like more than just his sister talking for him.
You can also refuse to accept her answers for him. "Jenny, I am asking Sam. Sam, do you want more milk?"
If he is not verbal, try simple signs. I also agree that his dad needs to be discussing this with their mom.
As for potty training, it is not uncommon for a child at 3 to not be trained. My DD was 3.5. I would try again, but be FAR less concerned with that then the not speaking and not interacting with adults.
I would have him evaluated for a possible speech delay.
Definitely ask the ped for a referral.
he could have a disibility with his talking n not sure about the potty traing because i have no kids yet...make ur kid take speech lessons it will work
See if you can get him evaluated by Headstart.
I would also try separating the two children for a couple of hours each day you have them. Dad could take one to the park and the other stays home with you. Observe his behavior when you either of you have him alone. Will he talk then? I would also try your best to make him speak when he wants something. Such as 'drink' or 'juice' if he continues to get by with a grunt and pointing at things he doesn't have to speak. And his sister will simply do his talking for him.
In a way the issue is more the sister's issue than the brother's issue. She needs to be told consistantly that she is not his Mommy she is his sister. While it may be cute it's not healthy for either of them.
