My 3 Year Old Refuses to Use the Potty

Sophie sounds like she is a very intelligent, quick witted little girl. She may be simply not interested because you have a lot on your plate and she is worried the attention will be turned away from her if she complies. I would just let it go and leave her to figure out when she wants to be diaper free. In fact, I would put panties on her and let things happen as they may. Eventually she will get the idea that wet pants are not the way to get attention/are not what she wants and the problem will be solved. Sophie is in the middle of two high needs siblings. Maybe she just needs more attention that has nothing to do with toilet training.
My best to you.
J. S

Have you considered what is her "currency"? In other words, what would motivate her? It is clearly not to help you stop the diaper phase.

Comfort? Not having pee in the bathtub. What about putting her in big girl pants so that when she pees, she experiences the wetness?

What about going to the toilet is very grown up and indicates she is getting bigger? The reward being a sense of being older which is often very important to these little ones.

These may spark some ideas.

S-

I don't think taking the diaper away is mean at all. It teaches her the natural consequences of peeing where you stand. We made a big deal out of panties so it was fun and she only had a few accidents, which we didn't make a big deal out of. We just changed her quickly and put a new pair of panties on. I think your daughter is at the last phase where she just needs the diaper to not be available any longer. You could make it fun with new panties.

Good luck!

The only thing that came to mind, is to take away the diapers altogether and buy a rug cleaner. One thing I noticed about raising three very strong willed girls is that they hated wearing wet panties or clothing. I never made a fuss and I would usually just hand them a rag and say clean up please, as if thats what everyone did. They were responsible for the mess they made but we didnt really fuss just cleaned it up together.
Sometimes the strong willed need to be given or take some of the responsibilty, I know that sounds kinda harsh to do to a three year old but its that or leave her in diapers and lazy, because she's not ready to take the time to go potty.
As I have told my girls...This is *Advice* and falls under the category of *use what works*
I wish you Blessing with your strong girl, they grow up to be the most interesting people in the world.
Hehe now I have three grand daugters and its My strong girls turn...LOL.

Grama J

This may sound really gross and like terrible idea. But it got my daughters attention. Take her diapers off, no underwear no pants, just a dress. Make her go the day without any protection. It may sound mean, but when she pees on herself, she wont be happy. I did it with my daughter a couple times and she got the hint, especially when I had her clean it up on her own (of course I had to go back later and clean it thoroughly).

hmm.... the middle child sounds like she has figured out a way to get some atttention... even if it is negative attention... think about it: the older one autistic, so probably getting some special attention.. and the younger one getting attention because.. well she has succeeded at potty training and simply because she is younger..

for starters I would use reverse psychology. Tell her she can take as long as she wants, put her in diapers and let her take as long as she wants... every kid does really have their own timing and I am sure with her since she has established that she does know when she needs to go, there is apparently an emotional issue at hand, so be patient and put the potty training on the back burner and attend to the other matters and let her establish when she is ready.. kids.. especially a strong-willed one like your daughter will do it when they are ready.. not when you are!

best wishes.

My son did this, he knew where he was supposed to go potty, he just wouldnt do it. He wanted to go in the pull up because it was easier. Well I finally got tired of it and I told him I would no longer be buying pull ups and he was now going to be wearing Big Boy Underwear. I did this about 6 to 8 months ago and he's had like 2 or 3 accidents and thats it.

Hi, my son is also 3 and is not interested in the potty. In reading your responses for my own gain I just wanted to add that they DO make wet feeling pullups. My sister used them with her son and she said they worked great. They are on my grocery list. THEN you dont have to shampoo your entire house every day or do loads of laundry but she still gets the icky wet feeling. Just a thought. Good Luck, Jen

Jessica's idea is only gross if it's intended as punishment. My daughter helped to train both of her kids by letting them go naked at home. Something about exposure to the air helps them learn. They just wore t-shirts or nothing at all and so there were no clothes to get wet.

Have you tried just letting up on the training. Stop insisting that she be trained sort of thing. Tell her you know she wants to be a big girl and that she'll be able to use the toilet soon. Your message sounds like your daughter may be showing her independence which is normal during the preschool years.

Her body also may not be ready for potty training. Sometimes she's aware but other times she's not. That isn't necessarily an intentional thing. She has to receive messages from her body which go to her brain and then come back again to control the urine. There can be a disruption anywhere along that path due to physical and/or emotional immaturity.

If she truly doesn't ever want to please people, respond to peer pressure or praise then I would consider getting an evaluation for one of the spectrum behaviour disorders. Autism is the most serious one, I think, but it's called spectrum because there are different degrees and types.

She may also be acting this way because of some more normal reactions to life. She may be in a power struggle with you. If you use more angry words than praise she may feel discouraged. She may sense your frustration and be reacting to that. Experts say we should use 6 words of praise for every critical comment that we make. THat's a difficult balance to keep.

I come back to suggesting that you just love her and leave the potty training alone for awhile. Keep telling her you know that she will be able to do it when she's ready.

Another thought. Are you relying on her to know when to go to the bathroom? One training technique is to take them to the bathroom at regular intervals without asking if they need to go. Sitting on the toilet is just a part of the routine. Make it fun. Stay with her, sing, read a book, or just talk about pleasant things.