My 3 Year Old Is Having a Hard Time Winding down at Night to Go to Sleep

My heart goes out to you! ((hugs!)) You are not alone at all! My son, now 4y/o, came home from the hospital colicky and I feared I would be doomed to repeat these late nights/all nighters as he got older. Because of this I was prepared and found ways to banish these trying times before they started.
The very first thing I can say (and I can't stress this enough!) Unless he is sick, in real pain or seriously feeling terror, do not, DO NOT repeatedly enter his room after you've put him to bed. Following a routine EVERY night will help. You can actually train the brain to follow a shedule by providing 'triggers'. Our routine goes as follows:
7:00pm - last call for any drinks (h2o only) and a small snack.
7:15pm - bath, pajamas, teeth brushing
7:45pm (ish)- we do some simple stretching (I use a regular set of streches from head to toe, yoga style) He really likes this plus it helps the muscles calm & rids them of the lactic acid build-up.
8:00pm in bed w/ a few stories or quiet & calming songs
8:15 I turn his sound machine on (crickets, rain, ect) and lights out.
By 8:30 he's usually sleeping.

Because your son is already into the stage of fighting sleep it will take time to establish the ritual. To nip it in the bud you must be willing to test your patence. Set your routine, explain what your going to do prior to doing it, and follow thru. Once lights out comes, thats it. When he begins to cry out, let him go. If you find this intolerable sit just inside his bedroom door so he may see you, but whatever you do DO NOT respond to him or touch him in any way. Ignore his actions as ANY response out of you is feuling the fire. Once he's calmed or even fallen asleep pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
This can take several nights to work, but it is a tried & true method for breaking what's already become a bad habit. Set yourself a timeline for 2 weeks. Stick to your routine and stay strong.
*using gentle music as backround noise during the bath & bed-prep time can also become a trigger. The brain will come to associate the songs you choose with sleep. I used the music method with my preschool toddlers & it worked like a charm!
Like the other unfavorable stages, this too shall pass. He (and you) will sleep again!

Hey, K.!
I've been a single mom for a long time and I know how hard bedtime can be. You work all day, you get home, you have dinner and bath time and all that stuff...I think what's happening is you're trying to cram too much stuff into a short period and your little one feels it. "Mommy's been home for 2 hours...time for bed." In all fairness, I have a terrible time winding down when I get home from work too. If I've been running full throttle all day, it's hard to turn it off and chill. I know that I would get even more wound up when I got home because I had so much to do in such a short time. It sounds like you're doing a great job though. I had to learn to quit racing through everything and it settled my children down. Dinner, bath, brush teeth, then lay down for story time. I made up stories. But they had to have their eyes closed and we did breathing and relaxation beforehand. My daughter loved me tickling her arm and my son loved having his head rubbed while we breathed in the good of the day and breathed out all the bad and once they were very still, I would begin to tell a story. They were konked within 15 minutes. And it relaxed me too. I would still throw some laundry in or wash some dishes or get my clothes ready for the next day. But, my babies were asleep and it was a nice way to close my busy day.

I wish you the very best, K..

Hi K.,
You didn't mention what time you put him to bed, but you might try earlier. My daughter is 4 yrs old and goes to bed at 6pm. She doesn't nap anymore. I HIGHLY recommend reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth for age appropriate sleep needs and schedules. He also has a section on sleep problems. I would also stop the "curtain calls" by not responding once you've put him to bed. Give it a couple of weeks with consistency.
Sincerely,
L.

Hi K. W,

Your child will feel what you feel. Give him lots of hugs and tell him how much you love him every day.

There is going to be a children's wellness expo in Alameda Sept 12th to address challenges we are faced with from our toxic environment and sleep is one of the tophics.

There will be a panel of doctors sharing solutions to these problems.

If this is something that interests you let me know and I will forward the flier to you.

Good luck.

N. Marie

Hi K.,
I agree with the other mama-- it will be hard, especially since you work and want all the time with your kids, but once he's in bed explain to him that it's bedtime and he has to stay there and DON'T GIVE IN! He will test you and probably knows your weaknesses, but if you can stay strong for a week, the routine will be established! Also, I believe in giving kids credit where we often don't... he's very smart and intuitive... ask him why he thinks he's having a difficult time going to sleep. Verbalizing it may help him stop. This has helped with my third child. You mentioned in your profile that your marriage is rocky right now, so perhaps he's sensing your stress right now as well which can cause him worry. I'm sure you already tell him that you love him, but maybe reassure him in an extra way. Best wishes and sweet dreams!

It is normal for a 2-4 yr old child to start resisting bedtime. Overly tired children become more defiant as well and this normally happens once napping is given up. They instinctually learn quickly which triggers will bring mommy to them (potty, water, hungry etc) and postpone bedtime. My son was big on "I'm thirsty". Therefore I started giving him a cup of water at story time. At first he didn't really drink it and he'd go to bed crying for water. I explained to him there was no water after storytime and did not go into his room after that. He cried himself to sleep for a week until he started to learn that I meant what I said. I wouldn't come back. I felt like the meanest mommy in the world. Now if he's thirsty, he will drink his water at story time - his choice. He knows that I rarely go into his room after he's tucked in (obviously I have the baby moniter on in the evening to moniter for more serious complaints that would warrant coming in like " my tummy hurts" etc.) JUst be sure his needs are taken care of (i.e. he's not hungry, thirsty and he's used the potty if he's potty trained) and after that just stick to your guns. You are not being mean, you are training a child appropriately for sleep. By the way, approximately 10 hrs is appropriate sleep for a toddler- you are very close. Maybe try a half hour earlier. Also, if you have been starting the bedtime routine at the normal time and the antics are making him get to sleep later, then try starting his bedtime routine earlier. Good luck!

He is definitly doing this to get attention and to test how much control he has over you. Explain to him before he gets ready for bed and again when you are tucking him in, that once you tell him goodnight and leave his room you are off duty and will not be coming back in. Before you leave ask him if he wants the light on/ off. Stick with his first response. On the way to the room, ask him if he needs a drink of water. If he requests water after you are off duty do not give in. I tell my son "the human body can survive 2 days without water. You can make it till morning". Then ignore him. As for potty requests I give 2 minutes, then back to bed. If you give as little feedback as possible, consistently, he should be back to a decent bedtime routine within a week.

My only suggestion is to turn off the TV. That stuff is dangerous so close to bedtime, it can only wind them up.