My 2 Year Old Won't Go to Sleep by Himself.

15-30 minutes to fall asleep sounds normal to me - especially if it's a new bed. Do you read bed-time stories? What's the bedtime ritual? Usually a story is around 15 minutes and will do the trick. Since he's preferring dad right now, maybe you can start reading a story first and dad can come in with the head rubbing thing if he's not asleep after a while. Say it's new special story time and not a replacement for anything. Just do what you can to put him at ease and wind his brain down. I'd love to hear from other mom's though - 15-30 minutes is not abnormal I think if he hasn't already fallen asleep on the couch or something.

FYI... I've previously read that children typically do not develop the ability to understand imaginary boundaries (as in, "stay in bed") until around the age of three.

I have 4 children and we went through this with every one of them. I would sit with each one and rub their back or tummy every night till the went to sleep. At first it was a bother... I had other things to do :) Then I decided to make it into a special time I got to spend with each one. As they grew older the time became more special. Eventually they did not need it anymore...about age 5 or 6. then I would just tuck them in until they were about 9 or 10. Now, I misss that special time to talk and find about their day and all. I have to find new ways to spend one on one time with them :)

We put our soon to be 2 year old in a toddler bed in mid-June. At first, it didn't go well. There was crying, and getting out of bed, and all the normal stuff. I realized that we basically had to "teach her" how to fall asleep in her new bed just as she had to learn how to fall asleep on her own the first time in her crib. We had our normal bed time routine, bath, brush teeth, story, but when I would put her in her bed she would start crying and getting out of bed and knocking on her door. Basically, I would spend 5 minutes with her, kiss her, then leave. She would cry. I went back in after 10 minutes, spent another 5 with her, calm her down, leave, then she would cry. This went on for about 30 minutes. But as the week went on, every night was easier. Now, we do bath, brush teeth, story, then I put her in her bed and she falls asleep with no issue. It's almost too easy. (Knock on wood.) As with everything, it's being consistent, showing them you love them, but letting them know this is something they have to learn. If you always end up staying with them until they fall asleep, they will never learn to fall asleep on their own.

Dear B.,

They grow fast so enjoy those moments when a little one asks to sleep with you. I have a book called "Cuddlers" and the person who wrote the book has 4 kids sleeping in their bed! I know that is too many children in one bed but, these are lives simple pleasures. Who would not want a cute 2 year old to hold and night. They feel a sense of security and you feel Mommy joy!

My guy will be 3 in a month or so. A few things work for us. The first is a night light on a timer. We have this cute snail light made of stained glass and it is set on a timer. It is on from 8:30pm till 7 am. I tell him that if the snail light is on, he has to stay in his room. "come get mommy in the morning when the snail light goes off"

We have done a lot of traveling this summer and visiting relatives. When we were away from home, I would have to lay in bed with my little guy until he fell asleep. When we were done with traveling, he wanted the same kind of treatment. After nights of sitting by his bed, I was fed up. Now, after a very regimented bedtime routine, I snuggle him and cuddle him and then tell him that he can doesn't have to go to sleep yet but he has to stay in his room and stay quiet. I remind him that he can read his books, listen to his music quietly, do his puzzles, etc, but that it's mommy's time and he has to stay in his room. (He stays up a little later than we would like, but he does it all on his own. I might not do this technique if I thought that he was crabby and sleep deprived, but he isn't)

He can only come out if he has to use the bathroom or if it's an emergency. He's a pretty logical boy, so it works for him. The few times he has come out of his room, I keep talk to a minimum and keep it boring and w/ out snuggles. "That's nice, honey. Back to bed. It's mommy's time" and he realizes that his stuff won't work on me. Sometimes he has even fallen asleep w/ his lamp on.

Good luck.

I don't think it is too much if it takes 15-30 minutes for him to fall asleep. Do y'all read in bed before sleep? This would be a wonderful way for him to wind down, good bonding time (and perhaps would be fine for Mommy to do as well!), and of course very good for him.

Also, many experts agree that 2 is the absolute youngest a baby should move out of a crib to a bed . Do you think he is completely ready to be in a toddler bed. Just a thought.

I do think this is normal, though.

Well, first of all I have to say I am jealous you are only in there for 30 minutes. It took my daughter about 2 nights to realize she could get out of bed and a year later it still takes her at least one hour to go to bed. I will say that the best thing is to pick one technique and stick to it. That really worked for us when we were finally fed up with the 15 times out of bed and lots of drama. A night light helped, also my neighbor puts a CD player in her son's room and she starts a CD and she says he is usually asleep by the time the CD runs out but if not he just gets up starts it again himself.

Good luck!!

My son had a little difficulty with falling asleep by himself as well, especially with the introduction to a toddler bed! At first we would help him wind down, by clean up his toys in his room, then came the bath, and brush teeth, and stories and bed to set the pace and routine!

He was having a hard time with all the new distractions in his room he had access to, and that he could leave his room!
New freedom, and a tired boy!!! We finally put all the toys in his closet, where there was no access, and put a gate up! It was still perfectly safe, we could still get in, our bedroom was rate next door!! It worked, not that night, but within a week of implementing these new changes, and sticking to a routine, he was able to cope with the new changes!

Good Luck!

When my son went through this, we started to allow him to read books in bed with his bed-side lamp on. He is almost 4 now and still follows this routine. He will read books for a while and then roll over and go to sleep. We turn his lamp off when we go to bed. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, don't allow him to crawl into bed with you. That will just create another terrible habit you will have to break and create confusion for him when you decide to break it. As hard as it is (and trust me, I know) find the strength to drag yourself out of bed and take him back to his own bed. Lastly, once you think the problem has been solved, he will most likely go through phases where he starts waking up or begs you to sleep with him. I always tell my son I will be back to check on him. I come check and then wait a little longer before I check on him again. ...and so on. Good luck to you!

Hi My name is A. i Have a 3 year old who has the same problem. I would alway's lay down with her till she was asleep. but at times i had thing's i needed to get done so i would put her to bed alone. (she hated that) she would cry and cry and keep trying to come lay with me or tell me " please momma laydown with me" that's all it took for me to stop what im doing to lay with her. Then i saw Nanny 911.. She gave great advice. it's not easy to the mothers heart but it works. Put the child in bed and tell him its bed time. a bed time story never hurt. Then if he get's up tell him no baby it's bed time you need your rest so you can have energy to play tomarrow. then if he still comes out dont say aword just walk him back to bed and follow that till he finley goes to sleep. it may take a few times but he will aventuly give up and go to sleep. it will get easer as he knows your not giving in.. I to an a lucky stay at home mom of 2 girls 3 and 9 and a boy who is 10.

I might not fit the mold of the mom who raises an independant toddler, but I say ENJOY! That is really special time, those 30 minutes when you get to watch them fall asleep and gently remind them of the fun you had, stroke their little heads or backs or feet. You'll never ever get that opportunity to love in that way back. It won't last long. I promise you won't be rubbing your 15 year old son's head until he falls asleep, though your body might ache with the wish to do so.

I know the end of the day is hard because you want some time to catch up on life, but why rush independance in a 2 year old? He'll never want you so much again. And I know I'm gonna miss it.

Just my two cents. Good luck whatever you choose!

We had a very similar problem! My dd was 18 mos when we moved her to a toddler bed. She was trying to get out of the crib and after she landed on her head and busted her lip (2 different episodes), I said no more. She hated the crib as did I, so the crib had to go. However, we were left with the same issue as you. We did the move slowly to the door, but it does take a long time. I did a week next to the bed, a week in the middle of the room, a week next to the door, and finally a week just outside the door. Sitting outside the door is very important. We were lucky that our living room was right next to her room, since the following week I would tell her that I am in the next room and walk out. She checked a couple of times (just like she did when I sat outside the door), but after a few days, we didn't have a problem.

We have had set backs, especially since we moved to a two story house, but I just remind her that I will check on her in 5 minutes (and you have to do it) and then again 15 minutes later and she is fine. The main thing is consistency and love.

I wish you the best!

Sounds like you guys need to bring your A game to this one. Mommy and Daddy sometimes perpetuate problems because we let it happen in the first place. Set the expectation, teach the expectation, and don't deviate from the expectation. Be tough mom and dad. If you don't want to be rubbin' his head when he's 12, don't do it now!

Put him in the bed. Read ONE story. Talk about your day today (best part, what did you learn, etc), talk about what you're doing tomorrow. Give a big kiss. Assure him that you can hear him in the monitor (show it to him if he's never seen it before), and turn on the nightlight and LEAVE THE ROOM and close the door.

If he says he's scared....teach him to scare away scary thoughts by thinking of something fun (like playing with daddy or going to the park). Also, teach him to hold his bear/lion/lovey and tell him that his lovey wants to hear all about his day what what he plans to do tomorrow. Tell him that his lovey is tired and he should help Lovey fall asleep fast.

If he gets out of bed....go back in, put in back in bed and LEAVE!

If he screams....assure him that you can hear him just fine without the screaming. "Just use your words, not your screams, and mommy and daddy can hear you, but we're tired and the family is going to bed now. Goodnight!" :)LEAVE THE ROOM! If you're not going to bed right away (our bedtime is at 8:00 - what grownup goes to bed at 8?!) tell him that you've got work to do and you'll check in him again when you're done. Usually, they'll be asleep before dishes are even finished!

Best of luck!

I know this is way late,,,,but my little boy wont sleep by himself either....hope things have worked out!