My 2 Year Old Is Hitting Me and Other Family Members.

Girl, I feel for you. Mine was the same way and it took forever but the best thing that I ever got was this series of books from Barnes and Noble. One was Hands are not for Hitting!
It is the most fabulous thing and my child got it in no time. And, when she started back up, we would just read it again and finally, it sunk in.

Best books in the world. D.

You should read the book To Train Up a Child by Michael and Debi Pearl. It is very reasonably priced and available on their website www.nogreaterjoy.org )click on The Web Store) They have really great child rearing ideas and great discipline advice. You just have to be willing to do the work (and it is work to discipline a child). Good luck! Really a great book!!

hi H. !
not that i'm an expert ,but i do have a thought .maybe your sweet one is acting out because of the changes going on right now . dad on the road and now it's you and her more and your schedule sounds busy as well . anyway , have you tried a reward chart ? keep where she can see it and put the stickers on herself ? my niece kinda had the same deal at that age and my sis did the chart and it has and did make a difference . and the items for bailee to earn stickers are " stayed in the carseat, potty, manners,etc.." they weren't chores but obiedience . and bailee loves it and will ask " me sticker ?" they keep one at home and one at my parents . hope it helps !! oh you can buy a chart w/ stickers, magnent on back at the dollar tree for a buck . and of course your daughter is wonderful april 5 is a GREAT b-day my oldest will be 12 on the same day !! - K.

I also have a two year old that love to hit his older sibling and have even swung at me once. I have learned that he loves to sing and write so I channel the energy to those two things and so forth it is working. He has so many educational music CD's and a fisher price CD player that I am teaching him how to use and it keeps those little hands busy. I lhope this idea helps with your two year old.

Did this start when daddy left? How verbal is she? Is she able to say "I'm mad"? Telling her "you are allowed to be angrey when we.... upset with mommy when..... not like being told no... BUT we DO NOT HIT." Then putting her in a completly removed time out, where she is not with any one, either in a room by herself with out toys, or simply turned around in a corner where she can't see anyone. That is what I would try. I really think talking to her about her emotions of upset being okay but the action being wrong is important. I suspect she just doesn't know how to say "I don't like this" and I also suspect she doesn't like that daddy is gone is there any other schedule/life changes that have happened recently?

I like Kim S. response! She is using praise rather than punishment. How do you show a child not to hit by hitting? Try the positive approach first and see what happens. I also think she might be acting out by having her daddy gone and you at school. Is she verbal? She might not be able to voice herself and is taking it out physically. Good luck to you. It will pass.

I have a 20 months old boy, and I am not really going through the hitting stage yet, but he is throwing himself on the floor or ground for that matter when he doesn't get his way or does nor understand that he needs to wait a little bit. Even though is hard, what you are going thru is a stage and it thou shall pass.
Not every toddler does so, (I also have a 7yrs old and she never did), but I have a nephew who's 30 months now, and when he was 2 he used to do the same thing that your baby is doing now, he also used to behave like my son when he was my son's age.
I wouldn't say that she's craving for attention, I just think that is a normal stage of her life. I work in a PreSchool and we see that very often, but as kids get older they move on to other trends.

I know is frustating and embarrasing, but it will get better.

My sweetie did that too but it was usually a personal space issue. We taught him soft touches (rubbing blankets or teddy bears) and we made him kiss his hand and rub them together after he hit ( sometimes after having a timeout.) I don't think you should hit for hitting but maybe she should have to use her hands in a soft way? Good luck! She'll grow out of if.

My kid also used to hit, till someone told me to hit him back everytime so he experienced it and he stopped eventually.

I have the same problem in my day care. A 2 yr old girl hits then my 22 mo old started and I am very interested in what others say. He keeps going to time out or I put him in his bed where he can not join the other children. He is such a character. My son also used to bite at age 18 mos and we bit him back they all grow out of it and when you think about it they can not talk so grabbing things from others or hitting because they can not say,"Please may I play with that?" Makesn sense they do out grow it and it is a faize. G. W

It sounds like hitting may be your daughter's way of dealing with both of her parents taking on more responsibilities outside the home. If your husband started traveling and you have started school and work, then chances are you might not be spending quite as much time with her. Maybe you are, but there's still a change in your lives. Some kids just simply don't handle change very well. I work in a daycare, and I can always tell when kids have any kind of change happen in their home, positive or negative, before the parents tell me about them. Just keep up the firm, but loving discipline when she hits. She will learn that you won't tolerate the hitting, but you understand that there are changes going on. She's young and can't really express how she feels, so just be patient. Good luck!

To Steph S:

Kudos to you for the peach tree switch! I used the same thing 30 years ago on my daughter and now I have a sweet, respectful daughter who is responsible, accountable for herself and learned early on that there were consequences to her actions. AND she disciplines my granddaughters so that they are learning these qualities too. I don't believe in beating our children, but there is a vast difference in beating a child and spanking for discipline. Sometimes, timeout just doesn't cut it.

To the OP: When she hits you, hit her back . . . not hard, but just the same as she hit you. She needs to learn that it doesn't feel good to be hit. Same with biting . . . my pediatrician said "bite them back . . . let them see that it hurts!"

She may be acting out because of the lack of time with you and your husband since you work full time, go to school part time (and I assume use more time to study) and your husband works out of town. If children do not get enough time with you while being good, they frequently try getting your attention by misbehaving. Try giving her quality time one-on-one with you everyday and with your husband (when he is in town).

Also, watch Supernanny on ABC; she has a lot of good tips on how to discipline children.

You are going to school full time and working part time and your husband is never home. So who is raising "true blessing" daughter. Maybe she just needs to spend more time with her mom.

Some 2 year olds you can reason with others not, but you can ask her how she would like some one to hit her, an then act like it really hurt, and tell her she can't do that. If she listens at all you'll have to repeat it, but it may be a start. If you are at school full time and work part time, and your husband gone, sounds like there isn't enough left over for family which i'm sure is your first prioriety, you may have to cut something for now , she may just be missing family and acting out because of it.

H.,
I'm experiencing the same thing with my 3 year old boy. He is constantly hitting his 2 other brothers and even very rough with our 5lb puppy. I've alos tried time out, and he doesn't seem to care. Its gotten to the point where he's picking up things and throwing them at us. The only thing I've tried that has seemed to slowly die this issue down, is taking all his toys out of his room. He is left with nothing and he gets placed in time out in a completly toy less room. Everytime he would hit, he'd get a few toys taken, till he was left with nothing to play with. I'm not sure if this will help, but it seems to have been working for my boy so far. I hope this helps, as I know how you feel.

Hello, my little girl is 3 years old now as of Dec. She went through that stage of hitting, also. I know alot of people do not believe in spankings anymore, but at her age is not really a spanking with just popping her hand when she reaches back to hit someone. If that approach does not suit you, then try taking her favorite things away from her. When timeout stops working, you have to open your mind to new ways to discipline our children.

I have three children. Currently one of them is 2 years old. He is in the hitting stage too.
It's a phase that can quickly become permanent if not gotten under control.
Every time my son would raise his hand to hit someone I would question him as to why he was doing that. Then I would tell him that he shouldn't hit that person because they love him very much and we don't hit people we love.

Eventually he understood and now he runs up and hugs us saying "we don't hit. We hug!".

If this is a recent change in her behavior it may be that she is scared or distressed about the changes in your and your husbands life right now. You said you were going back to school full time. Is this a recent change? Your husband is having to be gone for long periods at a time, and that sounded like a recent change as well. Your daughter may feel insecure with any or all of these changes, and is acting out as a way of trying to deal with her feelings. She can't really express to you how she is feeling yet. My husband is in the oilfield, so his work schedule is very unpredictable. Certain times of the year are slower for him and he is home a lot. Then things pick up and he may not see our girls for a few days at a time. This is when they tend to act out the most. I don't know if this will help any, but I do understand what you are dealing with. Be patient. It will get better.

Oboviously "time-out" is NOT working. So it is time for the old tried & proven method - a good old fashioned spanking.

I'm from the "old school", and believe in warmin a childs bottom from time to time.. I've helped raise 15 kids,23 grandkids,2 nieces and 2 nephews. There's a differance in beating and spanking. I'd give them a few wacks, and sit them down. no talking or playing. When they got up, I'd give them a hug and tell them that it's because I love them, and didn't want them to get in trouble later. That their whole lives they will have someone else tellin them what to do,, and if the didn't listen to us now, they'd be in a WHOLE lot more trouble later in life. I've had someof them come back and thank me. NONE OF THEM have been in troublle that I've ever heard of.. Except one.

My youngest daughter starting hitting and biting at about age 2. She just got out of Cook Childrens Psychiatric unit. This is her fourth time there as well as other day treatments and other hospitals and residential facilities. She is adopted and we are so blessed to have her. She has about 10 diagnoses ranging from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, to Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, ADHD, and Bipolar. She is now about to turn 11 and the doctors are suspecting that all these diagnoses are in error and that she may be Autistic...more specifically Aspergers Syndrome. We are awaiting testing now to see if we can narrow down the cause of her violent outburst and meltdowns. Check with your doctor and see if they suggest testing. Hitting everyone in sight is just not normal. I am covered in bruises now from her last meltdown where she kicked, punched, pinched and bit me.
I will be praying for you and your family as you start your search for answers.

My 22 month old is doing the same thing - she swings at me when I tell her no. I am trying to prevent it from happening by grabbing her arm but I am to the point where I think I have to start spanking her to get her to stop. She also occasionally bites when she doesn't get her way usually when I am not holding her so she goes for the legs or my behind. Again I try to prevent it from happening by telling her no and getting out of the way but if she is successful I will swat her on the bottom and get stern with her. I think it is a phase that many strong willed children go through and I am hoping it will end soon.

My two year old son does that, too. He's gotten better about it now that he's learning new words. Part of it is frustration, I think, because they can't express themselves. I'd just keep doing time out and keep telling her "NO!" I truly believe she'll outgrow this. My oldest son was a biter, and he it instead of hitting. I think its the way toddlers tell you they don't like something, but they'll learn to quit something if it doesn't get a huge reaction.

H.,

I suggest that you hit back. Just a little harder than her hit. She needs to understand the pain and normal they will stop hitting if they feel what you feel. I know if is difficult because it is your 1st child but it works.

Not exactly sure why?? But my 4 year old son did this to me for a while and then just got over it,so to speak.I think his was just a phase. Age 2 could be immitatting some other child.Check with your daycare provider if some other children are also doing it.Otherwise just try and be patient age 2 is still very young...but smart also!! She could just be wanting negative attention too My nearly 9 year old still does things every now and again for attention.
Good Luck!!!!

--A.J

First of all, hitting your child back is ridiculous and what message does that send? When my two year old gets frustrated and acts out, I either put him in time out or get up and remove myself from him or him from me. Ignoring him for a few minutes is THE WORST punishment for him! He is wanting the attention and if I don't give it, he isn't getting a positive/negative reaction from me, thus the behavior didn't receive a "pay off". Without a "pay off" it isn't worth repeating. They eventually figure this out. They are smart little creatures.