My 2 Year Old Is Afraid of Our Dog

Maybe you could take her to the library to pick out some books about dogs and puppies. Then talk about dogs alot with her and how to take care of them. We have a huge lab that has been my kids' best friend since they were born (They are 3 now). Now they feed him and help hold the leash on walks, and they LOVE to play fetch with him. They also help with brushing and washing him, and they feel so cool when he does tricks on their commands. If she became more interested in dogs and had more hands on responsibility and fun, I'm sure that would help her become less fearful. Unfortunately, it will probably take quite a lot of positive experiences to get over that one negative one. Good luck!

Hello M.,

Having a large dog approach can be scary for even the most seasoned child. My 5 year old LOVES dogs but still gets worried when large dogs approach her - not to the point of freaking out, but I can tell she's worried.

While having your daughter tell your dog to "Go Away" is okay, it gives her a sense of control, I highly recommend you couple it with positive interaction between your daughter and dog. Anytime a child can give a dog an obedience cue (sit, down, stay) they feel more in control - which will help your daughter.

While your daughter is sleeping, teach your dog some cute tricks - roll over, sit pretty, spin, twirl (opposite direction), teach your dog to catch - my daughter LOVES to throw our dog tennis balls so she can catch them. Wave is another good one as long as the dog isn't into pawing everyone - your daughter will NOT like that. Teach your dog something that you think will make your daughter laugh.

Pointing out cute traits about your dog will also cause some "yummy" feelings for your daughter - ask her what her favorite part of the dog is.

Lastly, new dogs take time and attention away from your family members, is this a possible issue and how can you make your daughter feel like she isn't missing mommy's precious time?

Positively,
M.
Positive Paws Dog Training - retired while my daughter is young.

Hi M.,

You know how kids sometimes are when they first get a pet? They reeeeeally love it, promise to take care of it every single day, walk it, love it, and bathe it. And then within a week the interest is gone?

I've found that if I'm doing something with our dogs that the kids perceive as "fun," then they want to join in too. Whenever I play with one of the dogs, go to walk them, take them to the dog park, groom the dogs etc., more often than not, they want to be involved, too.

My hubs adopted a chihuahua in March. She has growled and snapped at, and bitten everyone in the house, but more so my youngest, and now my youngest is afraid of her and can't stand her. I've noticed that when she's giving away treats to the other dogs, that the Chi will approach her tail wagging and even a little playfully. So, I encourage that, and the dog hasn't bitten or snapped at her in awhile, and lately she's been giving her treats without me having to tell her to, and will now even talk to the dog. I think they are making slow progress. I am still considering finding other arrangements for the dog, especially if we can't find a way around her behavior, but this is an aggressive dog I'm talking about who is scary and anti-social, and has behavior issues that span all her life before us. I don't know that she can ever overcome them, and that my daughter can ever be able to trust her. You say your dog is a sweetheart, and your daughter was traumatized by a dog that doesn't live with you. So, I think there's lots of hope for the two of them.

My point is, find something your daughter will perceive as fun that can be her interaction with your dog. Rather it be throwing a ball, tug o' war, giving baths and brushes, helping walk the dog on the leash, something, and encourage that interaction and bonding between them, closely monitoring them. After some time, she'll be fine with the dog.

I strongly suggest you stop telling her to yell at the dog to go away. That will only in time associate her negatively to the dog, and make him afraid of her also. You want them to both associate one another with pleasantness and fondness, even to love each other, and to do that, they need to not be afraid of each other, and they need to bond.

Best of luck to everyone. I know what it's like to have a child very afraid of a dog in the house. It's really hard and sad.

K. W

Many of the other posters have made good suggestions. I especially agree with letting her help play fetch with the dog, going for walks with both of them and letting her help give easy commands like "Sit" and "come" (with you giving hand signals in the background).

I wouldn't encourage her to give commands by herself when you aren't there because she will probably overdo it and start telling the dog to sit constantly and the dog will probably get confused and start not obeying commands.

I also agree with the poster who wouldn't encourage your daughter to use the command "Go away". "Go away" is a pretty vague command for a dog to understand. Instead I would suggest something more specific like having a special place in the area of the house where you spend most of your time with a bed or rug for the dog and teach the dog "Go to your bed" or "Go to your rug" and always praise and reward the dog for obeying.

Try to include your daughter and the dog in some fun things. Besides fetch, a game my children loved was playing "hide & go seek" with our dog. At first one adult would hide in the house or yard and the other asked the dog to to "Find Mom" or "Find Dad" and we praised the dog when they were "found". At first the dog will probably have no clue but eventually will accidently "Find" them and when they are praised effusively "oh good boy, find mom" they soon figure it out.

After the dog figured out what "Find Mom" meant (which didn't take long) Then we moved on to "Find Dad" and then on to each of the kids. The kids loved the game and it taught our dog to "find" everyone in the family. Your daughter will probably enjoy watching (and helping) the dog find someone first before taking a turn at being "found" (She'll probably definitely want to hide with an adult at first until she feels comfortable hiding by herself and having the dog find her).

As an added benefit it was always nice to know that the dog was trained to find each of us by name in case anyone ever got lost or wandered away when we were camping or hiking.

Try to relax and give this some time - your daughter is still very young. She will get used to the dog. The first time the dog does something that makes her laugh will probably be the turning point.

I had large (but sweet and gentle) labrador retrievers from the time my children were born and sometimes their friends would be afraid of them at first. In time, the dogs always ended up winning them over. Even older kids can sometimes be afraid at first. We had an exchange student who stayed with us for a year and when he arrived and saw our dog he said he hated dogs and was afraid of them. (If he had included that information on his application we would have selected a different student.) An interesting thing happened that year. Our sweet old dog died of old age after that exchange student had been with us for a few months and I was shocked when he cried along with us.

So anyway, if it's a nice gentle dog, I think your daughter will soon outgrow her fear and they will probably grow up to be great pals.

Hang in there!

What kind of dog is it? Is it bigger than her so that she is overwhelmed? Try rewarding her for staying quiet and petting the dog once every day. Don't force her when she is crying, but I would be stern with her about the screaming when there is no reason. Keep being very positive about the dog and she will come around when she sees that it isn't going to hurt her.

Hi M.,

Congrats on the new furry family member.

First of all, whether your daughter is scared or not, both your children and your dog will need training.
Small kids are pretty unpredictable, and even the most gentle dog can be mislead into rough play by a toddler's behavior and one second to the other you may have a serious situation on hand.
Whenever we have had dogs, the babies were the "Untouchables" in the family, when they approach the dog, he will lie down and be still, no play and will not accept food from the child. Petting is allowed, but only under the close supervision of an adult.
As the child gets older they may give a few simple commands and engage in some play (always supervised), but most kids should be at least kindergarten age before they are mature enough for that.
I would address your immediate situation by not allowing the dog near your daughter. He should have a corner or dog-bed in your family room, or wherever you spend most time. He should learn to stay there unless called. She should not yell at him (he will start to associate her negatively) and he should be taught not to approach her (whether she is crying or not). She will be ok with him in the room, once she realizes that he will not approach her anymore. Always stay with her, never leave her and the dog alone together.
Then you can go back to have her approach the dog for a quick sniff and pet. The dog should be taught to lie down and stay still whenever your child approaches. Go from there, when she is comfortable, call the dog, lie or sit still, sniff and pet.

If you train your dog well, you will never have a situation where he mistakenly runs over a child, your children won’t be scared and you can have visitors over without having to lock him up.
The neighbor's dog "happily licking" a child down on the floor is a very good example for a dog that obviously is not trained well and I honestly would not allow my kids near the dog any longer. Before you know it, the dog is "just playing" and nipping your 2 year old or in an attempt defend herself the child hurts the dog and gets bitten. It can happen within seconds.

Well trained and supervised dogs are the most enjoyable family members, untrained dogs can be loose cannons and a tragedy waiting to happen, no matter how gentle they seem - and honestly, can you really KNOW after just a week?

Good luck.

Hi M.! I have a friend who's son was very afraid of our Boxers, he would do the same, stand on the couch to be away from the dog and wouldn't get down until the dog left the room. Here are a few things we did.... First you are right about telling her not to scream at the dog, it only causes tension for both of them. - I would sit with the dog in a sit or lay postion in the oppisite side of the room and just go one with our business and made sure the dog stayed by myside while he played in the room I told him the dog would not get up and go over by him (and I made sure Brewtus stayed with me), once he got use to the dog being in the same room (took about 2 weeks) he was fine playing in the same room. Then i owuld keep Brew in a sit or lay position and I got him to start coming up and petting Brew, in about a month he would come over and play and just ingnore the dog, and if the dog came up to him and he'd pet him then walk away and play. The other thing, because the dog is in your house all the time, take the dog to obedience class and have your daughter go, that way she can be part of trainging your dog, also go to dog parks and let her sit on a bench and watch the dogs play, that way she will get a little more comfortable around dogs. At first you might have to sit a way back and move closer as she gets more comfortable.
Good luck with a little patient and love and as she gets older it should all work out. :)

My neighbor and close friend's two year old daughter was absolutely terrified of dogs in general and our dog specifically. My grandmother, an incredible woman in every sense of the word, made the comment: "That kid needs a dog."

My neighbor didn't actually get a dog, but they were coming over every day. At first, I made sure to keep the dog outside but gradually started changing this policy. (The child was a guest, the dog is part of our family.) Low and behold, the toddler warmed up to our dog in next to no time.

I'm sure your daughter will warm up to your dog very quickly. I think I would take steps to keep the dog calm and away from her, but I wouldn't give her any extra attention for freaking out about or around the dog because I'd be concerned it might encourage her to keep doing it for the attention (or it might make her think she has a reason to freak out!)

Try giving the dog affection in front of her & near her.
Sit on the floor with both of them & try playing with both of them & eventually get them to play together!
It's good that she learns to have some authority over him & that the dog listens to her - but you don't want the dog to be told NO for doing nothing wrong.
Try treating the dog like one of your children - because he/she does look to you as a parent.

M.,

You could be describing my 17 month old daughter. She's been walking for 7 months now and my in-laws have the sweetest dog. The problem is that she's just tall enough to look that dog in the teeth. Until this summer she's been terrified of him. Over this past summer we've found dogs everywhere that are beagle size or smaller. Where I work there is a Boston Terrier that comes up to her knees. Getting her close to, and used to, these smaller dogs she has done way better with the bigger dogs. Are there any small dogs around that she can warm up with?

I think your idea of telling the dog no, go away! is a good idea. Your daughter is probably still remembering the slobber fest from the neighbor's dog. That is also something that my daughter hates. You might try telling her that the lick are a dog's way of giving kisses. That helps my daughter a little bit when the Boston Terrier starts licking her fingers.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

When our youngest daughter was about 18 mos. a neighbor's german sheperd puppy jumped up on her and knocked her down. She is now almost 5 and just about 6 months ago has finally gotten over it, but up until then she would absolutely freak out if a dog was even near our house. The screams that would come from her were just bone chilling and she was a nervous wreck. We have never had a dog so she hasn't been exposed to one on a daily basis like your daughter, which could be good in that she should become okay with it much sooner. What we did with our daughter was that every time there was an opportunity to pet a dog we took it. We showed her how to pet approach it, pet it and especially ignore it. The more excited and stressed she got the more excited and ready to play the dog got, so what we really had to teach her was to ignore it, walk right by and stay calm. If the dog senses that it won't be getting any attention from your daughter then it will usually pass her by and find someone who will. Our daughter's fear even rolled over into a fear of cats. It's been a long process for daughter, but she has overcome those fears and yours will too and much sooner than ours I'm sure. Just use this a time to teach and don't force her to like the dog....she needs to make the decision to like your new dog on her own. Good luck!

Is it a puppy, or a grown dog? Big, little?

You could get some doggy treats and help her train the dog. Instead of telling the dog to go away, instruct her to tell the dog to go lay down. When he does, she can go give him a doggie treat. She can teach him to sit, lay down, shake, stand up, etc... I am sure she will need to get warmer to the dog before she shakes, but you can help her and model for her. Of course you should hold the treat until she is ready to give it to him so he doesn't overtake her for th treat. Get a book on dog training to get instructions and more ideas. Maybe then she will feel in control and not be so afraid of the dog. She could also "read" to the dog. This might help her to bond.

Oh, bless you--- you REALLY have your hands full- so your about to go back to school? starting anew business? - adopting a new''''''child''''''?? ( the furry one) - hmmmmm can't see why anyone at YOUR house would be overwhelmed. My own suspician is that you have already discovered what she needs - control. -- You are teaching her exactly the right strategy (the dog is likely obeying her body language more than her words--- dogs read our motions MUCH faster than our English) Persevere--- and project to her that you know she can do it- and good luck.

J.

I think it would be helpful if you could help her release the trauma from the other dog. Talk with her about it, empathize with her about how scary it was, listen and encourage her to cry/talk about it, maybe then also play games with her revisiting the trauma in a way that gives her control - like she could be the dog and knock you down and lick you, and vice versa - letting her be in total control and playing it over and over as much as she wants to. (could be lots of fun too!) laughter and play are good ways to relase trauma, especially after tears. Helping her release this trauma will help not only with your dog but will also help her in her life in general, in many ways.

well,
I just wanted to say that its a normal reaction. My mom got a puppy when my daughter was just a few months old. That puppy LOVED the baby and if you left her for a second he would be licking her face when you came back (that only had to happen once, but he would TRY). When she was learning to walk he would knock her down in his excitement to see her. My mom finally started tying him up while we were there. My daughter acted just like yours (except we didnt have to live with the dog) but since we have taught to dog "out" which means get away, and taught my daughter, and the dog gets tied up so that she can observe him from a safe place for a while it has gotten way better. Now we can even let him go after he has calmed down (he just loves all the new people over) and she is ok with it as long as he isnt standing where she needs to go LOL. I am sure it will get better, and will be good for her. Instead of being afraid of all dogs forever she will learn to love HER dog and not carry that fear through out her life.
I have always been afraid of dogs, not paranoid, just uneasy. And only recently heard my mom recount the story of the dog they had when I was little, I was of course afraid of it and it knew it. It would make sure to lay in the doorways between me and mom so I couldnt get to her....now it just seems funny but I wonder if that is the root of my mistrust of dogs.
Good Luck

I was attacked by a large dog when I was little, and to this day, I am still afraid of large dogs. Since this is your pet, I suggest a lot of patience and understanding. Don't force her to pet the dog. In time, she will get used to the dog and her fear will dissipate.

Wow! What a pickle for you to be in! I can sympathize, though. I have a daycare and preschool in my home, and last fall I enrolled a three-year-old girl with a tremendous fear of dogs. This would not be so bad, except that we have a miniature Daschund and a Boxer. At first, she needed the dogs to be out of whatever room she was in and needed to know exactly where both dogs were at all times. Our two cats made her a little bit nervous, too. As time went by, she allowed the Mini Daschund to get closer and closer to her. Eventually, she said, "I am not awergic to "widdow" ("little in 3-yr-old") dogs, just to big dogs." Then, over time, she began to allow the Boxer to get closer to her, too. It helped her to be able to command the dog to "go lay down!" and see that the dog would do it. That was empowering to her. The other thing that happens is that your daughter will grow bigger (all too quickly...) and the threat of a dog jumping up on her will not be so great. (Think of a dog as tall as you jumping up on you... wouldn't that be terrifying?!?) I hope it all works out for you. This can end up being a great healing, learning experience for your daughter, but it will take time and patience. God bless you all! :)

M.,
I can certainly relate, as my oldest son (now 23) became terrified of ALL dogs after he was jumped on at that same age. We did not have a dog in the home, but my siblings had dogs, and seemed personally affronted that Paul suddenly was afraid of these dogs he once loved. His fear of dogs lasted for probably about six years.
I wonder if you can separate your daughter and the dog by a baby gate for awhile. It may help her to fear a bit less. Training her to command the dog is really great, and will empower her the most. I'd just say, do remember how little she is, and understand that she's got her own special case of "post-traumatic stress" going on, and it may take a very long time to dissipate. Above all, try to NEVER lose patience with your daughter in helping her face this horrible fear. Your love and patience will win in the end. And the dog will be fine, too.
Bless you!
J.
(I'm a worlk-from-home mother of five, ages 23 down to 14)

This is a very common problem with toddlers when they've had a negative experience with a dog. Right now she thinks that the doggy is very unpredictable and she doesn't know that the doggy isn't going to hurt her. When she sees that he jumps up on her, it reaffirms her fears. Here's a trick we do when we introduce a new pet into the house, we put up our baby gate and seperate the pet from the child. This gives the child the feeling that they can come see the pet any time they want but they also feel safe that the pet isn't going to hurt them. If you don't have a baby gate, open the door up a crack and let her touch the doggy through the crack. Her feeling comfortable around the dog will not happen overnight. Gradually let the dog in during times when you give warning to your daughter. Ask someone else to let the puppy out and hold your daughter in your lap. Talk her through what the dog is doing. Say that he is so excited to see her that he wants to give her a kiss. Let him kiss you and tell her how fun it feels. If she does not want to have him kiss her, that's ok too. Let her do it on her own watch...she will see how much fun it is and eventually want to do it herself. Give her a dog treat that she can put near her. As the meeting progress, put the treat closer and closer to her until she feels like she can give it to the dog herself.

I know from experience that when you have a scary experience with a dog it's hard to get over. I was knocked over by a puppy when I was little...he was so excited to be out but I didn't know that he wasn't trying to hurt me until my mom pulled the dog off of me. It took me a long time to be around dogs afterwards because I didn't trust them.

You don't say what kind of dog or how large the dog is. She wants to be in control of her space and take this new pet in on her terms. Licking a child's face or hand can be threatening if the child didn't offer it in the first place. You need to be cognizant of what your older kids are telling her, they maybe teasing her about the pet and that only makes matters worse. But I would work with the pooch, and have him stay away from people until called over. Even a protective animal can be over protective of the wrong things, and she could end up hurt if the dog thought she was harming something or someone else. We have a Yorkie and if my kids give each other a nudge, the one who protests is the one the dog goes after because of the sound. Animals have their own set of values, and sometimes they don't jive with ours.

I read through a number of responses and Maya advice is spot on. Your dog needs to start obedience training if you haven't already and learn basic dog etiquette commands. A simple "Stay" or "Down" or "Sit" as opposed to "go away" will do wonders for how your dog interacts with your family and others.

The dog should not approach or lick your daughter unless it is okay with her and ALWAYS with an adult close by. Dogs can be unpredictable and you don't want to take ANY chances. At your daughters age, just about any dog is going to be "big" whether it actually is or not. The last thing you want to do is force a dog on your child. The baby gate is a modest investment if you don't already have one to let you daughter know there is control over the dogs access to her.

Once you start the training and your daughter sees the dog can be well behaved and controlled she will feel less threatened and hopefully begin to enjoy how much fun a dog can be.

I highly recommend crate training as well so the dog has it's on space where it can retire and feel safe and secure.

I am a dog lover and have always had one or two growing up. I can't wait to get one for my boys (4 and 6) but am holding off until the youngest is kindergarten age so they can participate in the care, responsibility and fun of owning a dog. And I need to make sure I have time for this additional family member. :)

Best of luck.