I have been dating a guy for 9 months and my daughter use to love being around him but in the last 3-4 months everytime anyone is around she crys and screams. When she is with him she is perfectly fine and will play and love on him but if I am there with him it is completely different. When we get home from daycare as soon as she sees him at the house she crys and he has not done anything to hurt her. I do not know how to deal with this. It is not just him, either, its her real dad and just about anyone. If they try to hold her it just makes it worse. Any ideas on how to get her over this or why she does it?
I am no longer with this guy and my daughter has changed so much since we split up. So in the end I am sure it had something to do with him and have decided to take a long period off from dating and just be me and her!
yep.sounds perfectly normal. My son went thru this,just wanting Mommmy,around that age. Now he is all about Daddy,at 3 yrs old. Its like, Mommy who? So I say enjoy it while you can!! It will pass soon as she gets more independent.
I think they do go through a stage where all they want is mommy. My son gets upset when I am not home, but usually he will just be grumpy and then he will be fine after a few minutes. If she was normally like that then I wouldn't worry. If this is something very new then take the side of caution. Maybe she just needs some mommy time. Spend as much time as you can with her alone and see if maybe that does not help.
I have 4 kids, and also a degree in child development. This is a very normal thing for this age. It is called separation anxiety, and almost every baby goes through it anywhere between about 9 months and 2 years. During this stage of development, they are learning to trust and to be independent. They are also old enough now to realize that they are a separate being from their mother, and it's a bit scary for them. Just be reassuring to her of your love, try to keep her routine as consistent as possible, and eventually she will get through it. If she has trouble coping while away from you (like at daycare or at your ex-husband's or whatever) try giving her a t-shirt that you slept in as a "lovey" for the day. Your scent will be reassuring and comforting to her.
How do you really know he hasn't hurt her? Think about it and listen to your kid!!
Sounds like you have a pretty normal 18 month old. Very clingy and use to routines. As they start to explore more at that age they still like to have their comfort zone-which is you. It will get better though.
She could be stressed about the divorce and the going back and forth. Most children that age like routine and security. Maybe you and your ex can work out a longer time between visitation so she can have a more stable life at one home.
It is also possible that she had a bad dream or something bad occured with a male figure involved. Kids don't act out for no reason, especially at that age. Crying is their only way to tell you something is wrong with them. Not sure how to handle that and I pray nothing serious has indeed happen. It is also possible she is just afraid of losing you too...daddy is no longer around all the time.
I will be praying for you and your sweet angel. It will all work out.
J. S.
If she had always been shy and clingy, that would be different. They don't change without reason. It seems as if she is associating something bad with males. I went through something similar with my son. He was much older and we have always been close, so I thought he would talk to me. His stepdad was being verbally abusive before I got home and I never knew. It just started looking like my son was becoming rebellious. I didn't know the truth until he left.
It just sounds like seperation anxiety and there is not much right now to make it better. Reassure her that mommy will be back. Don't make goodbyes drawn out. She will probably outgrow it in the next year or so.
At 12 months, my son got separation anxiety. He would cry unless he was with me or my husband. You could talk to your pediatrician about it at the next visit if you are still concerned.
She is probally confused .especially when she is not always around one of them all of the time.todlers also go through seperation anxiety as well.it could be that. And do you know for sure she is being hurt from either of them
Oh, how scary to be you right now. Remember when you were pregnant, and everyone had a horror story for you? Well, you're getting it again right now.
I believe that you are in tune with your child and know in your heart that this is just a phase. You're feeling guilty because of the divorce and the "death" of the parenting role you had envisioned. DO NOT spread the time further between visits with her dad. In fact, maybe you should see if you could work out more frequent visits. When you leave, she stresses about how long you will be gone. Because in her world, when daddy leaves, he is gone a long time.
She will eventually out grow it if you don't give it too much attention. Otherwise, if you cater to her, it might get worse.
But, follow your instincts - we are like momma bears, after all.
Blessings to you!
T.
Another vote here for "totally normal." She'll get past it. It's not you or your boyfriend or anyone else; it's just a phase.
I too think this is very normal. When my daughter was a around 18-24 months she hated being around men other than my husband. She grew out of that, I think it's just typical especially with separated parents. Fear not, I'm sure it will cease. Also about the dream thing someone else wrote. When our neice was little she and my husband would play hide & seek and try to scare each other. Well one night it sent her into a nightmare and she would scream for weeks when she would see my husband...broke his heart. Looking back now it doesn't seem so bad. Keep your head up, it will get better.
i know when i went through that my son did the same and it was very hard... sometimes you have to ask the dad if she asks like that with him and his family.... or if it is just with you... also, sometimes i found it was the negative atmospher she was in.... kids feel the bad vibs from other... i learned that the hard way... my son is now 16 so i finally pay attention to the difference of when he was around different people ... write the way she acts when she is with who and where you guys are ... maybe that will help ... see if not being around certain people makes a different if not then you may need to seek doctor advice.. kids take the divorce thing hard... even at that young age..... remember they dont cry blood so them crying is not going to hurt them ... might hurt you more but they will be fine... i have three kids so i been there....good luck....
L., believe it or not this is natural. She is starting to realize different things in her environment. Most children around 2 years old start to try new things, but it still scares them. She will out grow it. Also with you going through the divorce and her going to her dads every other weekend can be very concerning to her. She does not understand that you will be coming back for her. She thinks that you are gone and not coming back. This is also a natural response for a child her ago. Just try to reassure her you will be back. Also I try and do somethings together with both the new man and your ex. I do not know how the relationship is, but if you are on friendly terms and he is ok with the new man...it might help for her to see everyone together. I hope everything works out for you.
At this age she may be afraid she is being taken away from you when she sees others there. Make sure she feels secure in your attention and special time with her each day, and then practice with a friend and your boyfiend to do some little game or story with her or both hold and sing a fun silly song with all of you close to each other, so she will see others are o.k. and not taking her away from you. Good luck. sometimes they go through a stage where they cling and it passes.
