My 10Month Old Daughter

Ok, Call me crazy, but if my husband were home I would tell him to make dinner so I could spend time taking care of the baby. If he has time to play with her, he has time to do chores so she can spend some time bonding with Mommy.

Now, at my house, my husband gets home very late from work and my youngest son is a willful little guy, too. I stay firm on things I don't want him to get into & take them from him when he gets them, but also let him explore a lot and I have A LOT of toys in the kitchen for him to play with while I get things done. When he is just too out of control, I either give up on chores (if it's not anything pressing like making dinner), or I use a baby gate to lock him out of the kitchen & give him crackers & toys & novel things like kitchen utensils & boxes to play with (and ignore the screaming until it eventually subsides)!

C. : )

Hi,
My children are all grown now, but what I would give for some of the times back when I put off playing with them to do housework. I can still hear the echo's of saying "just a minute, mommy will play with you as soon as I get the house straightened up, oir as soon as I get whatever done" I know you have things that need to be done, but remember you will never get these years back and they do go so quickly. More quickly then I ever realized. Take as much time now to play with your child as you possibly can, you will never regret spending that time with her. Housework will always be there, and daddy can always make dinner. Ten years from now will you really regret not getting your housework done that day, or will you regret not spending more time with your daughter as she goes off to play with her friends, and you have all the time in the world? Just something to think about. God Bless..Kathy

When you first get home from work, the temptation is to get everything going for the evening routine. But your daughter obviously needs a little "mom fix". Try lavishing her with affection, reading her a book, playing with her in some way for 20-30 minutes as soon as you get home. Then, say "that was fun!! We can play some more later in the bathtub, but We need to have dinner now. Can you help/watch mommy make dinner?" Then give her some job to do, like washing a carrot with a washcloth or some silly thing that you think she might enjoy. My daughter used to like to stand on a chair at the sink and "wash" some plastic dishes in the sink with soapy water. I'd cover the area with towels and she would splash and occupy herself for long enough to make dinner. I would talk to her the whole time, telling her that she was helping and noting how much fun she was having doing her "job". My kids are older now, so I let them watch their hour of TV before dinner now.

It is hard being a working mom. You have to get really creative and turn the "have to do's" into a game. Like the cleaning up the house. Try and make it into a rewarding game that you can all play so it does not become an activity that pulls your family apart ("stay away from mommy so that I can get this done!!!!!" - you get the picture) Or if you really need to have it a certain way, and she can't help, then do it AFTER she goes to bed. She needs her mommy, and she needs you to be doing things with her.

And by the way, it gets very epic with two. Sometimes they occupy each other, yes, but you also have to spend time with each one as well as managing the relationship between the two. You probably want to stabilize this child before introducing another one into the mix.

Everything will be fine. Just make sure your little one feels that she is getting some mommy time and helping you in some way when you have to get things done. Chances are, after your 20 minutes of snuggle time, she'll be ready to play with daddy or play independently while you do your "chores!"

Your baby is ONLY 10- months old. THey are learning about their world... they don't know any 'rules' about the world yet. Imagine, your baby was only born 10 month ago. At this age...or any age of a baby... they are investigating their world...this is how THEY learn. They have curiosity. You should feel blessed that your child has this imagination in her... I've seen babies who don't or who are learning disabled, or who just sit there and don't do anything out of fear of their parents. It's sad. Yes, I know it's not easy and it's not easy keeping a child out of harm's way. But that is how it is. A child must PLAY in order to learn...this is how they learn and develop skills and physical coordination among many other things. Yes, babies grab anything... they are learning and teaching themselves how things work. Encourage it.... babies need this. Growing up in a "no-no" home would not foster any skills. Of course a baby will not like it when you take something away...they are having fun and learning. Unless it is a danger to them or a safety hazard...let them play with things. They are experimenting. They will throw things around. This is a given. They will want ALL of your attention, this is a given. They will want you to play with them all the time, this is a given. But sure...teach them simple ways of what is not allowed. Remember, at this age long 'explanations' is not the best, as cognitively, they are not ready for this. Just keep it simple... "no no, this is not yours" etc. OR, have a special drawer or cabinet in your kitchen JUST for your baby where she can get into it and grab anything she wants. T-e-a-c-h her that this is HER cabinet. It is also good to read about baby development so you will be abreast on what each age stage does, and how you can best encourage your baby. This is a must for parents. Try www.babycenter.com it's a great site. Of course, it's not easy getting things done with a baby underfoot...and husbands are there to distract them, and be thankful he helps this way. That's great, not all husbands do this. But remember, each child is different... with their own personalities. My first child was more needy and wanted my company ALL the time. My second baby, now 11 months old, is more independent and can just keep himself busy. He's learning what he can and cannot do, given his age. There is no secret silver bullet as to keeping a baby out of the way so Mommy can do things around the house. It's just constant juggling, and distracting the baby and tending to them ALL at the same time. Maybe if you can afford it, get a Nanny to watch your baby for a few hours a day or part time, so you can have time to yourself. That's what my friend does. Being a Mommy is hectic. But it's wonderful to see your child grow up. Understand that you can do it! Every Mommy does it. We are Super Women! Find a way that works for you. Having a 2nd baby is fine.... but it WILL be BUSIER. Just be sure that you can handle that... or space out your children more. Or if you want to have one soon, then prep for it and discuss with Hubby and how you will BOTH need to be helping each other more. It IS do-able.
Good Luck.
~susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

This is motherhood! I'm sorry to say there is no magic answer. We all go through this, especially you Mom's that work outside the home. Your baby needs your attention 24/7 and although no one can do that - you have to remember she only knows that she wants love and attention - she doesn't know you are tired, or stressed, or that you have a million things to do around the house. You should start organizing your time better - perhaps cooking meals for the week on Sunday so you can spend more quality time with her when you get home at night. My daughter went thru the same stuff, still is. She's 17 months old today - and every week brings a new challenge. She still pulls the bottles out of the refrigerator door whenever she's within reach of it when it's open. I usually just take it away and say No, not a toy. I distract her when I can, but sometimes she just wants me to hold her and play with her. Right now, I have to deal with her constantly wanting me to sit down next to her and draw or play. She get really frustrated when I get up to clean or get my coffee, or whatever! LOL It's her job - to just figure out how to do and get what she wants. Be patient. It's just how it is with little ones. Go ahead and have the 2nd one, I always hear it's actually easier w/ 2, and of course your 10 month old will have a play mate - which eventually will make things easier for you and hubby. Good luck!
K.
Kellyis.stayinhomeandlovinit.com
(If you knew those products were poison, would you still buy them?)
myspace.com/luvinstayinhome

Well,the fridge is an easy fix,go to walmart,they have child proof locks,kept my daughter out and my neighbor just got one cause her daughter is the same way.As for throwing toys,she throws it,she gets it taken away and doesn't get it back till she has calm down and she knows she won't get it back till she has started to behave.All babies cry and are going to want to get their way,just remember who is the adult.If she doesn't want your husband to play with her,then put her in her play pen with some toys,or crib or whatever,if she throws them all out,explain to her when she is finished crying and decided to behave herself,she may have them back and get out.Works with my daughter,and everyone is amazed at how well behaved she is.And also,if the fridge is open when you get home,I'm guessing that means you didn't take her with you and either your husband or a friend is watching her,and maybe not completely paying attention like they should,not trying to insult or anything,but kids are quick to get into stuff,especially if they know they aren't suppose to.Just be firm and consistent in everything you do then she'll start seeing who's boss.

My daughter is very strong willed (as I sense our daughter may become). From her birth, I have been told by my mother (another strong willed woman) to pick my battles with my little one. There are certain things that are NOT OK in our house....hurting anything/anyone, causing unrepairable damage, etc. But alot of stuff we let her do her own thing....even tho its sometimes more work for us.
If you're trying to put groceries away and she pulls the stuff out to find the mayo...let her play with the mayo. What's the worst that could happen, you have to put stuff back in the fridge and she learns to be an awesome drummer.
I also believe when my little one is acting up like that, its because she needs more of my attention than she's getting. Maybe you can cook several meals over the weekend so that when you come home at night you can spend more time with her and less cooking. If you need to cook everynight, get a baby backpack to put her in (not the front kind when you're cooking). Let her be close to you, looking over your shoulder, tell her what you're doing as you go (she may become an awesome chef).
Good luck

As Kelly pointed out, there is no magic answer that will work for all kids.

One thing I can say I STRONGLY feel helped with my son was teaching him some simple sign language. By 10-12 months he could tell me: Milk, Eat, More, Help, Play, Dirty, and Night-Night. He also understood wait, yes, and no. Most children can't really use verbal communication before 18 months or beyond, but they CAN communicate physically starting as young as 3-6 months. Their brain is working FAR before their vocal chords. you can go to http://commtechlab.msu.edu/Sites/aslweb/browser.htm to learn how to sign almost anything. Then to inplament them with her you say the word and show the sign when you're doing what the sign means. So to teach her play you would say "do you want to play?" and show her the sign. Then play with her and move her hands to do the sign while saying "are we playing?" Within about 5 days or so she will show you "play" when she wants to to so. The ABSOLUTE most helpful sign I taught him was "help". Once he started walking, this sign was such a tantrum halter. He would start to fuss and come get me signing "help". I'd follow him to find out what he wanted. Sometimes it was something he'd dropped, sometimes a toy that was to far down in the bin for him to get by himself. My sister-in-laws all said they'd wished they'd have taught it to their kids when they were so young.

Another suggestion would be start a routine that you will follow EVERY day, even weekends. For example, if you normally pick her up from day care at 5:00, then get home around 5:30, I'd try something like the following. 5:00-5:30 is non-stimulating parental interaction or play alone time. At 5:30 give her 15 minutes of HIGHLY stimulated Mommy time, 5 minutes of Mommy & Daddy time, then let Daddy keep the fun going until dinner is ready. Give Dad a 10 minute warning so he can bring the play session down to a calm, so she isn't TOO wild for dinner. After dinner let her follow you and Daddy as you do the house chores. My son LOVES to "help" us. At about 12 months we started giving him a dry towel to "dust" with. By this time it is probably 7:00 or 7:30. If you do night baths, toss her in, get her clean, and dress her for bed. Once she's asleep you and hubby can finish up any chores you have left, or work on that 2nd child you would like to have! :O)

I hope it works for you~ J.

Hi A. :) I have a 14 month old daughter who does pretty much the same thing. If I am at the fridge, she is at the fridge, if I sit on the couch to rest, she is right at my knees whining. (I don't know about your child but mine is an expert at whining lol) And Dad is NOT a suitable substitute.
I have tried to go with the "pick your battles" approach too. Pulling stuff out of the fridge happens a lot. And even though it is frustrating, she could be reaching for the cleaning supplies. Like the other mom said, if it's not going to hurt her then let her have it until you can distract her with something else.
My house gets cluttered and it bothers me but I have to bear in mind that even if I straighten, it will be messy again before an hour has passed. In the living room I keep a stand up laundry bag by the sofa with all of her toys so when I need to clean up I throw them all in there.
Sometimes, though, it comes down to sitting on the floor with her for twenty minutes or so. If I really have things to do, I lay her in her crib for twenty minutes.
Good luck to you, I know it's hard when you go through this day after day. If you need anything feel free to email me. :)

Try when you get home the first thing to do is spend 20 to 30 minute with and then let her know you need to make dinner, also have your husband play with you guys so that when you do need him to play her she wants to, my husband and i know when our 19 month old need our attention we do something she wants like, going oustide, coloring, or just palying with her toys.
you and your husband continue to be consistant.make it a routine that you come play and then tend to dinner.
hope this helps
J.

My daughter is very strong willed as well. she'll throw a fit just because I walk in the room. She's fine playing with toys and starts screaming, not crying, but screaming for me to pick her up. So I do,and I put her in her bedroom with NO toys. When she's done crying she gets put back in the playpen, or whatever it was she was doing before. Just distracting doesn't work even at this age, she has to know it's wrong.
It also helps if Dad does part of it too, so you're not the only bad guy!! :)

A.,

I am the parent of 4 children. My daughter is 18, 2 twin son's are 16 and my 5 year old son. Every parent goes through this whether they are working or stay at home (I have been both).

Giving them a choice of a new item when taking something else away might help. Also when in the kitchen I have found that giving them pots and pans or(a little quieter) large tupperware containers with a couple large spoons (wooden) are great. She wants to be like mom, so pretend to stir stuff in container or pan and even pretend to taste (slurp) stuff in container. She will love it. She can also drum on it if it is turned upside down. These items will have to be cleaned before putting away, but it will be well worth it.

Also, you could plan to spend 5-10 minutes FIRST with her and eat 5-10 minutes later. Or your husband can get items out for you as you are enjoying your reconnection with your daughter. A word to the wise is do not clean until your daughter is asleep. Having a family means that sometimes a little mess is okay. Relaxing your cleaning standards rather than losing your sanity is a good thing. Paying for help once a month or every other week can make a big difference if affordable. If your daughter is being watched at your home your care giver should be picking up, what happened on her watch, before she leaves.

Know that any pregnancy could be twins, so make sure that you are ready (psychologically and monetarily)for one extra baby before trying to get pregnant again. My daughter was 13 months old when we were surprised with another pregnancy (we would have waited another 3-6 months otherwise). My daughter was 22 months old when I surprisingly gave birth to twin boys and needed a emergency C-section. My daughter regressed in her toilet training and we ended up with a $150 diaper bill for over 6 months. We had a lot of help but the strain put a crack in our marriage and we divorced 3 years later. So my recommendation is to get your situation discussed with "what if's" talked about.

Sorry if I got a little bit down towards the end there but I would love to have someone have a small window in the future through the problems I have had to go through. My main advice is have fun with your daughter and husband. Those little ones grow up so fast that you need to enjoy every moment that you can be with them.

Good Luck,

Evelyn

Ok this is going to sound brutal, but...stop worrying about the house, etc...your child needs some attention. She does not see you all day and seems to be suffering seperation anxiety. I would come home, spread out a blanket on the grass or sit on the floor and spend quality time with her, no cleaning, no cooking, etc...she will get to a point of satisfaction but you need to let her know that you are there for her and she is the most important. It would be different if you were with her all day. Unfortunately us Mom's have to work and they just want their Mommies. I have an eight month old and I work from home and somedays she just needs me and others she is very independant. If you have anxiety about getting away from play time and just try and get her involved in something to get away, trust me, these babies are smart and they know the tricks. Just relax, touch her, tickle her back, sing to her and just give her your time and love, she will turn around. I put my Sarah in her highchair with some grapes and some spoons and little kitchen items and keep her right with me in the kitchen, she loves it, she is with me...I have even let her stir something and show her what I am doing and when I am done cooking I let her taste it...she now knows what I am doing. I hope you get some good time with her and I hope her anxiety subsides...love to you all..D.

It's just horrible to hear your child cry, and so frustrating when you have to get things done. But hold the line, firmly and gently--it pays off. Be pragmatic. Keep her in her walker, high chair, or a playpen so that she can't get into the fridge or cabinets when you're putting stuff away. Childproof the doors with latches. Give her something acceptable to play with, knowing she might just throw it down, but that's her choice. Before starting a task, if she's wanting your attention, take a few or 5 minutes to give her that attention, telling her your plan to play for a few minutes, stop to do some work, and then check on her. As she starts to get more verbal, include in your talking to her an acknowledgement of what you think she's feeling, e.g. "I understand you might be feeling ____." Your planning on doing your task with frequent breaks with her, instead of your usual desired uninterrupted timeline, might make it more peaceful in the long run. And another baby? New baby needs won't wait for big sister's crying for attention. More ideas on coping: book titled "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" by Mary S. Kurcinka