My husband just got a new job in another state. We are going to be in a very rural area, which we are really excited about. The moving isn't the problem. I've heard that children have a hard time and tend to slip in their behavior when it comes to moving. We are definitely experiencing this and I'm hoping that I can get some advice on how to deal with it. (even though it is exciting, it's also very stressful. On all of us!)
Here's my situation, if you have any tips for any of my children I'd appreciate it!
My 1 year old is definitely getting more needy and attached to me. She is very shy, but it seems a bit overdone that she starts to cry if anyone looks at her. Sometimes she won't even go to my husband without putting the death grip on me and my clothes. My boys were very friendly and open to meeting new people. I know she has a different personality, but I don't think this is totally normal.
My 2 year old has always been a very obedient boy. He does do crazy things and gets in trouble sometimes, but he has been acting up a lot more recently and becoming a lot more defiant. I know he's 2 (2 1/2) and that is how they are, but it has been in only the last two weeks or so (when we found out that we're moving) that I have noticed a dramatic change.
My 4 year old (turned 4 two weeks ago) is struggling the most! He's still in diapers but knows how to go potty. He always keeps his diaper dry at night and always goes in the morning when he wakes up. (it's kind of a backwards situation with other factors that I'm not going to bring up right now - don't judge me for having him still in diapers :) ) He has even started going in the evening on the potty. Well, in the last week he refuses to go in the morning at all! He goes so much in the morning that he often pees out of his diaper. I am getting so frustrated at this because he has been doing so well for the last 3+ months, which I know doesn't help. Today we sat on the toilet singing songs, reading books, etc for 30+ min. It wasn't so much of a power struggle to get him to stay and we had fun. But I had to go so bad that I finally gave up. 2 min later he peed in his diaper! Ahh! This is the main thing that has really been hard for us! We have been talking that when he turns 4 he would be in big boy underpants and no more diapers. Then we found out we were moving and my husband and I really don't want to deal with accidents in the car when we're going to be driving across the country in a week or so. We decided that we'll just potty train both boys right when we get there. Maybe that was a bad idea, but we are stressed out too and don't feel like we are in the right place to deal with this right now. But I really hate to see him digress even though I've heard that's normal.
I am mostly not worried about my younger two. It's mostly my oldest as he's more aware of what is going on. At night sometimes he gets really sad and tells me he doesn't want to move. Though sometimes he gets sad and wants to go to our new house already (and he gets excited about it as well).
I just want to make sure that I make this a positive experience for him and that he is happy when we get there! (We will be moving to a bigger home with a backyard which we don't have right now. So it will be a lot nicer for all of us to have more room to play and roam.)
Anyway, thanks in advance for your help!
That is very normal for them to digress when there are major changes. What they are all doing is normal. They don't know how to express how they feel about their little worlds turning upside down. Your oldest I think in some ways is a power struggle though but with these changes I would expect nothing less. This is the one thing in his life that he can control. Just hand in there!!!!
Good luck and God Bless!!!!
I would just try to maintain right now. Get the move completed and begin again when you get settled in at your new home. Your heart is not in the training right now and the stress of the premove is being felt by your kids.
Make this time fun by taking pictures of the house you are in now and what they like about it. Take pictures of the places the two older ones like like the park and such. Put these pictures in two separate books (one for each child) and let them express what they think and you write it for them.
Then make a chart or calendar up for the move and when you leave. Post this on the frig about two weeks before the actual move because they don't understand time like we do. I learned this the hard way with my son when we got orders and told him about three months in advance. Everyone was tired of hearing him say he was moving and wished he was gone by the time we moved.
Good luck with the job and your new home.
The other S.
PS Your littlest one is too young to know what is really going on. All of your kids wil adapt to their new surroundings. Just think positive and find new things for them to do.
The weeks leading up to a move are very stressful. Right before we were ready to move across country, I had my kids go to a babysitter most days just so I could pack and they were entertained. My kids were older than yours, but a move is stressful at any age. My kids were both 3 1/2 before giving up diapers, but when they finally did, it was for good and we didn't have very many accidents. I finally learned that a kid will be trained when they are ready, not by yours or anyone elses schedule. It would be nice not to deal with 3 kids in diapers for your trip, but it may be easier to just wait till the move is over.
As for the clinging 1 year old. I think that is just normal. Some kids are just that way. My older child was very outgoing and didn't have any problems adjusting to new situations, but my son clung for the longest time. He just finished kindergarten and now the roles are started to be reversed. As my daughter gets older she is the more shy one.
I don't know if this will help, but maybe you can get htem excited about the move by telling them they get a new room and will get to decorate. Maybe let them pick out some things for their "new" room. the dollar store has those wall stickers and all kinds of fun cheap things that they can go crazy with. It will make it feel more like their own!
We moved across country with a potty training toddler. We explained to him that we would try to stop for bathrooms as often as possible but that he would be wearing pullups just in case. We stopped every 1-2 hours but I was amazed at how well he held it until we go to the next stop. It took a long time to travel, but I'm glad we took such frequent stops for him to get out and run and climb things. Milk before naptime and bedtime were important comforts to him so we made sure to stop at a convenience store in time to get a little bottle of milk for him each time. It wasn't cheap, but it helped him a lot. He also helped pack his travel toy bag with a handful of his favorite toys, favorite pillow, and blankie. I'm glad I let him participate in that because I would have chosen different toys. We drove a moving truck with our son in his car seat in the front seat between us. He was so happy to be able to see all the cars and trucks from that viewpoint. If you are driving a truck, I would look into the possibility of letting your oldest ride in the truck for a time. Good luck and God Bless!
