Moving Need Advice

I would say two things - first, of course, if you're really worried and it's not going to make matters difficult for you to stay than stay, but.... If you are moving to a "nicer" (i.e. expensive) neighborhood, then the fact of the matter is the public schools there will be very nice. If you were moving to a big city or something it might be different, but I think allowing her to be "scared" of public school is bordering on oversensitive. Public schools in nice towns are, well, nice. If you can move during the summer and ask the school to introduce you to a few families so you/she can hang out before school starts and get to know a few people it will help to ease the transition. Good luck what ever you decide, but remember - kids are more resilient than we ever give them credit for!!! ;-)

I think if you are going to move I'd do it sooner than later. Once you get into late middle school and high school breaking into an established group of friends is harder. At least in my experience. I moved twice in middle school and once in high school. High school was the hardest because like your daughter I went from a small private school (32 kids in my class) to a few hundred in my graduating class. It won't be easy and there will be transition for all of you but getting her involved and encouraging her to put herself out there is the best thing to do for her. And remind her you'll be close enough to go visit on the weekends to see her old friends.

I hope my story can set your mind at ease. My family just went through a move to another state last year. My 7 year old was going to a small private school at our old location, and we were very happy. I thought it was the best possible place for her because she also is shy and I worried about her in a bigger classroom and school, away from protection. But we moved to a community with excellent public schools and very expensive housing, so private school was not an option for us. I worried all summer and then school started. She was nervous, sure, but she has made the transition so much better than I ever could have hoped. She has made lots of new friends, loves her new school and teacher, and even told me that she would not move back if given the chance. This is the same child who was so angry and sad that we were moving in the first place. It turns out that she is actually better off in a bigger classroom and seems happier. I never would have guessed this if you had asked me a year ago. So don't feel like you are ruining her life if you think you are making a good family decision--she will recover and may even do better in a new school than in her old one. Good luck.

I've moved my older daughter twice. Once right before 3rd grade and another this year going into 10th grade. Both were hard. When she was younger, she cried she would miss her friends. When she was older, she cried she would miss her friends. Both times, she made new friends no problem and it didn't take long at all. In both instances, I've found involving her in sports activities and clubs really helped ease the transition. The first time we moved, I had her go to day camp in the new town and she met some friends before school started. This summer, I had her join the town swim team and she met some great kids before 10th grade.
It's not easy, but just think, families do this ALL of the time. And kids are fine. I wouldn't let it stop you from moving. I would help her make the transition by playing an active role in getting her involved in different activities in the new town. You can start by calling the recreation departement, the town hall, etc... I sought advice from complete strangers who were more than willing to help me out. Good luck!

My mom said that if she could go back, she wouldn't have moved. She would've waited, then she could have afford to send me to the private
high school in our area (which is located in the town we moved to vs an hour from our old home)
We moved before the start of 7th grade (at the suggestion of a friend, instead of waiting till the end of 8th grade) so that I would be able to make friends before high school. I attended my private school since 2nd grade with less than 100 kids per grade, moved to a public school with a couple hundred, and then four towns attended the same high school. It was really hard for me to make friends and fit in. It seemed like everyone had been friends since kindergarten. Then Sophomore year my school divided the towns to 2 towns per school, so I lost more friends.
My brother and sister have grown up in their town their whole life and have stable friendships. My mom encouraged sports for them and their friendships grew. (I was way to shy to try out for anything by myself after being made fun of during 7th grade cheerleading tryouts, which I never told my mom about)
I'm a very shy person, it takes time for me to establish a friendship. Right now I don't have any friends, no childhood friends, and no friends from school that I talk to.

Ultimately, you will have to make the decision that is best for your family. Your happiness is important too. I went from public school to private school to public school. Transitions are not easy as a child, but I have turned out to be an adaptable person. My recommendation would be to help your daughter with the fear of the unknown. I am sure the principal of the new school would be willing to have your daughter visit for a day or a few hours. I would Al's explain that you will be close to the old neighborhood and you can always visit with friends from the old school. Friendship does not have to end just because she moves. Good luck.

You have a choice, so it's not like you have to move right now because of a job. You know your daughter best and if there is a good chance the move will be traumatic at her age, then wait. The years pass quickly and children change and grow. She may be more mature and ready for a move in a year or two. Or you may see that waiting til she goes to high school is the best time for this change. It sounds like you are uncomfortable about moving her now so only you can decide whether it's worth the risk to go now or wait. In my case, my son loves his high school and I'm waiting til he graduates to make a move. For me, it's worth it to hang tough for a couple of years knowing I'll get my turn to do what's best for me when he graduates.