Movies or Bad Dreams

Get real. Who is the parent? You are being manipulated. Take him to the library. His new routine is reading to prepare for bed. Children need adequate sleep not a movie. Children need parents with who love them enough to enforce rules and boundaries that help them adjust to real life where you do not always get what you want so you strive for what you need.

How about reading him a book? Tell him it's special, and that it's one he'll have to "read" later and this will help him.

It doesn't sound to me like there's any harm in letting him have his movie, so long as there are no side effects of doing so.
I do know that flashing ambient light can interrupt sleep, so I would recommend putting a timer on his TV so that it turns itself off once the movie has ended.
Most people reprocess information in their sleep. It's very possible that watching a fun movie before bedtime DOES give him better dreams.
Lots of kids have bad dreams because they are taking in a great deal of information during the day. Sometimes it's just sensory overload. I'd say unless there's a real reason to worry, let him have this distraction.

Is it really that big of a deal. He's 11 old enough to let you know that this is something he "needs". Home schooling is great but maybe this is his social interaction.

My boys go to sleep every night watching cartoons. Anythig to help them sleep and sleep well.

Hi L.,

I homeschool as well and we have a similar routine. What is it you don't like about the movie? Is it the type of movie, the stimulation at bedtime, the noise at night or is it he's already had TV or a movie during the day? (Your fortunate it's your son, my husband is the one that insists on the movie at bedtime, lol.)

Honestly. as he gets older you may be able to substitute a different kind of reward that might intrique him more. My 16 year old has absolutely no interest in TV or movies anymore while my 13 year old is still at the fascination stage. That being said, my 13 year old will gladly give up a movie for a better option during the week. Of course we have never had the nightmare issue as a variable.

If this is just an annoyance for you and he is the very obedient boy you described, you might want to just limit the types of movies he watches. (I'm sure you already do but you could tighten those parameters.) I've let my kids listen to sermonaudio.com at bedtime. It has downloaded sermons and I can pick from men I know and sometimes it's just the voice tone that can soothe. I guess you can use it as "white noise" which may be all he needs to prevent the thoughts of nightmares.

God bless!

M.

since tv at night can cause interruptions in sleep patterns, maybe you should try breaking him of his "addiction." like, let him know sunday night is peaceful night, or something like that, and allow him to listen to a cd or something instead. do that for a couple of weeks and then make one more day a week a reading night, and let him pick a new book at the library or bookstore (that you have approved of course). work your way down to perhaps just one night a week of a tv show and maybe one night a week with a movie.

You're the parent. If you do not want him to watch movies at bedtime, then don't allow it. If you cave in to what he wants because he gave you an excuse, he will know that he can manipulate you again in the future. Kids have bad dreams. It's not a big deal. They're only dreams. But it certainly worked as a great excuse, didn't it? Put your foot down.

K.

Hi L.- as long as he is doing ok, and is actually going to sleep, I wouldn't worry about it. I have problems falling asleep, too- always have, even as a child. I'd get caught up in my thoughts and start worrying about everything in the world and then just lie there panicky. Maybe that's what he means by bad dreams. I don't think it's any big deal, just some people need to tune out before they go to sleep. I would say, though, to keep an eye on his sleep. I never watched tv, but I would listen to cassette tapes (remember those?) over and over, and I got to the point where I would stay awake for hours listening to them.

You're the parent! If you don't think it's good for him go with that. Perhaps there is another soothing and peaceful alternative bedtime routine, such as some soft music playing or a family book reading time (maybe starting a series that you all read together before bed, like Chronicles of Narnia or Lord of the Rings or a similar book series).

If he does have bad dreams, deal with them after the fact. And let him know that movies and tv don't prevent bad dreams, they might still happen anyway.

Make sure it's an issue you're willing to see through if you start it though.

Sounds like you and your son worked out a great deal. If he does what he is supposed to do, then you have to let him have his movie. As long as the movies are short and wholesome, what the heck. As long as he is not up all night watching TV.

It is amazing how the mind of an 11-year-old works! I have an 11-year-old daughter, so I understand! My daughter has to read each night before she goes to bed. It helps her get sleepy and has become her routine (habit). Of course, we are happy with that habit! (Our children do not have TVs in their rooms).

Try suggesting that your son read, draw or journal before going to bed--something different. However, I know a lot of people (children and adults) that have to watch a little TV in bed before they go to sleep. It is like a nightly ritual.

Have you seen your son have bad dreams when he doesn't watch TV before bedtime? Chances are TV is his bedtime ritual that he is comfortable with. If he does well with his school work, plays well during the day, and does not lose privileges with bad behavior, I would let him watch his movie each night. However, place limits on how long he can watch and what he watches.

What possible harm could come from an 11 yo boy watching Leave It To Beaver at bedtime? I know it's not the movie itself that worries you, but rather the act of falling asleep by watching a movie, right? If it helps him to sleep better, I say let him watch his movie.

Who's in charge?

Maybe "wean" him off t.v. Like, first week t.v. for 30 minutes. Then, 20, etc. until there's no t.v. He could read a book instead -- that's getting a story and also working on reading skills.

Hon, I really think you should let him see his movie every night. I love the idea of home schooling so don't get me wrong, but that movie he likes so much maybe an interaction for him. It gets him thinking and he probably goes to sleep thinking about it. Kids have such a wonderful imagination and his "every night" movie is his private space. Good Luck!!!!

I personally don't like the tv for sleeping either. Could you have him watch the episode in the family room all ready for be then head in to bed. If you tell him it is still his treat for getting up and such but you don't want the tv in his room it might still work.

Best of luck!

Sincerely,
K.

PS we homeschool too

As some previous have said why not audio books or just music? When I was little (I am 36 now!) I listened to records every night as a child. Though it was stories like Cinderella, 3 blind mice - all those old songs/stories. There's nothing wrong with me! LOL I usually let my 2 boys go to bed with a movie so I understand. But they alternate between movies/radio/audio books.

Ask him and see if he is receptive.

M.

My daughter also gets tv at bedtime. She says helps her sleep and it does work. She doesn't like the dark. Basically it's the light coming from the tv that makes her feel better about sleeping. We have her set the timer for 30 minutes so that it shuts it's self off.

I don't know if this would be helpful or not, but maybe he would compromise with you and listen to audiobooks instead of watching videos? I have almost 5 year old twins who go to sleep this way -- I'm not always sure that it helps the bedtime routine, but it doesn't make it worse and they get to listen to a lot of great stories this way. I don't know how an 11-year-old would feel about this, but it's an idea. We started with cds available in the kids' section of our local library, and there are many great ones available for purchase as well. I'm pretty careful about our selections since they are only 4, but we've listened to Laura Ingalls Wilder, Boxcar Children, Sid Fleischman, Avi, Kate DiCamillo, Narnia, Magic Tree House. They just got some Story of the World (Susan Wise Bauer) for Christmas. I would think the options for stories that would interest an 11-year-old would be even broader. If you offered to alternate audio one night and video the next, maybe he would get interested enough in the story to stick with the audio anyway? Probably wishful thinking :) and I certainly know nothing about 11 year olds. Best of luck!

I would take the TV out of the room. My daughter had one in her room and she wasn't getting good sleep, I'd go in there and she'd still be up late at night. Your body is programed to sleep in darkness, with the light from the TV there it doesn't allow your brain to get the good REM sleep you need.
I would put a lamp by his bed on a timer and allow him to read at night instead of watch TV. The books are better for him and he can play the movie in his mind. Get him some "choose your own adventure" books or other chapter books with subjects that he enjoys. Or non fiction books on subjects he's interested in. I got this book for my 6th grade niece for Christmas and she loves it already. http://www.amazon.com/Mysterious-Benedict-Society-Trenton...
I got it at target, not amazon.
And the Eye Wonder series seen here http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?S...

Are a great non fiction type series and there's one series above this that I can't remember the name of if his reading level is higher than what these have but they have lots of cool pictures as well as facts.

I did an experiment in college showing how the last thing you are thinking about when you go to sleep stays in your head all night. If think about holding on to something all night long while you're falling asleep you will wake up with that thing in your hand. So, what we do at bedtime is talk about happy things. At 11 yrs. it'll take some time to get him out of the habit if it's been a regular thing all these years, but you might try talking about playing a "movie" in his head. Make up his own movie about things he loves or likes to do. My girls are younger, so we talk about being able to fly, bouncing on marshmallow clouds, and sliding down rainbows with their favorite friend. If they've done something exciting recently we'll talk about that. They just need to think about good thing until they're asleep and chances are great that bad things will not enter their dreams unless maybe there are underlying negatives to the subject they choose or other big life stressers they're going through they can't ignore. Stand firm! You are the mom and you can't let them manipulate you. If he said he would have bad dreams without a pacifier would you let him still have it? I know it's a bit different, but it's all I could think of. He needs to learn to handle his own thoughts and dreams without using a tool to sleep well. I say nip it, be the wonderful loving mom by doing what you know is right, and help him to grow past this idea of "bad dreams always come without a movie". TV is generally stimulating to the brain even with simple shows anyway, because of the way the scenes switch/flash from one thing to the next without seeing the natural progression of things. I agree with another post that even drawing, reading, or writing in a journal would be better than TV, 'cause they aren't typically stimulating. Hope this helps. My contact info. is at www.MissLaLasTreehouse.com if you want to chat more. LaLa

Try talking to him about it. Ask him why he thinks he'll have bad dreams if he doesn't watch a movie and talk to him about what he's feeling. Maybe there's another issue here somewhere. Tell him why you don't think it's a good idea. Maybe you could ask him to try going to sleep for a night or two without the movie and see if he really does have bad dreams. Offer him a reward (a trip to the ice cream store or some inexpensive toy he's been wanting) after he can go to sleep without a movie for 3 nights in a row. Gradually build out to a week. Then maybe eventually his reward can be a movie night just on the weekend.
Also, see if you can replace the movie with something you like better. Does he have a radio in his room or a CD player? Maybe he would agree to try listening to music (that you approve of!) instead of television.
If none of the above works, keep in mind that, as parents, we have to "choose our battles." It sounds like you have a great kid. If he is doing all the things he's supposed to do and doesn't seem to be hurt by the bedtime movie, think carefully about why you don't want him to watch it and how important that really is to you in the grand scheme of things. There are so many worse things he could want to do--this seems relatively harmless as long as the movies are ones you have pre-approved. Leave It to Beaver is certainly pretty harmless and teaches wholesome values.
Good luck. And enjoy your boy! He sounds like a neat kid!

I like some of the ideas of taking the tv out of the bedroom. I think tv is ok as a reward. I like the idea of letting him watch x amount of tv at the end of the day in the family room. Then go to his room to sleep. If he needs help falling asleep there maybe he could listen to a story or read a book or listen to a soothing cd. My kids have books on cd that they listen to at night. It usually works. Sometimes they are still awake after the cd is over then I put on a soothing cd and that helps them.

Sounds like he is doing everything that he is supposed to do and that you approve of what he is watching, just not that he is watching it at bedtime. What is the big deal if he watches a movie to fall asleep(especially if you program the sleep timer on the TV to turn off when it is over)? If you are concerned about the underlying "bad dream" issue, then talk to him. You have already told him that he can have his movie night as long as he meets your conditions and he is doing that. Taking it away sounds unfair to me, especially if this is really the only "problem" that you have. To me, that would be teaching him that it doesn't matter if he does what he is told, he still won't get what he was promised. That is not a lesson I care to teach my daughter. Just my humble opinion.