Moved..

R.: We moved three years ago when my son was also five and had just started school. By December he was crying every morning and did not want to go to bed because he knew it brought him closer to school the next day. We conquered it with the following things. We went to a birthday party and I stayed for most of the party. It was a stroke of luck someone had a party, however you might think of taking the initiative and have a Valentines Day Party or some winter celebration of your own and invite the girls or a select group of kids from the class and contact the school office for addresses. Then we asked the teacher of a name of a student that was a good mix for him and invited them over for two hours once or twice a month regularly. This was an undertaking as we live in the country but well worth it. Next, we established a regular bedtime routine, left his light on and yes, he still sleeps in my bed when he feels insecure. My husband frequently works in Chicago, has the same philosophy as your husband but my personal philosophy is this. We snuggle babies and make them feel secure and then wean them to sleep alone only to reverse the process when we are adults. One of my favorite things to do is to climb into bed at night and feel secure with someone next to me. It seems more natural than psychologically unsound to want to sleep with someone who brings you comfort. If waiting till she gets to sleep confines you and your needs for time, establish a tucking into bed and checking on her in fifteen minutes system. That works well for us and frees me up greatly. Good luck to you as well. Don't forget to reach out yourself. Our local church was a life saver for me and has also helped my son if you are open to that idea. J.

I agree with everything Janet said. I think you need a plan to make her feel "at home" in every aspect of her life that you have control over.

Have her help you decorate her room - pick a new paint color or put appliques up on the walls, or have her pick out some new toys or whatever. Let her make the room her own.

Then figure out ways for her to develop relationships with other kids at school. The idea of giving a little party is good. Or calling a parent or two and asking if they'd like to come over with their child (that's a 2-fer - you can make a friend too). Or start her in a gymnastics program or anything.

Go volunteer one day a week at her school. Your presence will normalize the new classroom for her. Or maybe meet her for lunch in the lunchroom!

As for sleeping together, I think you shouldn't feel bad about it, as long as you are working toward normalizing the other areas of her life. It's a comfort thing for her right now. Tell your husband that you have a plan to get her over her fears, and that this is temporary. And maybe get her a big stuffed animal or doll that can be with her when you're not there.

Good luck to you!

Does she have a special pet to sleep with? Each of my kids have a cat to sleep with. This is how we finally got them sleeping in their own beds and staying there. Even a fish tank with a light in it seems to make a big difference. My son has aquatic turtles with a light. It's not very bright, but he likes to lay in his bed and watch them as he falls asleep. Sometimes he says he's afraid to sleep in his room so he will sleep on the couch. We let that happen only two days in a row and he's back in his room. We tell him his turtles are lonely and need him in there or they can't sleep. Works like a charm!

Hello,i personally dont see anything wrong with co sleeping. my daughter is 2 and i sleep with her in her room every night.i also have a one yr old boy but he sleeps in his own room and has since he was 6 weeks old but my daughter has never slept alone she was in our room when we brought her home,then when she was 14 months old and her brother was a few weeks old she was dx with type 1 diabetes so i will NOT leave her in bed alone now for sure,i check her bg every 2 hours even through the night,she is now in her own room but i sleep in there with her,my hubby and i dont agree on when she is old enough to sleep alone either. he doesnt have to do the night checks so it wouldnt bother him to have me wake up and go downstairs about 4 times a night,but thats another issue both kids rooms are downstairs and ours is upstairs so just one more reason for me to continue to sleep down here with the kids...i honestly think it is good for children to sleep with a parent if they need that confort then so be it they should have it..i agree with you 100%.

R.-
I think what your doing is fine. If she is scared and feeling insecure because of the move, she needs you to be there and comfort her until she adjusts to her new home. She will gain her sense of security in due time. The thought of a dolly or stuffed animal to sleep with may help her get there alittle quicker. If you feel within yourself what your doing is right, keep doing it, you're her "mother", you know.
S. R.

Hi R.,
i have 3 little girls, 15 months, almost 3 year old and a 5 year old. the baby is the first to sleep in her own bed.
the other 2 alway slept with me, daddy was gone a lot too so they slept with me, but now he is home more often he wants them to sleep in their beds. sometimes we are all in bed together,all 5 of us.. but i think it is what makes your family happy. you and your hubby need time alone!!!even just to sleep but the kids are ok to sleep alone, if they have a baed dream let them lay with you but try to get them to fall asleep in their beds, read to them and say goodnight. but whatever makes the family get sleep and wake up happy!!!!

Honestly, your husband is right. You are getting into a bad pattern of having your daughter sleep with you. Kids need us parents to be in charge and right now your daughter is in charge. There's no doubt that she's having trouble with fear, but I would encourage you to try different strategies other than sleeping together. Talk about the fear during the day and also explain to her that beginning tonight (or whenever you choose to start) she will be sleeping in her own bed. Be prepared for a battle. She will use every weapon in her armory to get her way, but you need to stand firm. And yes, I share this from personal experience. We got into the same thing with our older two children when they were little and it was not wise.

Hi R.,

Welcome to California! It gets better with time trust me.

On your little girl, do what makes you and her comfy. If she has a bigger bed maybe sleep with her for a bit and then when she falls asleep sneak into the other room.

Good luck!

I think co-sleeping is a wonderful option - and then you are right there if your daughter needs you. So - no I don't think you are wrong.

Hey R. I am kind of in the same situation as you are, newly moved to Columbia and have no one for my kids to play with. My husband works a lot of hours and is out of town a lot. My kids are ALWAYS in my bed because he is always gone. My daughter used to have night terrors when she was a lot younger she is 21/2 and the phase did pass all we could do was try to hold her really close and let her cry scream etc. It lasted like 6 mos. AHHH!!! Change is hard for kids. I have an almost 1 year old a 21/2 year old and a 6 year old in kindergarten. And no you are not wrong for doing what makes being a mother easier on you especially since your husband is gone at night.

You both probably need the company when he is gone at nights. It is comforting to sleep with someone. You are doing what feels right for both of you- don't question yourself.