Mother's Day - Mechanicsburg,PA

I wouldn't even bother. Get one of those cards that are not mushy, that simply say "Happy Mothers Day". It should suffice.

I understand how cut flowers could be considered a waste of money, but what about flowers for the garden? A nice hanging basket, or some annual or perennial bedding plants? A framed family portrait is always appropriate for Mothers Day.

If my mom and I had no relationship and she was as negative as you say your mom is.... then mine would get nothing more than a card and she might not even get that, depending on her attitude.

A card. Hit the dollar store. That's what I do with my mom. I've even bought gifts there for her - she actually really liked one because it was something she was into at the time. They have soaps, fake flowers, candles, glass bowls with glass bead things, kitchen gadgets, etc. Don't stress yourself. Minimize contact with toxic people. Biology doesn't make a good parent.

Bless you for honoring your Mom, who cannot seem to nuture your relationship. Since gift cards have worked in the past, I'd recommend doing the same. And remember, that even though she does not express any appreciation, your gesture is still important.

Picture of your kids put on something nice like a small jewelry box or something. If a grandma complains about getting a picture of her grand kids then she doesn't deserve anymore gifts!!

I have a really hard time finding motivation to worry about the reaction to a gift when there is an unappreciative track record from the recipient.
So I would make it very generic. Gift card for gas, groceries. Or send something she can on any and nurture.
What does she get you?

Just go spend a little time with her. I understand totally the relationship issues...I get it. So, I drop in and take her to lunch or a movie. It is a pretty short date and shows that I am trying to reach out.

I also really try hard to let go of the expectations of the mommy role I wish she filled. I have to accept the hand I was dealt for parents...and try hard not to continue their cycle of mistakes and failures.

I often mourn the loss of a relationship we could have had....but my mother does not know how to really enjoy life or enjoy relationships with people. I have found other mother figures and have really close gal pals.

you are a sweetheart for putting this much thought into someone who is so negative about your efforts!
i really really dislike gift cards. they've become so ubiquitous that it seems to me that on 'gift giving' days like christmas everyone should just swap a handful of cash and then kvetch if you come out behind.
but this is one of the times when they're actually a Very Good Thing.
the best thing, of course, is time, but it doesn't sound as if that goes over very well either. i think a gift card and a pretty greeting card fill the bill nicely.
i don't have this problem myself. my mom and my little mumsie (stepmom) are both deceased. this will be my second mother's day without mumsie-wums, and while it's getting easier, it will still be a tough day. fortunately i still have my high-maintenance but very sweet and loving MIL.
khairete
S.

One year I could not figure out what to get my mom and it was the last minute. I bought a cheesy I love you Mom coffee cup and gave that to her with a nice card. She LOVES that thing and uses it every day. It is a pretty design and color. I thought I totally failed that year. I say it is the thought that counts...so maybe just stick with the gift card unless you see something you know she will like.

Sorry but some people aren't worth the time of picking out a gift. Get a gift card, a mother's day card from the dollar store and call it a day. She'll complain about anything you get so don't put yourself in the position of hurt feelings.

Kudos for putting in the effort even though you're not close. Don't ya just love the negative mothers?

I like the idea of spending a little time with her (even though she'll probably have a few negative things to say about it). To echo another poster, some people simply don't have the capacity to really enjoy things.

I have a relative like that.
Why bother.
Because no matter what you do, they will shoot you down for it.
That is what my relative does.... even to the point of telling my kids "don't be like your Mom..." and bad mouthing me to my own kids when something is not good enough, for HER. So why even bother spending time with someone like that.

But you seem to still want to give your Mom something.
Give her flowers.
There is nothing, that will please her.

She likes gift cards, you don't. The gift is for her, not for you. Buy a gift card.

I'm with the last post R K. I get the idea that only a gift card fits for her. This way she gets what she wants. After all nothing pleases her. Don't know the details here, but you may want to consider just leaving it be. You can't please a person like this.

I give you kudos for wanting to honor your mother, but if you're trying to please her and get some love no gift will do it. Does she really deserve a mother's day gift? What would happen if you did nothing?

Kim M has a great answer. Give her one more chance if you want and if it doesn't work, no more.

I feel for your sadness. Sending you the best of thoughts for encouragement with your situation.

If she likes gift cards and it will spare you complaints from her, stick with that.

When I was laid off from my job my mom suggested we stop exchanging gifts 4 adults at Christmas and insisted that she wanted nil for all other holidays. I hate it. I have done the nice pic of the kids (not a professional pic-but a pic I took framed with scrapbook paper), a floor in a hand painted by the kids pot, a garden stone with the kids handprints, etc.
What my brother did one year was to make one of those photo books (hardbound) but turned it into a funny story with pictures of all family members in it. Now she asks me for a photo book-but I'm no writer like he is!
If you know what type of circle she is in you may get ideas there. You know-get her something all the girls will be jealous of. What about personalized jewelry. I bought a picture pendant in sepia for myself and recieved a ton of compliments-so I bought one for my SIL and she said best gift ever!
Good luck!

Oh my how refreshing to hear from you. It was almost like you wrote me personally. I try, really try,.She doesn't like me. My husband even says that.
Anyway, I always send a something for mother's day. Yes, tried flowers. Yes tried gift cards. I guess I will give her dark chocolate or something she likes. I have tried clothes, one year I gave her a crockpot cookbook when she said she wanted to start cooking in the crockpot. ugh, she was disgusted. But she and her husband (my stepfather) seem to like soaps, from a nice place so perhaps that will be it.Good luck!

Make her homemade cookies or by her a box of Godiva chocolate.

Get a blank card at the Dollar Store (the kind with a pretty picture inside).

Inside write a short poem, a funny lymeric (sp?), her horoscope for the day or cut out a funny saying & picture from a magazine. Or include a
cool recipe you've cut out.

This way there is something inside but it's not personal (heartfelt words
from you that she can ignore or take apart). Hope that helps.

Thanks for all your input. In the end...I ended up with a gift card again. Feels like I'm cheating, but my husband tells me to let the guilt go. Good man. :)

Just take her out for lunch to a nice place- that serves food she likes, even though you are not close she is still your mother...that way you can at least spend a little time with her, as good or bad as that may be. To make the whole ordeal a little easier on you, try to just accept the relationship for what it is.