Mother in Law....

I love the response you already got. My son did not give up nap until he was 4.5 years old. I keep him napping until it effected him going to bed at night. Kids need a lot of sleep to learn and grow. I do not know how good you are at google but I love to read research and my mother in law knows that so she does not mess with my knowelege of whats best. Read read read and mom does know best.

My mother used to make comments about my son napping when he was that age. For some reason her generation believed that napping after a certain age was bad for a child. I knew she didn't say things to be mean, but just because she loved her grandson (and me) and wanted to be helpful. So I just took a deep breath and let it roll off. Often times I would joke, "Next you'll want me to make him sleep on his stomach!" Or, "Didn't you smoke when you were pregnant with me? AND drink?" Or I would just simply say, "WHAT? Are you kidding? I love naptime and I'm going to enjoy it as long as he lets me!" Got my point across but with the jokey tone of voice she couldn't get offended. The best advice, try not to let it bother you.
Good luck,
B.

Tell her that you have gotten much advice from other mom's that he will stop naps when HE is ready, not when anyone else is. Anyway, isn't it normal to nap until at least the age of 3 or 4?
-OR-
Let her know that he now has a 'quiet time' that he needs to be in his room, and if he falls asleep, it is okay.

Ask your Mom what you were like when you were napping age (if she remembers...but she probably will). Maybe the "good napping" is something that your son inherited from your side of the family. :)
Then, you can tell her that. Sometimes MILs forget that there are TWO families that made your little miracle.

Also, attachment parenting as a philosophy and parenting skill has been around since the late 60's, so I don't know if that's whats happening. I'm sure she held and cuddled and fed on demand all of her children. Dr. Spock was around back in the day, and I think all moms still rely on their Pediatricians. That hasn't changed.
Sometimes, MILs say negative things, kind of like reminding you that things don't always go so easy, and they've been there/done that with their own kids (which to them feels like yesterday, but to you--when you look at your 30 something husband--seems like ages ago!). She's trying to tell you that she's been there and has some valuable experience and is a source of support and advice. It seems that she's just not very good at expressing it in a positive way, or a way that doesn't grate on your nerves.
She may be feeling sidelined and that her parenting skills/experiences are of no value to you (which from the tone of your post, I picked up on too). Feeling like her opinions and experience aren't valued by you may be making her defensive, thus the waiting-for-you-to-fail comments come out.
How you can diffuse this, is to ask her lots of questions about her own kids, and what they were like (especially your husband). Notice that you're not explicitly asking for advice or what she did to parent them. By doing this, you're listening to her experiences and validating her own mothering. If she starts to give advice that you don't agree with, just ask another question about her kids. Moms can go on forever with this subject (as you know). As I said before, it takes two families to make a baby...maybe the end of naps comments will come true and you could listen to some of the history of your husbands upbringing. It might help to know.

Good luck
PS Be easy on her....you're gonna be a MIL someday, too.

She probably isn't going to stop saying something unless you flat out tell her, look, my son naps. When he doesn't want to nap he will stop. So my advice...just ignore her. It isn't like she's coming to your house banging on a drum insisting the child wake up, right? My MIL insisted that we use a certain kind of diaper cream. We took it, said thanks and never used it.

Naps specific - your son most likely still needs naps. Mine didn't stop until 4-5. Stick to your guns. There will prob. be many things you'll disagree on over the years, but you don't want to look back and regret not following your gut and common sense - even if it results in a rift between the two of you. It's your turn to be mom - mistakes and all.
Good luck.

I have a similar MIL and it can really get under your skin! I know my MIL loves my child, and me for that matter, but I just don't think she realizes how she says things and how it effects me. Anyways, in response to your question: Since she's been saying this and will most likely say it again, be prepared the next time she says it. Plan what you'll say so it comes across with a point, but also nicely so as not to damage your relationship.
Since you are home with your son doing child care, maybe tell her something along the lines of that. "Nap time/Quiet time is part of our normal daily routine. At my house, children have quiet time every afternoon, and if he's tired he can sleep, and if not he can lay down quietly to look at books." Something like that. This way, she can see that he has the option to stay awake if he wants, but you and I both know that your son with fall asleep everyday! You could even use your business to inform her of how important it is for children to have a little quiet time each day - in fact most kids will take a short nap until they are in school all day, if you ask me, because they really do need the rest! It's good for us moms, too, to have a little quiet time each afternoon - I mean, come on, if he was at her house, she'd want a break too, and be thankful he'd lay down for a little while! good luck and hang in there - you're definately not alone!

Just ignore her, KIDS let you know how long and often they need naps by what you said.....how they act, how tired they are, etc. I don't know what her problem is but your life is your own and you are the one who has to deal with your child and you know him inside and out! Trust yourself and don't listen to her.

You could always just ask her WHY she thinks that? Just be prepared with your reasons for keeping up the naps. Maybe she just needs to be heard out. Good luck.

We're going through this now, and have been for a while with my MIL. I call it the MIL-burn. She was furious that we didn't baptize our babies (we're not Catholic, and she's not even a practicisng Catholic anymore), she gave my daughter underwear and potty-related toys as her 2nd birthday gifts (huge hint there!) and now she comments on the napping. My oldest is 3 1/2 and didn't nap AT ALL until she was 2 years old, and by golly I am NOT giving up that nap time until SHE is ready to give it up, despite what my MIL says! We get hints all the time 'maybe she's too old for a nap!' on days when we tell the MIL we can't come over for dinner because our DD didn't nap. (My daughter is the same way, she can skip a nap but then by 5:00pm she is a nightmare to deal with until bedtime!) Just tough it out, it's not worth the strain on the relationship. Whenever I receive unsolicited advice from my MIL, I usually say non-commital things like "oh really? I haven't heard that" or i politely come back with "well, our pediatrician reccommends this...". I oftentimes say things like "well, I guess times are changing since it's all over the internet and media that...such and such is what's goign on now with kids and babies". It can be tough, but remind yourself that your MIL is probably just saying these things becasue she feels she is informed, and she loves your family! :-) Good luck with her!

Erika,
my son is a full year older than yours. If he doesn't nap, he is HORRIBLE. I love him to bits and he is usually a very gentle, kind, loving, well-behaved child, but skip that nap and... well... "BEAR" doesn't even BEGIN to describe it.

I really think they NEED a nap every day. Just like you, we are good with bedtime.

My father in law has ideas we just plain don't agree with, and what I do is flat out tell him what I think and then ignore it every time he brings those subjects up.

Of course if your MIL is watching your kid during what is supposed to be his nap time, you can't ignore it, you have to be firm about what he needs. You're the mom. Neither you nor your MIL (or any of the rest of us) know everything, but you still get to be the one who makes those kinds of decisions for your own child.

Ericka - not only is your wanting to nap, it's really important for him to nap for his body development. Children grow when they sleep. He's a baby, he needs to nap. His body is developing and growing.

Remind her that kids in the 60's took a nap in kindergarten.

Good luck,

I have the same problem with unwanted advice, only it's from my mother, so it's harder to ignore. Most of the time I avoid confrontation by appearing to accept her advice, then doing it my own way. I reassure myself with the fact that every kid is different and what worked for her may not work for me. And (I almost hate to admit it) sometimes her advice turns out to work. I had difficulties potty-training my oldest child and her advice to "just give up the diapers and pull-ups and he'll train himself" seemed out-right wrong; one day in a fit of desperation I tried it and darned if he didn't start using the potty and stopped having accidents! So, the older generation does have a few good ideas. Just use what you know about parenting and your own child to make judgement calls when deciding what advice to take.

I don't think the issue is really about whether your son takes a nap or not. I might ask her next time "What is it about him taking a nap that concerns you?". Then just listen and do not comment. Just continue to ask questions that start with "what" or "how" but not "why". You might be surprised where the conversation leads.

You can't change her--but the funny thing is, if you change yourself, she will change too. Make a game of being a loving and wise adult when you are with her, and know that you are OK no matter what she does. If it helps you, you can imagine her being a needy child, so you can do your best to figure out what she needs, just as you would for a child. She is possibly looking for ways to be needed and for you to look up to her for advice and wisdom. Are there other areas, other than the nap-time question, where you could ask for her input and express appreciation to her? Or you could ask her what it was like when your husband was little--what the challenges were and what she did about them, maybe even ask her how she got along with her mother-in-law.
In regard to your son, keep on doing what you're doing--look to him for cues and trust your own inner wisdom. I work with an active, happy six-year-old who still needs his naps.
(I am a mother-in-law, but the thoughts in this message come mainly from the days of dealing with my own mother-in-law, wishing I had had the wisdom/grace to include her more.)

I'm sure you're sick of getting responses, but you obviously hit a nerve! LOL

I've dealt with the MIL-Burn (love that title) too. In of as pleasant of a tone as possible say "You know, I've really been thinking about what you said about ____'s nap schedule and it got me wondering what age most kids give up there naps, so I did some research on Mamasource and asked my pediatrician and found out that it will probably be another 2-3 years, God willing, that he will continue to nap!"

If you muster it up, say this before she makes another nap dig so that you don't sound defensive. And then, if it opens any lines of communication, ask her when your husband stopped napping and if the doctors then promoted stopping naps. If necessary, compare it to how the doctors have now changed their minds about sleeping positions and breastfeeding.

Good luck to you! (You're not alone.)

I'd start by laughing it off. "Oh, he definitely still needs a nap! And mama needs it too otherwise he's beastly when I'm trying to get dinner ready."

She brings it up again and I'd say "Oh, no, his dr said he still needs one." Who cares if it's a lie?

Again? Laugh and say "butt out Grandma! I still need a nap!" as if it's your son talking. May be a little passive agressive.

A 4th time? Sternly say "he needs a nap. I'm not discussing this again. I'm the mama, my house, my rules." It may be rude, but I firmly believe that rude people don't deserve treatment with kid gloves.

My DD is 2 months from 4 and is just now giving up naps. It's been hell - thank goodness school starts next week! LOL!

How annoying! I can't imagine having such a nosy MIL! If I were you, I'd say, "Well you know, even when I was a kid, they still had us taking naps in kindergarten. Nowadays, most kids are still taking daily naps until they're at least four. I know things may have been different back when you were raising kids, but doctors now are recognizing the importance of sleep. Obviously, our little guy still needs that nap, and we're going to keep giving it to him until he doesn't need it anymore!"

Perhaps the mention of "nowadays" vs. "back in the olden days" will shut her up! I would just stick to you guns and keep replying that your little guy still needs a daily nap and you're going to keep giving it to him. So BACK OFF!! ;)

I won't add to the already good advice but where is your husband? It's his mother, why doesn't he address this (and quash it) with her? My son is 4.5 and still naps or has quiet reading time in his room for at least an hour. It's a good habit for them and everyone needs some downtime, even from each other. Good luck (PS I'm a believer of the "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" book).

She doesn't know what she's talking about. Even my 3.5 year old still takes a nap. They also still have naptime at daycare centers until they're 5. Just tell her you're working on advice from your pediatrician. Hopefully that will stop her.

I completely understand where you are coming from! My MIL sounds a lot like yours and I also have never really gotten along with her. Just yesterday our daughter had two HUGE bowel movements while at grandma's house. She is convinced that our daughter is constipated and called my husband 3 times in less than an hour (while we were at an event) to tell us what we should be doing so that she isn't constipated any more.

I know it is hard, but I try to just ignore the comments that my MIL makes and just brush them off. (I also have a friend that I vent too. She helps me to see the humor in the situation.)

Another thing that has worked with my MIL is to say, "Our doctor says...." In your case you can tell her that kids at this age need 12-15 hours of sleep a day (or more) and that you would rather he take a nap in the afternoon than go to bed two hours earlier.

Good luck!

Hi Erika,
A 2 1/2 year old needs a nap. Definitely. If he takes one and goes to bed fine, keep doing it. My 4 1/2 year old still needs about an hour of "quiet time" in the afternoon or we see the behavior stuff start late afternoon. She goes to bed about 8 and she is asleep by 9 and gets up around 7AM. Gee, even my 6 year old takes the occasional nap if he is up really early.
I don't think it is a generational thing as my MIL is a big believer in naps, too.
I say you keep doing what your doing and adjust napping based on what you believe and what your child's signals and behaviors tell you. There is plenty of time to get rid of naps when he is school age. You know your child best.

Good luck,
K.

I know MY mother-in-law feels like she missed out when she was raising her kids--she was too busy living life, as most of us are--and wants a kind of second chance...with MY kids. So, she tells me she's entitled to certain things that I don't agree with, and sometimes tells me how to do things that I don't agree with. Depending on what she's like, you could tell her that these are your kids and you get to make the calls...and have a big talk about it, if it's a theme rather than a single issue...or you could spout info from the AAP that says how much sleep children should get (my 5 year old still naps sometimes...many, many 4 year olds I know are still taking long naps...my daycare napped kids until they left for kindergarten...most full day kindergartens have a nap time...). You could even tell her that needing more sleep runs in your family...maybe your child is growing... Anyway--I do not at all think a 2 1/2 hour nap is unusual for a 2 1/2 year old. Sleep begets sleep!

Erika,
First of all, let me tell you how jealous I am that your child IS taking naps. My 3 year old twins haven't napped (except once in awhile if they woke up super early) since they were 1.5!
Children NEED to nap. Sleep is when the body rests, and the body can only grow when resting!
By age 6 or 7 naps (or for some rest time) will slowly end as Kindergarden ends...Tell your MIL that you are getting your little guy ready for school...and how much the teacher will appreciate the fact that he knows how to nap and rest when told! Maybe that will work for her.
Good Luck!
J. L.

Kids need lots of sleep--if you ended the naps you'd have to get him to bed earlier. Either option is fain, do what's best for you and for him. (My 6 1/2 year old still naps a couple times a week:))

You just let that sweet little boy enjoy his naps for as long as possible. Sleep is just as necessary for healthy happy kids as good food and medical care. Besides, today's families run on different schedules that they did a generation ago. Mommies and daddies are busier and so are kids with all their sports, play dates, etc. And sometimes this means they have to get up early or go to bed a little late and a nap help make up for this.

My boys love their naps. Heck, their YMCA pre-school program has nap time and 1/2 the kids fall asleep while the other half just have quiet time.

That said, there is really no good that will come out of telling your MIL "butt out" or "you are wrong". Just smile and thank her for expressing an interest and then let her know nap time will stay as-is until you and your child are ready to let it go.

My oldest daughter napped until 3.5 and my 2 little ones (ages 1.5 and 3.5) still take 2-hour afternoon naps. They NEED them, w/out them they crash and burn before dinner time. Watch your child's cues and you will know when nap time is coming to an end. My oldest started having quiet time in her bed instead of napping at about 3.5, she didn't really need to sleep but still needed time alone in her room w/ her books, stuffed animals, etc. All kids stop naps at different times, there is not a magic age for all kids. I have a neighbor whose child stopped napping at age 1.5 and I know kids who napped until age 5 too.
Regarding the MIL thing, ughhh...I'm dealing w/ that too. The passive aggressive comments don't stop, but they've gotten fewer thanks to my DH standing up for me and telling her these are our kids, she raised hers her way and we'll make our own decisions. She doesn't like it but she's learned that we are not going to listen to her "suggestions" unless we really are looking for advice. My MIL thinks we're nuts for using car seats, avoiding certain foods (like peanuts) before age 2, etc. So you're not alone w/ dealing w/ your MIL!
Good Luck to you!

First of all, my 3 children still take some kind of a nap. My girls are 6 & 4 and they'll sleep anywhere from 45 minutes to 1 1/2 hours. My son is almost 2 1/2 and takes at least a 2 hour nap every day and then is still to bed only a few hours later. 2 year old boys are VERY busy at this age and definitely need a nap!

Now the MIL...I have one that will "kindly" voice her concerns/opinions every once in a while. If it's something that's not a big issue, but my husband and I are firm on our way of doing it, we matter of factly say what we think and then change the subject or I walk out of the room. That usually does it and she doesn't say anything else about it. We have an interesting time with some things because we currently live on the same farm (separate houses) so they're never far enough away! :) J.K. - it has it's pros and cons. Anyways, it sounds like she's the type of person that just needs to be told that you're doing something differently than she did and then she'll realize she's overstepping her bounds. Good luck!

If your child takes a 2 1/2 hour nap and still goes down well at night, he clearly still needs a nap! Every child is different. But he will start to back down on the length of time he naps or decide to stay up late when it's time for the nap to go. Both y kids gave up their naps early, but I know kids that napped all the way through kindergarten. Every child is different and you know your own child best!

Anyway, your MIL sounds like a piece of work. Try not to get sucked in and hold your ground! I had both my mom and MIL giving me advice when I had my first child. Eventually when they saw I was completely competent and generally ignoring them, they gave it up! :-D And I actually have a good relationship and enjoy both of them.

Ericka,

I see you've gotten some great advise already. I totally agree with Kristen R. It's time to confront her - she may mean well and not realize what stess and inappropriate message she is sending you. Perhaps a talk could "wake her up".

On a side note, I don't know what her issue is with a 2 1/2 year old taking naps. If she thinks its just you, let her know that every daycare and school under the sun still has children under the age of 6 either take naps or observe "quiet time" in the afternoon. Maybe she thinks that all the people at Primrose, Montesori and all the Public School systems across the US are just wrong too.

Good luck with this - i know it can be hard, but if you let her know how she's negatively effecting all of you, even if she doesn't come around, you will know you've done all you can.

K.

IMHO, I've always been a big believer, that sometimes it is us that needs to follow the child. I think some of the best advice I ever got from my mom was with my oldest,"Don't fuss so much over what he does or doesn't do. If all he wants to eat is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a week, let him. Sometimes when they're that little, you have to give a little. Choose your battles." I've used that advice with both my boys, and it's worked. I've never taken nap time away from them. Who doesn't enjoy a good nap now and then? I'm an adult and I still take naps sometimes. I've talked to the boy's doc and he's told me that it's perfectly natural for them to want to take a nap. They let you know when they're ready for certain things on their own. My youngest is five, and although he doesn't do it all the time anymore, he'll still take a nap in the afternoon if he's been busy all day. Who could blame him? He's got enough energy for five people, and sometimes hard playing needs a hard nap afterwards :)

Kind of sounds to me like the MIL has control issues, with things other than the naptime. As far as this issue goes, I agree with a responder from down below that stated to tell her that your child's doctor said it was perfectly normal and to let him continue on with the naps. That might get her to back off a bit.

Hi Ericka-

My 5 1/2 year old still naps occasionally. He napped every day for at least 2 hours until he was 5. I would just tell your mother-in-law that it's normal for kids to still nap at his age. Just smile and tell her you're sure it will end someday, but for now you consider yourself lucky. If you're pleasant about it and agree with her, it kind of takes away her fun. I would just smile and agree...it's always worked for me. Either way, best of luck!

-L.

she sounds like shes just trying to have some input on raising him...just trying to be part of...or shes a control freak...either way you need to talk to her or just simply go on bout your life...an say yea eventually he wont need naps anymore-but for now he does.....

"Yes, I'm sure he will stop that, as SOON as he is ready to, and not one second before." If that doesn't end it, ask her point-blank what her problem is with him taking a nap is.

FWIW, my 3.5 year old still takes an afternoon nap that can last from 1-3 hours, depending on what her day has been like. She goes to bed at 9, gets up at 7. I would gladly still take a nap every day if I had the time. I don't think it's a problem until/unless the child is keeping you up all night.

I have a feeling you are going to get a lot of responses.
Next time your MIL says something - no matter how slight - just address it directly. Tell her that you realize she thinks he is too old for a nap, but many children nap into their Kindergarten year and certainly well through preschool. You can name off examples of friends direcly if you want to. Then tell her that your son still needs a nap and you plan to let him take one as long as he does. You can end by telling her that if life allowed, you too would be taking a nap! Wouldn't that be nice?
Sounds like she will continue to hint around until you address it. Good luck.

I am a MIL and have a grandbaby and I can tell you that it is very difficult to see how our kids raise their children because it is so different then how we raised ours. Have you asked her directly why she thinks that nap times need to be taper off? You didn't say anything in your question. I honestly can't understand her reasoning at 2 1/2 .. if he was older.. let's say 4 1/2 I would agree with her because then it would be difficult for him to transittion into school and wouldn't have that 2 - 2 1/2 hr nap time. Every generation thinks that they have the "right" way of raising children. Be patient, ask why she thinks that way.. and then make your own decision and without anger explain what and why you are doing what you think is right. AS a MIL I stay out of the way my son and DIL raise their child.. I can't say I agree with all of it but I just keep it to myself but I can tell you that they are now running into issues that could've been prevented if they had listened to what we suggest. We have years of wisdom.. trial and error but in the end you will make your own decisions.

I agree with the moms who say that dad needs to speak up, but what if dad is defending his beloved mother? This is the problem I have. Not only do I get controlled by MIL, but my husband says she just tries to be helpful. He is the only person who does not see how controlling she is. What then?

Is there any way you can just tune this out? Maybe smile and say "uh-huh" while reminding yourself that the smile is because you know that YOU still control the naptime? If she is not actually a threat to your parenting style, then it's just a matter of trying not to let her words bug you. If she were in a position to mess things up for you, then I think you would need to say something in order to stop her. But my personality style really avoids confrontation (I so hate it) and that's why I say to leave it alone if it can't really hurt your lifestyle. Also, if she is manipulative, controlling, etc...(you didn't really say that she was, so I don't know), then my experience is that you never win an argument, never really get your position heard, and never change anything. So confrontation is usually a waste of effort. On the other hand, if she is not like this, it may be that she needs something. I wish I had thought like Lauri about what your mother-in-law may be going through. If she just needs to be heard or to feel important in her grandchild's life or whatever, then you will be so much the richer for considering that. Maybe a kind and thoughtful talk that focuses on her would do wonders.

Ericka,

It sounds like your MIL needs to talk to a doctor. As an former educator and mother of 4 boys, each one gave up the nap at different times. Many children still need a nap up through the age of 6! MIL needs some education as to how much sleep small children need. I had one give up the nap at 2, one still napped 3 HOURS until he was 5. My 3 1/2 year old still naps. He needs it. It is more about the individual needs of the child then "they are old enough not to". Sleep requirements for most 2 year olds are a minimum of 12 hours. A little research and sharing that information should help, or get a note from your doctor! ;-)

Lisa, mom of 4 boys

Your husband needs to talk to her, and he needs to be direct, and firm.

"Mom, you keep talking to us about ending our son's nap, and you haven't been listening to us. He still needs the nap, and we will continue it as long as he does. You need to drop the subject completely. If you continue, it sends a strong message that you don't trust our parenting, and that is hurtful. Please respect our position as his parents, and stop the criticism. I'm afraid that if you don't, it will make us less willing to spend time with you. We love you, and we respect you. You are a wonderful grandmother, and we WANT you to spend time with our son. The time has come, however, to stop the criticism."

I don't think a 2 1/2 yr old needs to stop taking a nap. You should cherish nap time-it is a break for you, right? :) He obviously needs the break in the day and if there is nothing in his current schedule to prevent his nap, he should still take one. I have 2 kids, 11 and 7 and they both took naps up to Kindergarten. They may have not always slept, esp. as they got older, but they needed that down time in the afternoon. My 7 yr old had rest time in her full day K class and some kids did fall asleep!

Regarding your MIL-you just need to be honest and firm with her and tell her that you are with your son all the time and you are his mother and you know best. Bring in your husband for your support, if you need to. You are his parent and you know best. Her job is to have fun with him and she can have a lot more fun with him if he is not tired. If you need to, check with your dr. -hopefully they will back you up for nap time. How can she argue with the dr.? Good luck. If you are firm now, hopefully other things as your son gets older will not trouble you and your MIL. She needs to step out of the way and let you and your husband be the parents.