More Children or Not.

L. S
That kind of desision is a deal breaker I had the same sitituation when i was about 25yrs old I ment the man of my dreams and I didnt want anymore children and I told him up front. I already had 3 and my tubes were tied they had been after the 3rd child he said it was ok he did not need anymore than the 3 I had. he changed his mind about 5 yrs in to the marriage and the brow beating I took over it was and among other things were the downfall of the marriage after a little over 9 yrs I took my 3 kids and walked out. it is something you need to settle before the marriage dear because you could both end up resenting each other in the end if you dont.
Good Luck In what ever you do.
Kim M

The decision about more kids or not ultimately rests with you. I also agree that you should think a bit about sterilization, as most times it's difficult if not impossible to reverse.

With a nine month old, you're already dealing with a baby and the thought of bringing another one into the mix is understandably enough to want your "tubes tied, took out, and sold on ebay!"

I'm 38 and mom to a 20 yo and a 14 yo, and that was plenty enough for me personally. After a couple of "long" months, I chose an IUD and had it for ten years, then had it replaced but, after two years of abnormal cycles, had it taken out.

My only advice is this: use something, use it correctly, and use it every single time.

i would wait to make any major decisions about sterilization; my daughter is now 5 (my only child) and i know that she's going to be 8 or nine by time i'm financially stable enough to have another child; and i always said that i just want one more boy or girl didn't matter, well now i'm thinking maybe two more; when my next child hits to be about 2 have another so i will have at least 2 in the same age group; i know it sounds kind of silly maybe but before i was always dead set on just one more... well now my mind is changing and yours may very well change too once your little one gets a little older.. my mom told me recently that after my youngest sister was born her and my father decided that 3 was enough and were ok with that; my mom was 30 at that time, well when my little sister got to be 5-6 and my mom was reaching the end of her childbearing years she was almost desperate to have another, even though she didnt really want anymore, and she didn't have anymore... she still changed her mind but didn't follow through with it. i wouldn't have another child unless you and your childs father absolutely agree on the issue, but i wouldn't make any permanent decisions quite yet either, and another thing you brought up that is kind of worrisome,, you said something about not letting your fiance have a son of his own.... well whats going to happen if you have another baby girl. i'm sure hed love her the same but is he going to want to keep trying for a boy if you decide to have the one more??? these are very important things that you both should sit down and discuss before having another baby!! good luck and god bless!! and also if you should decide on sterilization; look into something called a hysteroscopy with tubal occlusion; it's a fairly new procedure but relatively non-invasive and it may be more practical should you decide on later reversal...

I think that you and your daughter's father have a lot to discuss before you make a decision, but in the mean time, i would suggest using and IUD which is one of the better forms of birth control (next to sterilization) that way an accident won't happen. I know how you feel, my son is 2 months old now (daughter is 2) and the moment I had him I told myself I was done, I wanted my husband to get snipped and I didn't want to worry anymore. But those feelings might change, and I'd hate to hear from you down the road regretting the decision. Not saying you will or won't, but doing something so permanent can be devastating later. I'm a young mom, so I definately don't want to have kids after my 30th birthday...I don't know how many more years you'll want to be a mom, try talking to him and explain that perhaps it's time to focus on just the two of you now that your kids are starting to get older, and make plans for traveling the world and doing things you can't do when you've got little ones, maybe he'll change his mind~ guys have a hard time understanding how time consuming being a mom is, especially a single mom~ don't let him talk you into it if you aren't totally certain it's what you want!
good luck~

I would personally say wait on the sterillization, but do not wait with discussing this with your daughter's father. This is your decission on whether or not you want to have more children, but you need to let him make that decission of how much another child means to him. It is not right to let him believe that there is a chance of him getting another child and then he marries you and you then say guess what, I dont want anymore kids. Same as if it was the other way around. I am married to my second husband and I had one daughter with my first husband. It was discussed in great lengths that I wanted more children and he had to want the same thing or we werent meant for each other. Even though he is my soulmate. Luckily he did want more kids, we wanted 2 and ended up getting blessed with triplets. Good luck to you and your family in your decission.

Hugs
M.
mom to Christina 15
Isabella, Logan and Brody 4

L. - After my second child was born I was convinced that I didn't want any more either. My husband and I also have one boy and one girl and decided that one of each would be enough. So we talked to my midwife and she also said to wait. People do change their mind, maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but you may find yourself later on in life wanting more. And while most Ins. Companys cover sterilization, most will not cover a reversal and I believe my midwife said it would cost around 5 thousand dollars up front! and their is no quarantee that the reverasal will be successfull! My midwife also says that she has had many many women call her years later and ask her why she didn't try to talk them out of it! These phone calls, some of them from very angry and upset women who years before swore up and down that they would never want to have another child, is the ONLY reason she asks women to wait.

My husband and I are now discussing having two more. Their is no quarantee that we will, but it is nice to have the option! Also I'm sure this subject can create alot of stress between two people who love one another. If one is deadset on having more and one is not it can test even the strongest relationship. Why create stress needlessly at this point in your relationship. Just decide to take it one day at a time and keep talking about it. My husband and I decided to consider it after discussing the pros and cons many many times. Every couple of months examine where you are in your relationship, your career, your family and then talk about the impact that another child would have on your life. You may see that you do want more after all or maybe your partner will see that he really doesn't want more. Either way don't make any decisions yet, because you don't know what tomorrow will bring let alone what 5 or more years from now will bring.
Hope this helps :)

I don't know if you listen to, or even like Dr. Laura, but I tend to agree with her on this front. Her position is that if two people disagree, especially on this issue because it comes up a lot, then nothing happens. That means you don't have another child since you both don't agree. The same would go if he didn't want another one and you did. A child is a huge committment, as you know, and if you are not both agreeing to have another it could be a nightmare. I say be honest and upfront with him and tell him your position.

I personally would wait awhile and give yourself some time you might change your mind. you are still young. but it is your body. you got to make the right choice, but i'd hate to take my tubes out and then realize hey i want another baby. later down the road.

If you don't want more children you should not have them. It's not fair to you, the child or your partner. However, you are very young and there are many more less invasive methods of birth control. I would use something else and wait until you are much older before have your tubes tied.

Wow-this is a hard one. I would say wait but not for everyone else but yourself. You are not married and I would think it would be better for your children to have a family unit which invovles marriage. I know-the divorce rate is high and you don't need a piece of paper and all the other various reasons people say they are not married but for your children to experience a happy and wonderful marriage and union would set a great framework for their future.
On the other hand - in case your relationship does end for whatever reason you yourself know that you can still form a bond with another person and have children with the man.This may be a phase for you right now. The strange thing is that there is no guarantee you will have a boy and if you don't than what happens? Are you going to keep having more babies until you do? I think that truly would make you unhappy!
I would guess you are joking about ebay.....

Please do not have anymore children if you are not going to marry the father. It's not fair to the kids. Concentrate on the two that you have and try to make their lives as stable as possible. Remember it's not about you anymore it's about what is best for your children.

In my opinion, although your man wants to have more it really is your body,your decision. If your heart is not in it, you should NOT have another. We do some things to please others but carrying, delivering, and raising a child should not be one of them.

Alot of people may say you are not ready to make such a decision, but only you truly know yourself. I am 26 and I have 3 children, only planned on two... I know that I am officially done and happy with what I've got.

If you do decide to get your tubes tied, you should ask about ESSURE. I had it done earlier this year and just had my HSG in October to check if my tubes are closed off and they are! Hooray, no more kids for me! It requires no incisions so the recovery time is like however long it takes you to wake up from the drugs. BUT it is IRREVERSIBLE so BE SURE IT IS WHAT YOU WANT!

Hey..... I think you should wait... You have a new 9 month old maybe now is not the time but I would wait. I am a mother of 3. I married my husband right out of high school and we had our children right away. I had my tubestied after our 3rd child and so wish I didn't. My youngest is 8 and at the time I thought it was a good decision but now I regreat it. I would love to have another child and I can't. I can not tell you how much I wish I didn't. That doesn't even have anything to do with how much my body changed hormonal from the surgery. My monthly periods are horrible and they were not before. Maybe having another child is not right for you right now, but do not get your tubes tied yet. Give it some more time there are other forms of birthcontrol. Good luck to you.