For the last 2 weeks our 2 year old son has not been staying asleep through the night. My husband and I take turns putting the kids down (we have a 1 year old daughter too).
We start putting him down between 8-8:30pm. He'll sleep for 2-3 hours and then get up and come out of their room. Sometimes he whines before coming out and sometimes not. We take him back to his bed and rub his back or just lay next to him until he's back asleep and he'll stay for a few hours again until he some time during the night ends up in our bed. Most times we don't realize he's gotten in bed with us until we feel little hands or feet hit us.
If he wakes up whining then comes out of their room, he cries as soon as he takes a few steps out and screams for juice (milk, water or juice is all the same to him). We try laying with him on the couch and get him to calm down and go back to sleep. Occassionally we give him juice when he is wide awake and still crying for it after 5-10 minutes. These wake-ups have gone from being occassional to every single night. I tend to take over at night with getting him back to bed because my husband works and needs to sleep and I'm home with the kids. Our son doesn't sleep in when these wake ups happen and isn't groggy or tired (but I am!) the next morning.
We know he's not having night terrors. He has had these, but the behavior is nothing like when he has one. We live in an apartment, but there is no apartment above their room (this is why it's their room) for them to hear noises from there. From the day he came home from the hospital we have a sound machine playing at bedtime and it's the same sound ever since. He's been in a toddler bed for nearly a year. There are trains near us that go by various times a night, but can't be heard in their room because of the sound machine. When we realize he's in our bed, we take him back to his and he comes back in the early morning hours (6-6:30am). He rarly takes a nap unless he's grouchy or tired and falls asleep himself and then I only let him sleep 30-45 minutes so it doesn't interfere with his bedtime. He doesn't complain of anything hurting when he wakes up during the night and we check him each time for a fever. It's not new teeth coming in either. Our daughter who is in the same room as him sleeps through the night, only waking if our son's crying is too loud or long.
I am one tired momma and would love and appreciate help please!!!
Thank you everyone for the great suggestions. My husband and I are on the same page of how to handle this. We are having him nap and for as long as he'd like. We think some of the problem has stemmed too from him getting too warm in his room. We didn't notice it much because we were tired and there are many windows in their room. We called the landlord after finding the furnace was still on/up and it was fixed the next day and the temp dropped 20 degrees in their room. The naps and cooler room have helped greatly with him staying in his bed. He still tries to get up once or twice during the night, but we silently take him back to his bed. We are interested in trying the no-milk method that was suggested. Both kids have problems with milk. Our son drinks Lactaid and our daughter drinks soy, but we'll try with no dairy for a week (we'll start tomorrow) and see how well that goes too.
He started to wake up, you gave him juice, milk. My guess is that he likes it. Just keep putting him back. However you must be consistent. It could take a couple of days or several weeks for him the break this habit. Once you start you cannot stop. Hang in.
I'm sorry about the loss of sleep! It's a pain, I know.
First, please be aware (and be sure your husband is aware) that this is NOT an issue for discipline -- your child is not being bad or naughty on purpose to get your goat. Kids' sleep patterns change their whole lives, so a child who slept perfectly all night will indeed have periods of waking. Even my child at age 12 has changes to her sleep patterns.
However, though your son is not intentionally "misbehaving" (so please don't treat it as if he is and ensure dad's on the same page), he is indeed getting plenty of attention in the night, and that has two results: He will keep seeking that attention, and he will find it ever harder to get back to sleep afterward.
You mention that you've tried a lot of things -- getting on the couch, giving in to his demands for drinks, etc. It's time to find just one single response that both you and your husband use, the same way, every single night.
First, this has to be boring for him. He gets up, you walk him back to his bed, saying nothing. Do not interact with him when you take him back to bed--no scolding, no pleading, nothing. Silence. You may have to return him to bed over and over and over but DO it because not doing it sends the signal that it's OK for him to be out of bed. And do it silently because any talk -- and especially letting him have what surely is a treat to him, lying on the couch with you -- just gives him attention for getting out of bed; basically in his mind there are rewards when he gets out of bed. You want him to learn (and it takes time and more sleepless nights for you) that when he gets up there is no payoff, no attention, no interaction, certainly no couch time or drink. Consistency and handling it the same boring way every single time is critical.
Checking him for a fever each time he wakes is frankly an overreaction; if you continue that as he gets older, he's going to think he is indeed sick or there's something wrong with him. And again, that fever check, plus the yelling for a drink and the couch cuddles etc., are all letting him spend way too much time awake - he gets more stimulated with every minute he's being attended to and needs for things to stay dark and quiet and he should remain in, or be escorted silently back to, his own bed.
You mention that "he rarely takes a nap unless he's grouchy or tired and falls asleep himself" and then you wake him -- He doesn't have a regular nap with a naptime routine? That could be a very big reason he's up at night, even though you feel that less sleep in daytime interferes with nighttime. An over-tired child is as bad as one who has slept too much all day, and he may be so over-tired that he gets wired--truly, a child can be so tired that he then cannnot really sleep.
Please try to establish a daily nap for him, and that may mean a full routine like bedtime but without a bath. If he has been taking naps up until recently, then the issue may be that he is starting to drop his nap instead (my daughter stopped napping at two but we encouraged her to keep it up until three). If that is the case (he has been a napper but is giving it up gradually) then do encourage a quiet time each day so he can at least rest and (hopefully) nap without having to get so tired he's grouchy first.
To me, this sounds like the sleep behavior of an overly tired kiddo.
It's crazy, but the better they nap, the deeper they sleep at night.
I'd stop limiting the naps he does take and encourage MORE napping!
I'll bet you're one tired momma - your "name" sure says it, bless your heart! (It will get easier when the kids are older!)
Your 2 year old knows that you will come in and dote on him. He's "trained" you and you do it well. SO well that he keeps upping the ante. It makes it impossible for him NOT to wake up, do you see? And since his only method of getting soothed back to sleep is by you doing it, he's making sure you continue.
You have to let him learn to self-soothe, though it's hard. It's either this, or let him sleep with you. If you don't want to be a co-sleeping family, it's time to bite the bullet and stop all the doting.
No more laying down with him or rubbing his back. No more juice. Put a sippy cup beside the bed and tell him that it has water in it and if he wakes up thirsty, this is his water, and you will not give him anything. He is responsible for sipping on the cup without your help. When he comes in your room, you just have to walk him back to his room over and over. Don't go in to "check" where he is sleeping - if he's in the floor, that's fine. Eventually, when he realizes you realy AREN'T going to come in and stay with him, he'll sleep where it's most comfortable.
If he starts wandering the house, it's a safety issue and you need to keep him in his room. Quite frankly, you could turn the doorknow around so that it locks fro the outside. If that's too much for you to consider, you can buy a cheap interior door and have Lowe's cut it over the doorknob. (Sand it well so that there are no splinters) and have the lock on the outside. This is in essence a big gate over the door, and he can see out of it.
Yes, he will cry. And it will be hard. But he has no reason to be getting up and keeping himself and the family awake. If you stop coming in to "rescue" him, he will eventually train himself to sleep through the night again. A week of misery will turn into restful nights for everyone. 100% consistency is a must if you want it to work, though. If you are wishy-washy or cave in to him AT ALL, you will just be teaching him to scream for you.
Good luck - I hope you have the fortitude to stick with it.
Why not let him stay in bed with you and everyone get some rest?
take milk out of his diet completely, all types so no cheese, yogurt, milk, ice cream, but baked in stuff is ok so you don't need to get crazy about reading labels, just no milk products
Give it a 2 week trial, if it's not better in that time then that wasn't it.
I wish *I* had tried it the first time I read about the study that proved that a hidden milk allergy was the most frequent cause of night time wakings like you describe. This is EXACTLY how my daughter was. Well, my daughter may have been worse honestly. A GOOD night was less then 4 wakings. Most nights were more like 10 to 12. 2 weeks before her 4th birthday I finally took away milk. Within 3 days she was sleeping through the night. 6 straight nights of it I wanted to test if it was a fluke or really cause of the milk. So I gave her an overload of milk - she drank milk, ate cheese, yogurt and ice cream pretty much all day. That night she was up 6 times. Took away the milk and back to perfect 12 to 13 hour nights. And still took 2 - 3 hour naps every day until she started kindergarten.
Over the next few years we would forget or want to see if she could handle any milk. We found if she drank if for dinner she was up, but lunch was ok. If she had more then 6 oz she was up. If she had two servings of milk products of any combination she was up.
So, what have you got to lose? Try it. You can thank me in a week.
watch super nanny, use her techniques
My son did this all the time. We needed to make him sleep longer, so we have been keeping him up later in the afternoon, nap at 3:30 instead of 2 when he would really like it. Then he sleeps until about 6. He is happy, well rested, and ready for the rest of the day. He has dinner about 8:30 and goes to bed between 9:30 and 10. I try to keep him up until 10 so he will sleep later in the morning 'cause I'm a tired mommy too. I have been doing this for about a month now, and the changes are incredible. He only wakes up about 5 or so if the black out curtain has crack in it and the sun gets in his eyes.
I don't know if this will help or not, but it really sounds like he is too tired. We had this problem before, at about 14 months or so, and we had to make him sleep more during the day then too. It was during the time he was trying to go from two naps to one. Good luck to you!
Is it possible he is getting his two year molars? My kiddos were never fantastic sleepers, but teething always caused sleep disruptions. And when those molars started coming in, it made things terrible for a while. Just something to check (and maybe why he's asking for juice...it's cold).
My first thought is either 2yo molars (not, apparently) OR growth spurt.
If Growth Spurt.... Easy. Just feed him (or break his spirit, so no matter how hungry he is he stays in bed where he belongs).
Milk was my go to (superfood... Proteins, lipids, carbs, vitamins, minerals). I just kept a 20pz sippy in the fridge & he'd wake, grab it, and head back to bed. 30 seconds. Done.
But before wicked growth spurts, he'd sometimes need a whole meal. I just kept leftovers or zappable meals in easy reach. 5 minutes & done.
Along with what some of the other mother's said, He is not getting enough sleep. He should be getting 12 hours of sleep for a 2 year old. Both of my children napped until they were 3. When they dropped their naps, I put then down by 7 pm. They need their sleep. They sleep better and longer in am if they are well rested. First, if he needs to nap, let him nap. Don't wake him up. But him down for his nap earlier, usually by 1 pm. If he sleeps past 3:30, then wake him up. Have him nap in his bed and get a good nap.
A very helpful book is "Healthy sleep habits, happy child." by Dr. Marc Weissbluth.
