Mom with Hormonal teenager....HELP

My daughter was the same at that age. What I learned is that no matter what I needed to remain the Mom, not become a friend. Maintain high standards for them to view, be soooooo patient with them, give them as much room and as many yes's as possible and if they do something small wrong, don't hit them over the head with it every time. I saved some of the things my daughter did and when we had to have a talk I would bring them up as an example of wrong behavior. She thought I knew everything. Remember that the thought of consequences may not hold them back from wrong choices, so you won't understand everything they do. Stay constant for them, be strict with the rules they MUST obey and maybe when they are older they will be as good a friend as my grown daughter is to me and will call you to thank you for raising them the way you did. Good luck, to you and remember to get a massage every month!!

I have a 12 and 17 year old and know what you are experiencing. What I have learned from my oldest is that during these teen years is where they need you the most. You must be involved in pretty much every aspect of their life, school, teachers, homework, friends, myspace, and social hobbies. It's tiring at some point, but it feels great to know exactly every aspect of your child's life away from home. With this, I have changed my ways in parenting our 12 year old to the point where she can trust me and confide in me with any problems where I will listen, especially about school problems. There are so many problems at school because other girl's hormones are running like crazy too one day they're friends, the next they are not, not to mention the gossip and drama; very emotional. Her friends also notice that I am very interested in them and reach out to my daughter, knowing that I am there for them too. With this, my daughter will still go through mood swings, one minute happy and the next down. They must take nutrious snacks to school and eat lunch, this makes a big difference. In observing our daughter's Junior High, so many kids go without eating lunch, I was so surprised. When my daughter skips lunch and truthfully tells me, she experiences headaches and moodswings, a totally different kid. I have learned not to tolerate disrespect towards me what so ever and will raise my voice slightly to warn them that their behavior will not be tolerated. Dad also plays an important role in rearing teens and a big must. It's sometimes draining to be on top of them, but you have to. They might be calling out for more of your attention. Looking back at this age, I really wish my mom would have been more communictive and interested. My 17 year old has grown to be a hard worker and respectful daughter that I am so proud of, despite her horrible early teens, but still a work in progress. You will get through this with love, understanding, and patience. Really, this is your big chance to bond in a different way. I wish you the very best:)

I'm also a middle-aged mom with a 13 year and a 10 year old. My 13 year old is going through the same thing. I recently read a book that has helped me with my daughter. It's by Susan Borowitz called "When We're in Public, Pretend Yo Don't Know Me." There's also some great advice by a noted female psychiatrist in the book as well. It's funny, but really covers a lot of the emotions that our girls are going through.

I feel you!!! I have twin daughters and they are the exact same way. Plus I have a 15 year old son who take the brunt of their moodiness. What get me through is remembering how I was during this time in my life. I vividly remember crying at the drop of a hat and just being plain cranky with no way to stop it. I felt out of control and frustrated with myself for my crazy behavior, but I didn't talk about it. So, I have talked with my girls about this as soon as they started exibiting signs of hormones gone crazy. I want them to know that this happens to most girls at this age and it helps to talk about it and know that they aren't alone. When they get cranky or teary I have told them they need to take a moment and realize they are having a bad mood and remove themselves from everyone and spent some time alone. Of course they don't always realize it on their own, so I do point it out and they are not happy about that at the time, but after some time in their room or outside they will usually come back in better and appreciative and sometimes actually happy. I try to remain as calm as possible during their really bad times and be understanding, but firm that they need to leave the area of family or friends until they can calm down. I have also explained the behavior to their brother and my husband, though they don't quite understand they try to stay out of their way during the bad times. I do have to dole out punishments sometimes to my son or the girls when they really get going, but I try to keep it light since hormones are hard to fight. When I do lose my cool I make sure I talk to them about it once everyone has a chance to calm down. Stick with it and good luck, remember, it does eventually end!!

~W. S.
Hesperia

Hang in there. If it makes you feel any better, I have a teenage daughter and she is a basket case most of the time. I have come to realize that all the times I was nice to her are coming back to bite me in the rump. She is happy one minute and then next minute she is telling me how awful her life is and how horrible of a mother I am for not letting her have her way...and there is a LOT of door slamming and rolling of the eyes. I solved the door slam by taking it off of her bedroom hinges...I am still looking for ways to solve the ungratefulness. I am considering moving her out of her room onto the sofa with one box of whatever she deems the most important and letting her live like house guest for a while. Well, sorry to hear about your theme park, but we have one at our house too...hopefully we can live through it.

Dear D.,

Wow, I know its diffucult. I found alot of exercise and good vitamins and cut the sugar out of the diets eases the rollercoaster emotions. I know my tween is on a rollercoaster and exercise,plenty of sleep early evens out her emotions for me and her. L.

Hi D.:
Ohhhh Yeahhhhh....My 14 year old Grandaughter,is on the same roller coaster.She was getting so clutsy,I began nic-naming her (GRACE)! LOL She can wake up in a fantastic mood,and as soon as her brother,walks into the room,and says something to get a rise out of her, she is screaming and crying hysterically.Honestly, the reaction is so over dramatic!Once I stood back,and heard her brother ask..."you like that new guy at school don't you? She had a (FIT) She began screaming in his face."Get away from me" "Shut up" "I hate you" She began crying! I walked in, and told her to (calm down)She really was being melodramatic.She doesn't handle the slightest bit of ribbing.I,also had forgotten, how gossipy teen girls are.My gosh..."Did you hear about what marys, mothers, boyfriend "said to marys old boyfriends sister? I swear they sound like a live taping of a (soap opera)I can't believe, that these girls,don't have better things to talk about,and get themselves so involved in others family issues!I don't remember my hormones,causing me to be that emotional at that age,Of course,there were five teen girls in our house!! lol We just thought daddy had a lousy sense of humor! lol. but I certainly see it in my Grandaughter and her friends. When she gets hormonal,I suggest that she go soak in the tub for a while, listen to her music and relax. She normally will calm down a bit after. You know that old saying D.. "This to will pass": ) The best to you and your darlin daughters.

Hi D.,

I feel your pain. My daughter is now 24, thank God! It is really rough but the most important thing is to be fair and keep the lines of communication open. You can start negotiating with them and pick your battles. Let them win sometimes and it will empower them. Women in our society need to feel empowered. Also, your mantra should be "this, too, will pass". My daughter started getting better when she could drive. It not only gave me the power of the car keys, it gave her more of a feeling of independence. This is also a time in your daughters' lives where their self esteem can plummet. Be sure to say positive things to them and help them through this incredibly tough time in their lives. Help them learn to make good decisions, even if they have to make some bad ones to learn. Doing "incredibly stupid stuff" is totally normal and you need to just be there and help them learn from them but not be scarred by them.

V.

hey D., how old are your daughters, mine will be ninteen and she is a strong young woman. i had ordered to books, one is growing strong daughters and the ohter one is when a kiss wont fix the hurt. my daughter has always had a full busy live since 7th grade she hasn;t had time for all the teen drama, hormones will always be there, but we have always been deeply involved in her like, the man guy in her life has been her dad, who is very protective of her, his only daughter
friendw, home life, school all play a factor on any teens emotions. J.

Hi D.:
I feel your pain...lol
I have 17 yr old and a 13 yr old daughters.....ooohhh the drama is never ending, same thing one minute happy then crying and always ANGRY and always aimed directly at me or each other. I hate to admitt that this was the right/correct approach, BUT it did work....I had to put the 17 yr old on birth control when she was 16. She also had really painful periods and headaches that had her in tears, mising school and curled up in the fetal position the 1st few days of period. The birth control completely took the painful periods away and TOTALLY regulated her hormones to a very tolerable level. She is not sexually active and does not havea a boyfriend, so the birth control ws purely for hormonal reasons that we discussed together and with my OBGYN. My OBGYN says it is a very common practice for girls my daughters age and because it was more a medical reason and not pregnany issue, insurance covers all but $25.00 for the birth control. Now I just have to wait until the 13 yr. old in old enough to go on birth control Im sad to say!!!!
This was the only option I had and the OBGYN was very helpful in my final decision to do this. It is a vey low estrogen level birth control. I really did not want to expose her to this drug at this age but it has been truly helpful. So talk to your OBGYN and make your daughter an appt. if she is at least 16 yrs. old.
Hope this helps.

You are not alone!! My 15 year old is in the same boat. Though what I am finding out is alot has to do with their diets. But it is sooooo hard to get her to eat right,lol. But for the most part we have to ride the ride and be strong yet compassionate. I would not be a teenager in this day and age. So just be strong and try to keep up communication the best way you can and let them know you are open to their needs and you do understand them. We just have to remember what it was like for us.
Good Luck,
C.

Hi D.! I have a fourteen year old daughter that is going looney and making me looney with her. I'm starting to wonder if she is seriously depressed. She always angry at my 8 year old daughter too (for no reasons). I'm very, very concerned. I'm glad you brought up the issue because your responses will probably help me as well. Keep praying!! That may be the only solution. God Bless you and your family.

OMG, I have an 11 yr.old daughter, and I am already having a hard time. So, we are ready to have her dragged by the hair and thrown in the dungeon?!@!!! She has developed RAPIDLY, and the "mouth"and "moodiness"has already started!
I spoke to the PEDIATRICIAN about some of the ups and downs and he said with girls inparticular, fasten your seatbelts, because we as parents are in for one heck of a ride! ( he has 2 grown daughters).. Good luck and I hope you get through what can be a hard time as a parent!

Dear D..
I simpathize with you. I have a daughter who just turned 18 3 weeks ago, BUT let me tell you.... I thought this girl was going to give me a heart attack with her mood swings. As you mentioned, she'd be non-stop crying or pretty angry, and sometimes very rude to me.... Luckily i was able to cope with it, at first i thought i was doing something wrong, yet doing all possible to please her... you must understand that at their ages, "we don't know anything" and " they know everything".... Now that she is ready to graduate from high school, and start college, she has mellowed out....I think is also the fact she has now understood she's an adult and she feels she can no longer be throwing tantrums anymore.... I would say just hang in there, as luckily it's only part of them growing up.... a short phase i hope.
best of luck.
D.