Mom Needs Advise with 3 Year Olds Fear

Try getting a wornout adult sized tee-shirt, cutting so only the neck hole and a flap of fabric is left and see if he can practice.

I think its possible he tried to put on or take off a shirt by himself and got stuck and felt suffocated. The more he struggled the more he got stuck and he panicked. I would not make an issue out of it. Stop pulling shirts on and get all zip ups or buttons. Also teach him to do the buttons and zippers. If he feels more confident about dressing himself he will experiment with pull on shirts too. By the time he gets into high school you will probably wish he wore button downs and be sick of his t's.

Hold the shirt in your hand and roll it or scrunch it up in your hands from the bottom up, until ALL of the shirt is at the neck opening....so it looks like a big circle, or hoop, not a shirt. Even pull the sleeves up and make them part of the hoop, so the whole thing looks like a big, open circle of fabric, not a at all like a shirt. Show how you put the "hoop" over YOUR own head. Then forget it. Make this a trick YOU do, don;t even mention the idea of trying it with him. Do this several times, also find a picture book of circus dogs jumping through a hoop.Don't mention the shirt thing, just laugh at the dog trick. After about 10 days of this, ask him if HE would like to try to jump through the hoop. Just be careful that NONE of the shirt covers his face as you pull it over his head. Or roll it all up, put a little piece of masking tape around it so it won't slip and leave it in his room to "play" with.

HI M.
What an adorable 3 year old that can articulate those fears so that you can help him through them. Wow!!! Great job mom. Now as for what to do.
First as you did buy something else. Make sure nothing will get stuck on his head. I suggest that when he has(and I wouldn't make him but...) to wear something that goes over his head that you curl the clothes up til it simply goes over without touching his face at all, using his hand to hold the shirt from his face and you pulling the sides down speedily.
We buy what we like to wear and there are lots of reasons we like what we put on. When the time comes that you must buy a shirt that goes over the head, try the ones with the buttons at the neck to help transition.
In a couple of summers you can sign him up for baseball, and he will want to wear the team T-shirts like the rest of the kids.
He will out grow it!!!! Try to make no mention of it in front of him, sort of like not mentioning that they are shy, or afraid of lightning because it makes it more real.
God bless you and give you wisdom as you raise your lovely family
Old enough to be your mom, so I encourage you to talk to her, she too will have stories to tell.
K. SAHM married 38 years---- adult children 37 coach, 32 lawyer married with son 5 mo., twin girls 18 in college after homeschooling one for journalism (GPA 3.8) and one for fine art (GPA 3.7)

Hi M.,

When my son was young he had a thing about buttons - totally freaked out at wearing anything with buttons. So for us it was pullover shirts/sweaters and zippers on coats. He eventually outgrew it. It was upsetting and frustrating at the time, but now I have to smile, looking at my son, a junior in college. I'm sure he doesn't even remember.

Have you asked him why the pullovers upset him? Do you give him a choice of shirts to wear? If this is the only "quirk" your son exhibits, I would just accommodate him with clothing that is non-pullover until he is over it.

Good luck,
M.

I wanted to add to Susan's response. I do exactly what she does and it works. I do one extra thing, which is to stretch out the neck line as much as possible just as I am about to put the shirt on, making sure my kids see me doing it. I also start at the back of the head and then pull it over their face as quickly as possible with most of the contact being on the back of the head. The less the shirt touches their face especially their eyes and nose the better. Hope this helps.

Being clautrtophobic I can identify with your son.
Sometimes if I have layers on (all over the head) they
can get tangled and for a split second, its a feeling
like you won't be able to get out. However, being an
adult I also realize how insane it is. I do wear every-
thing over head. However, being three I get it. Choose
your battles. If you let it go and just let him wear
button down shirts he will be fine. Don't make a big
deal of it. Good luck.

Many kids have thie fear. Try this. Roll/crumple the shirt from the bottom to the neck in your hands. Hold the neck (whole shirt) open in both hands and look through it like a window. Show your son how you look through it and have him look through it. The tell him you are going to kiss him through the window. Put your face to his with the open shirt between you. You can then show him how his face can go through the shirt without ever being "inside" it. Then put his face into the shirt and gently pull it over the back of his head and onto his body. Because he is so afraid right now it might take a few kisses through the window in the shirt before he lets you put it over his head - but remember to ALWAYS put his face in first so he's always seeing you and his face is never covered.

Figuring out a quick way to get his head through the shirt is key. Closing of the eyes might help.

Try having him count so he sees how quick it takes to put on a shirt. When my son was smaller, I used to get him to tolerate things (like putting ice on a bump) by counting to 10 (then 20 then 30) with him then stop. It keeps their mind occupied with something else.

Also, maybe have him wear shirts with his favorite character? It might encourage him to wear the "cool" stuff.

Good luck!

i would make this a non-issue as much as possible, at this age, they can develop "isms" so easily. i would just use zip/button up shirts all the time without mentioning anything until he hasnt even thought about it in a while, then one day, maybe just button the bottom button before you put it on for a couple of days, then 2 buttons, etc making the hole very gradually smaller and smaller. if he questions, just tell him the button is stuck or something and just quickly and casually put it on. if this doesnt work, giving him some kind of "tool" to deal with it can be a big help, gives him a sense of control. make up something, tell him your friends son used to feel the same way when he was little, and she gave you his "shirt buddy" to hold onto, it worked for him, or a sparkly power stick to put through the hole first, whatever you think. if you dont make a big deal out of it, it will probably pass, just one of many phases. my sister was here tonite with her kids... my adorable, usually pretty relaxed 2 year old, just about loses her mind if someone is wearing a mask of any kind. the poor thing was screaming her brains out and shaking like a leaf because her brother was wearing a half-mask, it only covered his eyes, she lost her noodle! they get weird ideas in their heads from time to time, my advice is to try not to play into it.

Mi Hichelle,
I agree with Susan. Scrunch up/roll up the shirt and stretch open the neckline, so that he can see through it as you're putting it on, rather than covering him with the shirt and working to pull his head through it.
Good luck!

You didn't say if he's usually afraid of the dark. Maybe he saw a cartoon that gave him ideas about the dark?
I would ask him if that's the problem and ask him if he think holding a flashlight while you pull things over his head would help. Nothing to lose by trying it! Sometimes absurd remedies are the best.
Or maybe try putting the sleeves on first before pulling the rest over the head. My husband does it that way.
Good luck!

Hi M.,

It looks like you have gotten a lot of good suggestions about how to make getting dressed more playful and tolerable for your son. I wanted to point out that your son is willing to NOT do things that he presumably enjoys (playing outside, going to school) in order to avoid the fear/anxiety he associates with having when having something put over his head. In addition to having him wear button-downs and cardigans, I would also try some of the suggestions that others have offered in how to make the shirts going over his head more tolerable. Many parents, with the absolute best intentions, try to help their children avoid situations that make them fearful and anxious. While it is completely understandable that parents would not want their children to experience things that make them very anxious, avoiding those situations actually makes the fear stronger. As someone who has worked with children with significant anxiety and fears, I would encourage you to help your son learn ways to tolerate the things that make him fearful or anxious. He doesn't need to wear an over-the-head shirt every single time he gets dressed, but I wouldn't avoid them altogether either.

Since he is three, you could try talking to him (at a time when he doesn't need to get dressed) and ask if he has any ideas about what might make it easier for him to put a shirt on over his head. You could have a few suggestions ready - like scrunching up the shirt, getting a kiss through the "circle", taking a deep breath and blowing it out as the shirt goes on - and then have him choose a strategy (or a combination of things). This way he will feel like he is a part of the problem-solving and that you believe that he, with your help, can manage this fear. In the long run (especially if he is a kid who tends to be on the anxious side), this type of approach can go a long way in helping him to feel like he can tolerate and manage anxiety and not avoid situations as a result. I would also give him a lot of positive feedback each and every time that he is able to get a shirt on over his head, especially when he uses the strategy you developed together.

I can certainly relate to the over-the-head issue. My daughter HATED having onesies put over her head as a baby. Now, as a 3-year-old who can dress herself, she still sometimes gets upset when she has trouble getting a shirt on over her head. Why they don't make all kids' clothing with head openings that are big or very stretchy is beyond me...

Good luck!
A.

M.,
Take the pediatrician's advice: Explain to him that he needs to dress for the weather, but you don't give him a choice - he is going out in the weather.

You can try to talk to him about this, too, about what scares him about it. Just sit with him, on the couch, or when you are holding him in your arms and just ask him. Keep it in simple terms: what do your shirts do that scares you? It might be a simple remedy (now) that you can help him with.

I think it's a good sign that he has no problems with hats/hoods. My son does not like pull-over shirts in front of his eyes. At first I think it was because he didn't know to blink, but now I think he just doesn't like his view of the world interrupted. I pull his shirt up like a sock and put it over his face very quickly, and he has less problems this way. I'm sure you've tried it, too. I do his face last. (ie start from the back of the head and go over the face).

Talk him through it: doing that helped my son at first (well now he just doesn't like it, but hasn't a real problem with it (yet!)

Have you tried this one too? Maybe announcing it to him: I'm going to pull this over your head very quickly, and it will be done. Then do it. I use this one when I need to get him in the carseat quickly without a fuss (he does a carseat dance that can take me 10 minutes to get him in there, and when it is cold, brr!)

Good luck!
M.

Maybe try a behavior chart. Small rewards(sticker) for each time he puts his shirt on over his head and if you choose maybe something a little bigger or more rewarding for him after a week... Hope this helps your little guy!

It's clear that your son has a very real fear. Don't torture the kid by making him wear the over the head shirts. Why would you even want to do such a thing to your child? Just have him wear a regular button up shirt. Problem solved. Simple as that.

I had a similar situation with my youngest daughter who refused to wear pants from age 2 to 4.Even the suggestion she might want to put on pants caused fits of hysterical panic. We decided not to make it a battle ground and she simply wore dresses with warm tights the entire time until she announced at age 4 that she was done with dresses and moving on to pants.

The other suggestions are excellent, but if your son doesn't respond, you may need to invest in some warm cardigans and zip-up sweatshirts. Happily you should be able to find plenty of clothes options that do not need to be pulled over his head. I think sometimes irrational fears are so deepseated that children do not respond to logic or games and they just need to grow out of them. You might want to consult a child psychologist to see what advice he or she may have.

Personally, I would talk to a therapist....good luck

Lana does have a point it may be an issue of being in the dark. Do you try to open the neckline wide and do that first quickly and then put his arms in. Maybe if the shirt goes over his head quickly he will not be fearful of being in the dark. He may also feel like he is smothering while you are trying to put his arms if his head is still inside the shirt. I would try putting the shirt quickly over his head, maybe tell him to try to close his eyes while you do it. I know this is hard on him but I think this is something you can help him to overcome. I always tried to show my kids there is nothing to be scared and help them though it rather then give into the fears. Good luck!!