Hi L.!
First off, I'm sorry that you're going through this. Having the two most important people in your life argue.....would not be easy to deal with.
I believe they both love you, and are "willing" to be around eachother, just to make you happy :o) But you have to be careful not to take advantage of that until they can find a better understanding for eachother. And....this may never happen. But the more you're "sensitive" to any plans of being together, the better hope you have for "blending" your mother in the new mix.
Question....Why did you invite her to stay at your home for more than one night? I mean, you know they don't like eachother, and that would cause alot of tension between the two of them. I bet your husband is hurt, because you "over-look" how he feels.
You're right about having alot to deal with in a blended family, so I'm sure you find some "comfort" when your mother is around.....I can understand that, and totally support it. However, unfortunately, if you want to maintain BOTH relationships, then you have to "choose" better terms.
Let things "settle" for a few days. Then, I would call your mom and apologize for trying to "push" the situation too long. Tell her you knew better, but you just wish they could get along and hoped that it would finally happen this past weekend.
Your place is with your husband now, but you don't want to lose your mom as a friend. I know that I try to NEVER talk negative about my husband to my mom....I believe this saves alot of issues.
Good Luck, L..
:o) N.