Mom and Grandma Need Advice

Hi S., When Ryan starts screaming because he wants attention, I would tell him in a normal tone of voice that he needs to ask/tell you if he needs something- that you don't understand him when he screams. Then I would NOT respond to him when he screams. When he talks in a normal tone of voice, then I would respond to him and say something positive to him, like "I like it when you talk to me, because then I know what you need", or something like that.

Hi S.:
It's really quite simple. When your Grandson was A new born,he cried,when he needed to be changed,fed,woke in the night.This is the only way A baby can communicate his needs.When they become toddlers,they eliminate some of the crying,and advance to screaming. It's not A disciplinary problem,its A way in which they use to communicate. They haven't developed A vocabulary as yet.If you notice,he won't necessarily scream out of anger,or frustration. A lot of toddlers will scream out of joy or excitement.The best way to help bring him out of the screaming phase,is to teach him some basic words,so he can better express himself,communicate.When he screams,use short words,that may help him identify. Toy? bottle? hungry? up? He will soon catch on,and instead of screaming,he will use words to get your attention.If you ignore him,he becomes agitated,because he feels you don't understand him.Key is,to make him feel you do(Understand)Even if you don't,it soothes him,feeling he's getting his message across. It's always an advantage,to read to your Grandson,as he rapidly will pick up,or ape what he's heard.Realize, that his efforts,are not to agitate,but to communicate his feelings.No child should be reprimanded for trying,but encouraged and taught how to use that voice he's discovered. I wish you,your daughter and your darlin Grandson the best. J. M

Seriously, this is normal and no intervention is necessary. Take it from a mom of 5, ages 21 years to 19 months old - I promise you he's ok and it'll pass. (my 19 month old does this very same thing, I think he thinks it's fun).

Hi S., I would guess he does this cause it works, and theres. not coinsinquences for it. one of my past daycare moms had this issue with her son, a lot younger than 18 months, to the point that she was asked to leave a hospital once and a resturant once, that was it for her, so everytime he screamed she flicked his cheek with her finger, it stung a little but left no makes, he stoped, after a couple weeks. The key this with training a child is discipline early, in the learning stages, so when they get a little older you have less behavior issues cause you started early. J. L.

He is probably trying to tell you something and lacks the words for it. Instead of doing what you can see that he wants, simply say I'm sorry I don't understand that scream and it hurts my ears. Then walk away. If he continues to do it then i would simply say something along the lines that you need him to use his big boy voice to ask for help and not scream. The important thing is to not give in to his screaming as it reinforces this behavior.

Behaviors that are rewarded or rewarding in some way get continued. Somewhere along the line your precious little one got the attention he needed by screaming and that removed the previous use of words. When you want to get rid of an undesirable behavior, you do so by substituting a desirable one. Planned ignoring works well. When he begins to scream at home, you ignore it. That doesn't give him any reward for that behavior. When he stops you go over and model the use of simple words and provide loving presence. When he uses words, he must be praised immediately every single time, and that will reinforce the desired behavior of speaking.

The screaming must not be allowed in public places. He is not too young to learn consequences of actions. Tell him before you enter a restuarant, store, etc, "If you scream, we will have to outside until you stop." If he screams, take him out and whisper in his ear, "When you stop screaming, we can go back inside." May take a few times, but it works.

Good Luck!

Kids go through stages of development. As the physical develops sometimes they lose their communication skills as they concentrate on learning something new.
Being calm is the key!Even from a small age if my son didn't speak calmly then I would tell him "I don't understand yelling or whining or however he sounded." At such a young age, tell him what he should be saying, "drink, please" or "help me" or what ever you need him to say. If he gets frustrated then squat down tell him to calm down, and repeat what you said earlier.
He'll get through, and so will you!
Good Luck

My friends daughter did the same thing. She got it under control by explaning to her that it hurt her ears when she screamed and therefore could not help her get what she wanted/needed. She would also talk very quietly so that her daughter would have to be quiet to listen. Another thing she did was never "reward" this behavior. She would tell her to use her words not her screamer. She also taught her a few things in sign language so that her daughter could communicate better with her and know that she was being understood. She would always tell her to use her words so that mommy could help her - Tell me what you need (if he doesn't talk much yet ask him to show you). As a last resort she would clap her hands loudly so that it would startle her. She found that it gave her daughter the recoginition that the loud sounds she was making by screaming were upsetting to her parents and when this was used along with the explanation of - did my clap startle you? I understand because that is what your screaming does to me. I hope that you can get it under control as the longer it goes on the worse it can get. Sending you many happy quiet thoughts!

This may have nothing to do with it but my son had a high pitched scream too and it was related to whenever he received his vaccines. Sometimes they lasted just a couple of days and sometimes they went on and on (or it may have just seemed like it). It doesn't always have to be just behavior being out of control...

1. You may want to look into NAET.com for allergy eliminations. Allergies are the cause of most of the mental and physical problems we have.

2. He may be telepathic via satellite to people he does not wish to speak with. You may want to ask him if he is being spoken to by invisible voices. If so, it's just satellite communications. If he is, just track it and notify the government. I am having the same problem myself. I have been notifying the government. We are having terrible satellite problems here in California.

Be well

N.

Hello S.,

She does it because he can.

You need to start setting some guidelines and take control. He is old enough to start sitting in time out.

When he screams, take him and set him in an empty corner of the room. Walk away and leave her there for 1 minute. Then come back and tell him: I do not like it when you scream like this. Every time you scream, you will sit here. I need you to use your words if you need help. OK?" (wait for a sign of understanding, I ask mine to say "ok") then ask him what he needed from you and help him with it.

Do this every time. DO NOT make exceptions. If he does not comply, walk away again. and repeat your sentence.

It might take a few times until he realizes that his screaming is not going to get him anywhere and he will modify his behavior. After 10 days or so he will not scream at all anymore. (of course he will come up with something else that is not acceptable... :)
This is my secret to well behaved children.

:)

I have 4 under 9.
lol

sincerely,
-C.

I would tell him no and not give him what he wants until he says "Help Me" or whatever the age appropriate expectation is. You can tell him, "Say, 'Help Me'" to model the response you are looking for is a great tool as a parent!! If you give him what he wants when he screams you are reinforcing the screaming and teaching him that that is how he gets what he wants. You need to outlast him.

C., mother of 3, sleep consultant, sleep blog writer

In addition to all the other suggestions, at this age, they don't have 'full' impulse control yet, nor are their emotions even fully developed. Thus, they scream. They communication "ability" is also forming, still.

A baby/toddler changes all the time. But this is a good opportunity to teach him how to communicate. Even via sign language for the things he may not articulate clearly yet.
Keep expectations age appropriate.... at this age, they do not have things fully 'mastered' yet, and won't be until much older.

At this age, I began to teach my kids the names for feelings and the words for it. Thus, by the time they were older toddlers, they could tell me exactly how they were feeling... ie: I'm mad, I'm happy, I'm sad etc. And then I would sympathize with them (I know you are upset now... how about we try something else? Or let Mommy help you....) That way they learn about themselves, and how to redirect themselves and gain confidence in their fledgling emotions. It teaches them COPING skills... which will be invaluable later when they are older. Learning how to cope with one's feelings/frustrations are real important for kids or adults.

Even my toddler now, will tell me articulately how he feels, if he is having a hard time with something, and he knows he can express himself/that it is okay, that I will "help" him and what is a "nice" way for saying things.
But... it takes time to guide them and teach them about it.

But, the screaming will come and go... as they develop and explore social interactions. Then its a phase... and something you can teach them about... ie: what is appropriate or not, and yes, screaming for things is not a 'nice' way, but show him other ways to ask for things or to tell you things and reinforce it and praise them for any time they try their best, EVEN if it is not "perfect."

It will get better...

All the best,
S.

He wants more attention from mom. Try to give him more one on one, but not when he's screaming. When he screams, tell him, "You're hurting my ears, I can't play w/you now." and walk into another room and close the door. You don't want him to learn, that's how to get attention.

S.~
I am a practicing pediatric homeopath and would love to help you. Here is some information technical and personal:

Who can homeopathy help?

Children
Your child’s health is very important to you and as a parent you will face many decisions about your child’s care...from vaccinations to childhood illnesses and behavior problems. Homeopathic treatment works very well for children and used long term prevents chronic illness as they grow to adulthood. Many parents use teething tablets when their infant starts teething. Teething tablets are one of the most common forms of homeopathic treatment and many parents use them without realizing it is a homeopathic remedy. Many childhood ailments can be treated effectively with homeopathy – ear infections, coughs, skin rashes, allergies, and behavior problems are just some of the things I see in my homeopathic practice. In more serious cases homeopathy works very well as a complementary treatment with allopathic medicine to help your child retain his vital force and maintain it after treatment.
.... A LITTLE OF MY STORY:

When my first child Bodhi was small, I noticed that he wouldn’t sleep with my husband and me he pushed us away and liked being alone. He would head butt out of some impulse and bite at the breast. It was as if he was adverse to hugs and cuddles. He'd throw incredible tantrums. I didn’t know if this was just his personality or something that was like a heavy cloud that he was burdened. Homeopathy says that we inherit the suppression's of our ancestors (genetic predisposition) to some extent and that this inheritance can affect what we become sick with. In homeopathy this is called a “Miasm” a very long and interesting subject in and of itself. Given the little knowledge I had, I was convinced that homeopathy could help. He was given an individual prescription and his remedy worked right away. He has since become and open hearted, polite, inquisitive, loving little boy and that dark cloud is a thing of the past. It is like homeopathy came in and blew a gentle wind on the cloud and it just dispersed. I have used homeopathy for nightmares, temper tantrums, growing pains, pregnancy, teething, fevers, and everything else that we have needed in our health care lives. It seems that homeopathy uses in our lives are never ending and I am forever grateful for it, in face can’t imagine my life without it. I am a different person because of it.

Screaming can mean so many things, and sometimes it's developmental. So it's hard to say why?

If you would like to talk call mail me and we'll chat...best wishes...