Modesty Rules for Young Ladies?

My daughter is too young for this to be a problem, but I just wanted to add...what's up with the skanky Halloween costumes for little girls? I was a pumpkin when I was 6 yrs. old, not a hot version of Supergirl.

Well, my oldest is 9, but we are running into this as well. Some of her friends dress like tiny versions of Katy Perry. My rule of thumb is, if she puts on an article of clothing that makes me think, "Oh, who brought the skanky slut to the party?" then we don't buy it. I don't care if she thinks she will die a slow social death if she doesn't own this article of clothing, it's just not going to happen on my watch. There are a wide range of other articles of clothing that she can wear that are just as socially acceptable to her peer group, and that do not make me have an eye twitch. I have found that in order to fend off some of this "I HAVE to have this!" type angst, I buy her something else with the same brand name (like an Abercrombie sweatshirt, rather than a skanky Abercrombie midriff shirt). This way, the girl at school who has the skanky Abercrombie midriff shirt has nothing negative to say about what my daughter is wearing because they shop at the same store. Only my daughter doesn't look like a skank. ;)

2 of my rules are

1) Absolutely no words across the butt. Gross.
2) No bra straps showing. I think it looks totally skanky for females to wear a tank top and then a bra underneath that is totally exposed because the straps don't line up at all. Worse yet if the bra is hot pink or neon blue.

This is one reason why I'm glad the middle school my 12 year old goes to has uniforms.

My daughter is 17 and very modest. Yet, I'm not sure exactly how I did it except I lead by example and just didn't buy the tacky/trampy clothes.

I remember a mother coming to pick her kids up at school. This mom is a marathon runner, which good for her, I can't run to the mailbox! ;) But don't come to school in your running shorts which are pretty much like underwear with "Juicy" printed on the behind!

Update: I just remember what a friend of mine used to tell his kids, both girls and boys. "No belly, no boobs, no backs, no cracks." Love it! And he is a HS teacher and coach.

I think it is something that is up to each family individually. Some kids are very good kids who just like skinny jeans, and the parents are ok with that. What I find as a teen expressing her self and feeling good, another may see as inappropriate. Set the rules you feel comfortable with for your children, and don't worry about what others are wearing.

When my eldest daughter was at this age, I sat down and had a frank talk with her. This was the conversation:

"There are social protections for children in this culture. If you look like a child, people will stop and help you if you look upset or worried. Also, no decent guy will ever ask you out or otherwise proposition you.

If you look like an adult woman, all those protections go away. People won't help you unless you ask for it. If you are crying by the side of the road, they will respect your privacy and leave you alone. Honorable, decent guys will mistake you for a 19 year old woman and ask you out on dates. This is not fun when you are not ready. And you are not ready. Do you agree?"

(At this point, my daughter readily agreed that she was not ready to deal with adult men asking her out on dates!)

"You have very little time left to enjoy the social protections of being a child. Stretch it as long as you can. Dress in a way that no one could possibly mistake you for an adult woman. It will make your life easier and happier. You won't be able to do this for much longer. Enjoy it while it lasts."

Of course, by age 12 or 13 there was no clothing in the world that would make her look like a child! Then we had the conversations about the risks adult women face in this culture and how to protect herself. But that's another post!

My older daughter always had high standards for herself and she is passing that on to her little sister. The effect the strict uniforms had on her were dressing like a complete slob when she wasn't forced into a uniform.

Considering she is too young to buy her own clothes don't buy what you don't think is appropriate. By the time she is old enough to buy what she wants she will also have realized you don't have to go with the crowd to be cool, well hopefully.

I dress modestly, yet stylishly, myself. So, my first standard is "Would I wear this myself?". In this, I serve as a role model that this is possible.

Considerations in wardrobe include - does any underwear show? (either panty lines or bra straps), does this emphasize any sexual body parts? (either breasts or butt), and lastly, but most importantly, how would a young man react to this outfit?

I agree that young women and girls today do dress like prostitutes. It leaves nothing to the imagine. How in the world young men and boys can pay attention in the classroom is beyond me.

Nothing that shows the midriff region.

I should be able to grab the sides of your jeans in the butt, hips and thighs and pinch fabric. It should never be so tight I can't pinch fabric between my fingers.

Shorts and skirts no shorter than the end of your longest finger.

Shoulder straps three of your fingers in width at any public function.

No writing on the chest or butt area, as I don't want anyone's eye to be invited to look at your parts.

No bikinis.

Nothing strapless.

Nothing that looks like it belongs on a girl 5 years older than you.

When we were young my mom had the following rules for us:

No spaghetti straps
No strapless shirts
No mini skirts - had to be at or below the knee
No tight pants - if she could see our panty line, it was too tight
No bikinis (I know most mothers wouldn't agree with that, but it wasn't hard for me to find cute 1-pc suits)
No bratty/snotty messages on the shirts
No shirts that exposed the navel
Shorts no shorter than 4 inches above the knee

It was pretty easy for her to enforce that list, as she bought our clothes and hemmed our uniform jumpers.

Yeah, I've even asked the sales lady at a children's clothing store once if they have clothes suitable for children, not hookers. She looked at me blankley. I said, "You know, I wouldn't put this stuff on a teenager, much less a 6 year old. Seriously, where do I find the clothes that are appropriate for children in this shop?" The baby clothes and toddler clothes in this store were ADORABLE. Loved shopping there. Until we got to about the 6 year old stage. Then, hello red light district! Apparently, they didn't carry clothing suitable for children.
Oh, I guess I didn't answer your question! Sorry.
We buy things that are modest. Period. We do a lot of Lands End, that sort of thing. They can dress classy and not trendy. We don't do a lot of trendy. Usually trendy means cheap clothing and bad style. We do dress nicely though. I don't like frumpy denim jumpers or anything like that. ;)

I'm a big supporter of this issue. It's hard to find modest clothes anymore. My girls aren't allowed to wear short shorts, they have to be of bermuda style. I also don't allow mini skirts, even with leggings, the skirts have to come to their knees. The funny thing is though, I sound like a prude when I tell people how I prefer to dress my girls, but out in public, I get more moms commenting on how cute my girls look and asking where I got certain items. It is possible to find cute modest clothes, it just takes a strong parent to say 'no' to certain styles and leave the store with nothing if needs be. My girls are happy, they don't feel out of place at all among their peers.

How do you dress?
How does your hubby want you to dress, maternity clothes don't count. :oP

My husband gives the final say on the styles out there and since the girls are both Daddy's girls I let him. THey are 13 and 16 and shudder at most of the clothing on the rack. But he has been priming them for years.
If I pick something out to tempt them they will say to me, That is disgusting, inappropriate, gross, ewww, I'm not a slut, Daddy wouldn't like it. MOOOOM!!!!!

My 13 yo's downfall are shoes. So she has started wearing heels. They hurt, natural consequence, she can only wear them for short periods of time.

I make sure my girls dress appropriately. I tell them they can look cute and classy and still be modest. I don't allow short shorts or short skirts. No showing the belly or cleavage (or lack there of.) I also have them wear an under shirt under a shirt with spaghetti straps like a tank top etc. I'm not over the top strict but modesty is important to me.

nothing written on the butt...

she will only wear a two piece swimsuit but I insist on no strings...halter type top and boy shorts only!

tank tops a lot under the low necklines. tunic type tops over jeggings.

dd is 13.

Again this is why I am glad to have boys. One thing I can't stand is when little girls (and adults) are wearing sweat pants or shorts with words on the behind. Its like an invitation to look

I am very strict about what is worn to school and what is for home or gymnastics. She is not allowed to wear skinny straps at all out of the house unless it's over a leotard or under one. She is not allowed to wear Soffe shorts except under her dresses unless they are over a leotard. She has not challenge the rules yet but I know it's coming some day. I will still hold fast to my ideals but will allow some compromise. I have friends who, when not wearing pants, had to get on their tall knees and if their shorts of dresses did not touch the floor they had to go change. I won't be that way but I will want her to be modest.

We have given our girls the rule" Head-Shoulders-knees and toes. To us this means that if you put your hands on your head, no skin should show on your belly. If you put your hands on your shoulders you shouldn't be able to see anything through the arm holes of the shirt (and that your shoulders are covered too). Shorts and skirts come to your knees and if you touch your toes no skin shows on your back (cuz your shirt is too short) and that your skirt doesn't ride up to show there. We also try not to wear the skin tight things either. We have also started young with our girls (and we give these same standards to our boys). That way when they are 11, they don't question what is expected of their dress standards, they don't have to buy new clothes to conform with the school dress code (we don't have uniforms here, just a code that we have to abide by). I have had several occasions where my children have brought an article of clothing to me, that previously fit them, and told me that it was too small and we needed to hand it down to the next on, or pass it to someone else. We are also pretty strict about the words/pictures on their clothes. Since we do have a large family (7 kids) most of our clothing has been passed down from one child to the next. Any thing that I can get to serve double duty (shirts that can be worn by both genders) is great. Also a lot of our clothing has been passed to us by other people....so we don't get a lot of the new stuff that is around. Hope this helps.
J.--SAHM of 7

I let her wear what she wanted as long as it covered her underwear. I bought her strapless bras for strapless tops and pasties for backless tops. Visible bra straps with camis or tanks didn't bother me.

check out Tea Collection brand, they have beautiful clothes !!!!!!!!!

The rules when I was growing up...

Shorts could be no shorter than the start (where finger meets palm) of our fingers when we held our arms straight down.

Shirt had to meet our pants when our arms were down, and couldn't have more than 3 fingers of skin showing when we raised them.

NO tube tops. Tanks and halters were OK, but we had to have some sort of sleeve.

We used 'common sense' determining how low our shirt necks went and how tight our pants were...

Unfortunately the stores are not helping. My daughter just moved to the size 7 and up area of stores and the clothes are very mature. Too mature for a 7-8 yr old. But I have been to 4 or 5 stores and I am finding it difficult to dress her. I wish they would bring some cute clothes back for this age group.

My cousin who has been a fashion writer for magazines for years has a simple fashion rule: If it's tight, it can't be also short and conversely, if it's short, it must not also be tight. So you can wear tight jeans and a cute top or a cute loose skirt but not a tight pair of super short shorts or mini skirt. Maybe or maybe not helpful. I personally don't think I'll be super strict but I won't let my kids be ridiculous little prosti-tots either.

I am fortunate my daughter attends a school with a very strict dress code. We have shied away from shirts that SAY anything. We do not buy skirts or dresses or even very many pairs of shorts that do not pass the finger tip rule ( hands even at your sides) I have my daughter ( who will be 11 in just a few days) where leggings under a lot of dresses and skirts as the weather turns cooler any way. SHe does have some "jeggings" but she does not like tight jeans otherwise ( thank goodness = ) We have not had any issues with any plunging necklines so far.

Continue to shop with your daughter and approve all of her choices. If it's inappropriate, then don't approve it. But you might want to also make sure that you provide a good example for her in your dance studio with the costumes you require for the dancers.

Our school rules say that girls cannot show mid-rif, skirts and shorts have to be 2" past your fingers with your arms hanging down, no tank tops and no flip-flops or crocs (for safety reasons). Boys have the no underwear can show rule and pant crotches have to be in your crotch, etc. The kids and parents have to sign a form at the end of the school rules book (which also explains absence policy, escalation of discipline issues, no tolerance bullying policy, etc.). I think the only way it works if all kids are held to the same standards. Even so, the teen girls do wear jeans that are skin tight with frilly skin-strap camisoles under plaid shirts that they wear as jackets, etc. Not trashy but definitely showing off.

Modest clothes are so hard to find... my problem for ME is the necklines. I get SO tired of having to wear a tank top under EVERYTHING but if I didn't everyone would see "the girls".

But... it looks like the mamas here have given you some good tips. The skank clothes/Halloween costumes are getting SO old! And I agree... I hate writing on the butt. If I had a girl there's no way I'd buy them pants like that!