Modesty and Mother/son Relationship

your son is only 2 months old. No biggie.

My kids are 3 and 7 years old. I have a boy and a girl. They see us naked. They see us use the bathroom. They see us changing clothes. They see us in our underwear. They come with me to the public bathrooms if we are out. They see us just doing ordinary daily things. No biggie.
And we see them naked too. My daughter will at times say she wants privacy. That's fine. She can say so and we respect that. My son is too young.
My kids are not scarred by it. It is just matter of fact.
But go by your child's cues, and age junctures.

It is a cultural construct and perspective.

all the best,
Susan

This is a totally personal issue. I don't really see it as being appropriate or inappropriate for me to see mys on naked or vise versa as much as an issue of personal comfort. For now (he's 4), we're both still comfortable with nudity, so it's not biggie, but it isn't like he doesn't know that naked bodies are private... it's just that in a FAMILY we can share some things that are private to the rest of the world.

Just this morning I was getting out of the shower in my room and he called me to his room to help him with his shoes. I told him I was just getting out of the shower so he'd have to wait until I got dressed and he called back "don't worry, Mommy. I closed the hallway door so no one can see your naked body when you go by."

As a practical issues, he still needs me to wipe his bottom sometimes after he poops, and can't wash and rinse his hair (he has dreadlocks) without help so he does still need me to see him undressed from time to time.

My mother and I still change in front of each other when we visit. I think regularly seeing her naked growing up made me more comfortable with my changing body when I hit puberty than some of my friends who didn't know they were going to grow pubic hair! Similarly, I think seeing your parents and/or sibling nude takes some of the mystery out of seeing other people naked as you grow older... in a way, it desexualizes nudity rather than over sexualizing the child.

I think you're fine whatever you decide to do. I wouldn't think too much more about it.

My family was very open. We had an open-bathroom-door policy when I was growing up, and hiding my parents' naked body was never an issue...until I (the eldest) hit puberty. Then, when I began closing doors because I wanted my privacy, so did they. I don't know how old I was, but that really worked for me, so I plan to do really the same thing with my kids. Not only that, but I lived for many years in an Asian country where family bathing is standard, and I am very comfortable with that. I will let my kids decide when they are comfortable/uncomfortable with nudity in the family.

However, if you have modesty issues, you might do what you feel is comfortable, too. But at 2 months old, you've got a while yet before your son will be able to do anything for himself, and so if you are currently uncomfortable with him seeing you naked, you may wish to get some therapy to figure out why you are so shy with your body. After all, many mothers breastfeed for at least a year, sometimes two, and your son will need your help in the bath and with pottying for several more years. Good luck.

I have been a stay at home dad for over 7 yrs to my 2 youngest girls, now 7 & 4. Being the only one home with them during the day, they were going to have to see me naked. There was only one incident with each girl, both when they were between 2 & 3. R my 7yr old looked at me & asked if I had a big button (in relation to my belly button). I said yes, she said "oh". Then went back to playing. S my 4 yr old asked if I "had a snake". A little more awkward, but I said yes, & she went back to running around the house. I have never "flashed" them in any way, but if they see me, it's not a big deal to them, or me. I close & lock the door when I go to the bathroom, but leave the door open, or at least unlocked when I shower. I also have been bathing them since they were babies, & so me seeing them is just a normal experience. My wife has no problems with the girls seeing her naked, or me since it is a natural occurance. If & when there comes a time when my girls tell me that I need to have at least underwear or clothes on, or there comes a time they don't want me to see them naked, or help them get cleaned or dressed, then we will make the needed adjustments.
Your son will let you know when it is time for you or him to be naked in front of each other. If it's not a big deal to you, it won't be for him.

I agree with the other moms that it's a totally personal issue and it depends on what you and your family are comfortable with. My son is 4 1/2 and he still takes a shower with me and it's no big deal. He sees Daddy naked and we are all pretty comfortable with that arrangement. I know at the Y opposite sex children are not allowed in the locker room once they turn 6. I'm not sure I would be comfortable sending my son into the men's room and certainly not into the men's locker room by himself at 6 or 7 so I guess some of it depends on the situation as well. Sometimes when we go in a public restroom my son goes into the stall by himself while I hold the door closed per his request. I leave this up to him but I feel for my boy this is more about doing it himself and being a big boy than he doesn't want me to see him. Go with what you are comfortable with.

The process has been gradual for us. Nudity has never been a big issue (I was raised in a prudish household but have tried to be more relaxed), but I also want my son to respect privacy and have some sense of modesty :)

Basically, when he started developing more than a passing interest in anatomy (his or mine), I'd start adapting. When he was a tot, we took showers together because it was easier and fast; when he started being concerned that we had differnet parts, I explained it matter of factly, but also decided it was time for him to have his own showers, with assistance of course.

When he started becoming more interested in his own anatomy, I started introducing the concept that he could play with himself in the privacy of his own room, but not out where others could see. This was about the time I started training him to be aware that he needed to wear, at minimum, boxers in the house if he was not fully clothed.

So, my guide has been his level of interest and how he interacts with others. I believe in being honest with children, at their conceptual level. I also do not want my child to have the handups I had growing up. It has been a growing experience for us both.

As to bathroom time, I still make him go into the "women and children" bathroom as he is 6 years old. However, he can manage in the stall just fine by himself. ;)

I think you shouldn't worry about it now for sure! You have years before it will be/should be an issue. My son is over 1 and I'm not worried about it yet and I'm a modest person. When he's old enough to recognize we are different, be aware of his own body and mine, etc. I think I will worry about stuff like that. Potty training seems to be a place where I think I will start to think about it more. At 2 months old I was more concerned abotu sleeping, feeding him, etc. You'll know when it's the right tmie for both of you.

It's a little different for each child and mom.

As a mother of three boys myself I say you stop letting him see you naked when he's old enough to realize and remember what he's seeing. As for you seeing him naked I say it's when he can completely wash and dress himself without your help. My one son started saying he didn't want me to see him naked when he was about 4 years old, but he wasn't able to wash his own hair properly so I told him that he needed to learn to do it right if he didn't want me to see him in the shower.

Good luck!

My son is 7 and I don't feel weird seeing him naked--I help him with his bath every night. I don't let him see me naked--I think around 5 I started to be more aware of dressing in front of him, etc.
I think my (and your) son will let it be known when it gets uncomfortable for him and that's probably the time!

Hi K.,
The time for you to stop seeing him naked is when he asks you to leave the room if he's changing. Respect his request for privacy - even if he asks you to leave the room when he's 3 years old and getting dressed. If you're not helping him to get dressed or use the bathroom, there is no reason to watch. My son was 7 when he didn't want me to see him undressed anymore. We never had an "open bathroom" policy, no one needs to come in when someone is using the bathroom there's simply no reason for it although I have a lot of friends who raise their kids that way. My kids washed themselves in the bath at 3 and showered independently at 6. I know moms of boys my son's age (turning 11) who can (and do) discuss whether their boys have pubic hair. I would have no idea whether or not my son does - and it's not something I'd discuss with others either - their bodies are theirs and not for others to share private details.

As for seeing you naked, that's a matter of your own personal preference. I didn't have any problems with my daughter and son seeing me undressed til I had my mastectomy when they were 7 and 3, that's when I stopped letting them see me without clothes.

You are asking when you should stop seeing your son naked right? Not when he should stop seeing you?

For that question, I say puberty at the latest, but most likely whenever he is uncomfortable with you seeing him, I don't know when this happens but probably not until he is at least 7 or 8. I'm just going to let mine decide when he doesn't like it anymore.

As for my son seeing me naked, not sure. Mine is 2 1/2 and it isn't an issue yet. He just started realizing about private parts, and when he becomes overly focused on those, that's when I'll start being more modest. It really all depends on whatever you are comfortable with. I just wouldn't act too weird about and teach him to be ashamed or think anything is wrong with his body or nudity. But there is nothing wrong with modesty when you need it.

That's a great question! My son is five now, and I too breast fed him. I spoke to our doctor about this very thing and he told me that children don't have the ability to retain memories until they are at least a year old. I stopped undressing near my son at about that time. Not because I thought it was wicked or bad, but because I don't want him to have any memories of his mother naked. As for him being naked in front of me...well, I think that all depends on when he is able to dress and bathe himself. I will have to see him in the buff until he is old enough to do these things on his own. Maybe that can be a good starting point. Follow your sons lead: when he is old enough to properly dress himself and bathe himself, then I think that would be an appropriate age to start! Just remember, it's different for every child.

I also agree with the other moms. Go with what is comfortable for you and your son. You will know by the look on his face when it's time for him to stop seeing you naked. And he will certainly let you know when he doesn't want you to see him naked anymore!

Wow, my son is 4 and he sees me naked. i don't hang out w/out clothes but not that modest. We live in a RR style apt. Close quarters. I don't have hang ups and don't waNT TO GIVE Him any. No big deal but if you are uncomfortable that will be what he sees. At 2 months that's a bit much. Don't worry, We are all beautiful, think of how beautiful your new baby is remember that beauty.

I agree that you should stop seeing your son naked when he begins to request privacy. If he's asking for privacy or showing signs that he's uncomfortable with you seeing him change, bathe, etc. then it's time. My guess is that probably happens sometime around the age of 8-9 (it has for most of the children I know), but every child is different.

I was raised in a home that was respectful, but not prudish. I stopped seeing my father naked regularly around 4, so I don't really have memories of it. My brother and I saw each other naked considerably longer (we were both pre-pubescent). To this day, my mother and I will change in front of the other. I've always been very modest in public, but comfortable with my body and comfortable showing my body in private (i.e. with my husband). I think it's important to teach my kids where the privacy/modesty bounds should be, but I also really don't want to raise them to feel like their bodies are somehow bad.

so i am one of those ppl very paranoid about any sexual stuff with my kids. i dont allow my 3year old (almost 4) to even look at his younger sister who is only 9mths when i am changing her diaper. i didnt worry about any of this until he got old enough to notice. now he knows that the second sisters diaper comes off he is to adjust his eyes to her face or something else entirely. i know many ppl feel differently about things. my personal preference is that once he started pointing and asking etc it was time to let him know that other ppl need there privacy just as much as he does when he uses the potty. it is really up to you and your family. i am strict about it. kinda paranoid. too many weirdo out in the world not to be i guess. if you are uncomfortable then change the situation so you are not. there is no reason to make yourself uncomfortable. do what you feel is right. at this point he is young enough where it doesnt matter to him at all. good luck!!

He is your son keep in mind he is your child. If he was hurt it would not matter how old he is, if you make it an issue you will give him a complex. I taught my son and nephew how to bathe themselves and made sure they did until they were about seven years old. You don't have to worry because they go through a self conscience modesty stage so you don't have to worry they will stop disrobing in front of you and you will know. Don't force it they will shut you out. It is a natural developemntal stage.

I totally agree with Tanna that once he realizes what he's seeing.
I don't remember how old our son was but I remember him coming in when I was in the tub with what I'm sure was earth shattering news to him! I covered up and asked if we could talk about it when I got out. I could see the light bulb go off and the horror in his face as he ran out! ;) It's like he absolutely wasn't thinking of his mom in the tub when he came in, just that he had to talk to me!

When he reaches puberty.

it is important to teach modesty and the most impressionable time is before 5.
my son is 7 and i dont really let him see me change anymore, but i always tell my kids that our bodies are very special and we need to take care of them, we never touch anyones body or let anyone touch our bodies etc. and as long as they know this then i dont think there should be a problem with the modesty issue, unless you make your kids feel embarrassed or ashamed about their bodies.
just make sure to teach him healthy modesty.
good luck

Around 4 the child develops modesty and will tell you he can 'do it himself.' Actually before that a child will hide when they have to poop and thats a sign that they are ready for toilet training. After they become modest you can ask them to turn towards the door in a public bathroom. I notice a lot of malls today have family rest rooms where you can lock the outside door and safely leave a child in the exterior room while you use the stall. Its a problem for single dads with girls as well as moms with boys.