Mental Health & Counseling

I started to have the same trouble and my husband still works out of the house i was a borded sahm so we became a foster parents.It filled my heart with joy.That was 11 years ago since then we adopted 4 children and needed is what I am. Foster parents are so needed and belive it or not it is very rewarding.

V. - Maybe I can help...I understand the "empty nest" - both my children are moving away within the next few weeks - and I've really had to look at what's next....

InspireOneCoaching.com

What about checking with your local hospital to find new mothers who need someone to bring meals and pick up their house? You might even get to kiss fresh baby.

You are still a "needed" mom......just in a different way now!

S.

Dear V.,

Nooooooooo, you are not too sensitive. You are just intelligent and caring and you are paying the price of being blessed with that type of attitude toward life.

It is a tough life to be understanding and knowledgeable and see life going the other way.

Oh and by the way, if you think that you won't be needed, then wait a few months. You are the one that will guide her through many traumas and hard times and really, there are a lot of very rude and mean people out there that she will encounter. You are going to be the one that explains stuff to her, and stand beside her and love the heck out of her no matter what.

Just take a rest because you are going to need it. Read books by wise people, and unwise people, get the 'lay of the land' as it is now, not the way that you remember it when you were a child or even an adult. Things have changed and gotten very much tougher in this world. Be her steadying point and her way to her own evaluation of what she wants to ultimately do with her life.

Um huh, that is the way that it is. As I say, nowadays, being a Mother is very difficult from start to finish, and beyond. Go and get more wisdom and more understanding of this whoooole world. It is fascinating, and you will be delighted that you were born to experience it. I just saw a marvelous science tv show on I think that is was National Geographics about our 'egenes' or something like that . We are very complex beings and just knowing that you are one of the ones that got to be born! and that you have those 'egenes' and thanks to God you are intelligent - that is a gift from Him - a gift that comes with some hard things to cope with, but nevertheless you wouldn't want to be without those gifts.

Sincerely, C. N.

i have been a foster parent for over 7 years now, and nothing is a rewarding as this. there are thousands of children who need to be loved and feel safe. you can provide this. these children have done nothing but have the bad luck to be born to parents who dont want them or are incapable of taking care of them.
the joy you will feel and purpose in your life is unexplainable.
please call 1-877-kids-needu
1-###-###-####.
i havent used this number in several years, so if it is not current, please simply call a local reference. it will cost you nothing to get some information to see if this is for you. you will be souly rewarded.
M.

Hi V.,
You are not alone on this at all. I was just on vacation visiting my mother-in-law and I was telling everyone a story at dinner and my mother-in-law said "Oh you are too sensitive." I so much wanted to say to her she is too trusting. (lets just say she trusted this young guy that she just met to watch over her house and he stole her car.) I've been told I am too nice as well. It has been a burden for me at times because I will keep all this angry in and not say things that are bothering me then I get depressed. My mother told me when I was young that I wore my heart on my sleeve. I have to say I am glad that I am kind and loving to people it beats being mean and having an attitude like some people I know (one family member that drives me crazy :-O) anyway don't think you are alone being tender hearted it is a good thing look how many people love you and care about you. As for your empty nest you may want to talk with a counselor to get you over this hump. Go out with friends more you can invest in a journal and write feelings down. As for the wedding your husband should have told you what he was going to spend. A couple needs to talk about big purchases that could lead to some resentment if not talked about. My mother and father had a problem like that. My dad told my mom he was going to look around a car lot. She told me later she never thought he would come home with a truck because he only had $20 dollars on him. Well he did come back with a 10,000 dollar truck of course it was more than that with interest and all. My mother was pretty upset every time they drove it around. Then my dad had to have all the extras for it. So anyway maybe tell your husband how you feel about not letting you know. As for your daughter wanting a big wedding maybe she feels like since she has wonderful parents they can afford the big wedding. I knew my mom and dad couldn't afford it so I never expected them to pay. My mother did help in other ways and that was very special to me. When I was getting married I thought of having a small wedding and spending more money on the honeymoon. You will always have the wonderful memory of going some where AWESOME if the marriage fails. I know that is awful to say, but hey divorce rate is pretty high in the united states. I wish you well and don't be too hard on yourself...OH man if I had a dime for every time someone told me that I would be wealthy right now. Take Care and reach out when you are feeling down.

I'm not saying you could ever replace your daughter, but have you ever considered adopting or fostering? It would channel your energies and your desire to care for someone. From the way it sounds it just seems like a waste of a perfectly loving, tender hearted person. I am the same way, except that I don't ever take things personally or get my feelings hurt. I'm the kind of sensitve where I can hardly watch anything on TV, because if there are kids, animals, the elderly, or the handicapped (basically anyone who is dependant or helpless) I either start to sob or have an anxiety attack. And I want to foster, but am working on talking my husband into it.

Whatever happens, good luck, and don't dwell. Make the most of your time, even if you are sad. And don't hover. I haven't been out of college that long, and thankfully I had a mother who didn't hover, but my roommate's mom was AWFUL. She tried to bribe her into having control over her bank account, insisted on daily calls (or else she would show up at our door)... you don't want to be that mom. Good luck!

yes i have felt this way, and still do at times. it can be a symtom of a chemical imbalance like depression. i would seek counseling as well. there'll come a time, if not already, when people just don't want to listen to you anymore, and then it really starts to hurt even more.

I can relate to you, V.. I have always felt "overly sensitive" and told I cared "too much." I agree with one of the responses you received. I think once you are over this "mourning period" with your daughter you will find other constructive ways to use your time. Then, as the other woman said, when you become a grandma, a whole new experience and "piece" will fill your life. Take care of yourself. You sound like a really great and caring person who is a good mother. You should recognize that and appreciate it in yourself.

There is a book called
"The Highly Sensitive Child" (see http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm )
and it seems as though it would describe you (there are resources and books for adults also).
As hard as it is after being immersed in motherhood, we do have to let go. That's our job (I'm dreading it since mine are 6 and 3 now) to prepare them to be great people in the world! It sounds like you need to re-train yourself to take care of YOU...really think/meditate/pray about what interests you that you haven't had time to do and pursue that hobby going forward. You deserve it. If it doesn't fulfill you, try another one...or volunteer with kids if you love kids. Volunteer work can really balance things out. You'll be great!

S.

I can totally relate! My family has always told me that I am too emotional. Just last year my step dad passed away, and I was on the phone with my sister and said I was comming over there and she said "Mom doesn't need someone that is all emotional, she needs someone that is strong" My sister looks donwn on me for being emotional and so does my Mom. All the feed back I have gotten from freinds and councelers, has been that is is good and healthy to be in touch with your emotions and those that aren't are the people that actually need the help! So relax and remember crying is good for your soul.

Check out this article: http://ezinearticles.com/?Highly-Sensitive-People---Trait...

Reading your post made me smile and think of my daughter(5), she's sometimes sensitive over funny little things. I always try to make sure she's as healthy as possible, gets as much rest as she needs because these traits are more intense if she doesn't get what she needs. I was that way when I was younger and still am especially if I'm over tired, sick, etc. It sure sounds like heredity plays a big part in your case since you've always been this way. My advice would be to take care of yourself FIRST. Rest, Excercise, and nutrition should be priorities for you. Even sessions with a counselor can help. Not to say there is anything wrong with you, you actually sound like a very special person and if you're overwhelmed by this it might help give you focus and confidence. Celebrate who you are and do as much as you can to bolster your self confidence. That way your caring nature, sensitivity and energies can be directed in the best way possible to enrich your life.

"Too (anything)" is subject to individual interpretation. If you believe a trait is adversely affecting your quality of life and/or relationships, you ARE "too (whatever)"...by your OWN standards, not anyone else's.

Irrational sensitivity is usually specific to past wounds. Everyone has those, and the people who are close to us should do their best to be respectful, understanding and considerate to them. But it's also our own responsibility to acknowledge that we "may be irrational" at times, and be able to count on someone to kindly help us see that. In my opinion, the comment "You're too sensitive" is NOT respectful, understanding or considerate...or constructive.

I'm a sahm of 3 children, I too get too soft-hearted at times and take things a bit too seriously. I can't take jokes, especially if it's about me.I just recently figured there must be something that is trigger these feelings.I still don't know why, but I do know how you feel.So if you have an answer to the why, please respond back to me.
Thanks, another too soft-hearted mom.

ME! Most of my family refers to me as "tender hearted." I have worked really hard to not take things personally but it is more like "fake it till you make it." I am getting better through yoga and getting in touch with my spiritual side, it has helped tremendously. I am sad for you, my mom and I were VERY close, but the blessing is, after growing up/moving out, our relationship changed again, it just gets better every year. Now she is a grandma, and she is happier than I can remember. It is like loving a child, you cant imagine loving something anymore than you already do, then the next day your heart swells and you love more. Being a "mom" is a gift and you are still a "mom," but it just a small part of what you can offer the world, you are many things, find them. Good luck, I think you will be great!

I am the same way V.! I have learned to hide it better, but I am still very much tender hearted as my Mother put it. I think my son and daughter are also tender hearted like me. We attach easily to people, and are very sensitive and are hurt easily.

If you ever need to talk send me a message!

T.

hi V.! i don't think that there is anything wrong about being in touch with your feelings. :) i'm totally the same way. i've struggled with the "empty nest" feeling for awhile now. my daughter's dad and i split up when she was only one years old. for the first few years it was just her and i. which was awesome! now that she's much older her dad wants to spend time with her. i've encouraged the relationship but it's left me very depressed. i don't know what to do with myself when she's at her dad's. i find myself stuck in my house reading and watching tv. :( totally sucks. i realized that i have to understand that not only am i a mom but an individual as well. and i need to find out who i am when my daughter is not around. *sigh* i was hoping to be able to encourage you a bit but this is sounding more like me telling you that i feel the same way and am stuggling to make sense of it...anyway, just know that someone out there feels the same as you do. if you have anyone who gave you some good ideas, please share them with me! :)